K-1 with a Caveat

[canadian_wife 1,823]

It sounds like you're in this regardless of what people say. You've been given sound advice on how to move forward legally and even some potential problems that may arise have been explained to you.

Good luck on your future and life with your fiance.

Close to four years from this point makes her 13 when we first spoke. The year isn't an exact number unless she was born on the first of January, but now we're just splitting hairs and reinforcing an age stereotype, which is why I mentioned being friends from a certain point and then beginning a relationship together.

[aydi 0]

not looking at the moral side of this!! which is huge.

here is a suggestion. if you love her and you can marry in few moths to to england and marry her and live there. support her as wife and let her stay with her fiends and family for a few years. then apply for married visa and bring her to here. that way you can easily prove and show you are in long term committed relaitonship.

and you will know if she is right one for you and she is right for you. DUDE 15 yrd old girl will change as often as weather.

and why are u intrested in somebody so young? just intrested on that is all

I considered the option of moving there once, but I couldn't find a visa I deemed myself acceptable to apply for. A student visa seemed to require full dedication to education and, although I might be a bit hazy on this detail, something about not being able to work while under that visa, and although I could apply to go over for the purpose of employment, I imagine that nobody would want to hire or sponsor a foreign, 21 year old software developer with nothing but work experience to his name when they have their choice of many local and more qualified people. Aside from going over as a visitor, which means I can't settle in a place for a given time, I wouldn't be allowed to stay.

In all honesty... I never expected I would fall in love with someone so much younger than me, but through the course of our communication it happened. I didn't go looking for it, but sharing what we have is something significant, and her age was something I decided, after much consideration, can't be an issue if I want to move forward with her. I'm aware of what scrutiny I can and will face, but in two or three years, the immorality of our love will have been long forgotten about...

[aydi 0]

It sounds like you're in this regardless of what people say. You've been given sound advice on how to move forward legally and even some potential problems that may arise have been explained to you.

Good luck on your future and life with your fiance.

Close to four years from this point makes her 13 when we first spoke. The year isn't an exact number unless she was born on the first of January, but now we're just splitting hairs and reinforcing an age stereotype, which is why I mentioned being friends from a certain point and then beginning a relationship together.

Thank you for your comments... I appreciate both sides of the argument much more than I'm letting on, and I'm thankful I've gotten more than just a stern scolding out of this discussion.

Edited December 10, 2009 by aydi

[Rob and Jill 82]

the immorality of our love will have been long forgotten about... ]

Don't you dare let anyone tell you your relationship is immoral. My parents met when my mom was 14 and my Dad was 20. They did not have a "full" relationship then, but it progressed as they got older. They are divorced now, but guess what? So are 50% of the other marriages in the U.S. If you're both sure that this is what you want together, and legally you are allowed to do so, then proceed as you wish, and give anyone who says something negative about it the good ole one fingered salute.

I am really disappointed in a lot of the responses here claiming this is immoral. I see all kinds of morally questionable acts by people on this board in their profiles and signatures on a daily basis, but I suppose being over 18 makes those ok...

For a place that should realize that love comes with diversity this is a pretty judgemental thread. We all have to overcome enough in our own relationships that being judgemental to others is a waste of time and a focus of negativity that could be used in a much more worthy cause to help yourself or someone else.

Again:

Don't you dare let anyone tell you your relationship is immoral.

Edited December 10, 2009 by Rob and Jill

[luv2uallday 1]

I don't doubt that you absolutly love this girl and want to bring her to the US. I am concerned about her. I am concerned that, although she may say she is, she is not emotionally ready to be a wife. It is a huge committment and one that she may not be prepared for once she arrives in the US. Plus, she's a high school student, let her be a high school student and enjoy all those wonderful parties, football games, homecoming, prom, etc.

If you honestly want to marry this girl and aren't going through the 'oh my gosh, I love her and HAVE to be with her' impulsivity then please follow your heart - but be prepared for a trying journey and marriage

If this is truly love, then a few years won't be a drop in the bucket for your relationship

How long have you known her? How much time have you spent with her?

I've known her for close to four years now. We'd met in an online art community and shared common interests in drawing and animation. We remained friends for the first couple of years, but with our interests and experiences came a very strong bond, and eventually love. I'm not the kind to go looking for a socially inappropriate relationship, but I fell in love with who I did for the same reasons anybody else finds love, and a person's age is sometimes only a number, not a reflection of their character or demeanor.

We've spent over a month's time together in person, with countless phone calls, text-messages and instant messages in between. I have a good relationship with her parents, who I've cooperated with every step of the way, and they know and approve of our plans to marry.

Every few years after this point is more time spent apart, but not wanting to be. Why let that bucket fill on loneliness and longing when we have the option to be together?

What you said doesn't negate the fact that you are putting your own interests above hers. If you were to step outside of the situation and look at it with an objective point of view you would see this is a rash and emotional decision. Obviously it will carry some grave consequences for the both of you. It takes MORE than just love to make a marriage work. Why come out of the start with two strikes against you. It sounds more and more that you are being controlled by impatience and impulse than anything else.

If you honestly love her and respect her you will put her above yourself. That is what a good husband would do. Put his wife above himself. Now HONESTLY tell me this is ripping a 16 yr old YOUNG girl out of the life she knows out of the education process she knows and throwing her into a life she never knows or realizes. is that in her best interests?

You two need to think long and hard about what you are wantting to do. Because love is grand but life has consequences and those consequences are more painful than you ever will know. Don't worry so much about the piece of paper and just worry about your relationship when the time is right it will happen.

In this the girl is the victim. She isn't old enough to make such life choices God she hasn't even had her prom yet. SO sad.

These are my opinions. take it for what it's worth.. If you choose to pursue this I pray the best for both of you because if it fails God help you both.

[sachinky 465]

I don't think it's immoral or THAT big of deal, if it is NOT illegal. He's 21, and 5 years older than the girl. Far more okay, IMO, than 17 year olds with 48 year old men. THAT's far more creepy. At least according to me.

What I'd say to you is to be absolutely sure that this is what you and your fiancee wants. Might sound a little hypocritical coming from me since I'm 22-going-on-23, but 16 IS too young to know what you're going to do with the rest of your life, let alone knowing if you're 100% ready, committed and dedicated to marriage.

Having said that, I wish you luck in whichever path you choose to take.

Edited December 10, 2009 by sachinky

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I don't think it's immoral or THAT big of deal, if it is NOT illegal. He's 21, and 5 years older than the girl. Far more okay, IMO, than 17 year olds with 48 year old men. THAT's far more creepy. At least according to me.

What I'd say to you is to be absolutely sure that this is what you and your fiancee wants. Might sound a little hypocritical coming from me since I'm 22-going-on-23, but 16 IS too young to know what you're going to do with the rest of your life, let alone knowing if you're 100% ready, committed and dedicated to marriage.

Having said that, I wish you luck in whichever path you choose to take.

[SMR 368]

It sounds like you're in this regardless of what people say. You've been given sound advice on how to move forward legally and even some potential problems that may arise have been explained to you.

Good luck on your future and life with your fiance.

Close to four years from this point makes her 13 when we first spoke. The year isn't an exact number unless she was born on the first of January, but now we're just splitting hairs and reinforcing an age stereotype, which is why I mentioned being friends from a certain point and then beginning a relationship together.

Thank you for your comments... I appreciate both sides of the argument much more than I'm letting on, and I'm thankful I've gotten more than just a stern scolding out of this discussion.

You're a man; she's a girl. If you are willing to make her happy until the day she dies, marry her. Just remember that you don't know what she is going to want in 2 or 5 or 10 years. While that would be true no matter how old she is, the fact that she is 16 means it's much more difficult to predict what she will want in 5 years. You are yanking her out of a culture, home, family, and education. You have to be ready to replace all of that. My personal opinion is that there is nothing wrong with marrying her, but if you fail her, you're the last creature on earth.

[Cacerez 19]

I don't think it's immoral or THAT big of deal, if it is NOT illegal. He's 21, and 5 years older than the girl. Far more okay, IMO, than 17 year olds with 48 year old men. THAT's far more creepy. At least according to me.

I agree.

My mother-in-law was 14 and father-in-law 21 when they got married. They just celebrated their 27th anniversary.

I graduated high school at 16 and never went to prom.

As has been mentioned, he did not come here to ask for advice on whether they should get married now or wait, he was asking about the legality of the situation. He needs to check with his local courthouse to see the laws on marrying an underage (less than 18) non-US citizen, and not file K-1 until those conditions are met.

I wish you two the best and just pray about your situation before you make such a life-long decision!

[Chris_Жанна 11]

I don't think the age difference is the factor, you are both close enough in age where a legit relationship is understandable.

But again, if your love is proven and strong why do you not just wait until she has had more time to understand herself as an adult? Like I said before, the stats are against you. Think about from when you were 15-20 how big of a change in mentality was that for you? For me it was huge. Also, I'm not just saying this about her, but for yourself as well, you are still relatively young as well. I had a lot of different ideals when I was 21 and now the things that were important to me then are not as important to me now. This is just my person reflection, you may be very different then myself and what is right for me may not be right for you, as the song goes "...It takes different strokes to move the world....". I do also know what is like to be your age and ppl tell me "No" about a relationship, it fortifies your stance on wanting to do it and you will want to prove your love is authentic and will last forever.

I was in a long term relationship when I was 16 with my high school sweetheart for over 6 years. I thought for sure this was the girl I would marry. We got older and understood we were different ppl. At first I was crushed, because she ended the relationship. My world was over, I'd never love again...... In retrospect she saved me from making one the biggest mistakes of my life. Over the years we became friendly again and I understood we were not meant to marry. Honestly, it was only from dating and being in several other relationships since then, that prepared me to get married now. Don't let emotions take your better judgment, stay the steady course and if the love is true it will still be there after the years. We all know how separation hurts and tares at your heart and mind, if we have nothing else in common the majority of us have gone or are going through what you are experiencing. But patients is key.

I am a hopeless romantic type and understand where you are coming from and understand the pain of being apart probably only personifies the need and want to be together. But honestly, I think you are rushing into it and you have an uphill battle for sure on multiple levels. No mater how real your love is you will have to deal with ppl making backhanded comments. This is out of your control. I myself have to hear stupid stereotypes about being engaged to a Russian woman by co-workers and sh!thead friends.

You sound like you have made your mind up already. I am not pitting my morals against yours. You live your life the way you see fit to define it. I just have had many friends and relatives marry young and the majority of them have failed marriages. I think it would be immoral to not tell you that the path you are choosing is one of extremely hard work, even more so then a "Normal" relationship added that you are adding the whole immigration aspect to the mix. But perhaps you will defy the odds and be a success. I wish the best for you, if anything take some time for yourself to reflect on what ppl have said to you on here for awhile.

Take care.

Chris

[thongd4me 69]

I know someone who is older than 50 and not old enough to marry yet.

He also has fear of flying and is a Canadian citizen.

Make a short list of states that allow marriage without parental consent at age 15.

{a very short list}

[Arabella 4]

I know for a fact that most girls at 15-18 have a dream about being married but it doesn't actually hold true. I met my husband when I was 14, he was 15 and we married when I was 19 and he was 20. I know that you want to be together and that you're in love but I would wait until she's at least 18. At 15, she still doesn't know what she wants, and trust me...people change a lot from 15-18...just a thought. Good luck anyway.

My ex-husband's parents met when they were 14 and 15 and got married at 20 and 21. They've been married almost 40 years now.

My sister-in-law got married when she was 17 (with parental permission) and she has been married for almost 15 years and is very happy.

I met my ex at 16, married him at 18, and the only reason we divorced was because he couldn't keep it in his pants. Oh, and dispite getting married at age 18 I still managed to get a master's degree by age 24, and became a mom at 24.

I'm now getting married to a 21 year old, who would have been 12 when I was 21!

Let's not forget people used to die in their 30s and 40s and marry by age 15. I think the Virgin Mary was 15 when she had Jesus. Just sayin'.

[canadian_wife 1,823]

Excellent points!

My ex-husband's parents met when they were 14 and 15 and got married at 20 and 21. They've been married almost 40 years now.

My sister-in-law got married when she was 17 (with parental permission) and she has been married for almost 15 years and is very happy.

I met my ex at 16, married him at 18, and the only reason we divorced was because he couldn't keep it in his pants. Oh, and dispite getting married at age 18 I still managed to get a master's degree by age 24, and became a mom at 24.

I'm now getting married to a 21 year old, who would have been 12 when I was 21!

Let's not forget people used to die in their 30s and 40s and marry by age 15. I think the Virgin Mary was 15 when she had Jesus. Just sayin'.