a filipina friend of mind in my area ...who just got married ask help...

[TBoneTX 45,957]

And you're so perfect huh?

Pot. Kettle. Black.

As has been stated before, some posters have their noses so high in the air that if they walked outside in the rain, they'd drown. Good to see that some here are so blunt about calling such people out when it's deserved, si man.

From the information that the OP presented, I too consider it a stretch to conclude actual "abuse."

[ruby_7 45]

They both need married counseling or some time to adjust...I had been in this situation before and now we've been through and get along very well unlike it used to be but it took us four years to finally realize our mistakes, incompatibilities, and accepted each other. We almost got divorced a month after our marriage, but it was me who stopped it at first and I endure a lot of patience, heartaches, etc.....

[Brit Abroad 166]

I think anyone reading the VJ boards for longer than a month understands that not all older US man/younger Asian woman marriages are based on love, much less mutual love. Provided both parties have the sense to negotiate the terms, are happy to enter into this agreement and willing to stick to it rather than scarpering at the first sign of "cultural differences" or any other "convenient" excuse to cut and run, then I see no harm and no foul; provided there is integrity on both sides.

From what I've read, there are many couples in this situation who are very comfortably, or happily, married.

Love doesn't make a successful relationship, any more than the lack of it fails to make one. What makes it work is commitment, dedication and mutual respect. If your relationship doesn't have those qualities, then it isn't going to work in the long term, period.

The OP asked a question, and was given the most relevant answers early on:-

Cannot stay here unless you adjust status with the man you chose to come here to marry. If the situation is untenable, go home - otherwise, buck up and fix your relationship and stay.

Edited January 20, 2010 by Brit Abroad

[3600rs 24]

Pot. Kettle. Black.

As has been stated before, some posters have their noses so high in the air that if they walked outside in the rain, they'd drown. Good to see that some here are so blunt about calling such people out when it's deserved, si man.

From the information that the OP presented, I too consider it a stretch to conclude actual "abuse."

[ruby_7 45]

Exactly, they talked like they know the whole story of marriage....But to be honest, there's nothing good staying in US nowadays unlike it used to be as what plenty of immigrants said because of extremely terrible economy. Heck, I can find better job (office positions) back in Philippines than here in US and most citizens here talked like this country is full of gold, what a #######. I have an MBA now obtained here ,yet cant even land an office job, most jobs here available are dead end and people talked here like marrying USC is a piece of gold for the filipino, ######! I feel like I'm a slave living here than living my native country honestly.

[ruby_7 45]

In my 4 years marriage, still it lacks some respect from my USC citizen coz he talks like I know less because I'm from Philippines and US is superior..what a #######

[daboyz 36]

Exactly, they talked like they know the whole story of marriage....But to be honest, there's nothing good staying in US nowadays unlike it used to be as what plenty of immigrants said because of extremely terrible economy. Heck, I can find better job (office positions) back in Philippines than here in US and most citizens here talked like this country is full of gold, what a #######. I have an MBA now obtained here ,yet cant even land an office job, most jobs here available are dead end and people talked here like marrying USC is a piece of gold for the filipino, ######! I feel like I'm a slave living here than living my native country honestly.

I personally think it has always been this way. I lived in Asia for 3 years traveling to almost every country there and can honestly say I never met anyone that wanted to come to the US permanently. I met very few that even wanted to visit.

[SuperDuper! 230]

I just wanted to shed a little light on the fact that it's not always the foreigner commiting fraud as is always the general conclusion on here, people on VJ always seem to jump to that conclusion when they read cases like this.. and immediately shout out "I smell fraud".

When I read the OP's post that's not what I immediately thought and as I've explained before, here's why.

Having travelled to Asia extensively and had first hand witnessed "the Old man and young Asian women" stereotype in such places as Pat Pong, Bangkok and lived in the Middle East long enough to have seen on the local news tons of cases of this phenomena turned horribly ugly, I have my (perhaps weighted and biased) opinion on this issue and just wanted to make people stop and think before they shout "fraud". Take into account the age difference, cultural difference and yes, where the foreigner is from DOES make a difference - the poverty level etc.

If a marriage does not work out, why is the foreigner always blamed for the breakdown?? why do people in general on here not Ever see the USC as at fault, but Always accuse the foreigner of marriage fraud? now that's biased ! I wonder what the statistics are of older USC males bringing young Asian mail order brides to the US, who's seeking out who here? If the guy is so faultless and wonderful and could possibly not be blamed for the breakdown of the marriage why did he have to go to a foreign place to find a wife? why not find someone that's already legally here? If he is into Asian women there are huge communities of Asian women here, already legal residents.

When these older men go to Asia and bring over Much younger girls to marry it stinks to the high heavens to me... why go to such extreme lengths? If they're so great why can't they find someone here - in the whole of the huge USA?? Does he REALLY think that this young beautiful girl, if she had a choice, REALLY want to sleep next to him every night ? Hell no, he knows she's doing it because she wants a better future for herself, her future kids and possibly her family back home, and yes of course love can grow out of this and this can be a wonderful relationship.

But I still know it's done with many compromises on the young girl's part - spending the best years of her life tending to an older man instead of marrying someone closer to her own age from her own culture and growing old together, enjoying her life instead of carrying this burden of having to seek out a better life for herself and her family etc. all compromises. Do you think the USC does not know this?? Of course he does!

In my opinion I think this is why he's gone to these extremes, because he is NOT perfect, there's something wrong with this guy, he feels the need to have a submissive partner whom he can "hold" something over in the hopes that she'll be obedient to him, never leave him and do whatever he asks of her - cook, clean and provide sex as much as he needs because he knows he has complete "power" over her life and destiny and she's completely dependant on him... see, if it was an ordinary USC she would not take this BS and walk out and he could do nothing about it, the foreign bride has too much to lose so she's forced to stay and the USC knows this.

The role of women has changed - All over the world. Some men just cannot handle that their wife is more succesful, independant, intelligent etc. than them, so they go "to the ends of the earth" to find a submissive wife - someone who depends on them for Everything in their lives.

I feel from what I have personally seen on my travels and living in amongst these communities, I have good reason tho have my biased opinion on this case: I believe this is what happened: the USC wanted a nice sweet submissive wife, who will stay at home, cook,clean and provide sex for him, in return he would take care of her basic needs and she would be happy with that because it is better than what she had back hom, but he had a nice surprise, this little girl was not gonna take his BS and resisted and so now of course he wants to get rid of her - not even wanting to buy her a ticket back home. I still say: Sick old ####### in my opinion!

No wonder the USCIS created the two year Conditional GC, it is to protect both parties! Not only the USC!

Your extreme opinions bring up ugly stereotypes and add NOTHING to the conversation. You keep repeating yourself with them, and this does nothing but trying to create a flame war, and these opinions get old and tiring just hearing them one time. We heard where you stand 3 post ago. Please give it a rest, sheesh!

[3600rs 24]

Her continuous repeation leads to self mastery, spending 99 percent of her skills on 1 percent of the topics. The only topic hovers around putting down USC white old men with their foreign Asian spouses.

Good Riddance. Enough of the shallow monotonous long diatribe.

[TBoneTX 45,957]

Good Riddance. Enough of the shallow monotonous long diatribe.

She imaginably has a large percentage of VJ posters on "ignore."

[Krikit 1,165]

This thread has long since veered off from the OP's original question so I am closing it at this time. You are welcome to continue your conversation in the Off Topic forum.