Devasating News

[MRStee 19]

I read your post this afternoon at work and I have been thinking about it ever since. I discussed it with my husband, who is also from Morocco. I'm finding his story very hard to believe. First because my husband told me the police will not be involved. What has to happen is she (the ex girlfriend) would have to petition the courts for a paternity test. That takes time. He would be requested to appear in court and then requested to take the test. After the test (which will also take time...not a day)...he would or would not be proven to be the father. If he is...he will be required to marry this woman. If he refused he will be sent to prison for 5 years. I also told my husband that he told you the police took his passport. Also untrue. The first thing my husband said ...after laughing of course...was that the police would not know he possessed a passport and that the passport has nothing to do with anything.

You may want to have further discussions with your fiance because his story does not add up. I'm not saying he did not father a child...I'm just saying if he did...he would have known for much longer than a day or two.

Something you should know about islam...unwed mothers is not a common thing there. And when it happens its like a HUGE disgrace to the family. I'm sorry that this is happening to you and I'm certainly not trying to make you feel worse but I'm not buying his story and I feel bad that he is doing this to you. Better now than when he got here though. I know this doesnt make you feel any better and if there is anything we can do to help...please feel free to send us a private message. As I said, my husband is from Morocco and if there are any unanswered questions you may have about culture and "the norm" there, we certainly would love to help you. Take care.

Well said! Im sorry you are going through this. May you find peace....

[MRStee 19]

I remember a thread that was very popular last summer (when I joined VJ) called "Straight Talk About Sex"

where the OP was devastated by his situation which I won't go into. Everybody joined in much like this one

and he made one appearance after his initial post and was never seen again. The mods shut it down.

The OP here probably started out thinking that if enough people heard about her situation there might be hope

and someone might give a viable solution. Whatever we say here won't affect her as much however as her

friends and family who have been getting progress reports on her VJ. For them now there will be silence.

That will be the painful part, with their eyes saying "I told you so" much more than any words could ever do.

Nobody can pick up the pieces but her, and suffice it to say that since there were no children resulting

from their short relationship, it will be easier to tell him it's over. The child that was born to give evidence

for the termination of his VJ is an angel that she must be thankful for. If not for him or her she would

probably experience the pain of divorce at some point. Better now than later.

Some people expect her to come back and give a step-by-step report of what she has done or going to

do. If she does I'd be surprised. She didn't undergo just a change of mood but a change of her life.

The initial shock made her think "My life was great but now it stinks" but after the passage of time

she should start thinking: "I was going to enter into a nightmare marriage but now I've put that

behind me and I can live life as I please."

Good night and god bless.

Wise words.

Very. I've been following this thread, and I don't think it could have been put any better than that.

Magpie.

I agree....

[morocco4ever 63]

I am just devasated. We are in the middle of the K-1 process. My fiance has his medical on 12/24 and interview on 1/14. Yesterday the police informed him that a women (ex-girlfriend) has stated that she has a son and he is the father. He went to the hospital and had a test and he said it did prove he was the father. The boy is 11 months old and she just now is coming forward! She wants him to pay. He has no money to pay her. So the police took his passport so he can not leave! I am just crushed.

"Yesterday the police informed him that a women (ex-girlfriend) has stated that she has a son and he is the father. He went to the hospital and had a test and he said it did prove he was the father. "

That was a very FAST test!!!

All done in 1 day????

That is too fast. Even in America, it takes quite some time to process the DNA samples.

Not on the Maury Povich show!

Maury Povich is such a BS show. My friend went on his show once. It was concerning kids that wear slutty clothes and act slutty. They actually told her to make sure that she acted very upset and even cry. The truth is that the mom was more of a ####### than her daughters. Dress and actions. She didn't care what they wore, she just wanted to go on the show. Total BS.

[wexford65 0]

I cannot add much to that has been posted already other than this...

A paternity test is not something that can be done same day. The OTC tests from the likes of CVS are little more than swabs you mail off for processing. A proper test takes several days AND that is in an ideal location/facility.

If you wish to, you could ask him how long he had to wait at the hospital after the test was done. If he indicates he had to go back another day then it is possible that the test is genuine. If however he indicates it was a same day result I would be VERY wary. Also, if he does not ask for money then you can ignore most of the posts in here. IF however he does ask for a 'loan' you need to step back and REALLY think this through. Don't be a statistic.

Finally, Morocco is in no way some backward country. They have laws and regulations like anywhere else. Think for a moment about how likely it sounds that a mother with infant makes an accusation, has a DNA test and has the father's passport confiscated all in a matter of days. She is asking for him to pay (pay what?) and as he doesn't have money the Police take his passport. Think about that, does it make sense? Who are the Police to take a passport without some trial or judgment against this man? Ask him to send you some paperwork in relation to the DNA test and/or the police action and see what response you get.

I truly hope we are all being overly cynical and he is a genuine guy in a predicament but the world we live in requires a healthy dose of cynicism.

You probably don't have a very good perspective on this right now being in the middle of it all. Try to remember that as you make decisions.

Good luck,

[Just Diane Now 0]

I'm so sorry Dear. But, its not over with yet, he will need to deal with the situation, this does not mean you and him will not be together. Dont lose faith.

Wise words sister

Since last March.

[Just Diane Now 0]

and where's the OP????

At Western Union wiring some money!!!!

Sigh... and people call me callous?

I would not, nor do I plan to send any money.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

So you will break up with him?

[Twisted K 2]

i am glad you will not send him money. that is a wise decision.

[Just Diane Now 0]

Your story is so sad and I'm so sorry you've had to face such a huge hurddle. Hang tough and hopefully you'll find a way to make this work out for you! Are you still in love with your fiance or was this a "deal-breaker" for you?

I am in love with him, but with the responses to this posting, I'm having doubts about him now.

[Gaynto 0]

I'm so sorry Dear. But, its not over with yet, he will need to deal with the situation, this does not mean you and him will not be together. Dont lose faith.

Wise words sister

Since last March.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you all the luck in finding out the whole situation.

[Just Diane Now 0]

Have you posted on the MENA forum to see if there are any reliable MENA members who could confirm that this is possible in Morocco?

No...I will do that, thanks.

[Minya's wife 25]

Your story is so sad and I'm so sorry you've had to face such a huge hurddle. Hang tough and hopefully you'll find a way to make this work out for you! Are you still in love with your fiance or was this a "deal-breaker" for you?

I am in love with him, but with the responses to this posting, I'm having doubts about him now.

There is no one-day paternity test...so either he's known for a while he's the father, or there's no child and the money is needed for something else. Even if the story were all true as presented, what does this say about the character of a person who's willing to 'pay off' the mother of his child so that he can emigrate to another country. Just out of curiosity....do you have any children? If so, don't you think its odd that he's willing to pay-off the mother of his biological child so he can leave and come here to help support children that are not his biologically?

[Just Diane Now 0]

Why was his passport taken? That seems a bit of a drastic response

I was wondering the same thing?

To OP did you ask him why they took his passport?

yes, he said so he could not leave the county

[me_4_musa 1]

Sorry you're having to deal with this. Wish you only the best.

Did you ask your fiance why the police took his passport? I really hope you do not send him money - if you do he may just disappear and you will never hear from him again. How do you feel if he is telling you the truth about the baby and leaves the baby fatherless to move to another country to be with you?

Sorry.

[thongd4me 69]

Some of the posts contained indignation regarding the police haven taken away his passport.

In many countries they could do that without just cause and in this case there was in fact just cause.

Not by US or European standards mind you, but just cause for Morocco is all that is required.

In such cases he may hope for a "rich uncle" to appear, but in view of the fact that his family

knows he will be going to the US and they may not see him for years, do you think they would

do that? The only alternative then will be the "rich auntie" in the US.

I think the police did her a favor.

Companion Piece - Food For Thought for the OP