a filipina friend of mind in my area ...who just got married ask help...

[FortLaudy 10]

Thanks all !

It just makes me SOOO SICK when "Marriage Fraud" is Immediately thrown out there when the marriage does not work out... #######? Just because two people are from different countries does not mean they don't have the same problems "normal" couples have, sure, cultural and language barriers can make it a little more tougher, or more interesting (haha) but it's just so infuriating to me when everyone immediately accuse the foreigner of fraud after a failed marriage, come on!

These marriages where a husband brings his wife from a different country does not only happen here in the US, but is also common in the Middle East where I lived for 4 years, I've heard COUNTLESS stories of phillipino girls being brought over on fiancee visas or sometimes simply "domestic helper" visas, as soon as they arrive they're taken to the home, kept there in isolation and forced to be a maid/sex slave to their "employer" without ever getting a dime, sometimes for YEARS until they escape. These girls simply dissapear off the face of the earth only to reappear (if lucky!) years later telling their story of abuse and captivity... Not that this is the case for every marriage of course, but this is a Far more common occurrence than you can ever imagine.

Like I said before, no one gets married to be worse off, so the USC spouse also has a lot to gain through the marriage, otherwise he would not get married, maybe a more "submissive, quiet, controllable, dependant" wife?

I say this because it's often the case that an unattractive old white man want to get married to Much younger asian women for a good reason, they seem unable to find a suitable wife in the whole of USA/EUROPE? So what makes them so great, wonderful and a faultless, perfect husband material for the foreign wife? It stinks to the high heavens to me !

Some of you can scream fraud, but I think this is the typical case of a young Asian woman marrying an old fart of a USC with great hopes and dreams for the future (Don't people in general "marry up" instead of "down" what's the difference??) with good intentions to be a faithful and good wife and that the USC is at fault... probably treating her like a sex slave and not taking care of her financially and in other ways, I've heard some sick stories man, please think twice before you scream "fraud".

[chinese_mutt 11]

I am glad that you being the petitioner understands the complexity of the situation immigration puts on the beneficiary. I'm glad that you are open minded enough to see this. Just because we came from a poor country does not means we are dying to move here! Thank you for giving us a good example that some of us (beneficiaries from poorer country) do have a life worth living before we met our spouses.

I'll give you a big star!

More stars for Donald :star: :star:

And chinese mutt, you go girl!!! I love the way you write. I wish I was as eloquent! You also deserve 5-stars :star: :star:

Good post too by Shani.

Thank you.

Thanks all !

It just makes me SOOO SICK when "Marriage Fraud" is Immediately thrown out there when the marriage does not work out... #######? Just because two people are from different countries does not mean they don't have the same problems "normal" couples have, sure, cultural and language barriers can make it a little more tougher, or more interesting (haha) but it's just so infuriating to me when everyone immediately accuse the foreigner of fraud after a failed marriage, come on!

These marriages where a husband brings his wife from a different country does not only happen here in the US, but is also common in the Middle East where I lived for 4 years, I've heard COUNTLESS stories of phillipino girls being brought over on fiancee visas or sometimes simply "domestic helper" visas, as soon as they arrive they're taken to the home, kept there in isolation and forced to be a maid/sex slave to their "employer" without ever getting a dime, sometimes for YEARS until they escape. These girls simply dissapear off the face of the earth only to reappear (if lucky!) years later telling their story of abuse and captivity... Not that this is the case for every marriage of course, but this is a Far more common occurrence than you can ever imagine.

Like I said before, no one gets married to be worse off, so the USC spouse also has a lot to gain through the marriage, otherwise he would not get married, maybe a more "submissive, quiet, controllable, dependant" wife?

I say this because it's often the case that an unattractive old white man want to get married to Much younger asian women for a good reason, they seem unable to find a suitable wife in the whole of USA/EUROPE? So what makes them so great, wonderful and a faultless, perfect husband material for the foreign wife? It stinks to the high heavens to me !

Some of you can scream fraud, but I think this is the typical case of a young Asian woman marrying an old fart of a USC with great hopes and dreams for the future (Don't people in general "marry up" instead of "down" what's the difference??) with good intentions to be a faithful and good wife and that the USC is at fault... probably treating her like a sex slave and not taking care of her financially and in other ways, I've heard some sick stories man, please think twice before you scream "fraud".

Good point!! I don't discount the fact that some do marry for green cards but honestly the way people sling around the "Go home! You GC scammer!" is just plainly annoying if not sickening.

[cherryred_04 1]

There are attitude change so quickly from being good to bad..i just ask anyone here for the best option my friend is willing to go home in philippines because they are living in there happily and not like we could poor family..her family is crying so badly everytime she have a chance to talk to them with the help of her cousin,her husband dont want her to talk to any of her friends and included her family in phils..do you think u guys will be happy if your life is like that?that is not really the life she is expected in US?so she is not packing up for going home..some post reply get the point her husband is old guy..while she is still very young...thanks for the replies..

[ladylyn 0]

Hi there. The only advice I can give you for your friend is to go back to the Philippines. . I know it would be hard but it would also be harder for her to stay here illegally since it will be the only option she has if she really insists to stay here. The thing is, you can't always run from the law and if she gets caught, she will be deported and face an up to 10 years ban from coming back here in the US depends on how long she's here illegally. If I were her, I would go back and start over. There's always a lot of opportunities out there to be able to come back here in the US. Please don't get offended by the advices that people gave you here. Those were just their opinions. At the end of the day, it will be your friend's decision whether to stay or not here in the US. Good Luck and I hope your friend will make a right decision

[sachinky 465]

I can understand people staying or wanting to stay after a divorce if they've been in the U.S. for a few years and have jobs, friends, car, a life etc. It's not fair on them to have to uproot everything and return to their home-country.

However, from your posts, it seems like the friend has barely made it a month past her marriage. As hard or embarassing it might be, it's actually the best decision to make. She doesn't have job (no EAD) -- how is she going to live? Who will support her? Where is she going to live? There are practical things to consider. As for the legalities -- she cannot adjust her status without her husband, the original petitioner.

I'm not saying this to be mean. I'm saying it sounds like the best option to get out a situation that might deteriorate quickly.

[FortLaudy 10]

..some post reply get the point her husband is old guy..while she is still very young

Just as I thought! Classic case: The old fart wanted a young girl he could do with as he pleased, she probably wouldn't "submit" now he wants to get rid of her, old son of a gun #######!

Unfortunately your friend took the risk of coming to the US knowing she'll have to "perform duties" with this old man and be his wife, I'm sure her family helped talk her into it as she was probably expected to send money home to them as soon as she could start working - as that is normally the idea, "cashcow" as someone mentioned before... Well now her worse case scenario came true, she is incapable of pretending that she loves him and cannot stand the old man touching her.

However that does not mean she can just walk out of this relationship and start over, very sad but true, as she is not a citizen of this country and came here to be this man's wife, basically if she no longer wants to be his wife shortly after getting here, the USCIS expects her to return home.

If she wants to legally stay here she either has to make amends with her husband, she can get a conditional greencard after they file the initial paperwork (have they done that??) and then has to wait for 2 years (stay with him) to get a permanent greencard, so that's a big commitment if she hates him.

If she is physically abused she has to go to the police station and make a report and she can get help, otherwise there really is no legal way for her to stay here without the support of her husband as she came here to be with him...

Did they go for the interview yet??

Just wondering how on earth do these kinds of couples pass the interview... the young wifey probably sits there not saying a word, so sick!

Edited December 11, 2009 by Shani682

[chinese_mutt 11]

There are attitude change so quickly from being good to bad..i just ask anyone here for the best option my friend is willing to go home in philippines because they are living in there happily and not like we could poor family..her family is crying so badly everytime she have a chance to talk to them with the help of her cousin,her husband dont want her to talk to any of her friends and included her family in phils..do you think u guys will be happy if your life is like that?that is not really the life she is expected in US?so she is not packing up for going home..some post reply get the point her husband is old guy..while she is still very young...thanks for the replies..

Humm... good and bad is relative.

As for communication, maybe the husband is afraid that the 'friends' will poison her thinking and she would end up leaving him. Get ideas on how to obtain GC (through false claims of abuse or whatever means), ruin his reputation, and clean him out. I don't know but I know that there's always two sides of the story.

To go back to her problem, there's really nothing she can do LEGALLY if she doesn't want to stay married but to go home. No matter what scenario you give us, it does not change the answer. She MUST go home because she can't adjust status. On the other hand, if she badly wants to stay here... nothing to do either but bear with the "bad" old man and stick it out for two years. My husband and I have 18 years age gap, we have our quarrels and get mad at each other. Does that mean he's bad because he is old? Nope! Arguing and fighting is pretty normal in a marriage. How about their financial situation? Is he stressed because of the sudden economic down turn? Other things bothering him? There are a lot of things that makes or breaks a marriage. It is up to your friend to be wise and discern whether he is really a bad man or just a man worn down with stress. Likewise, it does not help when her friends keeps advising her to leave or divorce. Marriage takes commitment, be the friend that she really needs help her work on her marriage as long as there is no visible abuse (physical or emotional). Otherwise, help her get a divorce and go home and not become illegal here because there's no legal option for her to stay here.

Edited December 11, 2009 by chinese_mutt

[cherryred_04 1]

My friend is now getting ready for her going home back in phils her family buy her a tickets because her husband does not buy her a ticket and said to her you can go home in phils but u try to find away to buy a ticket for your own so her family help her...being married with USC do you think she will not be a bad records to the immigration of being married and not file and AOS?like what ive heard u are not allowed to go home if you dont have greencard yet..how true is this pls add some replies...

[mrs. wife! 3]

My friend is now getting ready for her going home back in phils her family buy her a tickets because her husband does not buy her a ticket and said to her you can go home in phils but u try to find away to buy a ticket for your own so her family help her...being married with USC do you think she will not be a bad records to the immigration of being married and not file and AOS?like what ive heard u are not allowed to go home if you dont have greencard yet..how true is this pls add some replies...

So sorry to hear about your friend.

Yes, she can go home. Leaving without filling the AOS would not allow her to come back to the US. As she has no intention to go back to America, she will be ok. Also, don't forget to tell her that she should get divorced. Otherwise she will remain married.

Good luck to your friend

[FortLaudy 10]

Makes me wonder how many other times this old son of a gun has done this to other foreign girls... sick old ####### won't even buy her a ticket home, #######??!!!

Do the USCIS keep track of these men who continuously bring in foreign fiancee's one after the other?? I hope so because this is horrible horrible abuse!

makes me think of this guy I had the "pleasure" of meeting a while back, little schmuck! friend of a friend that lives around here... He goes on these "vacations" to Bogota, Colombia, almost every 2 or 3 months... after having met Colombian girls online, he has his list of girls he wants to meet in person and tries to get into all their pants while he's there, promising them all a fiance visa etc. going as far as meeting the families, taking pictures, the works.. just to use them (sleep with them) give them false promises and leave them empty handed and confused and used... So easy to scream "fraud" at the foreigner marrying a USC, what do you call this abuse of the foreigner??

[mariposang_gala 1]

i think its better for her to divorce the guy before going home(or him divorcing her) ...it will be hard for her situation to go back in phil and cant even start a new life just because shes stuck with the marriage she have here US that didnt work out...

poor her...

[Lancelotte25 1]

You are newly wed and came from different cultures, I guess its normal that you have some misunderstanding or maybe she really just don't like the man.

[Nikita2Charles 32]

I hope that couple could have a mentor, someone they can talk to, get some marital counseling, we are not there in the house, only the 2 of them know what's going on. Without all the facts it's very difficult to judge. It's almost 5 years for us, I can tell you from experience the 1st couple of years wasn't that easy, specially the first few months, later on you look back at those time you laugh when you realized how things have mature, the key thing is to undertsand and be there for each other, one person has to be willing to stand down for awhile until things cool off, but not definetly because nobody should feel like they are the one always giving up.

But again we are not there and if they realized after going through all that visa process and the person don't appreciate you, it's best for both parties to go their own ways, it's peaceful and there's no regret because you know deep inside your heart you gave it your best shot.

[cherryred_04 1]

My friend cant wait any longer to get divorce before living ...one reason she dont think her husband will pay for the divorce..second she know it will also takes too long for the process..she is now getting ready for living to phils on monday...my friend doesnt really care if she have no chances anymore to be back in US what she is thinking now is to escape from the calvary...and be happy to go back home to her family who really cares for her more than anybody else...

[Darnell 8,479]

Do the USCIS keep track of these men who continuously bring in foreign fiancee's one after the other?? I hope so because this is horrible horrible abuse!

USCIS does keep track of them, now. That wasn't the case in 1999, as I recall.