Devasating News

[thongd4me 69]

Ok I feel really bad that I implied that he could be scamming her. I apologize if I offended anybody. I worked doing fraud investigation for years and I am very cynical at times. The words money and passport made my claws come out because I instantly felt something wasn't right.

If Original Poster is upset at me, she can feel free to cuss me out in private message. This is definitely not a forum to judge, and I hope I didn't make her feel bad. I lack the ability to filter. Sorry.

I am sorry Jewel, but I think you were right to say what you're thinking, it's easy to say nice and supporting stuffs, but it's also a friend duty to raise little warnings when it's needed.

It's not easy because once you said such things there's a good chance you'll get the first punch right in the face. It doesn't matter if it's to help a friend.

You better quit while the getting is good. This tragic turn of evernts may be a BLESSING in disguise.

Think of what may have happened if you found about this years after he came to the US.

If he failed to inform you of this, I would say you have a PROBLEM.

There is no way he could have been unaware.

His "sticky" situation may be in fact his greatest incentive to hook up with you, despite your obviously feeling otherwise.

Reality check time.

[SunDrop 59]

Assuming the baby was conceived the last time they slept together, and he wasn't being emotionally unfaithful to his girlfriend with the OP, they can't have been together more than 20 months since she's said the baby's 11 months old.

Only you know your relationship and what it's like. I know that if my guy told me this, I'd be on the next plane out there and not tell him I'm coming. I'd want to see the DNA test and be able to see his face and read his body language when he tells me about it.

I agree, harsh though it will be to hear, that the story sounds rather remarkable to me. He knows that he needs his passport to interview and get the visa, and he 'can't' get his passport back until he pays this woman, and he has no money to pay her?

Have you posted on the MENA forum to see if there are any reliable MENA members who could confirm that this is possible in Morocco?

[thongd4me 69]

This kina reminds me of "Guys N Dolls"

At Wanamaker's and Saks and Klein's

A lesson I've been taught

You can't get alterations on a dress you haven't bought

At any vegetable market from Borneo to Nome

You mustn't squeeze a melon till you get the melon home.

You've simply got to gamble

You get no guarantee

Now doesn't that kind of apply to you and I

You and me.

Why not?

Why not what?

Marry the man today.

Trouble though he may be

Much as he likes to play

Crazy and wild and free

Marry the man today

Rather than sigh in sorrow

Marry the man today

And change his ways tomorrow.

Marry the man today.

Marry the man today

Maybe he's leaving town

Don't let him get away

Hurry and track him down

Counterattack him and

Marry the man today

Give him the girlish laughter

Give him your hand today

And save the fist for after.

Slowly introduce him to the better things

Respectable, conservative, and clean

Readers Digest

Guy Lombardo

Rogers Peet

Golf!

Galoshes

Ovaltine!

But marry the man today

Handle it meek and gently

Marry the man today and train him subsequently

Carefully expose him to domestic life

And if he ever tries to stray from you

Have a pot roast.

Have a headache

Have a baby

have two!

Six

Nine!

STOP!

But Marry the Man today

Rather than sign and sorrow

Marry the man today

And chance his ways - change his ways - his ways

Tomorrow!

[sandinista! 1,816]

if all this is as he reports, i feel really bad for this kid having a father who can't financially support him, and is planning to run off to the united states. that's by far the biggest issue here. not that such a thing would cross the op's mind of course...

[A + M 29]

Ok, I just wanna say that I feel so sorry for you girl ! I cannot even imagine how this feels but I hope you are gonna find strength and love for yourself to keep going. I don' t wanna judge but I checked your timeline and I understand that the baby was conceived while you two were already a couple ?? !! This is just terrible. Be realistic, love yourself and take a decision ! Hang in there !

[sandinista! 1,816]

I'm so sorry Dear. But, its not over with yet, he will need to deal with the situation, this does not mean you and him will not be together. Dont lose faith.

Wise words sister

you mean like she can move over there to be with him, because he has a child in morocco he needs to take care of?

[JD63 4]

Why was his passport taken? That seems a bit of a drastic response

[CaMic 0]

Whether the issue of fatherhood is true or not, this is a terrible thing to happen to you, especially at this stage of your K1 process. My thoughts are with you and I hope that you find the strength to get through this really tough time. Let your fiance deal with his own problems as it will be a true test of his character and what he will do to achieve his ultimate goal of being with you. If he decides that he will stay and be responsible for his child then you have to believe that he was not the one for you and that there is someone else out there even better and desperately waiting to meet you.

I can't see a *hug* smiley on here but if there were one I would send it to you.

[bquillera30 0]

im sorry but i feel he is not honest ,s please dont send him money ,it really smells fishy story

[DrissandAmy4ever 0]

I read your post this afternoon at work and I have been thinking about it ever since. I discussed it with my husband, who is also from Morocco. I'm finding his story very hard to believe. First because my husband told me the police will not be involved. What has to happen is she (the ex girlfriend) would have to petition the courts for a paternity test. That takes time. He would be requested to appear in court and then requested to take the test. After the test (which will also take time...not a day)...he would or would not be proven to be the father. If he is...he will be required to marry this woman. If he refused he will be sent to prison for 5 years. I also told my husband that he told you the police took his passport. Also untrue. The first thing my husband said ...after laughing of course...was that the police would not know he possessed a passport and that the passport has nothing to do with anything.

You may want to have further discussions with your fiance because his story does not add up. I'm not saying he did not father a child...I'm just saying if he did...he would have known for much longer than a day or two.

Something you should know about islam...unwed mothers is not a common thing there. And when it happens its like a HUGE disgrace to the family. I'm sorry that this is happening to you and I'm certainly not trying to make you feel worse but I'm not buying his story and I feel bad that he is doing this to you. Better now than when he got here though. I know this doesnt make you feel any better and if there is anything we can do to help...please feel free to send us a private message. As I said, my husband is from Morocco and if there are any unanswered questions you may have about culture and "the norm" there, we certainly would love to help you. Take care.

[sandinista! 1,816]

I read your post this afternoon at work and I have been thinking about it ever since. I discussed it with my husband, who is also from Morocco. I'm finding his story very hard to believe. First because my husband told me the police will not be involved. What has to happen is she (the ex girlfriend) would have to petition the courts for a paternity test. That takes time. He would be requested to appear in court and then requested to take the test. After the test (which will also take time...not a day)...he would or would not be proven to be the father. If he is...he will be required to marry this woman. If he refused he will be sent to prison for 5 years. I also told my husband that he told you the police took his passport. Also untrue. The first thing my husband said ...after laughing of course...was that the police would not know he possessed a passport and that the passport has nothing to do with anything.

You may want to have further discussions with your fiance because his story does not add up. I'm not saying he did not father a child...I'm just saying if he did...he would have known for much longer than a day or two.

Something you should know about islam...unwed mothers is not a common thing there. And when it happens its like a HUGE disgrace to the family. I'm sorry that this is happening to you and I'm certainly not trying to make you feel worse but I'm not buying his story and I feel bad that he is doing this to you. Better now than when he got here though. I know this doesnt make you feel any better and if there is anything we can do to help...please feel free to send us a private message. As I said, my husband is from Morocco and if there are any unanswered questions you may have about culture and "the norm" there, we certainly would love to help you. Take care.

lol @ this truly hilarious cultural, factual insight. i don't even know where to begin...

[SunDrop 59]

I just took time to read your story, and want to give you a hug, firstly.

I know that what you want to hear is that this is explainable and believable, but it would be unfair to say this. From what I understand, you've met just the once and he proposed during this first trip. It was he who contacted you on my space, as a random message? I'm not saying it can't happen but I would suggest this:

Tell him that you understand he's in a terrible predicament and so you've gone ahead and cancelled the K1 petition, so that he can have unpressured time to do right by the child. By not being 'in limbo' work wise, he'll be able to find a job and get his family straightened out before restarting the petition. Tell him you've got kids, you know how precious they are and how much you believe they should always come first.

And prepare yourself for an angry response. Trust your instincts and go from there.

i don't even know where to begin...

With a little humility, sensitivity and respect for another's feelings?

[Peace be still 6]

My husband confirmed what DrissandAmy4ever stated to be facts. My husband is also from Morocco and he said that your fiance is trying to scam you for money. How much money did he ask you for? If he is trying to scam you while he is there in Morocco then the reality of the entire relationship is a scam. There are so many others out there that are willing to love without any hidden agenda. I know this has to be so painful for you, but you know that did not sound right to you that is the reason you posted it here on VJ. But of course he will say we all don't know what we are talking about. We can't even find out in 1day here in the USA about parternaty testing. Think to yourself do you want to be financially responsible for a scam artist here in the USA? Just like DrissandAmy4ever said you can also send me a private message.

[Jenn! 918]

I saw an OTC paternity test at CVS the other day.

Anyhoo...

[Peace be still 6]

I saw an OTC paternity test at CVS the other day.

Anyhoo...

That is so insane, and unrealistic. Ok is there a CVS in Morocco? What about the laws there in Morocco?