Birth Control

[no name 1]

Dev, what time is your plane? Are you just passing time? LOL

yes!!

I leave work to go very soon!!!

Edit: I know this thread was about what kind of BC but it progressed to another thing, STILL RELATED & even brought up by the OP.

Edited August 9, 2006 by devilette

[rebeccajo 14]

Two can become one .. without a sense of separation of where you end and he begins.

Co-dependency is an ugly thing....IMO

Me butting in now. If anyone recalls the thread subject it is 'what type of birth control', not 'I want your opinion on whether my SO should go to the Dr. with me' or 'what is your opinion of me taking him with me'. This tangent started when during an explanation that they had a Dr appointment. If the main focus of the thread was followed instead of attacks or unrequested advice on something she was happy with, then she wouldnt be defensive.

What came first here - the chicken or the egg?

I asked Mandi why she was taking Ryan to the doctor because IN MY OPINION ONLY that's relevant.

Please excuse some of us for thinking.

sbg, I idly note that you were unable to keep to the specific questions without offering your opinion.

Dev, what time is your plane? Are you just passing time? LOL

yes!!

I leave work to go very soon!!!

Edit: I know this thread was about what kind of BC but it progressed to another thing, STILL RELATED & even brought up by the OP.

Will you get me a Turkish Delite bar and mail it to me?

Edited August 9, 2006 by rebeccajo

[Fandango 1,439]

TADA! Here I am with my 1.57:

Mandi: You started this thread at 12 something. A few minutes later, you posted:

LOL! I was also thinking that when I posted, I'm on Estrostep. Ryan and I have been talking about birth control for a while, but I couldn't decide which would be best, until I had an emergency doctor's visit a couple weeks ago, and she put me back on birth control. Anyone having complications with theirs?

So I don't see where the confusion is as far as 'what birth control method works for you cos we're thinking about it?' It's a moot point. Your doc put you on BCP for other reasons...so there you have it! Instant birth control as a secondary benefit! Voila...problem solved! Or are you telling me that when Ryan gets here, he could decide for you to discontinue the treatment that you're already on (something which obviously serves a primary health benefit to you other than bc) so you can try summat else? I'm confused. Why are you and R deciding what to do for bc when you're already on pills?

Another thing: Bravo to Becs and Karo! ITA, go figure.....

Next:

haha. Mandi you made my day. 'two become one'. My baby and I say it all the time. There is not 'you' and 'me' but 'us', in all things. There is not 'mine' and 'yours' but 'ours'.

There may not be a 'yours mine' thing when it comes to possessions, but losing the I in We is a very dangerous thing. Love is not about completely losing your identity to become this one homogenized being that says everything like 'WE think this....WE think that...blah de blah'

Let me share with you a favorite poem of mine:

Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"

And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibtable.html

[rebeccajo 14]

Khalil Gibran. I love the reference to the trees.

[sbgwolf1 0]

I joined in because it was probed why he was going. She answered and is happy about it, then it seemed everyone was trying to tell her how wrong it was...over and over. I wanted to point out that she does not need to feel alone in her view of thier relationship. To each thier own, but why force your views when its not the question at hand?

Also, I did input on the original topic.

Mandi, check PM

[rebeccajo 14]

I joined in because it was probed why he was going. She answered and is happy about it, then it seemed everyone was trying to tell her how wrong it was...over and over. I wanted to point out that she does not need to feel alone in her view of thier relationship. To each thier own, but why force your views when its not the question at hand?

Also, I did input on the original topic.

Mandi, check PM

OK. You added input and commented. Some of us commented and added input. What's the difference?

Nobody was forcing their views. They are just different views. Here again we have the concept that something DIFFERENT than what we do or think is WRONG.

I just wish for once in my life that women who advocate 'togetherness' would get off their friggin' pedestal when it comes to those of us that advocate 'partnership'. What is up with that anyway? Do you really think that we DON'T CARE what our men think?

Did anybody get what Yodrak said earlier? I think it was pretty damn wise.

"Being part of the decision process does not necessarily mean having an equal say. Why do you appear to assume that it does?"

Edited August 9, 2006 by rebeccajo

[sbgwolf1 0]

OK. You added input and commented. Some of us commented and added input. What's the difference?

Nobody was forcing their views. They are just different views. Here again we have the concept that something DIFFERENT than what we do is WRONG.

I just wish for once in my life that women who advocate 'togetherness' would get off their friggin' pedestal when it comes to those of us that advocate 'partnership'. What is up with that anyway? Do you really think that we DON'T CARE what our men think?

Did anybody get what Yodrak said earlier? I think it was pretty damn wise.

"Being part of the decision process does not necessarily mean having an equal say. Why do you appear to assume that it does?"

Do you need a hug, or just a deep breath?

[rebeccajo 14]

Do you need a hug, or just a deep breath?

Hm. Maybe both.

You know, call me stupid but to me the people on this board are more than 'words on a screen'. They are people. OK, I'll post right here in public that Mandi worries me. She seems stressed. She constantly posts how wonderful Ryan is and then turns around says he told her he hated her.

I'm 49 years old and I've seen LOADS of relationship #######. That doesn't make me an authority but I know some of the warning signs.

I get frustrated when I try to reach someone here, step by step, to some thought processes that MIGHT allow them to help themselves and instead they get mad. Maybe I should just outright post 'hey U R stoopid' or some other moronic chatroom shorthand.

Eh. It's time to fix dinner.

Edited August 9, 2006 by rebeccajo

[Alex+R 0]

Let me share with you a favorite poem of mine:

Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"

And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibtable.html

Oh goodness! Best poem ever, best poet ever. Maybe I'm using too many superlatives.

[ChristinaM 0]

Ryan WILL be going to doctor visits with me, and later on help me out in making a decision when it comes to what birth control, and other things that involve this, that couples SHOULD discuss and go together on. This is OUR life, together, not just mine or his. Two become one, ever heard of that? United. Yeah, there are some guys out there that care enough about their wives to go to the doctor with them. I'm not saying all guys don't care, but some are more comfortable about doing it than others. Ryan wants what's best for me.

Mandi, my husband wants what's best for me too. No, he would not be comfortable coming to the doctor to talk to birth control with me, but he would come if I asked him too. It was, in fact, him who suggested that I have my IUD removed because it was giving me so much pain. I found your implication that men who don't routinely go to the ob/gyn with their wife don't actually care about them really quite offensive.

It may be our life together, but at the end of the day it is my body. If I were to get pregnant against his express wishes that would be a different thing, but provided that the end result is the same, it is of no concern to him how we do it. If I were unable to take a hormonal form of birth control, he would be using condoms - we would not be using the rhythm method. There is no "should" discussion about this. You SHOULD discuss whether or not you are trying for a baby, and you SHOULD discuss the chances of that on your chosen method. By no means SHOULD you discuss the precise method of birth control. You MAY, by all accounts, but there is no SHOULD about it.

I, like Karo, resent the implication that without sharing every itty bitty part of our lives, my husband and I are somehow not as close as you and Ryan. To infer that is very immature and naive of you. Every relationship has a different dynamic, and yours is not the bestest relationship in the world EVER. It is simply different. From what I can see in this thread, most of the women choose a greater degree of autonomy and independence in their relationship than you do - and that's fine! But you cannot force your relationship model onto the rest of us as if it is the only acceptable one, or imply that those of us who choose a different path have husbands who love us less or do not care as much.

[Mandi+Ryan 1]

I can see that my topics cause many arguments between VJer's. Sorry guys. I want views from many, but not if it's only going to cause a disagreement between fellow VJer's. If that's the case. I will just keep things that bother me to myself. This way, no one gets hurt. And you don't have to fight. I love you all, no matter what you believe.

[CarolineM 0]

Ha!! You call THIS fighting???

No it's fine...you just ask for advice and then ignore ANYONE who says anything you don't wanna hear...that just gets old sometimes for ppl genuinely trying to help...

[rebeccajo 14]

Mandi we aren't fighting. Exasperating each other maybe but not fighting.

Rather than worry about us, I feel there are a couple of other things you should ponder from this thread...

That you select a birth control method that works for you with your health needs in mind. Not for sexual convenience or because your partner has opinions. Because it's your body.

That you realize those who have a different 'structure' in their marriage are no less in love or committed to each other than you and Ryan.

That you learn to thoughtfully consider constructive comments that at first blush are different from your own, or that perhaps even hurt to consider. That's how we learn and grow.

My father is a reader. Occasionally he will give me little magazine or newspaper clippings that reflect something he feels is profound. I like this little saying he once gave me. It's a bit crude (remember he's a man!) but spot on:

"Not everybody who takes sh*t off of you is your friend. And not everybody who sh*ts on you is your enemy"

[Caladan 19]

I have been using hormonal birth control for about a year and a half. I'm on Ortho TriCyclen Lo. I was on Portia for a while, but it was too much hormones for my body and made me very depressed. There's plenty of different pills, though, and a good OB/GYN can find one that doesn't precipitate mood swings.

I did notice that my sex drive was lower, but in an interesting way. It didn't go away completely or prevent arousal, I was just less likely to initiate sex. Kind of like being supercontent where sex is fun, but so is sitting on the couch.

The pill does *not* cause infertility. Infertility as a medical condition is diagnosed after one year of trying to get pregnant and failing. What does happen, in some cases, is a short time of your body not ovulating after you go off the pill as your body reasserts itself. OB/GYNs will say if you go off the pill, that you should wait till your periods settle down before trying so they can estimate the date of pregnancy. But it's not the same as causing infertility.

[CarolineM 0]

Rebecca. You are amazing.