In the Philippines, are rules considered to be suggestions?

[jsnearline 2]

I'm having some trouble with my mother-in-law and I'm wondering if it's cultural in nature.

My wife has told my mother-in-law that she will petition her for an immigrant visa. My mother-in-law doesn't want to wait and instead wants to get a tourist visa so she can come to the US and then adjust status over here. I've told her that this is a really bad idea because the law says you can't enter the US on a nonimmigrant visa with the intent to immigrate. For some reason, she's not taking me seriously and keeps pressing my wife to agree to her plan despite the seemingly insignificant fact (to her at least) that what she is proposing would not be legal and could land her in a heap of trouble.

I've gotten the impression from my wife and other Filipinos I know that they have a different perception of rules and laws there than we do here in the US. For Filipinos, rules and laws (at least the ones they disagree with) seem to be more suggestions than requirements. I don't want to over generalize here, but I'm wondering if this is a cultural issue, and if so, how to deal with it effectively so my mother-in-law will get off my wife's back and accept what we're telling her is the right way to get what she wants.

Edited December 3, 2009 by jsnearline

[chinese_mutt 11]

not a cultural issue, just desperate to get outta there.

don't sponsor any tourist visa if you are not comfortable.

don't harbor any illegal alien in your home even if it is your mil... might land you in trouble.

ignore the request. trust me you will be better off this way.

[Loolie 56]

I'm having some trouble with my mother-in-law and I'm wondering if it's cultural in nature.

My wife has told my mother-in-law that she will petition her for an immigrant visa. My mother-in-law doesn't want to wait and instead wants to get a tourist visa so she can come to the US and then adjust status over here. I've told her that this is a really bad idea because the law says you can't enter the US on a nonimmigrant visa with the intent to immigrate. For some reason, she's not taking me seriously and keeps pressing my wife to agree to her plan despite the seemingly insignificant fact (to her at least) that what she is proposing would not be legal and could land her in a heap of trouble.

I've gotten the impression from my wife and other Filipinos I know that they have a different perception of rules and laws there than we do here in the US. For Filipinos, rules and laws (at least the ones they disagree with) seem to be more suggestions than requirements. I don't want to over generalize here, but I'm wondering if this is a cultural issue, and if so, how to deal with it effectively so my mother-in-law will get off my wife's back and accept what we're telling her is the right way to get what she wants.

you really have so much issues with your wife's family...money before and now immigrating here...

i guess even if your mother-in-law will keep pressing it to your wife if your not gonna do it then it wont happen...i dont see anything that can be issue about it coz all you have to do is say no about what she wanted to do...even if she wont like it and you will go for immigrant visa instead of tourist visa and by the time the immigrant visa will be approved i bet she will still go for it coz i think shes so desperate to be here...

[Magie 0]

definitely not a cultural issue.

[rheanick 42]

Not a cultural thing. Its the attitude of your mother in law. If you are uncomfortable of it, delay or deny her request of tourist visa.

Set the rules. And impose those rules.

[jsnearline 2]

It's interesting that my wife thinks it is a cultural difference. She compares it to how traffic laws are handled in Philippines vs US. If you get stopped by the police in Philippines, you might give them a "tip" to make a citation go away. Such behavior seems to be acceptable there, but doing something similar here would land you in lots of trouble here (unless you're a lobbyist in Washington DC).

Edited December 3, 2009 by jsnearline

[chinese_mutt 11]

It's interesting that my wife thinks it is a cultural difference. She compares it to how traffic laws are handled in Philippines vs US. If you get stopped by the police in Philippines, you might give them a "tip" to make a citation go away. Such behavior seems to be acceptable there, but doing something similar here would land you in lots of trouble here (unless you're a lobbyist in Washington DC).

traffic rule is one thing, immigration and desperation to come to US is another.

i believe you are also the one who has trouble with all the money being sent to Phil.

what do you think will happen if your MIL gets here? Job openings are in its abosolute lowest... who would feed and give allowance to her? YES YOU!

Be careful with bringing relatives here. Everybody back there thinks that life here is easy... given this whole economic depression that is not true anymore. You should tell your wife to be honest with her parents about the realities here. No jobs and no extra money to feed another mouth. It is not about you being 'selfish' but rather being wise about your actions. It is easier to feed them with little amount of dollars every month in the Philippines rather than have them here as illegal, they can't find work and YOU have to feed them and not to mention harboring an illegal alien in your home.

Edited December 3, 2009 by chinese_mutt

[tallcoolone 102]

not a cultural issue, just desperate to get outta there.

don't sponsor any tourist visa if you are not comfortable.

don't harbor any illegal alien in your home even if it is your mil... might land you in trouble.

ignore the request. trust me you will be better off this way.

One does not sponsor a person for a Tourist Visa

Not a cultural thing. Its the attitude of your mother in law. If you are uncomfortable of it, delay or deny her request of tourist visa.

Set the rules. And impose those rules.

The MIL can petition for a Tourist Visa when she wants, the USC really has no say in it

[tallcoolone 102]

you really have so much issues with your wife's family...money before and now immigrating here...

I have not read your prior post, but if you are having issue like this, then I will make a suggestion. You may not want to hear it, but here it is.

If you keep getting slack from your wife, then you may want to consider finding another girl. I would give yourself a few months and set some deadline in your mind, and if your girl don't straigthen up then Divorce her and find another.

Life is too short to live with a partner that you are having issues with.

[PhiLandShiR 18]

I don't think it was his wife causing the problem but rather his mother-in-law.

While your suggestion has some truth to it, it does seem a bit... brutal...

Marriage is supposed to be a 2 way street. Work things out rather than dump and run after another. Both sides need to come to an understanding. If you are not willing to do this you may find yourself dumping and running your entire life. Not a good option in my eyes...

-Phil

you really have so much issues with your wife's family...money before and now immigrating here...

I have not read your prior post, but if you are having issue like this, then I will make a suggestion. You may not want to hear it, but here it is.

If you keep getting slack from your wife, then you may want to consider finding another girl. I would give yourself a few months and set some deadline in your mind, and if your girl don't straigthen up then Divorce her and find another.

Life is too short to live with a partner that you are having issues with.

[jsnearline 2]

The pressure isn't coming from my wife, but from my mother-in-law. She made some friends at our church when she was here on her last visit and she had been telling them that she was coming back for good very soon. So, of course, her friends have been bugging me and my wife about why she isn't here yet. My wife is content to ignore it, but it is really getting to me.

The ppor ecomony here is a good thing to keep in mind. I have to remind my wife that she (or rather we) would become financially responsible for my mother-in-law for at least five years because of the Affidavit of Support. If her mom was unable to find a job, we would have to pick up the slack.

[rheanick 42]

not a cultural issue, just desperate to get outta there.

don't sponsor any tourist visa if you are not comfortable.

don't harbor any illegal alien in your home even if it is your mil... might land you in trouble.

ignore the request. trust me you will be better off this way.

One does not sponsor a person for a Tourist Visa

Not a cultural thing. Its the attitude of your mother in law. If you are uncomfortable of it, delay or deny her request of tourist visa.

Set the rules. And impose those rules.

The MIL can petition for a Tourist Visa when she wants, the USC really has no say in it

The MIL needs money to get to the US. And the main source is the USC. In this scenario the USC dictates the rules.

There are a lot of filipinos who wants to come to the US but could not do it since they could not afford it.

[edp333 9]

Another thing to look at is how your Mother-In-law is planning to Adjust Status from a tourist visa? By marriage? Under the I-485 Who May file an I485 she would not qualify by any of the other reasons.

Just a thought.

As for Church member friends, take a little time to educate them. Most people in the US don't realize the cost and length of time to immigrate to the US. Most people see the news about millions of illegal immigrants or remember the ease of immigrating during WWII through early Vietnam war.

[Pinay Wife 47]

If you keep getting slack from your wife, then you may want to consider finding another girl.

It's the MIL causing trouble, not the wife.

The pressure isn't coming from my wife, but from my mother-in-law. She made some friends at our church when she was here on her last visit and she had been telling them that she was coming back for good very soon. So, of course, her friends have been bugging me and my wife about why she isn't here yet. My wife is content to ignore it, but it is really getting to me.

Don't let the MIL pressure you, she is thousands of miles away.

Take it from your wife. If she is happy to ignore her mother, you can do the same. Trust your wife to handle the situation with her mom, she will know how to deal with her.

[ladyinpink 1]

I'm having some trouble with my mother-in-law and I'm wondering if it's cultural in nature.

My wife has told my mother-in-law that she will petition her for an immigrant visa. My mother-in-law doesn't want to wait and instead wants to get a tourist visa so she can come to the US and then adjust status over here. I've told her that this is a really bad idea because the law says you can't enter the US on a nonimmigrant visa with the intent to immigrate. For some reason, she's not taking me seriously and keeps pressing my wife to agree to her plan despite the seemingly insignificant fact (to her at least) that what she is proposing would not be legal and could land her in a heap of trouble.

I've gotten the impression from my wife and other Filipinos I know that they have a different perception of rules and laws there than we do here in the US. For Filipinos, rules and laws (at least the ones they disagree with) seem to be more suggestions than requirements. I don't want to over generalize here, but I'm wondering if this is a cultural issue, and if so, how to deal with it effectively so my mother-in-law will get off my wife's back and accept what we're telling her is the right way to get what she wants.

is not a culture she is despirate to come to the usa for her personal intension she dont have any idea how deffecult her

she want to live her illegal you shuold discuss to your wife is not that easy she has responsebility to tell her parent

that is not working and not easy you in truble as usa citezen ignore your mather in law very demanding .