For Couples Who Met Online...

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Aww this thread is so great!!

Bill and I started taking in April of 2005 and hit it off rather quickly. Neither one of us was very interested in starting an online/long distance relationship, but it just sorta happened before either one of us realized what was going on. By July we decided we just needed to meet face to face. I was very reluctant and wondered if what we had online was some kind of fantasy that couldn't be repeated in person. He seemed much more confident and sure than me, so he agreed he would drive up to NY state and I would meet him there, in the US at an amusement park. Upon advice of a number of worried friends and family members, I decided to bring a couple of my friends along. I was confident he wasn't a crazed axe murder but I decided to appease everyone and calm my moms fears. I was only 17 at the time, so looking back I understand the concern eventhough I was rather angry at the time!

To start, I was almost 2 hours late. We encountered a lot of border traffic, my one friend was super late getting to my house, and for some reason my cell phone wouldn't work! When we finally arrived he was still there. I saw him from a distance in a crowd of people and I knew it was him right away. I walked up to him appologizing outloud, gave him a big hug and the rest was history, really. He thought I got cold feet and wasn't coming, but he waited for me anyways. Looking back, the moment I think I really fell in love was when he took off his sunglasses, looked down at me (I'm like 10 inches shorter...) and gave me a big smile. His big blue eyes warmed my heart and still do, everyday. Of course it took me a couple more visits and months of talking to actually admit it. I was pretty guarded but he was very patient, one more reason to love him.

[Autumnchik 6]

Love the stories!

My husband and I were pen pals first and exchanged emails. One night, after I imbibed a bit more alcohol than I normally drank, I had the bright idea to talk on the phone to hear each other's accents. It was so awkward at first and we kept saying," never again, this is weird, no more calling". Well, 14 months later, we had been talking by phone every day and finally decided to meet and see if there was a physical connection. So he flew to Atlanta and got a room at a hostel. I was living about an hour from Atlanta. I got a hotel room so I wouldn't have to drive back that evening. He met me at my hotel room.

My husband is a sweetheart and sometimes when he is nervous, he puts his foot in his mouth. So, I opened the door and the first thing he said was, Wow! You are better than I thought!!! He told me later that what he meant to say was, wow you are so pretty. We laugh about our first meeting now

Obviously, we clicked chemistry wise (and I have the son to prove it! ). But we both had alternative plans if we did not click. He had planned on heading to Florida and having a bit of a holiday.

[rebeccajo 14]

Cute stories. Real, warm fuzzy-wuzzies.

I guess I don't understand it, though. How can you fall in love with someone you've never met in person? What did you fall in love with? Their typing skills? Their LOLs and Hmms and smiley faces? And this isn't just rhetorical -- I really find this interesting and want to genuinely know/understand.

Also, I guess I'm far too paranoid. I can NEVER imagine flying half way across the world to meet someone I have never laid eyes upon. Far too much potential for a disaster. And this is coming from someone who was well versed with the world of ICQ since I was 13. What if they turn out to be completely different from how they portrayed themselves online? And I don't care how long you talk to someone, you can never know them well enough until you interact with them in person -- and the finer nuances that make up their personality. How they deal with stress, how do they handle financial matters, what makes them "tick." You don't see them in natural environment, so to speak -- presumably they are taking a couple of hours out from their day to speak to you online/phone. So you see them at their charming, attentive best. I'm not making my point clearly, am I? My husband (then boyfriend) and I spent every single day together and observed each other, not only at our finest moments but at our worst and not-so-proud-of-it moments. When he got angry. When I threw a hissy fit. When we got on each other's nerves. When someone annoys me online, I can just put him on my ignore list or disconnect the internet. It's very easy to be someone you're not online. Very easy to pretend. And I think physical mannerisms/characteristics are an important part of loving someone. I don't think it's superficial at all. I love my husband's big toe. His nose. The unruly eyebrows. His fingers are so pretty. How tall he is. His red hair. The arch of his back. The way his mouth hangs open in a tiny O when he's watching 24 and Jack Bauer is kicking some serious butt.

But hey, this is just my two cents. Whatever floats your boat, man. I'm not looking to offend anyone, not looking for arguments. At the end of the day, as long as you and your SO are happy then that's all that matters. Good luck to everyone!

I can get a fairly good sense of someone online after interacting with them for a while. Maybe (even though you are a veteran of online chatter) your radar isn't that well honed? Or it is but you don't trust it?

Now - that's not to say that it's easy to take that first leap of faith. I wasn't even sure I wanted Wes to call me. I figured once I heard an irish accent, I'd be a goner. It didn't work like that though. Sure the voice was nice. But it was the man that kept me on the phone.

As far as meeting face-to-face, after a while you just figure you need to do it. As mentioned above, you don't want to spend ages in a fantasy. You can know each other really well from the web, but if there is no chemistry or if neither person is willing to move the thousands of miles it will take to live together, then better to meet, figure out it won't work, and move on.

That being aside though, even though we weren't physically in each others presence when online or on the phone, every other aspect of the relationship was like a 'normal' one. Just because you aren't physically together doesn't mean you always behave at your best. Problems with family or work or just life in general were part of our long distance courtship. And we never just 'disconnected' each other or put each other on 'ignore'. You don't do that when you are more involved. You might behave online that way with acquaintances - a vested couple doesn't.

[tysalanna 0]

I signed up on a dating sight and lasted 5 days and then questioned my sanity and took my profile off the site; however, one man had written to me. We kept writing and got to know one another. I would tease him about being an axe murderer, which I knew was a distinct possibility. We got to know each other and I fell in love. I wasn't looking for it, but it just happened. I decided that I had to meet him so I planned a trip. We met at a gas station and hugged. I decided that he smelled good and my heart was his. We spent all most a week together and decided to get married before I headed home to Canada. We are now coming up to our first year anniversary. I am the happiest I have been in my life to have finally found my best friend.

The only sad thing about our relationship is that I am having to leave Canada so we can be together.

S.

Edited December 10, 2009 by tysalanna

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It was super awkward. We had an awkward hug (yes, my fault.. hehe I sorta turned away a bit coz lots of people were watching, not used to PDA).

Hey, don't feel bad -- it took me about a day to get used to being kissed by my wife in public. I instinctively turned my head a few times when she was going in for a kiss...even though I'm a guy and LOVE to be kissed! I think it's natural that there's going to be slight awkwardness at first...just getting used to being around each other, learning one another's quirks and mannerisms etc.

This is what I don't understand about meeting and becoming intimate with someone on the Internet, possibly even becoming engaged to marry them, without ever having met them. It just seems like an a$-backwards way to go about things. These "quirks and mannerisms" are a big part of why you fall in love with someone, in my opinion. How can you commit yourself to someone prior to having experienced that? What's it like to have your first kiss with your fiancé, when that person became your fiancé before you ever kissed them, let alone met them in person?

What squirrelly times we live in.

That's what emoticons are for.

[sachinky 465]

Hey Rebeccajo, I appreciate your insights.

I'm not saying one can't get a good sense of the other person online. I think you can. But I am wondering how ACCURATE that perception is. Of course, the same could be said for dating in the real world as well. But the odds of picking up that something is "off" is higher in-person than it is online. What could take a week to find out within a couple of dates, might take five months to come up online. Of course, a lot depends on the level of communication, language barrier, quantity/quality of conversations, etc. The problem with the virtual world is that it gives you a sense of reality even when there is none. I've seen far too many people "sucked up" by it. I mean one could be playing Mario Super Brothers, typing on VJ, checking out espn.com and talking to seven girls, if one is good at multi-tasking. And each one of those seven girls is probably thinking, "Wow, he is so attentive and charming. Such a good listener."

My issue is not with the couples who talk for several months, decide to meet in person, see if they hit it off in-person, akin to their virtual communication. Like you said, one can't live in a fantasy forever. Some concrete move has to be made. What I'm wondering more about are those couples who talk for a few months, say "I love you" and even decide to get engaged without meeting the other person. Then they fly half way around the world to marry them on the first meeting. THAT is something I am unable to comprehend and would like to understand more about.

Or maybe I'm just bitter cynic and I'm skeptical about most things. I mean, heck, when my husband (then boyfriend) first told me that he loved me at a Reel Big Fish concert, I laughed and asked him if he was drunk and feeling alright. Then I said, "Thank you." What a witch, I know.

Edited December 10, 2009 by sachinky

[chri'stina 190]

As for people saying, "it sounds nice but I don't understand how you can do that" - Well, how many people have to share their stories of it happening before it will be accepted as legit? So far many of us who wrote about it have been married and living together with the person for years now. Why isn't that enough proof that it can work the way that some people don't understand? Why isn't it proof that for some, the perspective of the other person through the internet is real enough that you still want to be with them and marry them? Why would any of us have married the person if they were totally different than online? Yes there will be things that seem a little different in person, but how much different is up to each person.

I don't mind if people ask about and say they don't understand. I wouldn't understand either if I didn't do it. But to say it to ppl who did it already and actually had a good experience, it then seems some people just want to rain on others' parade or make their way of meeting seem better.

Edited December 10, 2009 by chri'stina

[rebeccajo 14]

My issue is not with the couples who talk for several months, decide to meet in person, see if they hit it off in-person, akin to their virtual communication. Like you said, one can't live in a fantasy forever. Some concrete move has to be made. What I'm wondering more about are those couples who talk for a few months, say "I love you" and even decide to get engaged without meeting the other person. Then they fly half way around the world to marry them on the first meeting. THAT is something I am unable to comprehend and would like to understand more about.

Well, it is what it is, you know?

Given extreme long distances, finances, no visa waiver privileges, etcetera, some people are just willing to make the leap of faith.

Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

I'd say the odds of success or failure for those couples is probably about the same as any conventional relationship - 50/50.

[Peachey 10]

When Varba and I started chatting online we were actually dating other people. Varba was actually engaged to "She who must not be named".

Anyway, our relationships fell appart and I was very hurt by mine (as he was). In October 2007, he sent some flowers to my office. I called to thank him and he asked if we could take our friendship further. I was still confused about my last relationship and said no. We remained friends and in December when I realized it was actually over with this other guy I invited Varba to come up and visit after Christmas.

We started talking on the phone everyday after this. We talked about what we wanted for Christmas and I told him I just wanted a hug.

December 27 rolls around and Varba leaves at 6am from his place (it's a 12 hour drive to my place). He finally gets to my place at 6:30pm and I meet him outside. He looks and me and says "Can I have my hug now?". We hugged but then quickly went inside because it was cold. We exchanged Christmas presents and sat on the couch. Varba grabbed my hand (omg I'm almost crying remembering this...). He said he was really tired so I told him to go sleep in the bed.

While he's sleeping my friend called and said "Lets go on a double date!". So I woke Varba up and we went to the movies. Varba fell asleep at the movie and snored... LOL

Edited December 10, 2009 by Peachey

[sachinky 465]

Oh, I never said I doubted such a relationship's legitimacy as it is not my place to judge. Again NOT saying it can never happen, or that it's not genuine. What do I know having never been in a similar situation? And why would I think my way of meeting is superior? I mean, I met my husband in college. Very blah. Extremely normal, commonplace -- as ordinary as an office romance. Not as romantic as these airport meetings / passionate reunions. And as far as VJ is concerned, we seem to be in the minority, at least from the general polls.

Also, IMO, every marriage is "a leap of faith" since we're never sure of the outcome. Now are there some marriages that are more of an "(acceptable) risk?" -- That's up for debate. Although, this might not be the place for it.

I think it's an interesting shift in how dating/social dynamics are changing, thanks to the internet. I ponder on such matters often, especially late at night as it is in India. Did not mean to rain on anyone's parade -- so sorry, if it came across as that. Actually, this thread is making me rethink my skeptical position because of the many, many negative things I've seen/read/heard over the years regarding online dating/relationships. Positive reinforcement, so keep them coming. It's actually quite lovely and heart-warming to read other people's love-stories.

[lizandpat 0]

sachinky - Of topic here for a second....just wanted to say I looked at your wedding pictures and they are simply gorgeous!!

Ok...back to the topic at hand...hehe!

[sachinky 465]

Oooh, thank ye, LizandPat. I get a kick out of my views on Flickr. So, thanks!

[lizandpat 0]

Oooh, thank ye, LizandPat. I get a kick out of my views on Flickr. So, thanks!

Your welcome!

[thongd4me 69]

Don Muang Airport, Bangkok, Midnight

She wasn't at the gate to meet me as planned.

It was my fault because United had given me a "United" flight number for the second leg of my trip (Tokyo-BKK)

and I gave that to her in error instead of the ANA flight number. At the gate in BKK they would NOT announce

an ANA flight as a United flight because it wasn't a united flight...

The backup plan was to meet at the KFC at the airport.

I went to the KFC and asked how many KFC's there were at the airport?

-> 3

OK

Next step find a phone - I had changed money but couldn't work the

pay phone as it had a about 10 steps of confusing instructions on the

box and I was already falling asleep. I got a Thai woman to help me

place the call:

She: "Where are you?"

-I'm at the airport. Where are you?

She: I'm at the airport too at the OTHER terminal.

How do I get to where you are?

- I'll find out & call you back.

So I go find a Thai woman dressed in an Airport security uniform and explain the problem.

She called her on her cell phone and gave instructions how to get to exactly where I was standing.

I thanked her profusely.

In about 10 minutes, I saw a small speck across the large open space of the terminal.

I kept on looking at that speck growing larger and larger because from that first moment

I knew it was her (also because the terminal was practically empty and there was nobody

else coming from the hallway where she appeared).

When me met we both laughed and felt perfectly at ease with each other, no accusations about

who was at fault for not meeting at the gate. We had chatted online for 14 months daily prior

to my trip, so it was like meeting your wife after a long absence. There was no awkwardness

or first-meeting jitters. She looked exactly like the pics she had shown online and there I was

at a strange airport half way around the world, feeling like I had finally come home.

Edited December 11, 2009 by thongd4me

[chri'stina 190]

Oooh, thank ye, LizandPat. I get a kick out of my views on Flickr. So, thanks!

Your pictures are indeed cool! We also had an east meets west kind of wedding. (but in the US)