Political Science for Dummies

[alienlovechild 75]

Huh? It was a dead thread about an old joke. Is being off-topic really a problem.

The second joke doesn't have the feeling of insulting everyone unless you call the Israeli, "The Jew." It makes it feel much more racist.

A lot of Israelis aren't Jews so there's a difference.

According to the Israel Central Bureau of Statistics, the population in 2005 was 76.2% Jewish, 16.1% Muslim, 2.1% Christian, and 1.6% Druze, with the remaining 4.0% not classified by religion.[1]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_in_Israel

[The_Dude 1,142]

Huh? It was a dead thread about an old joke. Is being off-topic really a problem.

The second joke doesn't have the feeling of insulting everyone unless you call the Israeli, "The Jew." It makes it feel much more racist.

A lot of Israelis aren't Jews so there's a difference.

According to the Israel Central Bureau of Statistics, the population in 2005 was 76.2% Jewish, 16.1% Muslim, 2.1% Christian, and 1.6% Druze, with the remaining 4.0% not classified by religion.[1]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_in_Israel

Thank you Captain Killjoy

[thongd4me 69]

A lot of Israelis aren't Jews so there's a difference.

Yes this is true. You may note that more than 10% of "Israeli Arabs"

are Christian, which 99% of Americans are probably are unaware of.

Israelis know this but Americans don't.

[PhiLandShiR 18]

You for got the Iowa cow...

I got 2 cows

One is in the freezer waiting for the grill

The other don't give me no back talk!

Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful..

You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow..

The cow is schizophrenic.

Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.

The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.

The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.

The cow asks permission to be cut in half.

The cow dies happy.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.

They make real California cheese.

Only five speak English.

Most are illegal.

Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

"The Battle Hymn of the Republican"

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the war

It brings more military contracts and the drafting of the poor

It lets us build our pipelines so the profits are much more

The truth is trampled on

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

The truth is trampled on.

The prisoners that we've tortured and whose rights we snatch away

Are just trivial details when there's oil on the way

And let everyone go and buy an S-U-V today

The truth is trampled on

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

The truth is trampled on.

We will lie and we will cheat and we will generally deceive

Tales of W-M-D and propaganda we will weave

We will hold Iraqi oil fields and never ever leave

The truth is trampled on

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

The truth is trampled on.

Environment and education matter not at all

If asked some questions without answers we can always stall

'Cause we spin the news releases and the people are in thrall

The truth is trampled on

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

The truth is trampled on.

The old, the poor, the blacks and women we can still control

Give 'em something with the left hand while the right hand takes the toll

Don't stop now and don't look back because we're really on a roll

The truth is trampled on

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

The truth is trampled on.

And now that it's election time we've got some work to do

John Kerry must be seen to be a liar through and through

And never can the people see just how they have been screwed

The truth is trampled on

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

Glory! Glory! Halliburton!

The truth is trampled on.

[thongd4me 69]

You for got the Iowa cow...

I got 2 cows

One is in the freezer waiting for the grill

The other don't give me no back talk!

Your wife makes Patty Hearst of 40 years ago look like a Russian babushka...

nice pic!

The Brooklyn cows -

One is being threatened by "organized crime" to not give any milk until they give the word,

The other is getting double salary for not working

[SMR 368]

A lot of Israelis aren't Jews so there's a difference.

Yes this is true. You may note that more than 10% of "Israeli Arabs"

are Christian, which 99% of Americans are probably are unaware of.

Israelis know this but Americans don't.

90% is good enough for a joke based on stereotypes. In fact, 2/3 is probably good enough.

[thongd4me 69]

A lot of Israelis aren't Jews so there's a difference.

Yes this is true. You may note that more than 10% of "Israeli Arabs"

are Christian, which 99% of Americans are probably are unaware of.

Israelis know this but Americans don't.

90% is good enough for a joke based on stereotypes. In fact, 2/3 is probably good enough.

That's a satisfied customer.

Can't get enough.

The logic clearly went way above your ability to understand even the simplest of things.

Keep coming back and maybe you'll understand some day.

I keep away from discussing the benefits/hazards of choosing one religion or another.

I was just reflecting the relative percentages (16% Muslim, 2% Christian among

Israeli Palenstinians) offered by ANOTHER poster. Not making any value judgement

by saying most Americans were unaware of that. His point that not all Israelis are

Jews was a valid one and that's simple enough.

Maybe I misread your effort to tell Scandal how his joke should have gone.

Would substituting "Jew" for "Israeli" make for a more tasteful or more provocative joke?

You're the one who implied that if I'm not mistaken. That's the point I don't get.

[SMR 368]

A lot of Israelis aren't Jews so there's a difference.

Yes this is true. You may note that more than 10% of "Israeli Arabs"

are Christian, which 99% of Americans are probably are unaware of.

Israelis know this but Americans don't.

90% is good enough for a joke based on stereotypes. In fact, 2/3 is probably good enough.

That's a satisfied customer.

Can't get enough.

The logic clearly went way above your ability to understand even the simplest of things.

Keep coming back and maybe you'll understand some day.

I keep away from discussing the benefits/hazards of choosing one religion or another.

I was just reflecting the relative percentages (16% Muslim, 2% Christian among

Israeli Palenstinians) offered by ANOTHER poster. Not making any value judgement

by saying most Americans were unaware of that. His point that not all Israelis are

Jews was a valid one and that's simple enough.

Maybe I misread your effort to tell Scandal how his joke should have gone.

Would substituting "Jew" for "Israeli" make for a more tasteful or more provocative joke?

You're the one who implied that if I'm not mistaken. That's the point I don't get.

No point. I just thought it would be funnier.

[thongd4me 69]

VATICAN

There are no cows.

Both cows died and went to heaven after they killed each other in a bloody gunfight.

They wanted to know which of them was the most "holy cow."

The Almighty complained that until that time, there was a shortage of holy milk.

[scandal 951]

Apparently there's been a lot of commentary on how to interpret "my" joke (it wasn't mine... someone forwarded it me, I'm just passing it along).

I wasn't concerned that it was derogatory to Israelis (or Jews). It's actually intended to be sympathetic to the plight of Israelis who feel they're being forced to make unreasonable concessions by various European states.

My concern was that Palestinians (and there are several on VJ) might take offense to the representation of Palestinian=terrorist. I am well aware that SOME Palestinians are terrorists, but MOST (vast majority) are not. If any MENA folk happen to wander into this thread, take it in the spirit of a joke, nothing more.

[thongd4me 69]

If any MENA folk happen to wander into this thread, take it in the spirit of a joke, nothing more.

I think they'll understand; enough has been said about that and I think there is peace on this thread.

I've been to Israel and have had good experiences with both Israelis & Palestinians.

This is a film that I got from my local public library about the unavoidable awkwardness over there:

I've seen movies from many countries; I try to get the ones most different from typical Hollywood studio movies.

I am partial to Miramax. "Chocolat" set in France by Lasse Hallstrom is one of my favorites.