my husband broke up with me...before start the process =(

[Desi_munda 0]

Except for the Mexico part (LOL) I TOTALLY agree with you. I bet ya, she will be better off in the long run.

Very sorry to hear this. I've given a great deal of thought about the questions

surrounding divorce as mine took entirely too long.

The problem is that you are both still married and not free to marry anyone else.

After 10 months there may not much of a case to get a divorce settlement

that would compensate you for ALL your pain and emotional suffering,

as you entered into the relationship in good faith while he did not.

This being said, you are not without options.

I think time is on your side in this case (in the sense of delaying the divorce)

UNLESS you have someone else in mind that you want to marry right NOW.

The way I see it is that he has decided that you are not for him.

Don't worry about that, you're GREAT. Don't let him drag down your self-esteem.

He may be letting the "little head" control the "big head" as he may have found

someone else that he thinks will serve his NEEDS better than you.

If he comes across as if he is IMPATIENT for you to divorce him,

DO NOT give him what he wants until you get an equitable settlement -

that shouldn't mean years of alimony, just a reasonable lump sum to

help you get on with your life.

He thinks he is the smartest person in the world by letting you go back to

Mexico and not able to sue him for an equitable divorce in an American

court. He may even MAIL you divorce papers prepared by HIS lawyer.

Do not sign anything until you have spoken to a lawyer yourself, as

you probably have a lot more options than he thinks. You are BOTH

still married and he can't marry anyone else until the two of you are

divorced.

I may have said some things others would hesitate to say, but that's my style

[ymerejtrebor 0]

Hi Yumishi! That is no fun! Walk out of your relationship, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you can give. When you feel that you did your part as best you could, but he didn't meet you halfway, then you will not need to torture yourself with "what-ifs". Sometimes it helps to listen to music that matches your feelings because you have stored up grief that needs a trigger to help you release it. But beware of wallowing. After a certain point, you're not helping yourself by going through it all again and again with the sad songs. Stephen Sondheim reminds us in his song "Into the Woods": "Into the woods and out of the woods and home before dark!" You can think of the grieving part of your process as "the woods": you may have to "go there", but you definitely shouldn't live there.

Get your groove on. Try making a couple of cd's or playlists that put your thoughts where you want them to be. Sometimes it helps to make a collection of more self-affirming, new-attitude, defiant songs if you are feeling helpless: choose lyrics that make you feel empowered and focused with a driving beat that brings out that "forget you!" spirit. Remember those old sayings: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "Everything happens for a reason", "There are other fish in the sea" and most of all, "This too shall pass". When you go through a breakup or some other emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding real happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self. This may or may not include other romantic relationships or an eventual long-term union. Whatever happens is okay, no matter what you choose to do in life.

As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up. Too often the thoughts of possibly being back together will creep in, distracting you from the work of healing. Such fantasizing gradually eats at you and destroys your emotional well being. Accept the truth of your situation, and commit to it.

If your ex has left you for another person then ask yourself: if he said he wanted you back, would you really want him? Would you ever trust him not to break your heart again? Would you be hurt, angry, distrustful when he is 10 minutes late calling you, wondering where she is, who he is with? Though you may believe that the answer to all your prayers would be a reconciliation with your ex, if it did happen, you might find that Mr. Spock from Star Trek was right when he said "You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."

The one deserving person you need to take care of now is yourself, and it is so much easier to relax and just love yourself when you're not in constant fear. Count this as a gigantic blessing!

Keep your dignity. Many times, it's our own ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishment - volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.

Remember that this pain just has to be survived. It takes a season of time to heal, like a broken arm - there is no magical, instant cure or relief. You won't die from it, though you may feel like you will for a time. Endure. Eventually you will feel better, the pain will lessen, and you will be able to love again.

This one can't be repeated enough: It's a good time to try something new. Try a new hobby, a style, a sport. It'll keep you going and moving on and if your brain is circling endlessly, obsessing on the details of your pain, learning something new will interrupt the repetitive cycle. Those dusty,rusty old gears need some fresh air and polish!

If you find yourself compulsively checking your ex's MySpace, Facebook, or any other social networking profile, help yourself out and use the Firefox extension, block site, which allows you to block the URL to that profile. Sometimes it also helps to take them off your 'Friends' list, or 'de-friend' them, at least for a while. Even if things ended on a clean slate, it can be too painful to see what the other person is up to.

Your partner has a right to choose to be or not to be with you. Respect the decision. If your partner digs at you again, do behave with dignity. Taking the high road may be hard now, but you'll be glad later that you didn't stoop to the gutter, even though you could have.

Every day, find something that will make you smile. Smiling really helps, even at the worst time of your life. You are free to be whoever you want to be now, without thinking "will he mind if I do that?". Nothing is more important than you. Love yourself, love life, and when you wake up, SMILE! (Carole King's wonderful anthem "Beautiful" has the lines, "You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart. Then people gonna treat you better, you're gonna find -- yes you will -- that you're beautiful... as you feel." Sometimes it helps to play that song for yourself first thing every morning!)

Perhaps the most difficult part of coping with an ended relationship is missing all the good things that you've lost, all the wonderful feelings, all the beautiful moments that you have spent with your ex. You should know that although your ex was the reason you felt those good feelings, it is YOU who had them and still has them inside yourself. Your lover didn't plant those feelings inside you, but you developed them yourself. They are still there inside you and nobody can take them from you. You are able to feel them whenever the occasion arises, and it will arise again in the future for sure.

After some time passes (how much time depends on the length and/or intensity of your relationship and how dependent you let yourself become on your ex), you will start to feel better. This does not mean that you should jump into another relationship right away, especially a serious one. Take it easy. You have all the time in the world to feel better, and just because you meet a nice guy/girl does not mean you should get involved. Your emotions may still be unstable and the first person you meet may get a version of you that is not completely healed.

Distract Yourself, try new and exciting activities, You'll find that being able to distract yourself can go a long way towards helping you feel better.

Talk to us anytime..you will be fine in time!

[mounir and suzie 0]

i am sorry to hear that but look at the bright side on it as lots here said is better now than after long married,, God always help us on the right time , i know this is not easy but time will heal ,, wish you the best on your life .

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I believe after a very short marriage with little or no c o habitation the amount of money he wiull need to give her is NOTHING. He can simply file and get a divorce in most states.

You may want to check with an attorney if 10 months is "little or no habitation" -

In any case you are better off without him. Divorce is more painful the longer

the relationship.

On the legal relationship tree less than a year is hardly more than a vacation. 7 years is frequently used as the time point for a significant relationship. Less than that you are looking at about 100-200 a month for a time not to exceed 1/2 the length of the relationship so in this case $500-1000 which would hardly cover the fees to consult a lawyer let alone retain one to be there in court.

Edited December 11, 2009 by NigeriaorBust

[cristina1977 1]

Este es el peor de todos, tan malo que el hijodeputa le queda pequeno, corazon, entiendo por lo que estas pasando, pero Dios quiere para nosotros lo mejor, si esto sucedio, fue porque tarde o temprano ese imbecil te iba a pagar con esa moneda. se fuerte,y que sea el quien te busque para que diligencien el divorcio, y que pague por abogados y entre en un proceso, no se la dejes facil al infeliz ese. Lo siento mucho corazon, pero pa'delante, la mujer latina es fuerte y tiene buenos sentimientos, tu obraste de buena fe y fue el quien fallo. Dios te bendiga y saca fuerzas para adelante no te estanques ahi.

I believe after a very short marriage with little or no c o habitation the amount of money he wiull need to give her is NOTHING. He can simply file and get a divorce in most states.

You may want to check with an attorney if 10 months is "little or no habitation" -

In any case you are better off without him. Divorce is more painful the longer

the relationship.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Im so sorry that happened and I hope that with time you can move forward with your life and be happy again.

[000 0]

I really don't know what to say, except I am very sorry and stay strong.

Our prayers are with you,

Manuel and Kathy

[Emmamama 2]

hi everyboby .well i was new in this website, i was excited becuase i found information about the k3. well my name is pamela and i´v been married to michael for almost 10 months, we decided to star the process, i came to my country and he stay in usa, we were excited at least that´s was i thought , i was making plan to getting married in ca church with my family here, i designed my weeding dress, for the religious weding, i was excited, we talked by phone and emails, but after 2 weeks he decide to broke up with me, he sent me a nice email on tuesday and i call him wednesday and he broke up, i called him today and he said no again. he lie to me, he admited, i dont understan how a person can do that. he said that he doesnt love me anymore, that he was never happy with me. and now we are done. i dont know what to do, i feel so lost, so depress, im sorry i dont wanna complain but its not fair, how can you married someone for 10 month and just like that said i dont love you and broke up...i dont understan. im only crying, what im gonna do without him. oh god..i dont know what to do or said.

So sorry to hear! This too will pass. Heartbreak is never easy and I can only imagine the pain you're in. Take time to focus on you and heal!

I agree take time for yourself. Time heals everything but for the mean time just chill. #### that douche.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

[ name=cristina1977' date='Dec 11 2009, 01:38 PM' post='3558461]

Este es el peor de todos, tan malo que el hijodeputa le queda pequeno, corazon, entiendo por lo que estas pasando, pero Dios quiere para nosotros lo mejor, si esto sucedio, fue porque tarde o temprano ese imbecil te iba a pagar con esa moneda. se fuerte,y que sea el quien te busque para que diligencien el divorcio, y que pague por abogados y entre en un proceso, no se la dejes facil al infeliz ese. Lo siento mucho corazon, pero pa'delante, la mujer latina es fuerte y tiene buenos sentimientos, tu obraste de buena fe y fue el quien fallo. Dios te bendiga y saca fuerzas para adelante no te estanques ahi.

Please remember that only English is allowed to be used in the Upper Forum. Other languages are restricted to the Regional Forums. Thank you for observing this in the future.

Edited December 11, 2009 by Kathryn41

[Erynn 0]

I know this will be of little comfort, but at least it is happening now, and not in five or ten years' time, when you've given him so much.

Leaving you like that... he doesn't deserve your tears. Don't give them to him.

[Darnell 8,478]

Yumishi -

IMO - you are lucky. You didn't have to travel to USA, live with him any more time, for him to wait to tell you that he doesn't have feelings for you anymore.

Can you imagine?

You get your visa, come to USA, start a new life, and BOOM!! IMO, it's a harder life, harder experience , AFTER you've jumped on the plane.

Consider yourself lucky, really. At least he was able to tell you something, at the 10 month mark, instead of the 2 year mark. You didn't find out he was unfaithful to you, by walking in on him and another woman, in YOUR bed, somewhere in the USA.

If he actually filed a petition for you, then he'll need to send a letter to cancel the petition (or withdraw the petition) .

As for matters of the heart - be strong - he's thousands of miles away. You have support in your city already, even if you forgot about them - there are friends and family around you that can support you during this emotional upheaval.

[thongd4me 69]

Este es el peor de todos, tan malo que el hijodeputa le queda pequeno, corazon, entiendo por lo que estas pasando, pero Dios quiere para nosotros lo mejor, si esto sucedio, fue porque tarde o temprano ese imbecil te iba a pagar con esa moneda. se fuerte,y que sea el quien te busque para que diligencien el divorcio, y que pague por abogados y entre en un proceso, no se la dejes facil al infeliz ese. Lo siento mucho corazon, pero pa'delante, la mujer latina es fuerte y tiene buenos sentimientos, tu obraste de buena fe y fue el quien fallo. Dios te bendiga y saca fuerzas para adelante no te estanques ahi.

I believe after a very short marriage with little or no c o habitation the amount of money he wiull need to give her is NOTHING. He can simply file and get a divorce in most states.

You may want to check with an attorney if 10 months is "little or no habitation" -

In any case you are better off without him. Divorce is more painful the longer

the relationship.

{Partial translation}

"That's the worst of all, as bad as that "SOB" ....God will bless you and give you strength for the future...."

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Agreed the guy isn't all that great but....

To anyone who thinks she can hold him hostage in a divorce proceeding, you're wrong. All he has to do is publish notice to her in a local paper and claim that he has no way to contact her since she left for her country of origin. The marriage will be dissolved.

As for the "go for his wallet" advice, financial settlement at divorce is about getting an equitable share of joint assets gained during the marriage, not about making one side pay the other for hurt feelings. I doubt there was a lot of such assets accrued during such a short marriage.

@ the OP, he's made his feelings clear. Do yourself a favor and move along, be the better person and leave it behind you. There is better waiting for you.

[ting 0]

I believe after a very short marriage with little or no c o habitation the amount of money he wiull need to give her is NOTHING. He can simply file and get a divorce in most states.

You may want to check with an attorney if 10 months is "little or no habitation" -

In any case you are better off without him. Divorce is more painful the longer

the relationship.

On the legal relationship tree less than a year is hardly more than a vacation. 7 years is frequently used as the time point for a significant relationship. Less than that you are looking at about 100-200 a month for a time not to exceed 1/2 the length of the relationship so in this case $500-1000 which would hardly cover the fees to consult a lawyer let alone retain one to be there in court.

That would totally depend on the laws that apply to the couple. I'm Canadian, I have never been married but recently ended a 4 1/2 year common-law realationship. Now, my circumstances are different as I have children involved, but I found out that I am eligable for between 1,300 and 1,700 per month for spousal support, on top of the 2000 for child support. Granted he makes a lot of money and can easily afford it. I would definately suggest checking out the laws that would apply. Here it is based on where the payor lives but the laws could be different for other countries.