Wife (USC) wants to leave!

[killakhan4 0]

Sadly the marriege is not working out anymore. We recently sent in the AOS... Now my wife suddenly has become a strict Jehovahs's Witness. The marriage was in good faith but we do not get along have different outlooks on life. Wat can I do? I dont wanna have the feeling that i would have to give into her views just cuz i do not have papers. She wants me to become Jehovah Witness.. even threatened me once or twice i dunno if it was jokingly or seriously...

[Rob & Chris 0]

True love should not be based on such, if she truly loves you, there always has to be a compromise and both should meet in-between. Acceptance works both ways and you and your wife will never be the same, because you are both different and special individuals. Try to talk things out and maybe something is bothering her that's why she's feeling indifferently. Communication is a good key.

Goodluck, and I wish you well.

[killakhan4 0]

Yesterday she says to me she rather be married to another Jehovah Witness.... I was hurt. She barely talks to me anoymore.. I have tried to talk everythin over with her and im not giving up... I feel like i am forcing her to talk to me. She seems to be in her own bubble. I even tried to pick up some WATCHTOWER books but thats just not what i believe.

[denali_1963 0]

i used to be one of jehovahs witnesses and they are against getting a divorce unless the spouse cheats on you. Something doesn't sound right there. There lots of jehovah witnesses that are married to somebody that has a different religion. If you read the articles they have about marriage u will see that they don't believe in divorce. I hope things will work out for you. alison

[warriors_wife 0]

It is sad to read things are not working out for you and, believe me, the behaviour of your wife would not be upheld by her religion. I suggest that she speak with the elders in her congregation as dicorce on any grounds other than adultery is totally unacceptable.

I wish you well.

[Dano 0]

Sadly the marriege is not working out anymore.

Sorry to hear it's not working out. Better to know now than later. Her faith does not believe in divorce, so you might be in for a LONG ride. I would immediately hire an attorney and file for divorce. If your lucky, you could take her back home and leave her there...but that's probably not going to happen. On the other hand, you could give up and become a devoted Jehovah Witness.

[gimygirl 0]

if you can't get her out of it .... i would run as fast as you can!! JW's are very serious about their religion.

if you entered in your marriage in good faith, there should be no reason why you can't adjust yourself. i'm not saying it's going to be easy, because it probably won't. you may want to seek some legal advice from an atty trained in immigration issues. gather any and all proof of your relationship before your wife can destroy anything (cards, letters, photos, bills, bank statements, previous visa documentation, etc)

best of luck to you!!

[kenk3z 0]

You may be getting worked up over something that is just a short-term mood you wife is in. After all, you're dealing with an illogical woman here.

In fact it might be something else entirely that is bothering her and she is using the religion thing as an excuse.

Some of what you do depends on your goals. You have already sent the AOS package off, and your case might be transferred to CSC and your Green Card may arrive without much further effort, no interview. So, you may want to tolerate the wife, even though you are not 100% happy, until you reach the goal of permanent residency. Until you reach that point, your wife has a lot of power in the relationship.

Perhaps your best plan is to be extremely tolerant of her and cooperate a bit with her desires - but I think many here would agree she is being unreasonable.

I feel your pain though. I got trapped by Jehova's Witnesses on my front porch one day. They really like to talk a lot. I thought they were just lost and needed directions. A long conversation developed. And they keep coming back - but now I don't answer the door.

She picked a very bad time to decide that she MUST have a Jehova's Witness as a husband, didn't she?

kenk3z

[killakhan4 0]

Im thankful for you guys. She was indeed a Jehovah Witness when we got into the marriage but not one that was very religious. After the marriage she started being more commmited. Start going to meetings every tuesday.... the tues/thurs.... the tues/thurs/fri.... and now tues/thur/fri/sun.... When we argue and I talk about Jehovah witness she burst out and says I dont understand.... I feel like she is brainwashed or sumthin.... she feels sad when doin suimthin wrong.. and feel like she is a bad person... with a lot of guilt..... But anyways.. we did marry in good faith and she admits it and she is not the type to go around ripping up poroof of our marriage... she recently said she will write a letter sayin she was in marriage in good faith... but i have no idea that that would help... I am very stressed... She doesnt want a divorce... she wants me to get an annulment.. so she doesnt break any JW rules i guess. If she wants out Im not gonna force her to stay with me....

[sjoefl01 1]

We all know very little about your specific situation so you should not put too much into VJ advice on this subject:

Having said that:

I see two possibilities:

1. Your wife is not happy in the marriage and is using religon as a way out. There is really nothing you can do about that.

2. Your wife has had some sort of religous awakening and is disturbed because you do not share her excitement. This is something you can deal with. The general rule is " do not talk religon ". Keep a low profile and tell her to talk to her religous leaders about your relationship. Most religons will stand on the marriage.

Relax! This whole situation is out of your control unless you choose to debate with her.

[perfect 39]

I wonder whether this is perhaps a very one-sided version of events. I know for a fact that JW's do not promote divorce for any reason other than adultery and that she would not get support from her church for suggesting an annulment either. The fact that she has married someone who does not share her beliefs is not a reason for annulment or divorce and I believe that if people in her church knew she was trying to do this they would actively dissuade her and try to help her to work on making the marriage a loving and fulfilling one for you both.

If she won't discuss this with her church I know they would appreciate you talking to them to tell them what's going on.

Someting doesn't seem right here though, because I have acquaintances who are JWs who married peoplewho don't share the same belief and the basic principles of being a JW are that you don't just opt out of something on the basis of having made a bad decision. You still have to work at the marriage and respect your husband as the head. I think we're not being told the wole story here or are hearing a very one-sided version from someone who is hurting badly.

Offer to go with her to the heads in her church and discuss what the options are. Surely she will see this as a positvie suggestion and one which will help her to live with the consequences of her decision which she now seems to regret.

[BASIL 0]

Marriage

Jehovah's Witnesses view marriage as a serious, lifelong commitment. They look to the Bible for guidance in resolving marital problems in a loving and respectful way. Scripturally, divorce may be obtained on the grounds of marital unfaithfulness. Separation is acceptable in extreme situations, such as those involving willful nonsupport or physical abuse. Whether to separate or not is the personal decision of the wronged mate.—Matthew 19:6, 9; Ephesians 5:33.

Interfaith Marriage

Marriage mates with different religions are encouraged to treat each other with tolerance and respect. Children should be given the opportunity to learn about the religious views of both parents.—1 Corinthians 7:12-14.

http://www.jw-media.org/beliefs/family.htm

I think some thing is really wrong here and maybe her side of the story is very much diffrent

[Cipka 0]

i'm sorry to hear that. I hope it works out for you.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

i'm sorry to hear that. I hope it works out for you.

talk about diggin up an old thread.. i finally realized the dates were in 06. wonder what ever happened

[suzukiwookie 1]

i'm sorry to hear that. I hope it works out for you.

talk about diggin up an old thread.. i finally realized the dates were in 06. wonder what ever happened

Damn.. I was going to reply before I noticed it was from '06!

Edited February 27, 2009 by suzukiwookie