Yardies a home and a farrin (Part 21)

[Eric_Jew Nug 2]

Morning/Afternoon Yardies!

Just in & out real quick....we are back from the AOS interview & we are approved! God truly blessed us even with a really nice officer....Officer Thomas who just so happens to be married to a Grenadan man. She's also a Florida gal so she understands how it is to be from a warm place. We seemed to chat more about food, weather & what not more than interview questions. Lehi ended up answering the bulk of questions & the lady was really understanding of his lack of knowledge of details on things like dates. I'll tell the full story & review this evening when we get home. We are back out to have some lunch before poor honey has to have a root canal at 1:00. Thanks Yardies for all your encouragement! You all are the best!

Congrats on the AOS approval !!!!!

[Shemmy 4]

All I can say is it is tough. Things started out great, I NEVER thought Louis and Tierra would not get along.

I know Tierra can be jealous of Louis and now she has to share me. I do my best to make this a happy family.

There has to be a mutual respect between Louis and I. We will not always agree on everything.

Exactly...I feel the same way. Things are always not going to be easy. We discuss, find a solution and move on.

one person can't be the only one working on a happy home...if i'm pulling and ur pushing where does that get us?

Chiney - My family means EVERYTHING to me. Nothing is one sided..unless you are with us 24/7...it's easy to judge.

where am i making judgments?

Hey, Shemmy.....do you think you really move on? Or do you harbor stuff that later surfaces? Just wondering. My ex and I had different parenting styles. He has since learned my way was actually the better way cause trying to actually control their every movement was not working for him.

We had a lot of recurring arguments over the same damn stuff.

This is our biggest issue yet. The smaller issues, yes we moved on. I do not harbor stuff...Damien does.

If it's a new issue, then you are just learning your way. It's okay to disagree. It's okay to learn from this one, Shemmy. Then, next time or next one, you will know a better way to handle it.

Kids are tough. Hard headed men are even tougher!

Thanks. That's all I am saying...it is not easy. There will be disagreements. Everyday we are still learning each other.

[thisislove 0]

Hey, Shemmy.....do you think you really move on? Or do you harbor stuff that later surfaces? Just wondering. My ex and I had different parenting styles. He has since learned my way was actually the better way cause trying to actually control their every movement was not working for him.

We had a lot of recurring arguments over the same damn stuff.

exactly.. that why it will never REALLY be resolved UNLESS one parent takes on the ideas of the other,the only thing you can hope for when you compromise is that both parent is WILLING to give and take, w/out holding any resentment

if BOTH parents are okay w/ that, it can work..

but if one parent feels his or her way is the only RIGHT way, then

OK, here is where I am going to completely disagree. Maybe sometimes one needs to take on the idea(s) of the other. But, on a whole, I think compromise is the way to go. No one wants to be agreed or disagreed with ALL The time.

im not saying they should.. im saying tht this is the only way the problem won't ever be a problem again..

even tho ppl compromise, there will still be a little part of you that wishes you were doing it your way, and if the person knows how to deal w/ that (like myself lol) GREAT no problem, but if they don't, that resentment WILL come back up again later.. .. thats all im saying..

[DaDa 1]

awwww, honey I am sorry

I know the older the kids are the harder it is for them to adjust

Time, Philly... give it time

you!

I'm trying I thought we had moved past the foolishness but now its the older son and refuses to accept Damian period end of story and its not helping that my parents are basically entertaining his tantrums. I try to keep them out of my business especially when it comes to raising the kids cause they treat them like babies but my son keeps bringing them into it. I have a feeling someone is gonna get cussed out before the end of the day!

Philly I have the same problem. My oldest calls my mom every time we get into it and then my parents call me and want me to explain. Thy shall respect thy mother and thy father but I’m telling you I have had it with the questioning from my parents. I could see if I was beating the kids like I really want to well I did kind of take off my earrings and fought my oldest like he was a chic in the street but still besides that one time its not like I’m beating him to death. I had to finally stand up to my parents (shaking legs and all ) and tell them that he is MY son and I will punish him way I see fit. Then I turned to my son and told him he can call my parents the Pope and even the president. If you live in my house you will follow my rules!!!!

He is really challenging me lately. He turned 13 and now thinks he has a mortgage with a job.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

thats my issue.. but to be honest, i don't think he acts this way w/ his kids either, ive heard him on the phone.. i asked him does he tell them he loves them, he said they are big boys.. (6 and 8) i was like, they still wanna hear it.. i am a hugger and a "i love you" person, but if he is not, i guess i gotta deal wid it..

Quanna; did your hubby grow up in a household where his family showed emotion? My parents didn't tell me "I love you" or gave me hugs or kisses, but I knew they loved me and my siblings. The showed it. A lot of Jamaican men are not big on showing "those" emotions (my experience)... I made sure that when I had my son I told him I love him, kiss and hug him everyday. I'm hoping he won't grow out of that.

[DaDa 1]

Philly....so sorry you have to deal with this MESS.....why can't everyone just get along?????DAMN!!! Really?? Well, hopefully you will look back in 3 months and say....wow-we got through it and we all survived! My son (remember I sent him away to Louisiana after he was acting an azz) will be back for good in 2 weeks.....hmmmmm, so I may be with you in the frustration soon.... He was supposed to stay all school year but there were "issues" so home he comes! He did improve his grades and he does realize that home was really not so bad...so we will see....

Jamerican how does he feel about your hubby?

[Chiney*Eyes 0]

Explain then. You are speaking a different language.

a so yu hask smaddy fi explain something?

i agreed with what Thisislove said..in that there has to be a way one parent uphold the others method at any point..what i was saying in my previous posts was mainly based on how the biological parent tend to minimize issues sometimes, and that everything must be agreed on..not that one parent shouldn't parent and let the other parent..like i stated that didnt work for me when Kashi decided to do that..

in the same u said ur ex saw ur way was the better way

[phillyfashionista 8]

Philly---I am about to order some of the Nollywood movies...The prices are sooo cheap wow!! Any favorites???

They are extremely cheap I get them for 2.50

Letters to a Stranger

Passion of the soul 1-4

In the eyes of her Husband 1-4

Beyonce the Presidents daughter Pt 1-4

Beyonce and Rihanna

LOL these are just a couple to get your started I have along list I can send it to you

Chiney, I know it may not solve everything one time. But I can only take it day by day. I would love to go to family counseling but that is not in the budget right now. I also now how stress can effect Louis' attitude.

Louis has no children so this is all new to him. We will have to work this out as a family.

right! but dont u see he has a different view on how a child should behave? stress is no good for anyone..does Tierra say any after he speaks to her or are u the one feeling the "hurt" for her? so ur reacting on his words many children are resilient and until they develop the understanding they will let things "roll" of their shoulders..I see it with Kimora..and she is the only child..and so is Shems daughter

Tierra told me she feels like he does not love her. She has even talked about it to her counselor at school. She is in a group for kids with divorced parents/step parents.

Awwe Irie, my son feels that I don't love him so I know what you are going thorugh.....

Wish I knew what you were talking bout but I don't because I never received a e-mail from six months ago .

UH oh shoot I'm about to say call me on the dang phone LOL

beat them all I say!!!! Just playin... I love kids, it amazes me the skills they have - manipulation, brutal honesty, coniving ways, kindness, some are leaders, some are followers.....

PREACH!!!

On the real, I love my children, they just don't show me as much respect as they should. They are at a "selfish, gang up on mom stage" They know not to go too far because they know im "touched". They try to pull together to gang up on me. Its all good though cause I have faith in God and a good bat! Im a realist, I tell them what they aint ready to hear sometimes, but there it is. My children are going to have to learn their life lessons the hard way and when they do, I will tell them "I told you so" but I will also be there to let them that it will be okay.

Steve is the one who sits down and talks. I can only do that for so long, then "Rashida" comes out and its ON!!!!

that is me too!

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

I don't like it when one parent lets the child do whatever they want and leave the other parent to deal with discipling the child when the get out of line...that is not right. That's the problem my brother had when his daugther was 6 years old...her mom let her do what she wanted now she's 16 and her mother can't tell her what to do...u can't bend di tree when di tree start bloom...it's too late.

[thisislove 0]

bway...mi no know, but my son is 6 years old and we don't have any problems between him and my husband. My son did spend 3 weeks with us in Jamaica a few times, not sure if that has a lot to do with it. If my husband tells him no, it's no. His father tried to run interference many times by telling my son that he should not listen to any other man but his father, thank God my son has my personality, mannerism and respect for people because I don't play. I'm 39 years old and I cannot answer another person WHAT! I just can't -- I think it's rude. My grannie taught me things like that and to always say good morning, please, excuse me or thank you those things jus buried in me.

you and your husband have the same ideas about how kids should act... that helps!

Believe it and it more than helps. I can't even say hell in front of my parents...I would feel horible and shame!

i know.. i wish before you marry ppl you could find out their TRUE views on things like kids, but when you don't have any or are not around yours THEN WHAT???

roger knew i was a bit lenient w/ my kids, thats why he doesn't argue w/ me about how i do, i learned from my ex that i did spoil my kids a bit and i wanted him to be aware of that.. i will try not to be sooooo lenient tho cuz again, i don't want my kids to be UNKNOWINGLY disrespectful, just cuz i don't see certain things as being "out of control" doesnt mean that society doesn't.. they will not be at home forever.. I tell my youngest all the time.. you are so intelligent and a born leader, but w/ your bad attitude NOBODY will even care..

[*JG* 2]

Explain then. You are speaking a different language.

a so yu hask smaddy fi explain something?

i agreed with what Thisislove said..in that there has to be a way one parent uphold the others method at any point..what i was saying in my previous posts was mainly based on how the biological parent tend to minimize issues sometimes, and that everything must be agreed on..not that one parent shouldn't parent and let the other parent..like i stated that didnt work for me when Kashi decided to do that..

in the same u said ur ex saw ur way was the better way

My way was just not to overimpose too many rules.

[Chiney*Eyes 0]

Explain then. You are speaking a different language.

a so yu hask smaddy fi explain something?

i agreed with what Thisislove said..in that there has to be a way one parent uphold the others method at any point..what i was saying in my previous posts was mainly based on how the biological parent tend to minimize issues sometimes, and that everything must be agreed on..not that one parent shouldn't parent and let the other parent..like i stated that didnt work for me when Kashi decided to do that..

in the same u said ur ex saw ur way was the better way

by the way which other language mi a talk?

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

bway...mi no know, but my son is 6 years old and we don't have any problems between him and my husband. My son did spend 3 weeks with us in Jamaica a few times, not sure if that has a lot to do with it. If my husband tells him no, it's no. His father tried to run interference many times by telling my son that he should not listen to any other man but his father, thank God my son has my personality, mannerism and respect for people because I don't play. I'm 39 years old and I cannot answer another person WHAT! I just can't -- I think it's rude. My grannie taught me things like that and to always say good morning, please, excuse me or thank you those things jus buried in me.

you and your husband have the same ideas about how kids should act... that helps!

Believe it and it more than helps. I can't even say hell in front of my parents...I would feel horible and shame!

i know.. i wish before you marry ppl you could find out their TRUE views on things like kids, but when you don't have any or are not around yours THEN WHAT???

Sometimes you can't get the true views well, 100% of it...that's why I say, you have to talk and talk and talk and ask questions, but most important your kids have to meet this person that's about to be a part of their everyday life.

[DaDa 1]

Chiney, I know it may not solve everything one time. But I can only take it day by day. I would love to go to family counseling but that is not in the budget right now. I also now how stress can effect Louis' attitude.

Louis has no children so this is all new to him. We will have to work this out as a family.

Irie...is Louis a "kid" person? I mean, some folks just don't care too much for children--that's ME... I am ok (more than ok but you get what I mean) with mine but you will never see me having no slumber party with a bunch of kids over..... Cause if that is the case....not sure how you are gonna overcome that

Me either…. It’s amazing I have four trolls I mean kids because I do not like children….

[Chiney*Eyes 0]

Explain then. You are speaking a different language.

a so yu hask smaddy fi explain something?

i agreed with what Thisislove said..in that there has to be a way one parent uphold the others method at any point..what i was saying in my previous posts was mainly based on how the biological parent tend to minimize issues sometimes, and that everything must be agreed on..not that one parent shouldn't parent and let the other parent..like i stated that didnt work for me when Kashi decided to do that..

in the same u said ur ex saw ur way was the better way

My way was just not to overimpose too many rules.

ok?

..i'm not talking about ways here i'm talking about understanding..sometimes it will be a big deal and the step parent want to feel that way