Political Science for Dummies

[thongd4me 69]

Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful..

You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow..

The cow is schizophrenic.

Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.

The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.

The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.

The cow asks permission to be cut in half.

The cow dies happy.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.

They make real California cheese.

Only five speak English.

Most are illegal.

Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

[Nagishkaw 510]

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

ZOMG!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

[Danno 1,228]

The best post I have seen in months (excluding mine of course)

[slim 1,525]

It really is that simple.

[thongd4me 69]

The best post I have seen in months (excluding mine of course)

This has been a popular online joke for a long while.

I've seen many permutations of it over the years with many more countries mentioned,

but I think this one has an interesting twist, sent to me by a friend who is a retired

Harvard lawyer.

[Arabella 4]

[thongd4me 69]

USCIS - Style Agency

You have two cows.

One has an immigration attorney.

One does not have an immigration attorney.

The one with the attorney asks the other cow how come

she (the cow with no atorney) got to be grazing first

on the "Great Lawn" of Central Park in NYC

and the cow with no attorney just says,

"MOO"

Edited December 4, 2009 by thongd4me

[thongd4me 69]

Buddhist

You have two cows and you teach both to say "OMM" instead of "MOO"

One wants to immolate herself in protest of government policies.

The Abbot says "No barbecue, we are Buddhists!"

[scandal 951]

Perhaps not very politically correct, but kind of in the same vein as this thread. This was sent to me by an Israeli friend, of course

What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?

The Italian throws the cup and walks away in a fit of rage.

The Frenchman takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.

The Chinese eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

The Russian drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.

The Israeli sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the Chinese, buys himself a new cup of coffee and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

The Palestinian blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his coffee,

protests the act of aggression to the UN,

takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee,

uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows himself up in the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Perhaps not very politically correct, but kind of in the same vein as this thread. This was sent to me by an Israeli friend, of course

What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?

The Italian throws the cup and walks away in a fit of rage.

The Frenchman takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.

The Chinese eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

The Russian drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.

The Israeli sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the Chinese, buys himself a new cup of coffee and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

The Palestinian blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his coffee,

protests the act of aggression to the UN,

takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee,

uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows himself up in the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian.

You did just fine, scan man. When you insult and stereotype EVERYBODY you get away with it.

[thongd4me 69]

[SMR 368]

Huh? It was a dead thread about an old joke. Is being off-topic really a problem.

The second joke doesn't have the feeling of insulting everyone unless you call the Israeli, "The Jew." It makes it feel much more racist.

[thongd4me 69]

Huh? It was a dead thread about an old joke. Is being off-topic really a problem.

The second joke doesn't have the feeling of insulting everyone unless you call the Israeli, "The Jew." It makes it feel much more racist.

Wow, I've been tagged by the KGB.

This must be my lucky day!

I'm sure Scandal will want to take your advice and substitute "Jew" for "Israeli" in all future posts.

I don't think his post was that much off topic but yours certainly was.

I'm reading a great book about a guy who rode across Siberia on a bicycle.

You should try it some time.

If it was a dead thread you certainly breathed life back into it.

Ahh, anything for a friend.

Edited December 10, 2009 by thongd4me