Possible Change of Plans. :(

[Blitz 3]

My case was recently completed at NVC - just waiting for an interview. My husband (USC) has spent the last year living in the US while finishing school. His intention since we started the IR-1 process has been to seek employment in the US after he graduates; however, we found out today that he MIGHT (emphasis on MIGHT) have a job opportunity in Canada that could be simply too good to refuse. This is a job that he did NOT apply for - he was contacted by the employer to find out if he'd be interested. Absolutely nothing is definite at this point. He's still applying for many jobs in the US.

I'm extremely bummed. I want him to have a job that makes him happy, and he wants to do what is best for our young family. But as you all know, the immigration process is long, tiring, stressful, frustrating....and the separation from your spouse is the worst part of all. I've been so focused on the process and have fully anticipated a move to the US (assuming we're successful with our interview, which I don't see why we wouldn't be, but I hate to assume anything). And, of course, we've invested a lot of $ in the process too.

There are many pros and cons to us living in Canada vs the US, so that's something we have to weigh on our own if it comes to that. BUT...the part that worries me the most is that I know that my husband will want to return to the US again one day....whether that's 1, 3, 5, or 10 years down the road.

So I want to PUKE at the thought of withdrawing our case (if it comes to that) and starting this whole process all over again another time. I don't want to go through all this ####### again, esp when border officers can deny you the ability to go visit your spouse while you wait. And those of you who are parents know that it's just that much more difficult when you have children who are separated from their daddy for weeks/months at a time....breaks your heart when they cry for their daddy. That's why I feel like it would be better to finish what we started, but it's not just my decision - it's ours.

As I understand, when your case is still at NVC, you can put it on hold in the sense that you don't have to file anything further and they keep your case "open" for a year from each point of contact with you (email or phone). But what about when it's complete at NVC and we're just waiting for an interview at the consulate? It's too late, isn't it? We can't put it on hold, can we? That's what I assume.

I'm just wondering if anyone has heard of anyone in a similar situation or if anyone knows what our options may be? Thank you.

[rebeccajo 14]

Why are you so sure he will want to return to the US someday?

He may come up there and just love it.

[Blitz 3]

Why are you so sure he will want to return to the US someday?

He may come up there and just love it.

Without going into many details, he already spent 10 years in Canada. He does love Canada (maybe even more than I do!), but the "pool of jobs" for his particular field is typically waaay bigger in the US than it is in Canada (and a LOT more $ potential too).

Plus at some point I think he would like to live closer to his side of the family.

[rebeccajo 14]

Why are you so sure he will want to return to the US someday?

He may come up there and just love it.

Without going into many details, he already spent 10 years in Canada. He does love Canada (maybe even more than I do!), but the "pool of jobs" for his particular field is typically waaay bigger in the US than it is in Canada (and a LOT more $ potential too).

Plus at some point I think he would like to live closer to his side of the family.

Well, even if he does want to come back, there shouldn't be any reason for your family to be separated in the future. You can always do DCF if that time ever comes.

[trailmix 77]

Hi Blitz,

I tend to agree with the DCF thing RJ mentioned. Just because Montreal is taking a hard and strange line on reestablishing domicile right now, that doesn't mean it will always be the case, I have a feeling it will get sorted out.

There really aren't any other options that I know of, even if you used your visa and you were admitted as a PR - it seems doubtful you would be eligible for a reentry permit, which would allow you to be out of the U.S. for a period of time without losing your PR status (not guaranteed of course) but from what I understand if they suspect you don't intend to maintain your U.S. residency, you are not considered to be a PR anyway (so it might not really work in your case is what I mean, it's doubtful you would have enough 'ties' to be considered a PR).

It's worth looking in to it.

I really can't think of any other options you have - tough decision!

Edited December 11, 2009 by trailmix

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

Ultimately, Blitz, this will need to result in a long discussion (or several...) between you and him. I don't think there's much anyone here could say that would change that particular fact. Also, bear in mind that the concept of him moving up HERE is very new to you right now, and after some time to think about it, you may come around to the idea.

Just for the sake of perspective, here's a personal story about the struggle my wife and I had with the "who moves where" issue...

Very early on in my relationship with my wife (i.e.: the first week or so), I made it quite clear to her that I wasn't interested in carrying on a relationship if we weren't going to be together in the fairly near future. I was willing to accept a temporary long-distance situation...but not long-term. She agreed completely, and told me how much she loved Vancouver and how she'd like to move here etc. So that was my going assumption for a long while, even though she had a good job in D.C. While we didn't talk overly seriously about who was moving where, and when, the topic did arise many times, and the feeling was that she would move up here. When I met her in person for the first time seven months after our relationship began, we had a discussion at a restaurant (after I'd been in town for a few days) about her career vis-a-vis MY career, and whether or not I might consider moving to the U.S. I was adamantly against it for a number of reasons...one of which being that I had JUST taken a new job, based on the assumption that I would be there long-term (I'm a loyal guy and wouldn't have joined a company if I knew I would be leaving soon...). I was surprised and a little hurt that she would even bring up the possibility, given that all of our prior discussions pointed to her wanting to move up here.

Fast forward a few months. One of my co-workers, who knew about my long-distance relationship and eventual plans for my then-fiancee to move here suggested moving to Bellingham, which is a medium-sized city near the U.S. / Canada border. That way I could work at my job in Surrey, B.C., and she could find work in Seattle, where she'd still be making U.S. dollars and wouldn't have to go through the immigration process etc. So that was our action plan for awhile, and she was looking for jobs in her line of work in Seattle every day. I got a NEXUS pass and we started the immigration process for a K-1 visa (which is a whole other story...) In April, I flew down to visit her once again and had a wonderful time (as always), and on the way to the airport I mentioned to her, "If it wasn't for my job situation and the general inconvenience of it all, I'd love to live down here..." That resulted in a heavy silence from her (and understandably so). It was after that comment that I really started to do some soul-searching...totally on my own. For the next three weeks, I mentally went through all of the mutual pros and cons for me moving down there versus her moving up here, and I was surprised to discover that it really did make a hell of a lot more sense for me to move to D.C., especially since we'd already started the immigration process for me to move to the U.S. anyhow.

About three weeks later while I was at work she sent me an email that said:

Hey my love...

Listen, I don't want to worry or upset you at all, but I really think we should talk later about the job and moving situation. I know I know I know...we're always talking about how things are "decided" but something may have just fallen into my lap that could really really be fantastic and I really want to talk to you about it...

And I responded:

Honestly baby, I've been doing a lot of thinking about things lately

too...ever since our discussion in the car on the way to the airport a

few weeks ago. I've sort of reexamined things from my perspective

too...and...yes. Let's talk.

Needless to say, in the space of a day, the decision was made. And you know what? I haven't regretted it ONE BIT. If you'd asked me a year ago if I could see myself living in Washington D.C., I would have scoffed at you. But now? I don't know if I've ever been more thrilled and excited about something in my life.

I realize that this has become a painfully long response, but the thing I really want to impress upon you Blitz is that what might seem like a really bad prospect at one point may turn out to be something you will relish. It's always going to be a decision between you and your partner, but I have a feeling that there are going to be some major benefits to him moving up here to be with you, even if you've been mentally geared for a move to the U.S. for a long time.

Hope this perspective helps.

[Blitz 3]

Wyatt's Torch - thanks so much for sharing your story, I really do appreciate it. It helps to know that so many others struggle with an equally huge decision. You're right, I think that we can have our minds set on something, but once we warm up to the idea of something else we can realize it was for the better all along. I don't know what we'll do, but we'll figure it out.

I was just hoping we wouldn't have to start the process all over again. And it doesn't help that I'm stuck in a BRUTAL cold-snap (in Alberta)! I'd move just about anywhere right now!

Thanks Rebecca and Trailmix too.

Trailmix - doesn't the DCF still take at least a year too in Canada ? Just as long as going through USCIS? I guess I could check to see if any DCFers are on your list. I have a friend who did DCF in Austria and it only took 3 months, but I doubt that's the case in Canada. I also just read a website that said Canada doesn't allow DCF, but I see plenty of Canucks on here who do it, so don't know what was up with that website.

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

Wyatt's Torch - thanks so much for sharing your story, I really do appreciate it. It helps to know that so many others struggle with an equally huge decision. You're right, I think that we can have our minds set on something, but once we warm up to the idea of something else we can realize it was for the better all along. I don't know what we'll do, but we'll figure it out.

No problem! As I was halfway through writing it I was saying to myself, "Man, is anyone going to find this relevant?" So I'm very glad you did!

I have every confidence that you will figure it out. One thing I DO suggest is that you do a lot of thinking about it on your own, too, thinking of the pros and cons to you personally, as well as the pros and cons for your partner...and the pros and cons for you as a couple. Thinking seriously about all of those things was what changed my mind (which had been very firm...dogmatically so, really) about which path my wife and I would take.

[trailmix 77]

Trailmix - doesn't the DCF still take at least a year too in Canada ? Just as long as going through USCIS? I guess I could check to see if any DCFers are on your list. I have a friend who did DCF in Austria and it only took 3 months, but I doubt that's the case in Canada. I also just read a website that said Canada doesn't allow DCF, but I see plenty of Canucks on here who do it, so don't know what was up with that website.

Yes, DCF is absolutely available in Canada, don't know if you looked at the timeline yet but the last 2 people we have on the timeline took between 3-6 months from start to finish - so at this point it is faster.

Your case only completed at NVC last month, so in theory, based on current timelines, you might not have your interview until say April, that will be successful and then you have 6 months to enter the U.S. - which takes you to October of next year before you even need to make that decision.

Let's say Montreal throws out a pile of interviews soon and you get an interview in January - even then you would not be required to use your visa until July.

Point is, you have time to sort this all out before you need to use your visa - the other thing is, once the shock of possibly not moving to the U.S. wears off, since you have (probably) been so focused on it, the whole stay in Canada thing might seem like a pretty good idea. There will be a chinook eventually

All that said, if, while waiting for your interview he takes that job and moves up here to try it - there will be other considerations at that point (if you are still sitting on the fence and decide to go ahead and go to your interview):

- The affidavit of support - since he won't have U.S. income you will need assets or a joint sponsor

- Domicile - probably almost impossible to prove unless you have made firm plans to move and have that evidence.

(keep in mind, if you both decide he will take the job up here and a couple of years from now you do decide to DCF - it won't be so stressful because you will already know what to do!)

Edited December 11, 2009 by trailmix