a filipina friend of mind in my area ...who just got married ask help...

[justashooter 430]

I don't disagree, LL. I can certainly think of a few cases that have made me immediately suspicious. Usually when older gentlemen start ranting and raving about women at home not being worth their time, and then go on about "importing" (what are they, cars?) a pretty young foreign wife "with no baggage" (i.e., someone who doesn't realize they have options). And yeah, those people creep me right out.

get off the "older gentlemen" bashing, please.

some of us weren't willing to marry American women with messed up lives (or any woman with a messed up life, for that matter). we chose to marry pretty young foreign women with wonderful potential, instead. our wives had less "baggage", but just as many options as anyone else. if i had never lived in china i would prolly still be single. it's a choice each person gets to make for themselves.

people who can only see their own reality "creep me out".

as far as the OP question is concerned, most of us who have looked at the wide variety of realities that other people have with an objective viewpoint are sceptical. so is USCIS and so are most consulates. i would be willing to wager that had the OP's friend told the interviewer that she was marrying a guy who lived around the corner from her cousin, they would have looked at the case a bit harder.

[Ricardo_C 4]

I thought I had been specific enough to make it clear that I'm not bashing "older gentlemen" in general. I'm 32 and my wife is 22, for Pete's sake...

some of us weren't willing to marry American women with messed up lives (or any woman with a messed up life, for that matter). we chose to marry pretty young foreign women with wonderful potential, instead. our wives had less "baggage", but just as many options as anyone else. if i had never lived in china i would prolly still be single. it's a choice each person gets to make for themselves.

Funnily enough, the quote from your wife in your sig was what I had in mind when thinking of people who DON'T make alarm bells go off in my head. Sorry you felt I was issuing a blanket condemnation.

people who can only see their own reality "creep me out".

I agree 100%, not sure where we're at odds here.

as far as the OP question is concerned, most of us who have looked at the wide variety of realities that other people have with an objective viewpoint are sceptical. so is USCIS and so are most consulates. i would be willing to wager that had the OP's friend told the interviewer that she was marrying a guy who lived around the corner from her cousin, they would have looked at the case a bit harder.

I wasn't making a judgment on the OP, I was commenting on a specific poster's attitude.

[FortLaudy 10]

I don't disagree, LL. I can certainly think of a few cases that have made me immediately suspicious. Usually when older gentlemen start ranting and raving about women at home not being worth their time, and then go on about "importing" (what are they, cars?) a pretty young foreign wife "with no baggage" (i.e., someone who doesn't realize they have options). And yeah, those people creep me right out.

But the attitude some critics display goes beyond the usual red flags, and into pre-emptive judgement of any person or situation that doesn't conform to what they picture as "the right way". I have heard enough criticism of people for "marrying down" (actual quote) because they found love in a poor country. Or having their fiancees/spouses be deemed suspicious because they were once denied a tourist visa ("why would you consider marrying someone who's not even allowed into the country as a visitor?").

Some people have an easy time with their international marriage: Either they come from "safe" countries, or they were already in the US (as a student, say), and only had to deal with AOS. Great for them. Some people, whether by choice or circumstance, found their soulmate in a distant land that may not offer the "right" setting or conditions. Their personal circumstances may be wholly different. Age, race, class, they may all differ. Sometimes your heart doesn't give you a choice, and you couldn't care less about doing the "sensible" thing and finding yourself a partner locally. It's not an exact science, romance. I can't imagine being happy if I tried to choose a mate based on a checklist.

Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, and endless know-it-all lectures from armchair experts who are not lawyers but like to play one online, don't help anyone, except the wannabe experts themselves, who can pat themselves on the back and move on, secure in their knowledge of having set some poor misguided soul straight.

If you go on my profile you can click on "Ignore User". Simple.

There's no point in posting a thread asking for advice or reading threads on VJ if you only want to hear one point of view. Not everyone sees things the same way, that's one thing I love about VJ, we're all very diverse and from all walks of life. I have certainly dished out some criticism and received some criticism, some of it was true, most of it not, but everytime I do a little introspection and learn from the criticism I receive... and take it to heart and I am a little more careful in my responses, however some people just cannot handle the truth or a different opinion, that's just sad!

[TBoneTX 45,957]

I have ... received some criticism, some of it was true, most of it not, ... however some people just cannot handle the truth or a different opinion, that's just sad!

From your keyboard to VJ's ears. Ready own petard... set... HOIST!

[justashooter 430]

Funnily enough, the quote from your wife in your sig was what I had in mind when thinking of people who DON'T make alarm bells go off in my head. Sorry you felt I was issuing a blanket condemnation.

the quote is Slim's tounge in cheek retelling of his wife's statement.

Slim is a uniquely humble middle American man on this board married to a russian hotty.

my wife occasionally refers to me as a "crippled old sneaky American guy". not that it's true, mind you.

[3600rs 24]

Chinesemutt

Wanna hire me? I'd love a full time job that pays high.

No, you entertain this board for free. Stay here don't dream of high paying full time jobs.

If you have a full time job.. go do your job instead of attacking people who are having intellectual conversation about life and different cultures.

Seems like your enormous mutt sized intellect about life and cultures has got you no where..no where any close to money and a full time job.

Shani:

The more you post the more your brain develops. Seems that your bigger than a cow, smarter than a tractor with that humble yet bogus comment below. Is food and ** all that you can offer? Go beyond that and you will have a more happier husband. Life is more than food and fcuks.

And lastly, you want a happy husband? feed him and ** him, very simple, lol ! If he's not getting it at home, he WILL get it somewhere else, it's just their nature!

Ricardo:

Great posts giving these narrow minded clowns a lesson in their own circus. These clowns are as clumsy as pigs on roller skates.

[Darnell 8,479]

My friend cant wait any longer to get divorce before living ...one reason she dont think her husband will pay for the divorce..second she know it will also takes too long for the process..she is now getting ready for living to phils on monday...my friend doesnt really care if she have no chances anymore to be back in US what she is thinking now is to escape from the calvary...and be happy to go back home to her family who really cares for her more than anybody else...

Any News? Any Update? What's up with your friend?

[MikeMc 38]

Thanks all !

Like I said before, no one gets married to be worse off, so the USC spouse also has a lot to gain through the marriage, otherwise he would not get married, maybe a more "submissive, quiet, controllable, dependant" wife?

I say this because it's often the case that an unattractive old white man want to get married to Much younger asian women for a good reason, they seem unable to find a suitable wife in the whole of USA/EUROPE? So what makes them so great, wonderful and a faultless, perfect husband material for the foreign wife? It stinks to the high heavens to me !

In my opinion I think this is why he's gone to these extremes, because he is NOT perfect, there's something wrong with this guy, he feels the need to have a submissive partner whom he can "hold" something over in the hopes that she'll be obedient to him, never leave him and do whatever he asks of her - cook, clean and provide sex as much as he needs because he knows he has complete "power" over her life and destiny and she's completely dependant on him... see, if it was an ordinary USC she would not take this BS and walk out and he could do nothing about it, the foreign bride has too much to lose so she's forced to stay and the USC knows this.

The role of women has changed - All over the world. Some men just cannot handle that their wife is more succesful, independant, intelligent etc. than them, so they go "to the ends of the earth" to find a submissive wife - someone who depends on them for Everything in their lives.

I feel from what I have personally seen on my travels and living in amongst these communities, I have good reason tho have my biased opinion on this case: I believe this is what happened: the USC wanted a nice sweet submissive wife, who will stay at home, cook,clean and provide sex for him, in return he would take care of her basic needs and she would be happy with that because it is better than what she had back hom, but he had a nice surprise, this little girl was not gonna take his BS and resisted and so now of course he wants to get rid of her - not even wanting to buy her a ticket back home. I still say: Sick old ####### in my opinion!

No wonder the USCIS created the two year Conditional GC, it is to protect both parties! Not only the USC!

There are sooooo many threads on here ending in the same old BS bashing "western" or American women

Quit starting them. No one said anything about this until you started it.

for being: not femine, fat, can't cook, too ambitious, too independent, money-hungry bitches etc. and therefore US men are sick of them and have to look elsewhere for wives... This is all rubbish!! I still think if a guy cannot find a suitable women in the whole of the US there's something wrong with HIM instead and not the entire population of US females! Come on, what are the odds??

HOWEVER, with my EX boyfriend - completely different story... I was still doing what I considered "my part" in the relationship, but he wasn't !!! completely "useless" guy who would watch sports all day long, never help out with any type of chores and a real cheapskate - would come over to my place for the Entire weekend, and not even offer to go buy a bit of groceries, just sponge off me basically the whole weekend... and I'm a student and he was about 12 years older than me! loser! Of course I didn't see him as marriage material... and soon ended the relationship.. even though he made more money than my husband does, it's about the amount of care and "effort" one puts into a relationship otherwise that counts mostly...

Not all men are not the same as your ex-bf so don't categorize us all.

So when these guys go completely out of their way to find a foreign young wife because they say "american" women in general is this or that, I have to laugh... come on! there must be something wrong with THEM, not the woman of the entire US population! sheeezzz...

I haven't been as active as I usually am, but I have noticed you contantly attacking the Old Male USC/Young Asian Women couples pretty heavily. Does it make you feel better about yourself and your current situation to contantly put others down for doing what they think is best for them?

[FortLaudy 10]

I agree that my posts on this thread can be seen as an attack on the type of relationships you describe, but it is not true. I wish everyone to find happiness and love no matter with who or where, but only advice to do so wisely.

I was defending the OP's friend being called a GC scammer as is so often the case here on VJ when a short marriage turns sour and the foreigner comes on here asking for advice. In my defense of the foreign bride I gave my reasoning as to why I think it's not always the case that she is at fault for the breakdown of the marriage, I apologize if I offended anybody in the process, it was not my intention, only to shine some light on the fact that there is the possibility that the USC can also be at fault.

[Darnell 8,479]

Hello everyone i meet a filipina friend in my area who arrived her as KI-VISA the got married last month but they notice they are not compitable each other and find it out they will fight for some of simply probs so she is worry about her situition if she can stay long in here because she have her cousin also married in th same state maybee can help her to stay ..she is asking the length of her stay in US and asking any option if its better for her to file a divorce?are what are also the possible result if she file a divorce even without a green card can she re marry again if by chance she can meet another guy..that is only her advance questions...but she scared about the situition the guy she become a husband treating her bad already..so anyone in here can advice my friends..that would be of great help for my friend..thanks to all...

Any News? Any Updates? What's going on with yer friend?

[jim 66 6]

nothing in africa translates to the phils or any other asian country. africans are nothing like asians, in terms of individual psyche or group dynamic. bangladesh and nepal are often grouped with the asian countries, but are no more asian than india is. bangkok and singapore are the homer simpson version of asia. both are extreme exaggerations of facets of the asian perspective.

you need to live with philipine people to understand them, just like you need to live with chinese to understand them. by live with, i mena live in the same kind of housing, ride the same kind of bus or motorcycle, work in the same kind of job, etc.

as for your professors, well, if you're still quoting them, you haven't yet learned enough to have your own opinion. finish school before you try to become a teacher. (just busting on you. i understand that in portugal and spain and italy il professore has a special place).

lighten up on the men who are old enough to be their wive's fathers. i am 18 years older than my wife.

ｄｉｄ　ｓｈｅ　ｍａｒｒｙ　ｍｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｍｏｎｅｙ　ｏｒ　ａ　ｇｒｅｅｎ　ｃａｒｄ　ｏｒ ａｌｉｆｅｓｔｙｌｅ？　

ｎｏ．　ｓｈｅ　ｍａｒｒｉｅｄ　ｍｅ　ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ　ｉ　ｔａｌｋ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｈｅｒ　ａｎｄ　ｌｉｓｔｅｎ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｓｈｅ　ｔａｌｋｓ　ｔｏ　ｍｅ．　

Thank you Edited January 18, 2010 by jim 66

[MikeMc 38]

I agree that my posts on this thread can be seen as an attack on the type of relationships you describe, but it is not true. I wish everyone to find happiness and love no matter with who or where, but only advice to do so wisely.

I was defending the OP's friend being called a GC scammer as is so often the case here on VJ when a short marriage turns sour and the foreigner comes on here asking for advice. In my defense of the foreign bride I gave my reasoning as to why I think it's not always the case that she is at fault for the breakdown of the marriage, I apologize if I offended anybody in the process, it was not my intention, only to shine some light on the fact that there is the possibility that the USC can also be at fault.

There is many reasons it could be like that. Not all of them having to with the USC.

Ever been homesick? It can make you behave and think irrationally. They both need to seek out a 3rd party to talk over their differences with and then make their final decisions. She may not realize that once she leaves she can't come back next week. The Husband will have to file all over for her again. Maybe he doesn't want to buy her ticket cuz he's trying to give her time to calm down?

If he was indeed abusing her, then I feel sorry for her and she needs to get to a woman's shelter and/or her cousins and get ready to leave the country, but from the vague postings we have seen, there is not really enough to show that he is indeed abusing her.

[FortLaudy 10]

"her husband dont want her to talk to any of her friends and included her family in phils.."

"My friend is willing to go home to her homeland rather than to suffer for the rest of her life like putting her on jail"

I think there was evidence of abuse. Again, my point was to defend the OP's friend who was called a scammer, not to offend anyone.

[3600rs 24]

There is many reasons it could be like that. Not all of them having to with the USC.

Ever been homesick? It can make you behave and think irrationally. They both need to seek out a 3rd party to talk over their differences with and then make their final decisions. She may not realize that once she leaves she can't come back next week. The Husband will have to file all over for her again. Maybe he doesn't want to buy her ticket cuz he's trying to give her time to calm down?

If he was indeed abusing her, then I feel sorry for her and she needs to get to a woman's shelter and/or her cousins and get ready to leave the country, but from the vague postings we have seen, there is not really enough to show that he is indeed abusing her.

Great posts Mike. What you see here are perfect examples of shallowness and bigotry.

Shallowness and Bigotry are the two beautiful ch**ks cheeks of a ugly lady, the lady whom you don't want to love.

Edited January 18, 2010 by 3600rs

[FortLaudy 10]

Great posts Mike. What you see here are perfect examples of shallowness and bigotry.

Shallowness and Bigotry are the two beautiful ch**ks cheeks of a ugly lady, the lady whom you don't want to love.

And you're so perfect huh?