In the Philippines, are rules considered to be suggestions?

[charlie&pam 1]

be firm tell the MIL that if you want to come here you have to do it our way or not at all!!!!

[Darnell 8,479]

MIL need something else to do, yes? suggest work-abroad-nanny in Singapore, one year contract. Many agencies in Phils to engage with her, handle everything. Then, she's someone else's 'problem' for a year.

Edited December 3, 2009 by Darnell

[chinese_mutt 11]

not a cultural issue, just desperate to get outta there.

don't sponsor any tourist visa if you are not comfortable.

don't harbor any illegal alien in your home even if it is your mil... might land you in trouble.

ignore the request. trust me you will be better off this way.

One does not sponsor a person for a Tourist Visa

Not a cultural thing. Its the attitude of your mother in law. If you are uncomfortable of it, delay or deny her request of tourist visa.

Set the rules. And impose those rules.

The MIL can petition for a Tourist Visa when she wants, the USC really has no say in it

The MIL needs money to get to the US. And the main source is the USC. In this scenario the USC dictates the rules.

There are a lot of filipinos who wants to come to the US but could not do it since they could not afford it.

Thanks... my point exactly. If they are asking for money for their daily sustenance... who do you think will shoulder all the travelling and visa expense. YES, the USC! So sponsoring is more of the monetary rather than the paperworks.

[chinese_mutt 11]

The pressure isn't coming from my wife, but from my mother-in-law. She made some friends at our church when she was here on her last visit and she had been telling them that she was coming back for good very soon. So, of course, her friends have been bugging me and my wife about why she isn't here yet. My wife is content to ignore it, but it is really getting to me.

The ppor ecomony here is a good thing to keep in mind. I have to remind my wife that she (or rather we) would become financially responsible for my mother-in-law for at least five years because of the Affidavit of Support. If her mom was unable to find a job, we would have to pick up the slack.

IMHO, You shouldn't be dealing with your MIL at all. Your wife should be able to handle her own mother and family. Sure, they are your family but your wife should be your partner in defending your marriage rather than allowing the parents to take over with their ridiculous request.

Why do you have to remind your wife? Doesn't she know how hard times are here? I don't like to be judgmental but sounds to me like you are a 'cash cow' for this family. Set the rules, be firm.

[jsnearline 2]

A big part of the problem is that my wife is not willing to say no to her mom directly. She's told her sister to tell things to her mom and asked me to try and explain to her mom why she can't come as an immigrant on a tourist visa. But when she talks to her mom, she gets all wishy-washy and tells her what she wants to hear.

I told my wife nicely that she has to put up or shut up. Either she needs to file a petition for her mom now, or she needs to tell her mom in no uncertain terms that it's just not going to happen for the forseeable future. Leading her mom (and her mom's friends here) along while trying to ignore the situation is not going to resolve it.

The one possible advantage to my wife of petitioning her mom is that if her mom could then get a job here, my wife would have some help sending money back home. Now it just seems like she's pouring money into a black hole. It's never enough and just one crisis after another.

[rheanick 42]

A big part of the problem is that my wife is not willing to say no to her mom directly. She's told her sister to tell things to her mom and asked me to try and explain to her mom why she can't come as an immigrant on a tourist visa. But when she talks to her mom, she gets all wishy-washy and tells her what she wants to hear.

I told my wife nicely that she has to put up or shut up. Either she needs to file a petition for her mom now, or she needs to tell her mom in no uncertain terms that it's just not going to happen for the forseeable future. Leading her mom (and her mom's friends here) along while trying to ignore the situation is not going to resolve it.

The one possible advantage to my wife of petitioning her mom is that if her mom could then get a job here, my wife would have some help sending money back home. Now it just seems like she's pouring money into a black hole. It's never enough and just one crisis after another.

My additional 2 cents...

A person does not change overnight. Does your MIL has work in the Philippines? Does she has a good employee background? Do you see her working her a##ss off and not rely on you in the near future. Simply put. Expect the worst.

You have to be firm with your wife. And your wife should be firm with her family too. Life is hard here in the US.

Edited December 3, 2009 by rheanick

[PhiLandShiR 18]

You do understand that your wife can't petition anyone unless she is a US Citizen...

Neither can you for that matter...

This item might solve all the troubles...

-Phil

A big part of the problem is that my wife is not willing to say no to her mom directly. She's told her sister to tell things to her mom and asked me to try and explain to her mom why she can't come as an immigrant on a tourist visa. But when she talks to her mom, she gets all wishy-washy and tells her what she wants to hear.

I told my wife nicely that she has to put up or shut up. Either she needs to file a petition for her mom now, or she needs to tell her mom in no uncertain terms that it's just not going to happen for the forseeable future. Leading her mom (and her mom's friends here) along while trying to ignore the situation is not going to resolve it.

The one possible advantage to my wife of petitioning her mom is that if her mom could then get a job here, my wife would have some help sending money back home. Now it just seems like she's pouring money into a black hole. It's never enough and just one crisis after another.

Edited December 3, 2009 by PhiLandShiR

[jsnearline 2]

You do understand that your wife can't petition anyone unless she is a US Citizen...

Neither can you for that matter...

This item might solve all the troubles...

-Phil

My wife is a US citizen already and her mom knows that. That's why she's bugging us about it.

[Pinay Wife 47]

A big part of the problem is that my wife is not willing to say no to her mom directly. She's told her sister to tell things to her mom and asked me to try and explain to her mom why she can't come as an immigrant on a tourist visa. But when she talks to her mom, she gets all wishy-washy and tells her what she wants to hear.

I see in your timeline that your wife became US citizen in August 2009. No wonder Mom is pushing to come as immigrant.

edit to add: Ooopppss, I guess my post is moot and academic now.

Edited December 3, 2009 by Pinay Wife

[jsnearline 2]

My mother-in-law is a hard worker. Her background is in food service catering and consulting. If the economy were better I'm sure she could find work here.

Edited December 3, 2009 by jsnearline

[PhiLandShiR 18]

Oh...

But your post shows you are Removing Conditions....

-P

You do understand that your wife can't petition anyone unless she is a US Citizen...

Neither can you for that matter...

This item might solve all the troubles...

-Phil

My wife is a US citizen already and her mom knows that. That's why she's bugging us about it.

[rheanick 42]

My mother-in-law is a hard worker. Her background is in food service catering and consulting. If the economy were better I'm sure she could find work here.

Its me again... butting in where i'm not really needed...

There is light at the end of the tunnel for you. But for your sanity and marriage, dont do anything due to the pressure of your friends or someone else. You should be sold on it wholeheartedly.

Hoping for the best...

[jsnearline 2]

But your post shows you are Removing Conditions....

-P

Not anymore... Thanks for the heads up.

[chinese_mutt 11]

A big part of the problem is that my wife is not willing to say no to her mom directly. She's told her sister to tell things to her mom and asked me to try and explain to her mom why she can't come as an immigrant on a tourist visa. But when she talks to her mom, she gets all wishy-washy and tells her what she wants to hear.

I told my wife nicely that she has to put up or shut up. Either she needs to file a petition for her mom now, or she needs to tell her mom in no uncertain terms that it's just not going to happen for the forseeable future. Leading her mom (and her mom's friends here) along while trying to ignore the situation is not going to resolve it.

The one possible advantage to my wife of petitioning her mom is that if her mom could then get a job here, my wife would have some help sending money back home. Now it just seems like she's pouring money into a black hole. It's never enough and just one crisis after another.

A big part of the problem is that my wife is not willing to say no to her mom directly. She's told her sister to tell things to her mom and asked me to try and explain to her mom why she can't come as an immigrant on a tourist visa. But when she talks to her mom, she gets all wishy-washy and tells her what she wants to hear.

I told my wife nicely that she has to put up or shut up. Either she needs to file a petition for her mom now, or she needs to tell her mom in no uncertain terms that it's just not going to happen for the forseeable future. Leading her mom (and her mom's friends here) along while trying to ignore the situation is not going to resolve it.

The one possible advantage to my wife of petitioning her mom is that if her mom could then get a job here, my wife would have some help sending money back home. Now it just seems like she's pouring money into a black hole. It's never enough and just one crisis after another.

My additional 2 cents...

A person does not change overnight. Does your MIL has work in the Philippines? Does she has a good employee background? Do you see her working her a##ss off and not rely on you in the near future. Simply put. Expect the worst.

You have to be firm with your wife. And your wife should be firm with her family too. Life is hard here in the US.

Agree! Expect the worse when she gets here. Don't think she'll be jumping to look for work asap! I've been here 3 months, got college degree and 5 years work experience in a reputable company. I still have yet to receive a job offer after sending resume all over town. Don't forget about the most dreaded "transition period" too. There's always that point where a person misses home, gets slightly depressed, etc. etc. I think it is harder for older people to move and start a new life.

Anyhoo, good luck! You got a helluva situation on your hand. Either your wife steps up or you will have these recurring problems in your marriage.

[justme10 0]

A big part of the problem is that my wife is not willing to say no to her mom directly. She's told her sister to tell things to her mom and asked me to try and explain to her mom why she can't come as an immigrant on a tourist visa. But when she talks to her mom, she gets all wishy-washy and tells her what she wants to hear.

I told my wife nicely that she has to put up or shut up. Either she needs to file a petition for her mom now, or she needs to tell her mom in no uncertain terms that it's just not going to happen for the forseeable future. Leading her mom (and her mom's friends here) along while trying to ignore the situation is not going to resolve it.

The one possible advantage to my wife of petitioning her mom is that if her mom could then get a job here, my wife would have some help sending money back home. Now it just seems like she's pouring money into a black hole. It's never enough and just one crisis after another.

why not have your wife call one of the local immigration lawyers for a consultation. maybe she'll be more likely to listen to someone who does this for a living. this way its not you against her.