Possible Divorce

[texasadventure 0]

Let me try to give all the info. My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years. I have just received my conditional green card. I really, really loved my wife at one point. But over the past few months (6 or 7) we've really been having troubles. I want to leave for lots of reason, the main one being that about 5 months ago she got custody of her 2 children and I'm just not ready to be a father. When I married her she told me that there was no chance she'd ever get her kids back.

Anyway, we've been married for almost 3 years, I have my conditional GC. I have lots and LOTS of evidence of our marriage. Joint leases for 3 years running, custody paperwork of our court battles to get the kids back, tons of photos, we own 2 cars together, altho when we separate we're going to go to the DPS and put one in her name and one in mine (I'm giving her the 2001 and taking the 1992 for myself, even tho I paid for both). We even have tattoos of each others names. I have all this documentation, but I'm going to leave. It will probably take me 6 months to divorce her, but I'm so terrified to divorce her and then mess up my petition.

I know I have to file the I-751 and remove conditions and prove my marriage was bona-fide, which it was. I mean, we passed our first interview easily. By the time we get divorced our marriage will have lasted 3 years and about 3 months probably, and I will have been under conditional status for 1 year and about 2 months.

What would you guys do? Any advice or input on the situation is welcome. Should I go ahead and leave (I have many reasons)? Should I try to stick it out? Should I stay married to her but "separate" and then file with her (she'd be willing to do that, we've discussed it, she knows I'm leaving). I just don't know what to do and I'm so scared.

[dirtyweebesom 8]

I want to leave for lots of reason, the main one being that about 5 months ago she got custody of her 2 children and I'm just not ready to be a father.

Anyway, we've been married for almost 3 years, I have my conditional GC. I have lots and LOTS of evidence of our marriage. Joint leases for 3 years running, custody paperwork of our court battles to get the kids back

Why did it come as a surprise to you that she eventually got custody of her kids if, as the phrase "our court battles" suggests, you were involved in that process all along?!

I know I'm being judgemental here but surely if you married a woman who has kids, you knew that they'd be a big part of her life (and yours!) whether she had custody of them or not. It seems naïve on your part to have assumed otherwise.

It's certainly not my place to offer marital advice but, unless there are other compelling reasons for you to get divorced, why wouldn't you just stay with her, and work this out?

[Safiya&Samir 0]

Your recent topics show that you just had your interview last month. Why on earth would you even have a conditional GC if you've been married "almost three years?" In another topic, you said you were married in March of 2008. In your timeline, you said you were married in March of 2007. If that were true, you wouldn't have been give a conditional GC 1 month ago. And you're either from Armenia or the Phillipines. Hmmmm...... Something doesn't add up here......

[ManilaIdaho 2]

I guess u really dont love ur wife and u just want to be here permanently.How will you feel if you have kids and get custody of them and your wife's not ready to be a mother to ur kids?would it not hurt you?From what i understand,when u love somebody u will love everything in her including her kids.It seem to me that you're more concern of your gc than your marriage.grow up!as if you have a trouble mind since you dont really know where u are from,from the Phils or Armenia

[Wyld Blu 35]

Perhaps it's just me...and the confusing facts of who you really are, or where you are really from, notwithstanding...

The op said...he was told there was no chance she would ever get her kids back and they were not in her custody. I could see how, if that situation were to change, one might not be ready for the responsibility of fatherhood. However, that said, why go through all the court battles and if you did, why would you be surprised about it now? Perhaps instead of getting divorced, you might consider marriage counseling first to see what it is you REALLY want.

-Blu-

[DrissandAmy4ever 0]

I understand that its very hard to be married to someone with children that are not yours. Believe me. But it sounds like you are not even giving these children a chance. You should stay and find a common ground with these kids and build on that. No one said you have to be their father...they have a father. Be their friend. And what ever happened to "through the good and the bad". You married your wife. She is YOUR wife. Take care of her.

[sara..... 371]

i was going to call you a toad but didnt want to be having any problems for tos violation so let me just say something does not add up with this........as one other poster said there seems to be confusion as to when u got married and where your from..........

sara

[sdw 10]

I don't know how your wife having kids is a big problem, you knew before you married. You said "our court battle" so you where there with her to get them back. I really don't know how one marries someone with kids and then has a problem being a parent.

My husband has kids that live with there mother and I can't imagine ever telling him I'll leave if they were to come live with us.

Edited December 6, 2009 by sdw

[klicristina 0]

Let me try to give all the info. My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years. I have just received my conditional green card. I really, really loved my wife at one point. But over the past few months (6 or 7) we've really been having troubles. I want to leave for lots of reason, the main one being that about 5 months ago she got custody of her 2 children and I'm just not ready to be a father. When I married her she told me that there was no chance she'd ever get her kids back.

Anyway, we've been married for almost 3 years, I have my conditional GC. I have lots and LOTS of evidence of our marriage. Joint leases for 3 years running, custody paperwork of our court battles to get the kids back, tons of photos, we own 2 cars together, altho when we separate we're going to go to the DPS and put one in her name and one in mine (I'm giving her the 2001 and taking the 1992 for myself, even tho I paid for both). We even have tattoos of each others names. I have all this documentation, but I'm going to leave. It will probably take me 6 months to divorce her, but I'm so terrified to divorce her and then mess up my petition.

I know I have to file the I-751 and remove conditions and prove my marriage was bona-fide, which it was. I mean, we passed our first interview easily. By the time we get divorced our marriage will have lasted 3 years and about 3 months probably, and I will have been under conditional status for 1 year and about 2 months.

What would you guys do? Any advice or input on the situation is welcome. Should I go ahead and leave (I have many reasons)? Should I try to stick it out? Should I stay married to her but "separate" and then file with her (she'd be willing to do that, we've discussed it, she knows I'm leaving). I just don't know what to do and I'm so scared.

sooooooooo selfish

[rmncm 0]

We have a winner !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats, you get the troll of the day award!

[texasadventure 0]

We have a winner !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats, you get the troll of the day award!

Wow, you people are really being unhelpful. I thought this website was about advice for immigration, not about judging me, my ability to use this website correctly, and my life choices. None of you know the situation, none of you know anything about anything. I want to leave because SHE doesn't want me around anymore. All she wants is to spend lost time with her kids. She doesn't want me there. She makes me sleep on the couch, makes me feel like I'm not welcome. She tells me not to come home and to go somewhere else all the time. This situation is NOT my fault. I don't want to leave, but she wants me gone and I'm sick of TRYING to make her change her mine. You people are useless pieces of #######. Thanks for the help.

[TracyTN 237]

We have a winner !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats, you get the troll of the day award!

Wow, you people are really being unhelpful. I thought this website was about advice for immigration, not about judging me, my ability to use this website correctly, and my life choices. None of you know the situation, none of you know anything about anything. I want to leave because SHE doesn't want me around anymore. All she wants is to spend lost time with her kids. She doesn't want me there. She makes me sleep on the couch, makes me feel like I'm not welcome. She tells me not to come home and to go somewhere else all the time. This situation is NOT my fault. I don't want to leave, but she wants me gone and I'm sick of TRYING to make her change her mine. You people are useless pieces of #######. Thanks for the help.

You should really check yourself. You didn't ask for immigration advice in your original post. You told us you already knew what you had to do to remove conditions, then asked if we would divorce her or not.

I think calling us pieces of ####### is the pot calling the kettle black...!

[Darnell 8,478]

I suggest you go talk to a minister at a church, or a therapist, about your feelings and your marital situation.

Remember - she's got her children back, and she's (selfishly or no ) making time to be a mother again. She's connected to those kids, regardless of your feelings.

But - I think you need a different perspective. One you really won't get here, but I suggest is one that you can gain from talking to someone who really has a solid background in giving marital advice, and someone who might have an interest to help you.

Go find that person, have a talk, a series of talks. If you feel lost, get help, face to face, with someone who can focus and care about 'your situation'.