Deleting posts and threads

[morocco4ever 63]

I was participating in a thread that was a bit controversial concerning a 25 year old man that married a 63 year old woman. He asked if he was going to get denied at his interview. Many told him, and this is factual, that no one can say whether or not he will be denied. Many told him that this is going to be an uphill battle for him. He was very defensive about his relationship to her and kept going on and on about how rude everyone was to him. Many of us told him that he needs to learn to deal with being scrutinized, because the consulate is going to be way tougher on him than any of us are. Someone mentioned, and it was light heartedly, that if this woman was a grandma that he would be a step grandfather. At that point Tay came in and chastized everyone for attacking a member, and that particular post was deleted. How is that considered attacking a member? It is based on the fact that a 63 year old woman could very likely be a grandmother. Now keep in mind, my husband is younger than me, and I am also a grandmother, which makes my husband a step grand father. How could this be considered an attack? And if it was, why wouldn't I have been offended?

Then we have a poster that says that we should be supportive of him. In what way were we not supportive? He asked if he would be denied. We told him it is going to be tough to proved. That is an honest response, not in the least we were not being supportive. He asked a question, we answered. It isn't our fault that he, or other member chose to take it out of context.

I remember many years back I also had the same concern because of our age difference. I had the exact same responses that this thread contained. I didn't take it personally, because my goal was to find out if we were in trouble. We got some very straight forward answers in that we were going to have a tough interview. Which we did, and my husband ended up being denied initially. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I was for the honest answers to my concerns. This is what helped me through mine and my husbands denial.

So now my question. Is this forum for being supportive and telling people not to worry, that they will be fine, no matter how bad it looks? Or is this forum to help people, such as I was, with honest up front answers? Also are all threads that specific mods view as an attack based on honest answers going to continue to be deleted because we don't give the answers that other posters want to hear rather than what they need to hear?

added by admin: thread was removed by direct request of the OP which is standard procedure on VJ to honor such requests.

Edited November 26, 2009 by Captain Ewok
update thread closure reason

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I was also participating on said thread, and told the OP to get cracking a thicker skin, since the interviews in the MENA area are, for the most part, grueling, invasive, and sometimes even offensive to the folks who live there. I do not think we are really helping anyone b y saying "oh dearie, it will all be ok, you'll see" when we can blatantly see the case has a number of red flags: in this case a 38 year age difference where the female was older (this has nothing to do with what I personally think of it; but how the consulate will see it).

And to add a bit. charles was made a regional mod for a reason. He knows the dynamics of regionals better than the other mods (no pun intended guys, but it is what it is). Granted, this thread was on the Embassy discussion (why was it not moved to MENA is beyond me); but the topic at hand was something that was being addressed in MENA terms. The thread was made invisible just like that. There was a warning from a mod -god knows what for- and then shazam, gone. I call error of judgment.

We have been discussing moderation in the past weeks Ewok. Are we supposed to understand this is the moderation VJ is aspiring to? We have also discussed member behavior. Are we to understand from this that cuddly smileys and rainbows are preferred to perhaps crude honesty that will actually help the OPs prepare for their interviews?

[NArocks 13]

From what I saw only certain posts were removed and most of them were for the fact that the truth was being told It will be a bear to get past the CO wioth this differnce and get your ducks in a row for the interview. I am for moderating however I am not for the blowing rainbows up people's you know what to make then think it will be easy

[Twisted K 2]

If the OP wanted to have his ego stroked, with unicorns and rainbows, he should have mentioned that from the beginning. But since he asked a straight forward question, he got a straight forward answer. I didn't see a problem with the straightforwardness as a matter of fact, it should be preferred, if they were truly concerned with the possibility of being denied. That way they can prepare accordingly. The posts were not wishing harm to the relationship whatsoever. Just stating the possible hurdles that they would have to overcome. Embassies are not going to pacify anything for anybody. It is their job to dissect everyone's relationship.

[Captain Ewok 1,900]

I have not been able to review this yet. I will in about 10 minutes. I did get an email requesting the mods action be reviewed. I immediately replied and let the member know I would review it once I was at my PC and to also consider PM'ing Charles (regional mod) if the topic was there. The deputy mods know quirlks better for certain discussion areas and if another mod jumped the gun then they can identify that and resolve it. Potentially this happened here (as I said I have not reviewed it yet). If the OP was being made fun of for being in a large age gap relationship then this should not happen (I.e. Tos violation). If people bluntly or matter of factly point out an age gap and its potential for issues with regards to immigration that is another thing.

In either of the two cases I would advise a mod to first warn members of certain comments. Also removal of posts is only for tos violations of a high degree. Removing a whole topic is only if the entire topic was a tos violation. Locking a topic is if despite a mods effort the tpic continues to generate issues or was a tos violation itself of a lesser degree.

Long and short. I agree with the posts above but I need to review this to make a fair judgement call.

[Captain Ewok 1,900]

All my comments above hold true -- however in this case, after reviewing, the topic was removed due to a direct request by the OP that the thread be removed. We always honor such requests and have a long track record of removing an OPs topic when they request a specific one be removed.

So long story, the above comments are true, but the assumption that the mod did this out of poor moderation technique is wrong. Potentially we as a mod team should post a topic when a thread is removed to notify members. I can make that standard procedure in the future maybe -- but in this case I wanted to let you know the mod was simply following standard procedure and did not do anything wrong (despite appearances). This is a case where I do wish any concerned person would have contacted me to look into it rather than posting an assumption that the mod made a mistake or acted improperly. In the future thank you for giving the benefit of the doubt in this situation.

[NArocks 13]

However what was not really addressed was the posts that were removed that to my ( untrained as it is ) eye were not violating or attacking the OP. Fine about the thread being made invisi however the posts that were removed during the thread being open were also ( agian to my untrained eye ) were not violating in any way........

[Captain Ewok 1,900]

However what was not really addressed was the posts that were removed that to my ( untrained as it is ) eye were not violating or attacking the OP. Fine about the thread being made invisi however the posts that were removed during the thread being open were also ( agian to my untrained eye ) were not violating in any way........

I can see both ways on those. In the future I will advise the mod to let those types of comments go unless they coming vile or attacking of the OP. I agree they were mostly 'blunt' and without rainbows which is not a TOS violation.

[The_Dude 1,142]

However what was not really addressed was the posts that were removed that to my ( untrained as it is ) eye were not violating or attacking the OP. Fine about the thread being made invisi however the posts that were removed during the thread being open were also ( agian to my untrained eye ) were not violating in any way........

How dare you question the decision of the all knowing omnipresent TayRivers!!! We have to get used to the overreactionary style of some moderators I suppose.

[morocco4ever 63]

However what was not really addressed was the posts that were removed that to my ( untrained as it is ) eye were not violating or attacking the OP. Fine about the thread being made invisi however the posts that were removed during the thread being open were also ( agian to my untrained eye ) were not violating in any way........

How dare you question the decision of the all knowing omnipresent TayRivers!!! We have to get used to the overreactionary style of some moderators I suppose.

This is exactly my point. He/She doesn't read the posts, but rather jumps when people whine. If they can't do their job objectively why are they mods?

[Captain Ewok 1,900]

However what was not really addressed was the posts that were removed that to my ( untrained as it is ) eye were not violating or attacking the OP. Fine about the thread being made invisi however the posts that were removed during the thread being open were also ( agian to my untrained eye ) were not violating in any way........

How dare you question the decision of the all knowing omnipresent TayRivers!!! We have to get used to the overreactionary style of some moderators I suppose.

This is exactly my point. He/She doesn't read the posts, but rather jumps when people whine. If they can't do their job objectively why are they mods?

I will say this too. There were only TWO posts hidden. One of them included the phrase, "It doesn't matter if he does the kinky with grannies or not." I mean, that is just rude. There are better ways to say things. The other was 50/50. I did not see this post (see quote to the left) and I agree that this is a judgement call for the mod which I support to discourage comments like that.

[morocco4ever 63]

However what was not really addressed was the posts that were removed that to my ( untrained as it is ) eye were not violating or attacking the OP. Fine about the thread being made invisi however the posts that were removed during the thread being open were also ( agian to my untrained eye ) were not violating in any way........

How dare you question the decision of the all knowing omnipresent TayRivers!!! We have to get used to the overreactionary style of some moderators I suppose.

This is exactly my point. He/She doesn't read the posts, but rather jumps when people whine. If they can't do their job objectively why are they mods?

I will say this too. There were only TWO posts hidden. One of them included the phrase, "It doesn't matter if he does the kinky with grannies or not." I mean, that is just rude. There are better ways to say things. The other was 50/50. I did not see this post (see quote to the left) and I agree that this is a judgement call for the mod which I support to discourage comments like that.

You're right, you weren't quoted the entire post. If you would have read the entire thing you would have seen the point that was made.

Also what about the other that was deleted? The one that said that if she is a grandma that would make him a step grand father? Why is it your mods only give you a small portion of what was said to justify deleting posts?

[William33 110]

However what was not really addressed was the posts that were removed that to my ( untrained as it is ) eye were not violating or attacking the OP. Fine about the thread being made invisi however the posts that were removed during the thread being open were also ( agian to my untrained eye ) were not violating in any way........

How dare you question the decision of the all knowing omnipresent TayRivers!!! We have to get used to the overreactionary style of some moderators I suppose.

This is exactly my point. He/She doesn't read the posts, but rather jumps when people whine. If they can't do their job objectively why are they mods?

I will say this too. There were only TWO posts hidden. One of them included the phrase, "It doesn't matter if he does the kinky with grannies or not." I mean, that is just rude. There are better ways to say things. The other was 50/50. I did not see this post (see quote to the left) and I agree that this is a judgement call for the mod which I support to discourage comments like that.

You're right, you weren't quoted the entire post. If you would have read the entire thing you would have seen the point that was made.

Also what about the other that was deleted? The one that said that if she is a grandma that would make him a step grand father? Why is it your mods only give you a small portion of what was said to justify deleting posts?

Captain Ewok does have access to everything here, to include posts and threads made invisible by mods. Your assertions are incorrect here. We have a separate forum for moderation/administration where these issues are discussed, at great length sometimes. Give us the benefit of the doubt, won't you?

[morocco4ever 63]

However what was not really addressed was the posts that were removed that to my ( untrained as it is ) eye were not violating or attacking the OP. Fine about the thread being made invisi however the posts that were removed during the thread being open were also ( agian to my untrained eye ) were not violating in any way........

How dare you question the decision of the all knowing omnipresent TayRivers!!! We have to get used to the overreactionary style of some moderators I suppose.

This is exactly my point. He/She doesn't read the posts, but rather jumps when people whine. If they can't do their job objectively why are they mods?

I will say this too. There were only TWO posts hidden. One of them included the phrase, "It doesn't matter if he does the kinky with grannies or not." I mean, that is just rude. There are better ways to say things. The other was 50/50. I did not see this post (see quote to the left) and I agree that this is a judgement call for the mod which I support to discourage comments like that.

You're right, you weren't quoted the entire post. If you would have read the entire thing you would have seen the point that was made.

Also what about the other that was deleted? The one that said that if she is a grandma that would make him a step grand father? Why is it your mods only give you a small portion of what was said to justify deleting posts?

Captain Ewok does have access to everything here, to include posts and threads made invisible by mods. Your assertions are incorrect here. We have a separate forum for moderation/administration where these issues are discussed, at great length sometimes. Give us the benefit of the doubt, won't you?

Again, if he read the other post deleted, why? This is not the first time that I have seen Tay close threads and delete posts that were not warranted. I have kept my mouth shut about it, but it appears that I am not the only one that feels that this is happening all to often. Do as you wish, it isn't my forum, but the message I am getting here is that we shouldn't let people in on their red flags, and let them falsely believe that they are heading for smooth sailing.

And for the record, I believe that the OP was a troll. But for future reference, those with a large age gap, they need to know what can and might possibly happen. I got the same advice before our interview, and they told me exactly what I wanted to hear. Was it harsh? Sure, but I wanted to know what to expect.

[William33 110]

However what was not really addressed was the posts that were removed that to my ( untrained as it is ) eye were not violating or attacking the OP. Fine about the thread being made invisi however the posts that were removed during the thread being open were also ( agian to my untrained eye ) were not violating in any way........

How dare you question the decision of the all knowing omnipresent TayRivers!!! We have to get used to the overreactionary style of some moderators I suppose.

This is exactly my point. He/She doesn't read the posts, but rather jumps when people whine. If they can't do their job objectively why are they mods?

I will say this too. There were only TWO posts hidden. One of them included the phrase, "It doesn't matter if he does the kinky with grannies or not." I mean, that is just rude. There are better ways to say things. The other was 50/50. I did not see this post (see quote to the left) and I agree that this is a judgement call for the mod which I support to discourage comments like that.

You're right, you weren't quoted the entire post. If you would have read the entire thing you would have seen the point that was made.

Also what about the other that was deleted? The one that said that if she is a grandma that would make him a step grand father? Why is it your mods only give you a small portion of what was said to justify deleting posts?

Captain Ewok does have access to everything here, to include posts and threads made invisible by mods. Your assertions are incorrect here. We have a separate forum for moderation/administration where these issues are discussed, at great length sometimes. Give us the benefit of the doubt, won't you?

Again, if he read the other post deleted, why? This is not the first time that I have seen Tay close threads and delete posts that were not warranted. I have kept my mouth shut about it, but it appears that I am not the only one that feels that this is happening all to often. Do as you wish, it isn't my forum, but the message I am getting here is that we shouldn't let people in on their red flags, and let them falsely believe that they are heading for smooth sailing.

And for the record, I believe that the OP was a troll. But for future reference, those with a large age gap, they need to know what can and might possibly happen. I got the same advice before our interview, and they told me exactly what I wanted to hear. Was it harsh? Sure, but I wanted to know what to expect.

I agree that the OP may be a troll, given the Togo flag and identifying himself as being from Morocco....Suffice it to say that Mods do carefully review complaints, all related posts and other factors prior to closure. Your advice on age gaps was valuable, yet the overall thread may be sending the wrong message about this website. You might agree that the age gap topic has been covered extensively over the years. We collectively try to offer the best advice here; Members, Mods and Ewok.

Edited November 26, 2009 by William33