Coming to America!

[lauramajri 0]

Hi everyone!! Assalaamu Alaikum!

We just booked our flight!!! Kamel will be flying for the first time in his life!! he has never traveled before and has not seen much outside of his village here in tunisia! Just woundering if any of your spouses were in a similar boat on their first time going to america and what their reactions were to the plane and america!!

[Nothing1234 2]

Hi everyone!! Assalaamu Alaikum!

We just booked our flight!!! Kamel will be flying for the first time in his life!! he has never traveled before and has not seen much outside of his village here in tunisia! Just woundering if any of your spouses were in a similar boat on their first time going to america and what their reactions were to the plane and america!!

Some links I thought might be useful as well! Congrats!!!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;hl=adjusting

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;hl=adjusting

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;hl=adjusting

[Jenn! 918]

Great, now I have Neil Diamond in my head.

[Nothing1234 2]

Great, now I have Neil Diamond in my head.

Haha! OMG...I had a strange affection for his music when I was young, thanks to a nutty Aunt of mine!

[Twisted K 2]

Great, now I have Neil Diamond in my head.

i was thinking of the Eddie Murphy movie

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I dropped my sister off at the airport yesterday and was hit with a major dose of nostalgia. I waited down in the baggage claims area for one of her friends to come visit with her before her flight. We sat in front of the starbucks where I drank way too much caffine 4 years ago, waiting for AbuS to arrive I got to the airport 3 hours early (I'm a freak like that - I get there that early for my own flights too), and spent the whole time pacing the length of the baggage claim, gulping lattes and mochas. Then finally, he was there, coming down the escalator. He hadn't slept in 30 hours, so his reaction to the whole experience was meh, I need to sleep.

He's been here 4 years, and it's still a matter of patience and slow adjustment. He has a healthy dose of respect for many things here (thinks our political system, for all it's flaws, is pretty darn snazzy), and finds other things beyond strange (particularly our work environments, not at all what he expected after studying american accounting/business back in Egypt).

Take things slow, don't rush and make sure you're patient. It can take years to adjust.

[Kenza 1]

Hi everyone!! Assalaamu Alaikum!

We just booked our flight!!! Kamel will be flying for the first time in his life!! he has never traveled before and has not seen much outside of his village here in tunisia! Just woundering if any of your spouses were in a similar boat on their first time going to america and what their reactions were to the plane and america!!

He will probably be amazed at every little thing haha.

[LRA 0]

He's going to love it here!

[MrsAmera 41]

My husband has been here for 4 years come January. His flight here was his first time flying (he was with his older brother until he got to NYC). It was also only the 2nd time he had been away from his mom (the first was when he and I went to Tangier for a week). It was hard. I won't lie. As UmmS said - adjustment can take years. At first he'll probably be amazed by everything then it will wear off and the homesickness will set in. Some handle it better than others. It will be an adjustment for you too. I think that's what I was least prepared for - the adjustments I had to go through!

[Aymsgirl 0]

My husband had flown to Lebanon prior to coming here but it had been years. Since he has arrived he has flown back home twice so now he is an expert. Like others have said that he was amazed about the cleanliness here and quietness and such at first. Then the homesickness occured and hasn't left since. Our biggest challenge is culture issues. It really can take a toll on a person and a marriage especially when children are involved. I pray that your spouse adjusts well. Best wishes always!

[Staashi 371]

Please expect that the culture shock, although charming at first, is enough to drive you crazy. Say lots of prayers - do not seek patience, seek understanding. Also, breathe through it all - remember, although you might have ideas of rainbows and unicorns and puffy CareBears, that feeling might not last that long. Just bear with it...ideally, it should get better, but that might take some time. Know this - culture shock is a two way street.

Good luck, God bless and may he have a very safe journey to the United States.

[New Beginnings 32]

It was my husbands first time flying so I made sure to explain to him about turbulence and that it's normal and nothing to be afraid of. Thankfully I did because the flight from Casa to JFK was quite turbulent. Be ready for the funny stories and to explain things you never thought you would have to explain!

It's quite a journey, wouldn't trade it for the world!

[CasandraYounes 0]

My husband just came on the 7th for his first time and he happened to sit next to friend that he knew....So that made him feel a little more at ease. He stopped in Italy and loved the airport, but as soon as he got in Miami, things went downhill. Like some of you, I got there like 3-4 hours early. Come to find out that his plane was arriving an hour late....UGH.... Then the sad news was he was the last person to leave the terminal from immigration. So after pacing the floor, crying, and going off on everyone there for some answers as to if my husband had missed his plane finally at 7 pm he came walking out.

EVERYTHING is tripping my husband out. A small trip to Wal-Mart takes almost 2-4 hours as he wants to compare the prices of every single thing. We are already testing the patience, but that is something I am trying to learn to have more of. He has finally gotten a schedule down to where he can talk to his family more frequently, but it is bothering him about being home all day. Which is something I knew would bother him before he came because that he has worked 24/7 for the past 7 years. That loneliness sinks in, but I am hoping to get him somewhat settled. Like others have said, I am trying to understand that this could take years to adjust.

Despite everything, we are taking it one day at a time and I am loving every minute with him.

Edited December 2, 2009 by CasandraYounes

[Vanessa1 7]

Thank you all so much for sharing these stories. I don't know if this applies because my husband isn't here yet but I was thinking about the 8 weeks I spent in Morocco this summer and the culture shock I went through. I'm not just talking about seeing people walk on the freeways or the look of horror on my face when I first asked to use the bathroom and saw what I'd have to do for the next 8 weeks. If I didn't love him so much I think I would have gone straight back to the Casa airport right then! LOL!

I knew the adjustment was difficult on some fronts but I didn't realize how much until I was back home and back at work. I felt so bad because they were SOOO hospitable and wouldn't allow me to do much of anything. I felt so much like I was taking advantage of them, even though that's not how they saw it. One evening I wrestled a dish out of my husband's mother's hand so I could clean the dishes. They rarely even let me do that. I worried about not doing enough to help out (because they wouldn't let me) and then I worried about being rude...I don't know that arm wrestling your mother-in-law over dish soap is all that culturally acceptable there. LOL! I also got very sick, we're guessing from the water, but it stayed with me for a long time.

The hardest thing was not being able to talk to anyone. Somehow though, my mother-in-law and I especially, we figured out ways to communicate. When I came home I was surprised at how many stories started with "we were watching tv when..." and I thought geez, I watched a lot of tv over there. Then I realized it was our little translator. The tv programs would be in English, with Arabic subtitles, and so we could all find some commonality in that and could use the few words I knew and gestures to communicate. The day before Omar and I left to go to another part of the country his mom started crying and I knew what she meant because I felt it too. We were bawling and hugging for about an hour before he and I left and I miss her so much. I feel like I will be so much better prepared for the visit next time now that I know a few things and won't have so much culture shock.

But it brought us closer too. My husband took such good care of me and his family too. I remember very distinctly the day I was throwing up (thanks to the water) and was violently ill. His mom was holding me up and holding the bucket and he came in and saw what was going on. The look of worry on his face I had never seen and how he took care of me in the days that followed was so sweet and so loving and so him. We also had adjustments but we learned that we were really able to talk about things when they needed to be discussed and we could get through it.

My husband and I talked about it recently and he was concerned that he will go through the same things. I am too. He asked me if I thought he would and I told him that I definitely think so. I think the fact that he saw me go through it might help (although it is just a guess) but I am also including him on certain things now so when he gets here he can find something to hold on to so he doesn't feel as much a fish out of water. I also am having him talk to my family on cam now and we are planning activities together as a family, him included, for when he arrives. My mom was so cute the other day too and he was explaining Eid to her and she said "Well, we'll have to get you a ram when you get here." So I'm trying to help him build bonds with them too now so he doesn't feel as alone when he gets here.

I don't know what the answer is but you obviously have something that has carried you this far. Use those bonds to help with this trying time. Remember it was difficult for you in his country and be understanding as he goes through the same thing. He may not even realize he's going through it but talk about it when you can and keep him busy. No matter what, enjoy the time because it is what you've done all of this for and what you have worked so hard and been waiting for. It is a joyous time so celebrate what you have and be happy!

[lauramajri 0]

Thank you all so much for sharing these stories. I don't know if this applies because my husband isn't here yet but I was thinking about the 8 weeks I spent in Morocco this summer and the culture shock I went through. I'm not just talking about seeing people walk on the freeways or the look of horror on my face when I first asked to use the bathroom and saw what I'd have to do for the next 8 weeks. If I didn't love him so much I think I would have gone straight back to the Casa airport right then! LOL!

I knew the adjustment was difficult on some fronts but I didn't realize how much until I was back home and back at work. I felt so bad because they were SOOO hospitable and wouldn't allow me to do much of anything. I felt so much like I was taking advantage of them, even though that's not how they saw it. One evening I wrestled a dish out of my husband's mother's hand so I could clean the dishes. They rarely even let me do that. I worried about not doing enough to help out (because they wouldn't let me) and then I worried about being rude...I don't know that arm wrestling your mother-in-law over dish soap is all that culturally acceptable there. LOL! I also got very sick, we're guessing from the water, but it stayed with me for a long time.

The hardest thing was not being able to talk to anyone. Somehow though, my mother-in-law and I especially, we figured out ways to communicate. When I came home I was surprised at how many stories started with "we were watching tv when..." and I thought geez, I watched a lot of tv over there. Then I realized it was our little translator. The tv programs would be in English, with Arabic subtitles, and so we could all find some commonality in that and could use the few words I knew and gestures to communicate. The day before Omar and I left to go to another part of the country his mom started crying and I knew what she meant because I felt it too. We were bawling and hugging for about an hour before he and I left and I miss her so much. I feel like I will be so much better prepared for the visit next time now that I know a few things and won't have so much culture shock.

But it brought us closer too. My husband took such good care of me and his family too. I remember very distinctly the day I was throwing up (thanks to the water) and was violently ill. His mom was holding me up and holding the bucket and he came in and saw what was going on. The look of worry on his face I had never seen and how he took care of me in the days that followed was so sweet and so loving and so him. We also had adjustments but we learned that we were really able to talk about things when they needed to be discussed and we could get through it.

My husband and I talked about it recently and he was concerned that he will go through the same things. I am too. He asked me if I thought he would and I told him that I definitely think so. I think the fact that he saw me go through it might help (although it is just a guess) but I am also including him on certain things now so when he gets here he can find something to hold on to so he doesn't feel as much a fish out of water. I also am having him talk to my family on cam now and we are planning activities together as a family, him included, for when he arrives. My mom was so cute the other day too and he was explaining Eid to her and she said "Well, we'll have to get you a ram when you get here." So I'm trying to help him build bonds with them too now so he doesn't feel as alone when he gets here.

I don't know what the answer is but you obviously have something that has carried you this far. Use those bonds to help with this trying time. Remember it was difficult for you in his country and be understanding as he goes through the same thing. He may not even realize he's going through it but talk about it when you can and keep him busy. No matter what, enjoy the time because it is what you've done all of this for and what you have worked so hard and been waiting for. It is a joyous time so celebrate what you have and be happy!

yeah the culture shock is pretty extreme!!! 8 months here is definitly enough for me!! i am always lonely...and after the so-called "honey-moon" phase wore off he reverted back to his old lifestyle of always going to the cafe with his friends, no matter what time of night...etc. don't get me wrong, he is an amazing husband according to TUNISIAN standards loool. but i think he will be amazed when he sees how my father treats my mother etc. his father is never home and doesn't exactly talk to his mother unless it is in a violent outburst.

just as much as the loud talking, always fighting, name calling, hitting, choking, etc within his family were shocking to me, i am sure the love, quietness, respectfulness will be as shocking to him. but i hope he will appreciate it. his sister already told him he can just turn on the webcam so he can feel at home with the fighting looool.

the cleanliness is another thing. just as it was shocking to me that everytime i use the bathroom to have flies swarming around my head and a nice big cockroach staring back at me, or when i went into the kitchen to get a dish and reached in the cupboard and all the cockroaches would scatter loool. it has actually become normal for me, but he has never seen a clean, bug free house before. so it will be interesting as to his reaction.

thank goodness my best friends husband is also tunisian. he has been in the states for 10 years now. so i think he will be very good for kamel and help him through things also. he will also be a good role model as he is also an amazing husband to my friend.