I think I'm moving back to my country

[thongd4me 69]

When life isn't going great for you, there is a huge tendency to look back and paint a much happier picture of the past than you actually experienced.

One thing that every immigrant spouse understands is leaving behind family, friends and millions of happy memories.

Be strong, you're 3 years down of a 5 year stretch to get citizenship, you can hold out a little bit longer. Don't risk losing the opportunity you've suffered for. Encourage your family to visit you here if possible, but don't close down your options because you've hit a rough patch in life.

Can you afford a month's visit to go "home" and see whether you've become so Americanised that you couldn't really live there again? Living the life shows you how much you've changed. I speak from experience when I say that you change a lot more than you realise and it can be a disappointment to be home again, even with the benefits of a loving family and great friends.

Hope you can find a way that works for you!

He's right. If you hold out for 3 more years you still can go back home but you will have a lot more flexibility.

But if you get a job in your home country you will still be required to pay taxes to Uncle Sam.

[one love 0]

Hi all,

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through this, but I need some advice and that's why I post today. I moved to the USA very in love, with so many good expectations and illusions, thinking it would be time for me to build my family with the man I loved.

We're good friends now, but we got divorced this year. After a lot of pain and a long process, we are divorced. We were married for less than 3 years.

I have tried a lot of things in order to continue my life here. College (couldn't afford it), jobs (couldn't keep them for different reasons)... I also had another relationship, a short one, it didn't work. So I feel like I've been pushing and pushing a situation that is definitely not working for me. I don't belong here. I miss my family, my friends, my country (in spite of all the problems there). What the heck am I doing here?

I live alone, in a small studio with my doggy Frida. I told my father today that I want to go back, I cannot deal with this anymore. I know life is tough for everybody, but I cannot let it go to the point that I prefer I was dead. I'm depressed, I don't feel like getting up, I don't know a lot of people, I've gained weight... I could complain all day. However, I have health (thank God), I'm young and I really want to save my life and stablish myself somewhere. But not here.

I don't know what to do with my things (bed, sofa, dressers, dining set, pots & pans, china, silverware, books) in order to move. I'm scared of having to do all this by myself. Anyone has any idea of what would work to get rid of all the things that cannot come with me?

I'm sorry about the venting. I know there are people with much worse problems, but this is what I'm living right now. I cannot take it anymore. Loneliness is killing me.

Thank you for letting me share my feelings.

Cami.

you know he still has to support you for 10 years usa law.. also have a garage sale make some money go home if you not happy I would

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Hi all,

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through this, but I need some advice and that's why I post today. I moved to the USA very in love, with so many good expectations and illusions, thinking it would be time for me to build my family with the man I loved.

We're good friends now, but we got divorced this year. After a lot of pain and a long process, we are divorced. We were married for less than 3 years.

I have tried a lot of things in order to continue my life here. College (couldn't afford it), jobs (couldn't keep them for different reasons)... I also had another relationship, a short one, it didn't work. So I feel like I've been pushing and pushing a situation that is definitely not working for me. I don't belong here. I miss my family, my friends, my country (in spite of all the problems there). What the heck am I doing here?

I live alone, in a small studio with my doggy Frida. I told my father today that I want to go back, I cannot deal with this anymore. I know life is tough for everybody, but I cannot let it go to the point that I prefer I was dead. I'm depressed, I don't feel like getting up, I don't know a lot of people, I've gained weight... I could complain all day. However, I have health (thank God), I'm young and I really want to save my life and stablish myself somewhere. But not here.

I don't know what to do with my things (bed, sofa, dressers, dining set, pots & pans, china, silverware, books) in order to move. I'm scared of having to do all this by myself. Anyone has any idea of what would work to get rid of all the things that cannot come with me?

I'm sorry about the venting. I know there are people with much worse problems, but this is what I'm living right now. I cannot take it anymore. Loneliness is killing me.

Thank you for letting me share my feelings.

Cami.

you know he still has to support you for 10 years usa law.. also have a garage sale make some money go home if you not happy I would

This is misleading. The I-864 is not the same thing as a court order for spousal support. The I-864 is a contract between the sponsor and the US government. On it's own, the I-864 can only be used by the US government to collect reimbursement for any means tested benefits the beneficiary receives. She could try to get a court order for support, using the I-864 as the basis for determining the amount of support. This has been done before, but it's not always successful. Many state courts, which are responsible for adjudicating spousal support resulting from a divorce, will not put themselves in the position of enforcing a contract between the federal government and the sponsor. The federal government will usually not get involved unless the beneficiary receives means tested benefits. Many beneficiaries who've tried to use the I-864 to sue for support have been denied. The courts have found that they have no legal grounds to ask the court to enforce a contract which they, the beneficiary, are not a party to.

To give a parallel example, let's say I purchased a car for someone, and I financed the car through a local bank. If I stopped making payments on that car, the person whom I purchased the car for could not sue me using the loan agreement as the grounds for the law suit, because the loan agreement is a contract between me and the bank. The person I bought the car for was not a party to the contract, even though they benefit from it.

While it's true that the I-864 obligates the sponsor to support the beneficiary, the promise was made to the US government - not the beneficiary. This makes it difficult for the beneficiary to attempt to seek enforcement of the I-864. Remember that the purpose of this contract is to protect the US taxpayers from having to support the beneficiary, and not necessarily to provide a guaranteed income for the beneficiary.

[camifree 2]

Can you afford a month's visit to go "home" and see whether you've become so Americanised that you couldn't really live there again? Living the life shows you how much you've changed. I speak from experience when I say that you change a lot more than you realise and it can be a disappointment to be home again, even with the benefits of a loving family and great friends.

Hope you can find a way that works for you!

That's my first step, actually. I'm going there to spend the holidays and a few more weeks to see what the panorama is like. I have got some job offers there anyway that I must explore. Depending on how I see the situation, I would plan the big move. I'm praying that it isn't so bad (although I know it's bad already with that dictator) because I really REALLY don't want to be here anymore.

[resilient 2]

So sad to hear your story. But I understand, as I am in the same situation now. For now I am still willing to wait until citizenship though.

If I were in your shoes, I would sublet my apartment and go home for a month or two to see how I feel before moving. You could regret it later.

Anyway, regarding your question, if you really decide to move, put ads on Craigslist - you can sell anything there!

Hope you find what is best for you.

Edited November 24, 2009 by resilient

[Vi Mazzella 4]

Cami, if I was you I will do exactly the same thing, move back home. About all your stuff= GARAGE SALE OR CRAIGSLIST. SUERTE!

[camifree 2]

Well, a little update....

I might not be going back to Venezuela, but instead moving to another state here where I have more friends and some family. I know the situation is bad everywhere, but at least it wouldn't be so drastic. I have thought about it thoroughly, and I have read your posts and opinions. My friends insist on receiving me in their house while I find a steady job and a place for myself, and they need a hand with their little baby. I think I can help them

I found an organization that receive furniture as a donation for their rehab patients... I'll be glad to help others, because honestly, I don't think I can make too much money out of it. And they come and pick it up and everything. Let's see what happens....

[ziia 9]

Well, a little update....

I might not be going back to Venezuela, but instead moving to another state here where I have more friends and some family. I know the situation is bad everywhere, but at least it wouldn't be so drastic. I have thought about it thoroughly, and I have read your posts and opinions. My friends insist on receiving me in their house while I find a steady job and a place for myself, and they need a hand with their little baby. I think I can help them

I found an organization that receive furniture as a donation for their rehab patients... I'll be glad to help others, because honestly, I don't think I can make too much money out of it. And they come and pick it up and everything. Let's see what happens....

Cami, I am so glad you decided to say and try some more. The fact of the matter is that every immigrant feels at one pot exactly how you felt. I encourage you to be strong and keep your eyes to the future. A country doesn't make a person happy but the friends they make and the inner strength you have to pass every obstacle. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. After some time passes you will come out of this ugly faze so much more powerful and confident and mature. Obstacles make or break a person. The fact that you decided to stay and try some more brings much respect from my part. I too am alone here and been through very rough times, but I decided to stay and not give up, maybe something will change for the better. 6 years have passed since i've been here and now I could not imagine leaving my country(this country). I love everything about it, including the people here though at the beginning seemed so different than me. It is hard to make friends but after you leave you realize that in spite of what you thought to be just acquaintances they were actually friends of yours that cared about you more than they let to show.

Girl, don't give up, you started one road, keep going further and fight your destiny because it will come a day when you will wake up and say: God, I feel good, i'm so glad i staid! I am so happy i live in this country and so happy to see how many doors have opened up for me. I promise you that dark won't stay dark forever! Don't make decisions when you're down, make them when you're ok just so that you are lucid about your options and future.

If you need friends I am in Chicago. I am alone and i am an ex-immigrant, now an American Citizen. Please contact me and I will be there for you and help you through this as much as I can. I know what it's like to be in your shoes right now. But you will see things will be better, just be confident and look ahead and look up, no matter how dark it is now around you, there is sunshine if you dare to hope!

You'll be in my praiers

Ziia

[resilient 2]

thank you zila for the inspiring post. I am in the same boat and sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

camifree, good luck with everything.

Cami, I am so glad you decided to say and try some more. The fact of the matter is that every immigrant feels at one pot exactly how you felt. I encourage you to be strong and keep your eyes to the future. A country doesn't make a person happy but the friends they make and the inner strength you have to pass every obstacle. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. After some time passes you will come out of this ugly faze so much more powerful and confident and mature. Obstacles make or break a person. The fact that you decided to stay and try some more brings much respect from my part. I too am alone here and been through very rough times, but I decided to stay and not give up, maybe something will change for the better. 6 years have passed since i've been here and now I could not imagine leaving my country(this country). I love everything about it, including the people here though at the beginning seemed so different than me. It is hard to make friends but after you leave you realize that in spite of what you thought to be just acquaintances they were actually friends of yours that cared about you more than they let to show.

Girl, don't give up, you started one road, keep going further and fight your destiny because it will come a day when you will wake up and say: God, I feel good, i'm so glad i staid! I am so happy i live in this country and so happy to see how many doors have opened up for me. I promise you that dark won't stay dark forever! Don't make decisions when you're down, make them when you're ok just so that you are lucid about your options and future.

If you need friends I am in Chicago. I am alone and i am an ex-immigrant, now an American Citizen. Please contact me and I will be there for you and help you through this as much as I can. I know what it's like to be in your shoes right now. But you will see things will be better, just be confident and look ahead and look up, no matter how dark it is now around you, there is sunshine if you dare to hope!

You'll be in my praiers

Ziia

Edited November 29, 2009 by resilient

[Saska+Tim 7]

Well, a little update....

I might not be going back to Venezuela, but instead moving to another state here where I have more friends and some family. I know the situation is bad everywhere, but at least it wouldn't be so drastic. I have thought about it thoroughly, and I have read your posts and opinions. My friends insist on receiving me in their house while I find a steady job and a place for myself, and they need a hand with their little baby. I think I can help them

I found an organization that receive furniture as a donation for their rehab patients... I'll be glad to help others, because honestly, I don't think I can make too much money out of it. And they come and pick it up and everything. Let's see what happens....

Wish you good luck and to find your place and peace and happiness in this world

[ziia 9]

thank you zila for the inspiring post. I am in the same boat and sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

camifree, good luck with everything.

We are all in the same boat. As an immigrant I have experienced hardship full front and for a long long time I thought I was the only one...it seemed like it was me against the whole world who didn't understand what I was going through. people were eager to smile at me with a smile I couldn't connect with nor return back to them and slightly pat me on the back, with a gentle hand I couldn't feel nor made me feel better. For a long time I thought I was alone...Many times I questioned if it was something wrong with me since no one else seemed as down as I was. It was very hard at the beginning. But then, one day, everything changed. They say it takes about 6-7 years for an immigrant to feel like US is their home. It is very true. I didn't have too much contact with people from my birth country while here because I wanted to live my life among Americans so i can fit in faster and mold better. It helped a lot with learning English a whole lot better, that's true, but aside from that, well, i still couldn't understand the new culture(jokes, "fun" times getting drunk or smoking pot or going to parties to stand up and talk to strangers boring stuff). I still felt like a stranger among strangers 3-4 years into living here. I am the first one to say that it won't stay like this forever. Things change and they get so much better after a while. I started getting deeper and deeper into things that interested me:American culture, politics, music and stopped following what i saw everyone else doing, I gained guts to say my own opinion on many things even if it was different from the rest and molded myself beautifully, receiving into my soul a lot of things i connected with and understood out of the American culture and kept the values I inherited out of my birth mother country...suddenly I started attracting people like me into my life...and then one day it began the birth of me, a perfect blend, an American-Romanian who started feeling good no matter where I was and who I met. What I learned from America is that it doesn't matter who you are and where you are from...it is the spine you have, the guts and the desire to dream big that will get you through. An optimist is a rich person in America...no matter how money you have or what job you do, it's the spirit you keep and the desire to move on, the ambition to learn and strive no matter what that will make you appreciated and get you in the job you always dreamed of and give you all the friends you ever wanted. Like attracts like...I don't want to sound preachy but if you know who you are and say it proudly and stop comparing yourself to others, you will attract people like you into your life. Remember that everything in this life is temporary: like the job you have, the apartment you live in, the pets you owe so is the happiness, the joy, the sadness, everything...in the end one thing is constant and that is you. You have the power to deal with everything, just how you deal with seasons: in the winter(think of hard times as a metaphor) it is cold, snow, windy, ugly, the day is short so you put on an extra coat, you decorate for the hollydays, you stay at home and snuggle under a blanket and watch movies, you do what you can do best to feel good. Same in summer(metaphor for happiness): you feel happy and everything is good...same you accommodate what the season brings in fall and spring. Same as these seasons it is our life too. No matter what you go through it will pass by, just give it time and "dress" your psyche accordingly.

An immigrant should not give up that easily. If you have been here a while(a few years) then do what you can and stay some more, at least to reach 7 years. If after 7 years after you really try to understand and learn the language and culture you still feel like a stranger, then ask yourself one question: if so far i was waiting to see what this country can do for me and I saw nothing then let me ask myself what is it that I can do for this country. This might help too.

PS: People are nice here and kind but not showy in their emotions(Anglo-Saxons seem different but deep down they are the same as you and me) . Take some time to discover them, you will be amazed of how kind and thoughtful most Americans are. They are waiting to be taught new things by us just how we are waiting for them to help us while we are here.

I hope I didn't take too much of your time. One more thing I want to say to all immigrants who go through hard times is that you are not alone, we all go though the same boat as you. You will make it, you will see. Thanks for reading and good luck to everybody through their journey.

[Darnell 8,478]

if you don't want to move them - see them or give them away on craigslist - see www.craigslist,org - choose your city, and start posting. Be wary of sexual predators, though. Good Luck with the move !

Why ??? A lot of real creeps respond to those ads.

oh and sister cami, best of luck in your decision

That Hopp is stalking me - I've gotten 14 'wackos' from him in the last 2 months..

Cami - good luck, lass - hope all is well with the move...

[jessymar 1]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through such a tough time. I know your posting is old but I just saw it and I would like to ask you what was the outcome. How was your experience going back home? The reason I'm asking you is because I'm going through the same feeling of going back, even though I've been living in the U.S for 15 yrs now. I understand the situation you went through completely because I feel the same way since my day 1 in this country. I miss my family to the point that every day that passes I see it like another day wasted, another day I don't get to enjoy  them and I'm here in this cold and depressing weather. Even after all this time, I don't have any sense of belonging and I feel like I don't fit anywhere. I stayed all this time because, supposedly, you get used to this overtime but my experience has been different, it's like the other way around. I cry everyday, and thank God for technology, because I can call my mom every day and stay in touch with my sisters and nieces and nephews but it's not the same. I feel empty inside. I hope you can see this because I would like to know how did it go for you, how did you like the move and how you feel? If it was the right decision for you. I hope it worked out. Thank you and I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon.

[Roel 7,192]

46 minutes ago, jessymar said:

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through such a tough time. I know your posting is old but I just saw it and I would like to ask you what was the outcome. How was your experience going back home? The reason I'm asking you is because I'm going through the same feeling of going back, even though I've been living in the U.S for 15 yrs now. I understand the situation you went through completely because I feel the same way since my day 1 in this country. I miss my family to the point that every day that passes I see it like another day wasted, another day I don't get to enjoy  them and I'm here in this cold and depressing weather. Even after all this time, I don't have any sense of belonging and I feel like I don't fit anywhere. I stayed all this time because, supposedly, you get used to this overtime but my experience has been different, it's like the other way around. I cry everyday, and thank God for technology, because I can call my mom every day and stay in touch with my sisters and nieces and nephews but it's not the same. I feel empty inside. I hope you can see this because I would like to know how did it go for you, how did you like the move and how you feel? If it was the right decision for you. I hope it worked out. Thank you and I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Next time check if the member is actually active on the forum.

Last time OP was here was in 2015 and I doubt they will read your post.

[TBoneTX 45,265]

jessymar, your feelings are normal and are not unusual at all.  Look through the "Moving to the US" forum for more recent threads than this one.

 

Thread from 2009 is now closed to further comment.