Are you using me for a greencard?

[Jenn! 918]

I don't know, I think it's possible that there was love in some of these "green card relationships". Maybe not initially, but sometimes love develops over time. I think family/cultural pressures often come into play that I can't fully understand.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I don't know, I think it's possible that there was love in some of these "green card relationships". Maybe not initially, but sometimes love develops over time. I think family/cultural pressures often come into play that I can't fully understand.

good point also.

[ya falaha! 0]

I agree that love can develop even if there was fraud in mind at the beginning. I also agree about the family pressure thing. I believe we had one member who experienced this. I think it was patiently_waiting. She had a baby and the family pressured her husband to leave her if I'm not mistaken. I can totally see how that could happen. Esp. in cases where the wife can't have children either because of age or any other inability to conceive.

I don't know, I think it's possible that there was love in some of these "green card relationships". Maybe not initially, but sometimes love develops over time. I think family/cultural pressures often come into play that I can't fully understand.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I don't know, I think it's possible that there was love in some of these "green card relationships". Maybe not initially, but sometimes love develops over time. I think family/cultural pressures often come into play that I can't fully understand.

Jenn,

I have been around alot of these couples for the last 9 years and for me there sometimes has been absolutely no warning when things are going to break and sometimes the strangest set ups where everyone was crying foul or that wont work, work. I just saw an American who had a son with a Moroccan who had been married and was a full on hijabi, all in with his family and extremely devout ( her and him) split with no reason and no one saw that coming. Then I have seen a guy who married I mean the most completely American, jingle bell singing born again christian ( he is moroccan) and they are still together years later. I just do not know.

I think thats where the whole love thing comes in. Can you be passionately in love with someone who's belief system and culture are completely opposite than yours? I have seen an arab leave his wife because he was pressured to marry one of his own, only to really regret it several years later, after he broke his wifes heart and then the woman from his culture was not what she turned out to be and he wasnt really the same person either.

This is why I am specifically asking this question of people presently in and after failed relationships, what role love played. We as Americans are very slow to forgive infidelity or leaving yet you could ask maybe someone living in Egypt or Morocco if their marriage would 100 percent be broken if the guy cheated. With an American, she may not put up with some of the stuff that someone from back home might. Would an American tolerate it if she was apart from her husband for several years while he worked overseas only seeing him 30 days a year at one stretch? For many North Africans, this is quite common.

What role does love play in the success of these relationships? What role does love play in how they end if the man decides to marry because he wants children and the American cannot? If you loved the foreign spouse, could you put aside your hurt because he wanted to divorce and let him find what he needed? Is your love big enough for your spouse to love him even if he is not with you?

I think that even if some of these guys leave these relationships, it may not be because they do not love their wife. Other things may be bigger than love and this is what people in failed mena relationships can answer as well as people presently in them.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I don't know, I think it's possible that there was love in some of these "green card relationships". Maybe not initially, but sometimes love develops over time. I think family/cultural pressures often come into play that I can't fully understand.

Jenn,

I have been around alot of these couples for the last 9 years and for me there sometimes has been absolutely no warning when things are going to break and sometimes the strangest set ups where everyone was crying foul or that wont work, work. I just saw an American who had a son with a Moroccan who had been married and was a full on hijabi, all in with his family and extremely devout ( her and him) split with no reason and no one saw that coming. Then I have seen a guy who married I mean the most completely American, jingle bell singing born again christian ( he is moroccan) and they are still together years later. I just do not know.

I think thats where the whole love thing comes in. Can you be passionately in love with someone who's belief system and culture are completely opposite than yours? I have seen an arab leave his wife because he was pressured to marry one of his own, only to really regret it several years later, after he broke his wifes heart and then the woman from his culture was not what she turned out to be and he wasnt really the same person either.

This is why I am specifically asking this question of people presently in and after failed relationships, what role love played. We as Americans are very slow to forgive infidelity or leaving yet you could ask maybe someone living in Egypt or Morocco if their marriage would 100 percent be broken if the guy cheated. With an American, she may not put up with some of the stuff that someone from back home might. Would an American tolerate it if she was apart from her husband for several years while he worked overseas only seeing him 30 days a year at one stretch? For many North Africans, this is quite common.

What role does love play in the success of these relationships? What role does love play in how they end if the man decides to marry because he wants children and the American cannot? If you loved the foreign spouse, could you put aside your hurt because he wanted to divorce and let him find what he needed? Is your love big enough for your spouse to love him even if he is not with you?

I think that even if some of these guys leave these relationships, it may not be because they do not love their wife. Other things may be bigger than love and this is what people in failed mena relationships can answer as well as people presently in them.

Also, maybe some of the American petitioner are more patient with their mena spouses and some less patient and one person could go through one thing and call the marriage quits and another end it. I think answering this question really honestly will require serious soul searching. Could you let someone go that you really were in love with and he with you if you could not meet an important need of his? How much does love have to do with these relationships and their success? I don't think we have really ever delved into this on the boards before, really looking at LOVE along with the other factors, to figure out where we stood and the permanance of the situation.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I agree that love can develop even if there was fraud in mind at the beginning. I also agree about the family pressure thing. I believe we had one member who experienced this. I think it was patiently_waiting. She had a baby and the family pressured her husband to leave her if I'm not mistaken. I can totally see how that could happen. Esp. in cases where the wife can't have children either because of age or any other inability to conceive.

I don't know, I think it's possible that there was love in some of these "green card relationships". Maybe not initially, but sometimes love develops over time. I think family/cultural pressures often come into play that I can't fully understand.

I guess this is where the whole 1st and 2nd wife would come in. The first wife could legally divorce him and then he could marry wife number two. I have not seen too many arab women who would put up with this but I did know one American woman about 5 years ago that legally divorced her husband, they moved a moroccan girl in and they all lived together in one house, the 2 wives, the guy and I don't know what happened after that.

Now if she did the laundry and cooked. Would you divorce your spouse and become a first wife if you could no longer have kids and he did not want to lose you but he wanted kids?

What role does love have in putting up with those factors and that kind of relationship

Maybe I am off track but I think you have to love someone an awful lot to love them and then let them marry someone else...

[ya falaha! 0]

Can't marriages just fail because ppl are no longer compatible? That's how my first marriage ended. He was MENA. I met and married him in the states. He didn't need me to stay here. We had two children and were married 10 yrs. He was a citizen for nearly 5 yrs by the time we divorced. I wanted the divorce, he did not. Why must it always be some sort of conspiracy just because there's an Arab involved? And, sometimes the women are the beasts, not the men. Because the man is Arab that means there's something up? What about if the guy gets here and finds out he's married to an awful harpy? Or maybe she's a total trailer trash hillbilly but he didn't know it because he wasn't familiar with the cultural here? Why must the man always be at fault in this?

[ya falaha! 0]

So you know someone who accepted another wife....does that mean it's "normal"?

So the guy agrees to not have kids because the wife can't then decides later that he may want one and his mom really wants a grandbaby and love goes out the window. He does what is "right" for himself and his family. So yeah he could love the wife but still divorce her and marry another for the greater good or at least what he feels is the greater good.

What's love got to do with it?

I agree that love can develop even if there was fraud in mind at the beginning. I also agree about the family pressure thing. I believe we had one member who experienced this. I think it was patiently_waiting. She had a baby and the family pressured her husband to leave her if I'm not mistaken. I can totally see how that could happen. Esp. in cases where the wife can't have children either because of age or any other inability to conceive.

I don't know, I think it's possible that there was love in some of these "green card relationships". Maybe not initially, but sometimes love develops over time. I think family/cultural pressures often come into play that I can't fully understand.

I guess this is where the whole 1st and 2nd wife would come in. The first wife could legally divorce him and then he could marry wife number two. I have not seen too many arab women who would put up with this but I did know one American woman about 5 years ago that legally divorced her husband, they moved a moroccan girl in and they all lived together in one house, the 2 wives, the guy and I don't know what happened after that.

Now if she did the laundry and cooked. Would you divorce your spouse and become a first wife if you could no longer have kids and he did not want to lose you but he wanted kids?

What role does love have in putting up with those factors and that kind of relationship

Maybe I am off track but I think you have to love someone an awful lot to love them and then let them marry someone else...

[Jenn! 918]

Now if she did the laundry and cooked. Would you divorce your spouse and become a first wife if you could no longer have kids and he did not want to lose you but he wanted kids?

Housekeeper. Egg donor and/or surrogate. I'd think that refusing that would mean that children were just an excuse to take a 2nd wife.

I can't fathom accepting a 2nd wife, for an American woman who can support herself, at least. I understand that abroad women might not have the luxury of choosing, as they rely on their husband to support them. Here, that would be beyond love - iy would be desperation.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Can't marriages just fail because ppl are no longer compatible? That's how my first marriage ended. He was MENA. I met and married him in the states. He didn't need me to stay here. We had two children and were married 10 yrs. He was a citizen for nearly 5 yrs by the time we divorced. I wanted the divorce, he did not. Why must it always be some sort of conspiracy just because there's an Arab involved? And, sometimes the women are the beasts, not the men. Because the man is Arab that means there's something up? What about if the guy gets here and finds out he's married to an awful harpy? Or maybe she's a total trailer trash hillbilly but he didn't know it because he wasn't familiar with the cultural here? Why must the man always be at fault in this?

First

Please do not perpetuate nasty things about American women. If I had a dime for every time I heard an American woman being described as trailer trash by a mena man, I would be rich. There is nothing wrong with being a hillbilly . Hillbilly women make amazing wives and usually know someone that can fix your car, bake bread for you and bail you out of jail. Trailers are places for people to live and although I dont live in one, I know people who do and they should not be run down because of what they can afford. Trailer trash is a derogative statement used by people who catagorise all people as one thing or look down at where they live and its as bad as bashing someone because they are from mena.

How important is LOVE in these relationships? If you really loved a woman that was petitioning for you, you wouldnt leave her because she was less educated or lived in a trailer because you would have known that about her before you got here. Hence the importance of true love. If you really love someone, you bend and move

I just want to know what love played.

If you want to contribute, please do. What role did love play in you leaving your spouse you had of 10 years who happened to be mena? Was it for greener pastures or did you fall out of love or none of the above?You met him here so you did not go through the stressors of the wait and the petitioning process but you did have the cultural things going on.. go ahead and share

I have never lived in a trailer nor am I a hillbilly but I resent like hell anyone being catagorised like that because I know some amazing people who are both.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

where did ya_falaha said anything about American women??? where did she call you, personally, a hillbilly? #######, you are really, really pushing it.

You seriously need to move on. Pronto.

[ya falaha! 0]

Have you seen any of the pics of some of the wives of the MENA men? They ARE trailer trash. Come on let's be honest here. And not just trash because they live in a trailer. Trash because of the way they act and present themselves. You mean to tell me a handsome man is going to go for an unattractive, low class, poorly dressed, poorly mannered woman? I blame the men for conniving these women but I also blame the women for falling for these men. Some ppl need to take a good look in the mirror and realize they cannot be attractive to a young, handsome man. If a young, handsome man will not look at you in the US, what makes you think a young, handsome man is going to want you from another country? That doesn't mean some scrawny looking scoundrel couldn't also scam someone. What I'm saying here is that there's a thing called compatibility which many of the MENA couples do not have. No compatibility in looks, size, age, interests, mannerisms, education, finances, etc. Why can't ppl know their role? Sure an unattractive, heavy, older woman can be perfectly lovely and wonderful but she has no business going after a handsome 25 yr old stud. That's just asking for trouble.

Edited December 10, 2009 by ya falaha!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

So you know someone who accepted another wife....does that mean it's "normal"?

So the guy agrees to not have kids because the wife can't then decides later that he may want one and his mom really wants a grandbaby and love goes out the window. He does what is "right" for himself and his family. So yeah he could love the wife but still divorce her and marry another for the greater good or at least what he feels is the greater good.

What's love got to do with it?

I agree that love can develop even if there was fraud in mind at the beginning. I also agree about the family pressure thing. I believe we had one member who experienced this. I think it was patiently_waiting. She had a baby and the family pressured her husband to leave her if I'm not mistaken. I can totally see how that could happen. Esp. in cases where the wife can't have children either because of age or any other inability to conceive.

I don't know, I think it's possible that there was love in some of these "green card relationships". Maybe not initially, but sometimes love develops over time. I think family/cultural pressures often come into play that I can't fully understand.

I guess this is where the whole 1st and 2nd wife would come in. The first wife could legally divorce him and then he could marry wife number two. I have not seen too many arab women who would put up with this but I did know one American woman about 5 years ago that legally divorced her husband, they moved a moroccan girl in and they all lived together in one house, the 2 wives, the guy and I don't know what happened after that.

Now if she did the laundry and cooked. Would you divorce your spouse and become a first wife if you could no longer have kids and he did not want to lose you but he wanted kids?

What role does love have in putting up with those factors and that kind of relationship

Maybe I am off track but I think you have to love someone an awful lot to love them and then let them marry someone else...

Well.

What if the guy really wants a baby but does not want to lose his wife? Should you condemn the American for letting him marry someone else and still stay with him? Hey its not my situation but this has been done in former generations in Morocco. For goodness sakes, I met two older women and asked if they were sisters and someone told me no, they are co wives and their husband died so they just stayed together. They definitely are not lonely and they both raised the second wives kids. I was just asking what role does real love play in all of this

I would think you have to love your spouse an awful lot to basically say , I love you, I cannot give you kids. We can either co wife or I will peacefully release you from this marriage to let you have what you need.

Whats love got to do with it?

[ya falaha! 0]

Where did love fit in your fairy tale?

Can't marriages just fail because ppl are no longer compatible? That's how my first marriage ended. He was MENA. I met and married him in the states. He didn't need me to stay here. We had two children and were married 10 yrs. He was a citizen for nearly 5 yrs by the time we divorced. I wanted the divorce, he did not. Why must it always be some sort of conspiracy just because there's an Arab involved? And, sometimes the women are the beasts, not the men. Because the man is Arab that means there's something up? What about if the guy gets here and finds out he's married to an awful harpy? Or maybe she's a total trailer trash hillbilly but he didn't know it because he wasn't familiar with the cultural here? Why must the man always be at fault in this?

First

Please do not perpetuate nasty things about American women. If I had a dime for every time I heard an American woman being described as trailer trash by a mena man, I would be rich. There is nothing wrong with being a hillbilly . Hillbilly women make amazing wives and usually know someone that can fix your car, bake bread for you and bail you out of jail. Trailers are places for people to live and although I dont live in one, I know people who do and they should not be run down because of what they can afford. Trailer trash is a derogative statement used by people who catagorise all people as one thing or look down at where they live and its as bad as bashing someone because they are from mena.

How important is LOVE in these relationships? If you really loved a woman that was petitioning for you, you wouldnt leave her because she was less educated or lived in a trailer because you would have known that about her before you got here. Hence the importance of true love. If you really love someone, you bend and move

I just want to know what love played.

If you want to contribute, please do. What role did love play in you leaving your spouse you had of 10 years who happened to be mena? Was it for greener pastures or did you fall out of love or none of the above?You met him here so you did not go through the stressors of the wait and the petitioning process but you did have the cultural things going on.. go ahead and share

I have never lived in a trailer nor am I a hillbilly but I resent like hell anyone being catagorised like that because I know some amazing people who are both.

[me_4_musa 1]

I don't know, I think it's possible that there was love in some of these "green card relationships". Maybe not initially, but sometimes love develops over time. I think family/cultural pressures often come into play that I can't fully understand.

Jenn,

I have been around alot of these couples for the last 9 years and for me there sometimes has been absolutely no warning when things are going to break and sometimes the strangest set ups where everyone was crying foul or that wont work, work. I just saw an American who had a son with a Moroccan who had been married and was a full on hijabi, all in with his family and extremely devout ( her and him) split with no reason and no one saw that coming. Then I have seen a guy who married I mean the most completely American, jingle bell singing born again christian ( he is moroccan) and they are still together years later. I just do not know.

I think thats where the whole love thing comes in. Can you be passionately in love with someone who's belief system and culture are completely opposite than yours? I have seen an arab leave his wife because he was pressured to marry one of his own, only to really regret it several years later, after he broke his wifes heart and then the woman from his culture was not what she turned out to be and he wasnt really the same person either.

This is why I am specifically asking this question of people presently in and after failed relationships, what role love played. We as Americans are very slow to forgive infidelity or leaving yet you could ask maybe someone living in Egypt or Morocco if their marriage would 100 percent be broken if the guy cheated. With an American, she may not put up with some of the stuff that someone from back home might. Would an American tolerate it if she was apart from her husband for several years while he worked overseas only seeing him 30 days a year at one stretch? For many North Africans, this is quite common.

What role does love play in the success of these relationships? What role does love play in how they end if the man decides to marry because he wants children and the American cannot? If you loved the foreign spouse, could you put aside your hurt because he wanted to divorce and let him find what he needed? Is your love big enough for your spouse to love him even if he is not with you?

I think that even if some of these guys leave these relationships, it may not be because they do not love their wife. Other things may be bigger than love and this is what people in failed mena relationships can answer as well as people presently in them.

Also, maybe some of the American petitioner are more patient with their mena spouses and some less patient and one person could go through one thing and call the marriage quits and another end it. I think answering this question really honestly will require serious soul searching. Could you let someone go that you really were in love with and he with you if you could not meet an important need of his? How much does love have to do with these relationships and their success? I don't think we have really ever delved into this on the boards before, really looking at LOVE along with the other factors, to figure out where we stood and the permanance of the situation.

I agree that love can develop even if there was fraud in mind at the beginning. I also agree about the family pressure thing. I believe we had one member who experienced this. I think it was patiently_waiting. She had a baby and the family pressured her husband to leave her if I'm not mistaken. I can totally see how that could happen. Esp. in cases where the wife can't have children either because of age or any other inability to conceive.

I don't know, I think it's possible that there was love in some of these "green card relationships". Maybe not initially, but sometimes love develops over time. I think family/cultural pressures often come into play that I can't fully understand.

I guess this is where the whole 1st and 2nd wife would come in. The first wife could legally divorce him and then he could marry wife number two. I have not seen too many arab women who would put up with this but I did know one American woman about 5 years ago that legally divorced her husband, they moved a moroccan girl in and they all lived together in one house, the 2 wives, the guy and I don't know what happened after that.

Now if she did the laundry and cooked. Would you divorce your spouse and become a first wife if you could no longer have kids and he did not want to lose you but he wanted kids?

What role does love have in putting up with those factors and that kind of relationship

Maybe I am off track but I think you have to love someone an awful lot to love them and then let them marry someone else...