Raising bi-cultural kids

[luvaLimey 0]

Just thought I'd interject about the interfaith thing: I personally know a family that was a muslim/mormon mix. The father was Iranian and the Mother was from Utah. The children were raised in both faiths and cultures; the whole family would go to mosque every Friday and the mother would take the kids to church on Sundays(sometimes the father would come along), the mother would cook persian food as well as american, and they made regular trips back to Iran to visit family.

When their oldest son was 18, he chose to be baptized Mormon, and it caused a bit of a rift with his father, but he didn't disown him. He still loves his son and although he was disappointed he respected his son's choice. His daughter married an Iranian man and lives there now, along with two of their other sons. It is possible to respect your partner's religion, and also to respect your children's ability to make their own decisions in life once they are old enough.

Also... if you met Ali in person I very mich doubt that you'd question either his faith or his manhood.

[morocco4ever 63]

Just thought I'd interject about the interfaith thing: I personally know a family that was a muslim/mormon mix. The father was Iranian and the Mother was from Utah. The children were raised in both faiths and cultures; the whole family would go to mosque every Friday and the mother would take the kids to church on Sundays(sometimes the father would come along), the mother would cook persian food as well as american, and they made regular trips back to Iran to visit family.

When their oldest son was 18, he chose to be baptized Mormon, and it caused a bit of a rift with his father, but he didn't disown him. He still loves his son and although he was disappointed he respected his son's choice. His daughter married an Iranian man and lives there now, along with two of their other sons. It is possible to respect your partner's religion, and also to respect your children's ability to make their own decisions in life once they are old enough.

Also... if you met Ali in person I very mich doubt that you'd question either his faith or his manhood.

Well I am impressed! Honestly this is how I feel it should be, but being married to a muslim I am very aware of what he expects. We have discussed if we have children, Incha Allah, and I am aware that he will expect them to be raised Muslim. Interestingly I was raised Mormon, and I live in Utah. You will find many similarities between the 2 religions. No drinking, smoking, modest dress, things like that.

Thanks for your input!

[jordanianprincess 0]

Just thought I'd interject about the interfaith thing: I personally know a family that was a muslim/mormon mix. The father was Iranian and the Mother was from Utah. The children were raised in both faiths and cultures; the whole family would go to mosque every Friday and the mother would take the kids to church on Sundays(sometimes the father would come along), the mother would cook persian food as well as american, and they made regular trips back to Iran to visit family.

When their oldest son was 18, he chose to be baptized Mormon, and it caused a bit of a rift with his father, but he didn't disown him. He still loves his son and although he was disappointed he respected his son's choice. His daughter married an Iranian man and lives there now, along with two of their other sons. It is possible to respect your partner's religion, and also to respect your children's ability to make their own decisions in life once they are old enough.

Also... if you met Ali in person I very mich doubt that you'd question either his faith or his manhood.

I honestly just don't see how this could possibly be a good thing. You are either one or the other. That's just my opinion. I never understood how people raised children with more than one faith. I'm not trying to offend you or anyone else, but I just simply don't understand the concept of it. I understand that they can go to church and to the mosque, but what message are they recieving this way. Maybe it didn't happen in this case, but I would tend to thing that the majority of kids raised this way grow up with some confusion and only understand the top level of the religion.

[Veiled Princess 1]

I honestly just don't see how this could possibly be a good thing. You are either one or the other. That's just my opinion. I never understood how people raised children with more than one faith. I'm not trying to offend you or anyone else, but I just simply don't understand the concept of it. I understand that they can go to church and to the mosque, but what message are they recieving this way. Maybe it didn't happen in this case, but I would tend to thing that the majority of kids raised this way grow up with some confusion and only understand the top level of the religion.

I agree, this only confuses kids. On one hand you've got one parent telling the kids to worship God alone and He has no partner... then you've got the other telling them that God has a son (or whatever---just an example). That kids going to grow up thinking either one of their parents doens't know what they're talking about OR they're lying.

I have never understood this inter-faith marriage thing honestly... I'm not knocking anyone who does it I'm just saying I don't get it. My ex is not muslim, I am but I wasn't when we were married, and even this is very condusing for our kids... I couldn't imagine choosing to do this to them. They ask me all the time why daddy "crosses" himself when he eats and why this and why that and I try to remain nuetral and not say negative things about their dad but even they, on their own, say things like "I hope he becomes muslim so he doesn't go to hell" or other things like that.

Being muslim, I'm not going to tell my kids that I think it's OK to be anything other than muslim and I wouldn't expect my husband to do it either because it's our belief that if you're not muslim you won't be in heaven with us. Why would I then encourage them to be anything else?

Just my opinion.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Allah says in the Quran that there will be Christians and Jews in heaven, so why one would believe that only Muslims will go to heaven is curious indeed!

I suppose if children raised in a one faith household were never confused about religion nor dissatisfied with the faith of their parents, then Islam, ir any other faith, would have no converts from other religions.

There are no guarantees with kids. In the Muslim world, there is a lot of going thru the motions, Islam is often simply part of the cultural landscape, not a heart's commitment. In the west, they grow up exposed to other religions and faith traditions, so it is impossible not to have them ask questions about why everyone (Muslims are a minority!) isn't a Muslim. They will learn about other faiths, if not from you, then from friends and from society at large. It should not be a mystery that others guide them about. Understanding diversity should begin at home.

Edited July 24, 2006 by szsz

[lostinlove228 0]

No human being has the right to tell that anyone is going to Hell or Heaven. That is something only God (SWT) has the knowledge of. Although Children when being taught is churches or Mosques are being told that this is the correct religion and if a person does not follow it, they are going to hell. coming from 2 different places will confuse children. We also believe above all in Gods Mercy.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Have any of you already raised children to adulthood in an interfaith/intercultural marriage? Do you have any real world experience to share rather than supposition and hyotheses? Having done it myself, I believe the fear of confusion is overblown and doesn't reflect the reality of growing up in a culture where all kinds of mixed messages are absorbed inside and outside of the home.

It would perhaps be interesting and helpful to hear from converts raised in a single religion/culture household as to why they converted and/or favor one culture over another.

Edited July 24, 2006 by szsz

[Bosco 1]

Have any of you already raised children to adulthood in an interfaith/intercultural marriage? Do you have any real world experience to share rather than supposition and hyotheses? Having done it myself, I believe the fear of confusion is overblown and doesn't reflect the reality of growing up in a culture where all kinds of mixed messages are absorbed inside and outside of the home.

szsz,

My daughter isn't an adult, but I think what is important is that the parents truly agree with whatever decision it is they have made. If you superficially agree to let your children be Muslim, but you don't actually support that decision by your facial expressions or more actively expressing your disagreement, it will cause conflict within the children and they will feel torn beteween being loyal to mommy versus daddy. Likewise, if you agree to raise your children interfaith, I think it is important that both parents are sincere in that decision and are willing to support it. Don't sulk when the children are being taken off to church. I think conflict between the parents is far more harmful to the children than any mixed messages and may turn them off from religion altogether. I am also a firm believer that we owe our children peace and unity in our home and we should provide that to the best of our abilities.

Rebecca

[sarachid 0]

I personnally would not want to have children with a man that is not stong in his religion. A father gives many gifts to his children in his lifetime. The 2 that are the strongest are his religion and his name.

sarah

[jordanianprincess 0]

Have any of you already raised children to adulthood in an interfaith/intercultural marriage? Do you have any real world experience to share rather than supposition and hyotheses? Having done it myself, I believe the fear of confusion is overblown and doesn't reflect the reality of growing up in a culture where all kinds of mixed messages are absorbed inside and outside of the home.

It would perhaps be interesting and helpful to hear from converts raised in a single religion/culture household as to why they converted and/or favor one culture over another.

I don't have children myself and I don't plan on teaching them that everyone that is not a christian will go to hell. I don't want to "scare" my children into religion. However like Laila said, one contradicts the other. It's wonderful that there are sucess stories out there. I just don't think they all end up that way and I know some people personally that have succeeded raising their kids this way and others tha have not.

I am Christian, I believe Jesus is the son of God and he died for our sins, I don't plan on teaching my children otherwise. In fact, can someone, anyone tell me. If you plan to raise your children Christian/Muslim, and the kids learn about Jesus, isn't everything you teach them in Islam going to contradict what I just said?

[sarachid 0]

Have any of you already raised children to adulthood in an interfaith/intercultural marriage? Do you have any real world experience to share rather than supposition and hyotheses? Having done it myself, I believe the fear of confusion is overblown and doesn't reflect the reality of growing up in a culture where all kinds of mixed messages are absorbed inside and outside of the home.

It would perhaps be interesting and helpful to hear from converts raised in a single religion/culture household as to why they converted and/or favor one culture over another.

I don't have children myself and I don't plan on teaching them that everyone that is not a christian will go to hell. I don't want to "scare" my children into religion. However like Laila said, one contradicts the other. It's wonderful that there are sucess stories out there. I just don't think they all end up that way and I know some people personally that have succeeded raising their kids this way and others tha have not.

I am Christian, I believe Jesus is the son of God and he died for our sins, I don't plan on teaching my children otherwise. In fact, can someone, anyone tell me. If you plan to raise your children Christian/Muslim, and the kids learn about Jesus, isn't everything you teach them in Islam going to contradict what I just said?

Yes... you are right... I think also that religion is something that should be discussed before marriage and children.... I don't believe that a person could ever be both muslim/christain or christain/muslim... if they think that is possible for there children to be then they either don't know enough about both religions or they are in a world of candy rainbows and unicorns....

[Veiled Princess 1]

I am Christian, I believe Jesus is the son of God and he died for our sins, I don't plan on teaching my children otherwise. In fact, can someone, anyone tell me. If you plan to raise your children Christian/Muslim, and the kids learn about Jesus, isn't everything you teach them in Islam going to contradict what I just said?

My kids' dad, their uncle (my brother) and their maw-maw teaches them that. It is hard when you teach your child one thing and some one else comes and teaches them something else which is why I don't understand interfaith marriages. Again, I'm not knocking it... just don't understand it.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Many are told that Jesus is God, but choose not to believe it. Some live in a country where Islam is the majority faith, yet remain totally unfazed by its influence. I guess I don't understand how people who chose their faith rather than follow their parent's faith can be so incredulous that others can do the same, children included, without simply being confused. Children in Muslim families leave Islam, just as children in Christian or Jewish homes leave their faiths for what appeals to them. It's not only about what they are taught at home; we're drawn to a path because of a need that must be filled.

I know I don't believe in Islam because my parents did and shared their faith with me. I knew that, in a free country, I had choices, and a church on every corner. Islam was something I had to be convinced of. Just because you're born into a religion doesn't make it yours; faith ain't genetic, ya know.

Have any of you read Daughters of Another Path: Experiences of American Women Choosing Islam ?

Edited July 24, 2006 by szsz

[iceyspots 0]

BARBICAN MOVIE CLUB

CHA CHAAAAAAA

[jordanianprincess 0]

Anyways, back to culture.. What is the most important non-religious tradition you want to pass down to you kids?

For me it's the tradition of making Ma'moul and Ca'ek (Walnut & Date stuffed cookies). This was always such a joy for me growing up. There would be several of doing it in an assembly line, similar to when a mexican family makes tamales. It's a long process but in the end you get to sit and enjoy your cookies..YUM