a filipina friend of mind in my area ...who just got married ask help...

[justashooter 430]

There are sooooo many threads on here ending in the same old BS bashing "western" or American women for being: not femine, fat, can't cook, too ambitious, too independent, money-hungry bitches etc. and therefore US men are sick of them and have to look elsewhere for wives... This is all rubbish!! I still think if a guy cannot find a suitable women in the whole of the US there's something wrong with HIM instead and not the entire population of US females! Come on, what are the odds??

I know that he needs sex a whole lot more than me so yeah I know to keep him from looking elsewhere, I never refuse him, even if I'm not particularly in the mood... we both have about the same income through either salary/savings so we're pretty much equal in every way and both contribute to the household expenses... we don't have tons of money but luckily we enjoy the simple things in life such as mountain biking and playing with the dogs, and if I'm without income or he's without income we're both committed to each other enough to take on the extra burden without bitching about it, but he pushes me to do well at school and I push him and congratulate him when he's reached goals at work, so we motivate each other and neither of us will willingly just be poor and useless and be a burden on the other...

So when these guys go completely out of their way to find a foreign young wife because they say "american" women in general is this or that, I have to laugh... come on! there must be something wrong with THEM, not the woman of the entire US population! sheeezzz...

just for the record, i was living in china when i met my wife, and continued to live there several years thereafter. the last thing i wanted to find in china was a wife, but when you see one worth keeping, you keep her, no matter where she is from.

it sounds like you have a really great relationship with your husband, but you sure do have a lot of bitterness toward other guys...

[chinese_mutt 11]

There are sooooo many threads on here ending in the same old BS bashing "western" or American women for being: not femine, fat, can't cook, too ambitious, too independent, money-hungry bitches etc. and therefore US men are sick of them and have to look elsewhere for wives... This is all rubbish!! I still think if a guy cannot find a suitable women in the whole of the US there's something wrong with HIM instead and not the entire population of US females! Come on, what are the odds??

I'm from a pretty conservative country, and yes, I do take really good care of my husband, but I have tons of American girl friends who also take really good care of their husbands, and are in wonderful marriages, I would know, they're my best friends! So I really hate this bashing of "Western" women that goes on here whenever there's the story of a guy going abroad wife shopping...

Marriage is a partnership, my husband and I always think about each other's needs and are not selfish, we both make sacrifices for each other and are happy to do so as we're in an equal relationship, we both do what's best for both of us... For example..he takes the dogs to the park every morning and I will in the meantime get breakfast together and pack our lunches, when he works late I always cook dinner, when I have to study hard for exams he makes dinner, he takes the trash out and never says no when I ask him for a foot-rub or some silly favor. He's the perfect husband, he's so handy he can fix Anything! I take care of my appearance and make him proud of me when we're out together and I expect the same of him, I made him shave his chest and he'll tell me if he doesn't like my outfit, it's just normal and fair... no offense taken by either as we know we both have each other's interests at heart and I want a husband I'm attracted to and so does he want a wife that he's attracted to, afterall we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together!

I know that he needs sex a whole lot more than me so yeah I know to keep him from looking elsewhere, I never refuse him, even if I'm not particularly in the mood... we both have about the same income through either salary/savings so we're pretty much equal in every way and both contribute to the household expenses... we don't have tons of money but luckily we enjoy the simple things in life such as mountain biking and playing with the dogs, and if I'm without income or he's without income we're both committed to each other enough to take on the extra burden without bitching about it, but he pushes me to do well at school and I push him and congratulate him when he's reached goals at work, so we motivate each other and neither of us will willingly just be poor and useless and be a burden on the other...

HOWEVER, with my EX boyfriend - completely different story... I was still doing what I considered "my part" in the relationship, but he wasn't !!! completely "useless" guy who would watch sports all day long, never help out with any type of chores and a real cheapskate - would come over to my place for the Entire weekend, and not even offer to go buy a bit of groceries, just sponge off me basically the whole weekend... and I'm a student and he was about 12 years older than me! loser! Of course I didn't see him as marriage material... and soon ended the relationship.. even though he made more money than my husband does, it's about the amount of care and "effort" one puts into a relationship otherwise that counts mostly...

So when these guys go completely out of their way to find a foreign young wife because they say "american" women in general is this or that, I have to laugh... come on! there must be something wrong with THEM, not the woman of the entire US population! sheeezzz...

wow! why are you so bitter about older american men? if they looked outside the US, it doesn't mean they want to bash american women.

for one, you are wrong... i'm from Asia.. my husband can tell you I'm not submissive, I don't know how to clean the house or wash the dishes. I was pursuing a high powered career when he met me and I still hope to continue that here. He knows I don't want to be a housewife not because I feel like it is degrading but because I know my talent and skills lies elsewhere. I was never 'trained' to do housework. I came from a middle class family and don't need to immigrate to better my life. He didn't "save me" nor did I need "saving".

so why did he go looking outside the US? for variety maybe. Why did I? coz we share the same values on how we wanted to raise the kids or conduct our family life. I married my older guy because we had the same vision.... of course, not to mention that he doesn't deny me sex everytime I want it.

Be a little bit open minded, just because you were here on F1 visa when you got married to your husband doesn't make you any better than those who get here by fiance or spouse visa. Imagine if you had to go back to your home country and go through fiance or spouse visa then you hear this kind of trash talk against your spouse (whether he is old or not)? Put yourself in the shoes of other people before you start judging.

Edited December 17, 2009 by chinese_mutt

[Thai Rath 1]

just for the record, i was living in china when i met my wife, and continued to live there several years thereafter. the last thing i wanted to find in china was a wife, but when you see one worth keeping, you keep her, no matter where she is from.

it sounds like you have a really great relationship with your husband, but you sure do have a lot of bitterness toward other guys...

This is the exact same situation I was in when I met my husband (except I was in Thailand instead of China, of course!): not expecting to find a husband when I was living in Thailand, but ended up staying there for a few years after meeting him.

More generally (and not directed at you, justashooter), I've definitely seen it a lot and it've aggravating: people who make assumptions about Western men with Asian women, not to mention all of the incorrect assumptions about Western women with Asian women...

It's really beat, though, to hear men slag Western women; thankfully, I haven't seen too much of it on VJ and usually it's the combo of men and women who "stick up" for us!

[candelari 0]

BAck to the discussion,

This flipina girl needs to go to the police and make a clear statement by saying she is being held againts her will by not being provided the divorce and return ticket.

I am not a lawyer but I know there are consequenses if the husband doesn't provide enough suport her to go back. She can a lso call her own consulate to ask some more info (I doubt she is the first and only case consulate heard/help before) The husband can not just say "I am not paying your ticket or divorce etc..." He is obligated by the law

typical abuse doesn't have to be tying you up and beating you, keeping your passport under the lock, keeping the person under the lock. There is a clear case and she should put it on the record before she does anything else. My strategy would be;

1- collect all the evidence and put it in writing (please file formal complain with police stating that your marriage wasn't what was described/promised happy marriage and your husband is not sending you back and holding you againts your will)

2- leave the house and stay with your friend before you leave the country and start finishing all your process (such as informing your consulate (in writing), informing USCIS(in writing), Informing state that you want to get divorce but given the circumstances you are foreigner and you don't have funds or rights to do so... They might refuse it but you will have it in writing for USCIS.

3- If you ever want to come back you will have a better chance to prove what you were pulled into and you deserve a second chance....

Good luck!

[chinese_mutt 11]

BAck to the discussion,

This flipina girl needs to go to the police and make a clear statement by saying she is being held againts her will by not being provided the divorce and return ticket.

I am not a lawyer but I know there are consequenses if the husband doesn't provide enough suport her to go back. She can a lso call her own consulate to ask some more info (I doubt she is the first and only case consulate heard/help before) The husband can not just say "I am not paying your ticket or divorce etc..." He is obligated by the law

typical abuse doesn't have to be tying you up and beating you, keeping your passport under the lock, keeping the person under the lock. There is a clear case and she should put it on the record before she does anything else. My strategy would be;

1- collect all the evidence and put it in writing (please file formal complain with police stating that your marriage wasn't what was described/promised happy marriage and your husband is not sending you back and holding you againts your will)

2- leave the house and stay with your friend before you leave the country and start finishing all your process (such as informing your consulate (in writing), informing USCIS(in writing), Informing state that you want to get divorce but given the circumstances you are foreigner and you don't have funds or rights to do so... They might refuse it but you will have it in writing for USCIS.

3- If you ever want to come back you will have a better chance to prove what you were pulled into and you deserve a second chance....

Good luck!

Never heard of not providing ticket as a form of abuse... what if the guy really can't afford it? Can all wife who wants to visit home and their husband can't afford ticket file abuse??? Nor did I ever hear a party not wanting a divorce a form of abuse. I don't think the husband is "OBLIGATED by law" to provide ticket or divorce. She can obtain both on her own... whether with the help of relatives or friends. I think you are jumping way ahead here.

There was no mention of him holding her passport either.

Edited December 18, 2009 by chinese_mutt

[daboyz 36]

BAck to the discussion,

This flipina girl needs to go to the police and make a clear statement by saying she is being held againts her will by not being provided the divorce and return ticket.

I am not a lawyer but I know there are consequenses if the husband doesn't provide enough suport her to go back. She can a lso call her own consulate to ask some more info (I doubt she is the first and only case consulate heard/help before) The husband can not just say "I am not paying your ticket or divorce etc..." He is obligated by the law

typical abuse doesn't have to be tying you up and beating you, keeping your passport under the lock, keeping the person under the lock. There is a clear case and she should put it on the record before she does anything else. My strategy would be;

1- collect all the evidence and put it in writing (please file formal complain with police stating that your marriage wasn't what was described/promised happy marriage and your husband is not sending you back and holding you againts your will)

2- leave the house and stay with your friend before you leave the country and start finishing all your process (such as informing your consulate (in writing), informing USCIS(in writing), Informing state that you want to get divorce but given the circumstances you are foreigner and you don't have funds or rights to do so... They might refuse it but you will have it in writing for USCIS.

3- If you ever want to come back you will have a better chance to prove what you were pulled into and you deserve a second chance....

Good luck!

Never heard of not providing ticket as a form of abuse... what if the guy really can't afford it? Can all wife who wants to visit home and their husband can't afford ticket file abuse??? Nor did I ever hear a party not wanting a divorce a form of abuse. I don't think the husband is "OBLIGATED by law" to provide ticket or divorce. She can obtain both on her own... whether with the help of relatives or friends. I think you are jumping way ahead here.

There was no mention of him holding her passport either.

I don't recall seeing anything on the I-864 or I-134 that requires a one way ticket back to the country of origin. That said, the guy brought her here. Least he can do is pay her way back home.

[chinese_mutt 11]

BAck to the discussion,

This flipina girl needs to go to the police and make a clear statement by saying she is being held againts her will by not being provided the divorce and return ticket.

I am not a lawyer but I know there are consequenses if the husband doesn't provide enough suport her to go back. She can a lso call her own consulate to ask some more info (I doubt she is the first and only case consulate heard/help before) The husband can not just say "I am not paying your ticket or divorce etc..." He is obligated by the law

typical abuse doesn't have to be tying you up and beating you, keeping your passport under the lock, keeping the person under the lock. There is a clear case and she should put it on the record before she does anything else. My strategy would be;

1- collect all the evidence and put it in writing (please file formal complain with police stating that your marriage wasn't what was described/promised happy marriage and your husband is not sending you back and holding you againts your will)

2- leave the house and stay with your friend before you leave the country and start finishing all your process (such as informing your consulate (in writing), informing USCIS(in writing), Informing state that you want to get divorce but given the circumstances you are foreigner and you don't have funds or rights to do so... They might refuse it but you will have it in writing for USCIS.

3- If you ever want to come back you will have a better chance to prove what you were pulled into and you deserve a second chance....

Good luck!

Never heard of not providing ticket as a form of abuse... what if the guy really can't afford it? Can all wife who wants to visit home and their husband can't afford ticket file abuse??? Nor did I ever hear a party not wanting a divorce a form of abuse. I don't think the husband is "OBLIGATED by law" to provide ticket or divorce. She can obtain both on her own... whether with the help of relatives or friends. I think you are jumping way ahead here.

There was no mention of him holding her passport either.

I don't recall seeing anything on the I-864 or I-134 that requires a one way ticket back to the country of origin. That said, the guy brought her here. Least he can do is pay her way back home.

Right. It is a moral obligation not a legal obligation. For decency's sake he should... for whatever reason he doesn't want to. Nobody can compel him.

[ziia 9]

BAck to the discussion,

This flipina girl needs to go to the police and make a clear statement by saying she is being held againts her will by not being provided the divorce and return ticket.

I am not a lawyer but I know there are consequenses if the husband doesn't provide enough suport her to go back. She can a lso call her own consulate to ask some more info (I doubt she is the first and only case consulate heard/help before) The husband can not just say "I am not paying your ticket or divorce etc..." He is obligated by the law

typical abuse doesn't have to be tying you up and beating you, keeping your passport under the lock, keeping the person under the lock. There is a clear case and she should put it on the record before she does anything else. My strategy would be;

1- collect all the evidence and put it in writing (please file formal complain with police stating that your marriage wasn't what was described/promised happy marriage and your husband is not sending you back and holding you againts your will)

2- leave the house and stay with your friend before you leave the country and start finishing all your process (such as informing your consulate (in writing), informing USCIS(in writing), Informing state that you want to get divorce but given the circumstances you are foreigner and you don't have funds or rights to do so... They might refuse it but you will have it in writing for USCIS.

3- If you ever want to come back you will have a better chance to prove what you were pulled into and you deserve a second chance....

Good luck!

Never heard of not providing ticket as a form of abuse... what if the guy really can't afford it? Can all wife who wants to visit home and their husband can't afford ticket file abuse??? Nor did I ever hear a party not wanting a divorce a form of abuse. I don't think the husband is "OBLIGATED by law" to provide ticket or divorce. She can obtain both on her own... whether with the help of relatives or friends. I think you are jumping way ahead here.

There was no mention of him holding her passport either.

I don't recall seeing anything on the I-864 or I-134 that requires a one way ticket back to the country of origin. That said, the guy brought her here. Least he can do is pay her way back home.

Right. It is a moral obligation not a legal obligation. For decency's sake he should... for whatever reason he doesn't want to. Nobody can compel him.

That's true. Still I think people should buy a two way ticket just in case, no matter what visa they come here under

[rin and john 71]

If he has been the primary support provider (i.e. his income is substantially more than hers), she should see a lawyer and discuss pendente lite alimony. This is support paid during the period of filing for divorce and the divorce decree. Given her situaton, she would stand a very good chance of getting a court order requiring him to support her until the divorce is final.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pendente_lite

[candelari 0]

BAck to the discussion,

This flipina girl needs to go to the police and make a clear statement by saying she is being held againts her will by not being provided the divorce and return ticket.

I am not a lawyer but I know there are consequenses if the husband doesn't provide enough suport her to go back. She can a lso call her own consulate to ask some more info (I doubt she is the first and only case consulate heard/help before) The husband can not just say "I am not paying your ticket or divorce etc..." He is obligated by the law

typical abuse doesn't have to be tying you up and beating you, keeping your passport under the lock, keeping the person under the lock. There is a clear case and she should put it on the record before she does anything else. My strategy would be;

1- collect all the evidence and put it in writing (please file formal complain with police stating that your marriage wasn't what was described/promised happy marriage and your husband is not sending you back and holding you againts your will)

2- leave the house and stay with your friend before you leave the country and start finishing all your process (such as informing your consulate (in writing), informing USCIS(in writing), Informing state that you want to get divorce but given the circumstances you are foreigner and you don't have funds or rights to do so... They might refuse it but you will have it in writing for USCIS.

3- If you ever want to come back you will have a better chance to prove what you were pulled into and you deserve a second chance....

Good luck!

Never heard of not providing ticket as a form of abuse... what if the guy really can't afford it? Can all wife who wants to visit home and their husband can't afford ticket file abuse??? Nor did I ever hear a party not wanting a divorce a form of abuse. I don't think the husband is "OBLIGATED by law" to provide ticket or divorce. She can obtain both on her own... whether with the help of relatives or friends. I think you are jumping way ahead here.

There was no mention of him holding her passport either.

yes it is... especially if you are making a statement to uscis that you are supporting your wife coming from another country. I came across a guy in germany (both USC) and he had an argument with his wife. Wife said " I am going back to U.S buy my ticket" He said he needs to wait 'till he gets paid. The next day wife filed a formal complain to embassy. Embassy paid (and reimbursed from him) the ticket and it was a whole mess after that. He was married to USC and he was on a contract work in Germany. You can not just bring someone from another country and say "I don't have time for this, I dont have money, I don't feel like it" over all, you can not twist your obligations.... I am almost 100% sure he is liable to pay for divorce and her travel back to her own country... She will need to find out which autority will make him to do so (USCIS, Police, Embassy etc....)

[FortLaudy 10]

Hey guys, sorry about the late reply, been having fun with my husband on his day off yesterday all day long and only got to read your posts now. I'm really not "bitter" against any particular guys in general, but it does irk me incredibly when VJ'ers come on here and scream "marriage fraud" whenever a foreign wife is asking help about ending the relationship with her husband who just brought her over on a K1 visa. I feel in general fingers are pointed at the foreigner and very seldomly the USC. This really surprised me taking into consideration all the circumstances surrounding the K1 process - who was seeking out who, for what reasons etc. I think this is ignorant and just wanted to provide a different perspective so some members might think twice about shouting out "fraud" first thing in these cases.

With my references to male USC in my posts, I really just had one type in mind, I was not referring to guys who have lived in Asian countries and met their wife there duh ! That's very normal !

I just read this post about a guy who wanted to use a 4th K1 visa to bring over a "phillipina" wife. Now mind you, the first 2 girls (19 years old) bailed out on him and went back to PI before the marriage took place, the 3rd one: he claims he left her, and now he's thinking about doing this again??? Also he keeps saying how he is forced to go over to Asia to find a wife as American women are so useless in all the departments: femininity, housekeeping, being a good sexual partner etc..

This begs the very valid question: Is there something wrong with this guy instead? Or is there really something wrong with the entire female US population and 3 other Asian women? hell yes! there's something wrong with him!!

So this is the type of guy I was referring to: This guy is either a high school or college drop out, very lazy and unambitious so he earns a meager salary, abusive with anger management problems, very unattractive, very old or has "small man syndrome", insecure and introverted and makes no real effort to find a partner and now has a grudge against American women because he can't get any one of them to stay with him and blames them instead of himself. He wants someone who will accept him "just the way he is" someone who won't expect much from him and will be happy to accept him warts, faults and all. He has tried dating in the US unsuccesfully, because of HIS faults, so he deems the entire female population of the US as unsuitable for marriage and goes wife shopping in Asia for a wife. This only has to bring me to the conclusion that he wanted to make sure he'll get somebody that won't be able to so easily leave him, that she'll have a lot to lose if she does and so will stay with him and "accept him the way he is".... The K1 visa is great if it's used correctly, say if the wife came over here on a tourist visa, spent a couple of months with the USC and then they decide to get married after she returns to her home country, or the USC goes to the foreign country for work/visit for a good lenght of time and does the same... but often people meet online and get married in a snap through the K1 visa route... there are of course tons of different outcomes of this quickie arrangement, but to keep this short here are two outcomes:

1. He brings a wife back here and she accepts him the way he, they appreciate what they can do for each other and they live happily ever after... great!

OR

2. He brings her back here and soon she realizes - just like all the other women he's dated before, that he's a complete loser, it's impossible for her to even pretend to be happy with him and she wants out... she comes (or her friend in this case) on VJ for some help because this loser won't even help her in going back home and VJ'ers on here scream out "fraud"... #######????? Think about how much she had to give up back home in order to move here, think about the disgrace she must feel facing her family with this failed marriage, can you imagine what the loser has put her through in case he is abusive or hasn't had sex in 10 years?

My point is this: Don't be ignorant and scream out "fraud" whenever foreign wives come on here asking for advice. Why is the USC never deemed to be guilty for the break up of the marriage but the foreigner is always accused of fraud? If he was so damn perfect and cannot possibly be at fault for the break up why did he have to go to such extreme lengths to find a wife? So he wanted "variety"? please... The US is a melting pot of cultures, why not find an already legal Asian wife here?

It takes two people to get married, why on VJ do people only ever point the finger at one of the parties if the marriage fails???

[ziia 9]

I just read this post about a guy who wanted to use a 4th K1 visa to bring over a "phillipina" wife. Now mind you, the first 2 girls (19 years old) bailed out on him and went back to PI before the marriage took place, the 3rd one: he claims he left her, and now he's thinking about doing this again??? Also he keeps saying how he is forced to go over to Asia to find a wife as American women are so useless in all the departments: femininity, housekeeping, being a good sexual partner etc..

This begs the very valid question: Is there something wrong with this guy instead? Or is there really something wrong with the entire female US population and 3 other Asian women? hell yes! there's something wrong with him!!

So this is the type of guy I was referring to: This guy is either a high school or college drop out, very lazy and unambitious so he earns a meager salary, abusive with anger management problems, very unattractive, very old or has "small man syndrome", insecure and introverted and makes no real effort to find a partner and now has a grudge against American women because he can't get any one of them to stay with him and blames them instead of himself. He wants someone who will accept him "just the way he is" someone who won't expect much from him and will be happy to accept him warts, faults and all. He has tried dating in the US unsuccesfully, because of HIS faults, so he deems the entire female population of the US as unsuitable for marriage and goes wife shopping in Asia for a wife. This only has to bring me to the conclusion that he wanted to make sure he'll get somebody that won't be able to so easily leave him, that she'll have a lot to lose if she does and so will stay with him and "accept him the way he is".... The K1 visa is great if it's used correctly, say if the wife came over here on a tourist visa, spent a couple of months with the USC and then they decide to get married after she returns to her home country, or the USC goes to the foreign country for work/visit for a good lenght of time and does the same... but often people meet online and get married in a snap through the K1 visa route... there are of course tons of different outcomes of this quickie arrangement, but to keep this short here are two outcomes:

Shani682, everything you said makes tons of sense, as far as I am concerned. But I still think that the girls who that kind of guy is shopping for should take their time and get to know the dude not accept a marriage proposal so easily like it's a date to the movies. heck even a date to the movies is accepted sometimes harder than some of these marriage proposals are! Don't tell me the girls all fall backward with so much true love when a guys who happens to be from US visits them and asks them to marry 2 weeks later. I mean come on, lets be fair, you think those girls, just because they don't speak English that means they're stupid or something? Of course not! If they waited 19, 20, 30 years to get married they can't wait to know the guy a little better before marrying him because what? Cupid came with his arrow and stabbed them in the heart at the sight of a loud obnoxious, drunken old American man? Fraud happens A LOT! and from both sides. These women who accept getting married within 2 days of seeing the guy are no better than the man who asks them to marry him so fast. I mean can you say BELLS, BELLS, BELLS all over the place or what?

We are strictly talking here about that type of guy who you described not the majority and not the people who have been dating for a while before getting married. That's just 4 the record. You have to understand that the more lame, abusive, nasty a man is, the more i smell fraud on a girl who asks after a month of marriage to stay here, possibly meet another one. Why? She has no work, no friends, no good knowledge of English language, culture habits, no income, what can she be possibly attached to aside of the wallet of another above described sucka' ?

Edited December 18, 2009 by ziia

[chinese_mutt 11]

BAck to the discussion,

This flipina girl needs to go to the police and make a clear statement by saying she is being held againts her will by not being provided the divorce and return ticket.

I am not a lawyer but I know there are consequenses if the husband doesn't provide enough suport her to go back. She can a lso call her own consulate to ask some more info (I doubt she is the first and only case consulate heard/help before) The husband can not just say "I am not paying your ticket or divorce etc..." He is obligated by the law

typical abuse doesn't have to be tying you up and beating you, keeping your passport under the lock, keeping the person under the lock. There is a clear case and she should put it on the record before she does anything else. My strategy would be;

1- collect all the evidence and put it in writing (please file formal complain with police stating that your marriage wasn't what was described/promised happy marriage and your husband is not sending you back and holding you againts your will)

2- leave the house and stay with your friend before you leave the country and start finishing all your process (such as informing your consulate (in writing), informing USCIS(in writing), Informing state that you want to get divorce but given the circumstances you are foreigner and you don't have funds or rights to do so... They might refuse it but you will have it in writing for USCIS.

3- If you ever want to come back you will have a better chance to prove what you were pulled into and you deserve a second chance....

Good luck!

Never heard of not providing ticket as a form of abuse... what if the guy really can't afford it? Can all wife who wants to visit home and their husband can't afford ticket file abuse??? Nor did I ever hear a party not wanting a divorce a form of abuse. I don't think the husband is "OBLIGATED by law" to provide ticket or divorce. She can obtain both on her own... whether with the help of relatives or friends. I think you are jumping way ahead here.

There was no mention of him holding her passport either.

yes it is... especially if you are making a statement to uscis that you are supporting your wife coming from another country. I came across a guy in germany (both USC) and he had an argument with his wife. Wife said " I am going back to U.S buy my ticket" He said he needs to wait 'till he gets paid. The next day wife filed a formal complain to embassy. Embassy paid (and reimbursed from him) the ticket and it was a whole mess after that. He was married to USC and he was on a contract work in Germany. You can not just bring someone from another country and say "I don't have time for this, I dont have money, I don't feel like it" over all, you can not twist your obligations.... I am almost 100% sure he is liable to pay for divorce and her travel back to her own country... She will need to find out which autority will make him to do so (USCIS, Police, Embassy etc....)

I don't think so.. there must have been more to the story than just an argument. PLUS, the are both USC and in another country. I would think there are different dynamics here.

The Filipina can go to the PHILIPPINE embassy to seek help, not the USCIS. I don't know if the Philippine Embassy can reimburse from the husband, they may have to go to court to seek financial relief, but then again there could be some law/agreement between the governments about claims from a foreign embassy to it's private citizen. I don't know. I'm not a lawyer.

[FortLaudy 10]

Ziia, yes, they're BOTH at fault here, for marrying people from completely different culture, huge age difference and probably financial circumstances... and probably way too quickly! I think the Phillipines in general has become a high marriage fraud country because:

1. USC with some issues which in his mind prevents him from finding a wife here: age, unattractiveness, poverty level, education level etc. seeking out young Phillipina wives to marry, as they need someone that won't leave them easily and accept them how they are.

2. Young Phillipina girl knowing that this particular type of USC (typically old man) is looking out for them, and they're willing to marry them wanting something in return: a better future for themselves, or be able to send money back home to their families once they're here in the US: easiest way of getting here: marriage to older USC.

I'm still trying to figure out if this is a silent agreement or something that they both verbally agree on beforehand: she will be the wife he wants: give him enough sex and good housekeeping and cooking and she gets to live here and work and is able to send money back home (either through his earnings, or hers) just read this thread:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...=232940&hl=

This is nothing short of a weird type of prostitution in my book, but I still say, if the marriage fails, don't just blame One party and scream "fraud"... the USC knew full well what he got himself into and would be stupid to think this young pretty girl would really want to be with him for any other reason... But understanding some fundamental differences in our cultures still leads me to believe that the "victim" as described by the OP here, really did suffer abuse.

I was recenly challenged to answer a question during an honors interdisciplinary course at college... we were assigned to read this book called: The Quiet American by Graham Greene - very good book and also film with the same name. Anyhow the professor raised a really strange point. It is his opinion that "love" is viewed differently by different cultures, Westerners have this idea of "love" - falling in "love", "love at first sight" and loving someone "unconditionally", as with many other cultural traits that are completeley different, in his view our perception of love is too. Just a quote from the book to give you an idea:

"Love's a Western world. We use it for sentimental reasons or to cover up an obsession with one woman. These people don't suffer from obsessions. You're going to be hurt, if you aren't careful. They love you in return for kindness, security, the presents you give them - they hate you for a blow or an injustice. They don't know what it's like - just walking into a room and loving a stranger. For an aging man, Pyle, it's very secure - she won't run away from home so long as the home is happy."

How profound and insightful if indeed it is true. In my professor's opinion it is very true and only now after reading some of the VJ stories I can agree with him 100%. No wonder these "arrangements" are so common. The USC needs a companion - the housekeeping but especially the sex that comes with it, and the phillipina needs security at home and be the "cash cow" for her family back home. So long as this arrangement works out for both partners, everything goes perfect because for the Phillipina girl, "love and commitment" equals the ability of the man to take care of her (and often the immediate or extended family back home) not "love" as is our understanding of it.

That's why when the marriage ends, she wants to stay here and find another man to save face and continue to support her family back in PI financially... it has nothing to do with the USC... and in her view it's not "fraud", as she = the love to him being kind to her and support her and her family financially... when he fails that, the "love" is gone and she's free to find this "love" in another man...We see it differently of course, and see it as red flags for marriage fraud as we look at things from a western perspective and have only one definition of "love"... I hope you get my point as I have a habit of writing run on sentences, lol

There are sooooooooo many things to take into account when marrying someone from a different culture, background, religion even age group, these fundamental differences are often overlooked and are often the cause of the break down of the marriage... I feel with the K1 process this is more common as the marriages often happen too quick and neither party fully realises what the other partner expects of them during the marriage.

So if you want to avoid this type of heartache It's sooo much better to marry someone in your "league" so to speak. And if you want to marry someone from a completely different culture just educate yourself as much as possible about the foreign SO's culture and spend a lot of time with them before marriage and don't just rush into things.

If you want a perfect 10, be a perfect 10. Don't marry someone way beneath you or way out of your league...

[ziia 9]

Ziia, yes, they're BOTH at fault here, for marrying people from completely different culture, huge age difference and probably financial circumstances... and probably way too quickly! I think the Phillipines in general has become a high marriage fraud country because:

1. USC with some issues which in his mind prevents him from finding a wife here: age, unattractiveness, poverty level, education level etc. seeking out young Phillipina wives to marry, as they need someone that won't leave them easily and accept them how they are.

2. Young Phillipina girl knowing that this particular type of USC (typically old man) is looking out for them, and they're willing to marry them wanting something in return: a better future for themselves, or be able to send money back home to their families once they're here in the US: easiest way of getting here: marriage to older USC.

I'm still trying to figure out if this is a silent agreement or something that they both verbally agree on beforehand: she will be the wife he wants: give him enough sex and good housekeeping and cooking and she gets to live here and work and is able to send money back home (either through his earnings, or hers) just read this thread:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...=232940&hl=

This is nothing short of a weird type of prostitution in my book, but I still say, if the marriage fails, don't just blame One party and scream "fraud"... the USC knew full well what he got himself into and would be stupid to think this young pretty girl would really want to be with him for any other reason... But understanding some fundamental differences in our cultures still leads me to believe that the "victim" as described by the OP here, really did suffer abuse.

I was recenly challenged to answer a question during an honors interdisciplinary course at college... we were assigned to read this book called: The Quiet American by Graham Greene - very good book and also film with the same name. Anyhow the professor raised a really strange point. It is his opinion that "love" is viewed differently by different cultures, Westerners have this idea of "love" - falling in "love", "love at first sight" and loving someone "unconditionally", as with many other cultural traits that are completeley different, in his view our perception of love is too. Just a quote from the book to give you an idea:

"Love's a Western world. We use it for sentimental reasons or to cover up an obsession with one woman. These people don't suffer from obsessions. You're going to be hurt, if you aren't careful. They love you in return for kindness, security, the presents you give them - they hate you for a blow or an injustice. They don't know what it's like - just walking into a room and loving a stranger. For an aging man, Pyle, it's very secure - she won't run away from home so long as the home is happy."

How profound and insightful if indeed it is true. In my professor's opinion it is very true and only now after reading some of the VJ stories I can agree with him 100%. No wonder these "arrangements" are so common. The USC needs a companion - the housekeeping but especially the sex that comes with it, and the phillipina needs security at home and be the "cash cow" for her family back home. So long as this arrangement works out for both partners, everything goes perfect because for the Phillipina girl, "love and commitment" equals the ability of the man to take care of her (and often the immediate or extended family back home) not "love" as is our understanding of it.

That's why when the marriage ends, she wants to stay here and find another man to save face and continue to support her family back in PI financially... it has nothing to do with the USC... and in her view it's not "fraud", as she = the love to him being kind to her and support her and her family financially... when he fails that, the "love" is gone and she's free to find this "love" in another man...We see it differently of course, and see it as red flags for marriage fraud as we look at things from a western perspective and have only one definition of "love"... I hope you get my point as I have a habit of writing run on sentences, lol

There are sooooooooo many things to take into account when marrying someone from a different culture, background, religion even age group, these fundamental differences are often overlooked and are often the cause of the break down of the marriage... I feel with the K1 process this is more common as the marriages often happen too quick and neither party fully realises what the other partner expects of them during the marriage.

So if you want to avoid this type of heartache It's sooo much better to marry someone in your "league" so to speak. And if you want to marry someone from a completely different culture just educate yourself as much as possible about the foreign SO's culture and spend a lot of time with them before marriage and don't just rush into things.

If you want a perfect 10, be a perfect 10. Don't marry someone way beneath you or way out of your league...

Honestly it is very nice the way you put it and though I might never agree with this line of one sided thinking, it is your opinion and I respect it. Up to one point i agree with you. I tend not to blame neither because one: I don't know the guy or his side of the story and because you are partially right in how you say "love" is perceived in some of the poorer countries but not entirely to define it as that. None the less, life, even overseas is too complex and extended culturally(the way people think in the countryside is not the same as the city people who assimilated over time more and more from the western thinking)to be simplified in such manner as the author you mentioned above did. His own experience with a culture foreign to him is just that: his own experience therefore his own point of view, his own perspective, one man's perspective as an observer of the things he didn't understand before.

But we have to think if that is enough to call it "supreme truth". Of course not. He might have scratched the surface and managed to go deeper in his understanding of the old world, enough to put it in a book and explain his point of view so that every mind, the complex and the simple can understand and say: "oh yeah, that makes sense now". But you, me as critical observers of things, literature people and objects should not let our minds sleep for a second if we want to grow(mentally and spiritually). Our duty on this planet is to challenge what we hear and understand what we see. Once we stop doing that, we die, we become robots, we will be no better than a plant in a vase waiting to fade. That said, coming back to the point you are making.

I am now an USC but as you can see I was born in Romania and lived most of my life there. Romania was a communist country up until 1989 when we had the Revolution and defeated the dictatorship. That would have never happened if people were buying everything that they were told to and wouldn't have challenged the things they heard and saw. Was there western influence up until 1989 in Romania? Nope, nothing. People still to this day have old style thinking and habits, similar to those you described PI by. Even if now it is democracy, people still live packed up 2-3 families in one house and still relay on their relatives to support them any way they can. They hear about people like me who left to US for a better life, oh, God do they expect things back, they think I grabbed Jesus by the leg or He put a hand on my head and blessed me as their Junior Savior. Mind you, people in Romania are extremely God fearing, religious people, and we are raised to be good wives, we are taught how to cook from an early age and obey the husbands. One word my grandma told me before I left to the States that I will never forget was this:" If you go there and your man beats you, he is right and you have not been a good wife. You should take care of him and cook for him, wash his clothes and make him happy". Yup that is what my 79 year old grandmother told me(she's the one who raised me by the way). She lives at the countryside. Now, my mom and my dad told me this: "If you are not happy, this door is always opened, we wish you the best, go make us proud". My parents life in the city.

Now, being raised by my grandma and knowing how people are(yes they expect you to send them stuff and look at you mean if you don't...it's an obligation almost and even if you bring them stuff it's always too little even if it costs me the whole freaking 3 months salary) I would have felt like I disappointed them all if I went back. But I have to tell you, honestly and with my hand above my heart: the world is not what it used to be. People are borrowing a lo of western influences and the cities of even the poorest countries are more like you and I in their line of thinking than you's believe. Country doesn't equal countryside; culture doesn't equal old style. We in US tend to understand our way(of other cultures) into the dumbness. Yes, the same way we romanticize the gypsies(which this country never had but has such a WRONG view of what a gypsies really is, what they do and how they live in the modern world that makes them out of touch with reality) or with Dracula for that matter or even with the culture of a country. To understand something as it really is doesn't mean to excuse it, do you understand what I am saying? You and the author excuse the way these people "love" and lay it out as truth. It is not. The truth always runs somewhere in the middle and always, always, undeniably, unmistakeably makes sense in that it unites all of us when we say: people are people are people. Yes, people are people are people because we are the same, whether we like or not, whether we want to believe it or not. The truth has no barriers in culture or language neither has borders...the truth is the same for all of us.

As US advances in years, knowledge and change, so do other countries and now, more than ever we are more alike than that author would like to think. What here is called fraud here it is he same there, no matter of richness, no matter of culture, no matter of language! To excuse such behaviors on grounds of different country or language or style is not only wrongful on one's part but grossly ignorant. This is how people get fooled into thinking one sided and acting one sided(unjust); this is how people get away with "murder (metaphorically) because one refuses to think that, even though of poor and rich, our minds are the same...and yes, they are!

Edited December 19, 2009 by ziia