Raising bi-cultural kids

[iceyspots 0]

:lol: What a way to earn it..

[Sofiyya 1,687]

True, God wil not sort us out according to labels, but according to deads.

That was an unintended play on words. I meant deeds.

[Veiled Princess 1]

The school even put me in speech class to try to remove my accent. You can imagine how my parents hit the roof when they found out!!

My son's school did this to him, they didn't even tell me. He was always talking about his "spanish" class. I was like "what? they are teaching you spanish already?" he said no they are teaching the "spanish" kids to speak english and I have to go. "ok, why?" because I'm vietnamese. "ok, so?" I don't know mom they just make me go.

My son doesn't have an accent, he was born in this country and he doesn't speak a word of vietnamese! I had to inform the hick school that just because someone doesn't have an "american" name does NOT mean they need ESL classes!

It's funny now but I was HOT when I first found out

Now his teachers assume he's Arab because when mommy brings him to school she looks like she just emerged from the dessert I have seriously got to get out of this place

I wanted to comment on a few things I've read so far....

Language: Do not wait to teach your kids Arabic or whatever language your SO speaks. Don't discourage him/her from speaking to your child in his/her language frequently. As a matter of fact, I agree totally with JP, I wouldn't even bother to teach them english at home if you can avoid it. They have plenty of time for that and they'll pick it up from school, friends and TV anyway. My ex husband wouldn't teach my kids his language and now they don't speak it and don't really care to learn. When Yousuf and I have kids I plan to only concentrate on Arabic at home (if I can get the hang of it a little better).

Religion: Arab / Muslim men take their children very seriously, most are not going to allow you to raise them in any other religion besides Islam (or his religion if he's not muslim). If he's shying away from talking about it, there is the sign that he does not intend to budge on that decision. I'm just being straight forward because this is something that needs to be agreed upon before you get married and start having children, otherwise, everyone involved is going to get hurt, most of all the children. Children take the religion of the father, this is why muslim women are not given permission to marry non-muslim men and this is the biggest cause of interfaith marriages between muslim men and christian women falling apart.

Books: I have books and videos out the wazoo for the kids. I'll look into that online book list sometime this weekend to add my pics. I have to work tomorrow so I don't know when I'll have time... well when I'll feel like it Do videos count?

Layla

[iceyspots 0]

True, God wil not sort us out according to labels, but according to deads.

That was an unintended play on words. I meant deeds.

I was wondering about that.....

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I simply cannot type today. Finger freeze . . .

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I dont care what people think .. if i did samir and i wouldnt be together... the way i see it this forum is biased anyway cos it is mostly muslim. newsflash not every muslim man marries in his faith! and it the same thing for me also. we fall in love with who we fall in love with. i think this forum is biased. and you know what? i am sure the same women that are biased were once christians themselves. as far as my afterlife goes well certainly islam does not judge me. God is the only one who judges me. I could say every muslim isnt saved because they dont believe jesus died for their sins.. but i dont. God is the only one who has a say in it. I say this now and will always say it ... i am sure that there will be christians , jews , and muslims in heaven. God will judge you how he sees fit. it is a shame that so many people use their religion to feed hate and bitterness. i think all of us on this earth have it all wrong.

Shannon, I understand what you mean about the bias in the forum, but that doesn't change the fact that when children come, there is major struggle between mixed faith couples about how to raise them and it can cause strong marriages to collapse. The divorce rate for mixed faith couple who each have strong beliefs is high and, sadly, the entry of a child is usually the catalyst for the break up. This is especially true in the west.

OR, one or the other parent converts.

In my line of work, i have met Muslim men who have allowed their children to be baptized by his Christian wife, but it VERY rare. They are ostracized within the Muslim community where the macho ethic is alive and well. A man who cannot convert his wife or who allows her to raise their children non-Muslim is considered to be at best weak, at worst, a traitor to the faith. Sometimes, he will leave the community, sometimes he will leave the marriage.

Please don't think that people are telling you this simply because they are biased. I was married to an Arab Christian; we raised 5 children together until his death six years ago. Each was raised Muslim with plenty of exposure to Christianity, and each has remained Muslim. There are Muslim man/Christian woman marriages in my family where some of the children didn't remain Muslim. In surveys done on mixed faith marriages of Muslims and non-Muslims, ironically, they show that the children of Muslima/ahl al kitab marriages are more likely to choose Islam than those of Muslim man/ahl al kitab marriages. The theory is that mothers spend more time with the kids and have more influence on them.

Anyway, the fact is, no matter how you raise them, even if you baptize them, they will chose at some point or another which path they will take.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Could I make a teensy tiny request as the thread starter? Could we perhaps create two seperate threads to discuss these two issues? One specifically focusing on bi cultural issues, and one focusing on interfaith issues?

[jordanianprincess 0]

Could I make a teensy tiny request as the thread starter? Could we perhaps create two seperate threads to discuss these two issues? One specifically focusing on bi cultural issues, and one focusing on interfaith issues?

From a cultural standpoint:

We will raise our kids to speak arabic, listen to arabic music, eat arabic food, everything will be arabic arabic arabic. We plan to send them back home for the summer to be with his family every year and I may go as well if I can.

We figure this way, they have more of a fighting chance to know about their backround, heritage, culture. Because once they get into kindergarden, they will start to learn all about the american way of life from there on forward.

I myself plan to pass down the same traditions to my children that my mom did to me. Sitting together and making stufted grape leaves (dawali), lebeneh, date cookies (ma'moul) are just a few of the things I want to pass on. Our heritage is so full with culture and tradition, I don't want them to lose one ounce of it.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I myself plan to pass down the same traditions to my children that my mom did to me. Sitting together and making stufted grape leaves (dawali), lebeneh, date cookies (ma'moul) are just a few of the things I want to pass on. Our heritage is so full with culture and tradition, I don't want them to lose one ounce of it.

First I'd have to learn to make mashi (egyptian version of grape leaves) and other egyptian food If I learn arabic inshaAllah, when we go back, I'm going to spend 12 hours a day in the kitchen with my mother in law until I learn how to cook egyptian food, even if it kills me.

Sending kids to the ME for the summer seems like a good idea too. I know the week I spent with my grandparents each summer were some of the best times I had. I'm sure grandma would love that too. We're hoping to have her over on a visitor's visa after our kids are born, so she can spend time with them and impart her mothering wisdom.

[iceyspots 0]

Could I make a teensy tiny request as the thread starter? Could we perhaps create two seperate threads to discuss these two issues? One specifically focusing on bi cultural issues, and one focusing on interfaith issues?

From a cultural standpoint:

We will raise our kids to speak arabic, listen to arabic music, eat arabic food, everything will be arabic arabic arabic. We plan to send them back home for the summer to be with his family every year and I may go as well if I can.

We figure this way, they have more of a fighting chance to know about their backround, heritage, culture. Because once they get into kindergarden, they will start to learn all about the american way of life from there on forward.

I myself plan to pass down the same traditions to my children that my mom did to me. Sitting together and making stufted grape leaves (dawali), lebeneh, date cookies (ma'moul) are just a few of the things I want to pass on. Our heritage is so full with culture and tradition, I don't want them to lose one ounce of it.

yes yacine's sisters taught me a lot of cooking essentials... especially shorba which algerian families don't live without as a starter plate during ramadan... Yacine's little brother told me... If it's ramadan, and there's no shorba, I dont care how hungry I am, I am not eating......

[jordanianprincess 0]

yes yacine's sisters taught me a lot of cooking essentials... especially shorba which algerian families don't live without as a starter plate during ramadan... Yacine's little brother told me... If it's ramadan, and there's no shorba, I dont care how hungry I am, I am not eating......

LOL, when I was in Jordan it was Ramadan, and we went to Burger King and they had a Ramadan Value meal: 1 whopper, 1 chicken sandwich, fries, coke, water, and ofcourse shorabah.

I myself plan to pass down the same traditions to my children that my mom did to me. Sitting together and making stufted grape leaves (dawali), lebeneh, date cookies (ma'moul) are just a few of the things I want to pass on. Our heritage is so full with culture and tradition, I don't want them to lose one ounce of it.

First I'd have to learn to make mashi (egyptian version of grape leaves) and other egyptian food If I learn arabic inshaAllah, when we go back, I'm going to spend 12 hours a day in the kitchen with my mother in law until I learn how to cook egyptian food, even if it kills me.

Sending kids to the ME for the summer seems like a good idea too. I know the week I spent with my grandparents each summer were some of the best times I had. I'm sure grandma would love that too. We're hoping to have her over on a visitor's visa after our kids are born, so she can spend time with them and impart her mothering wisdom.

I want to make sure my kids know their family overseas. His family has refused a green card sponsership 2 times so they won't be coming here anytime soon.

Rahma, you will probebly pick up more arabic back home than you ever will here.

[iceyspots 0]

jp, and that's halal right?

[jordanianprincess 0]

jp, and that's halal right?

[Karen_L 1]

Samir and I plan on having childen. and i cant wait. I have two beautiful girls from my previous marriage and we cant wait to give them a little brother or sister. Our children will learn about Algerian culture and their heritage but as far as religion goes.... we disagree. It will work itself out when the time comes, but, my children are baptised as christians and i intend for our baby to be baptised a christian also. He knows this , and doesnt like it, but he knows i am honest and just say how i feel. he is patient with me i give him that lol that is what the hardest thing will be is two religions in one house. but he is sooooooooooooooo worth it. there isnt a man that is sweeter to me than he is. thank God for Samir

Yeah, my fiance' has agreed that we can baptize our children Catholic, so long as he can share his religious background with them as well. I am the more "religious" of the two of us (i.e. spiritual), but I would NEVER teach my children "only XYZ beliefs are correct!" since I don't believe any one person or group can hold all the answers and know exactly who God is/what God wants from us. I'd like them to be baptized for a variety of reasons (partially to appease my parents, partially because I'm not such a hippie that I'd leave them officially affiliated with NOTHING, and other reasons), but we intend to raise them to believe in a God who wants people to be kind, compassionate, respectful of others and themselves and open to other people and ideas. They can decide about doctrine when they're old enough to truly understand what they're being told/what they read, esp. since neither of us are too 'into' doctrine ourselves. At least, that's the plan.

Also, personally, I think that in a situation where both partners in an interfaith marriage feel strongly about their birth religions and the children MUST be raised to follow a particular doctrine, the children should go with the mother's religion regardless of what the religion is. ::braces herself for the reactions to what she's about to say:: lol Many people will probably disagree with this, but it is my experience that the mother tends to be the "leader," the "heart" of the family, even if people say the father is. I don't buy it. No one does anything if mama ain't happy with it. This is a generalization, I know, but it's what I've witnessed throughout my life, in families from a variety of different cultural and religious backgrounds; the family gathers around the mother. I know this is a generalization and not EVERYONE is this way, but as far as *I* have seen... Mama's in charge.

Edit to add: Btw, the ME/NA Forum is the BEST, most interesting forum, imo. Too bad my visa case doesn't have anything to really do with ME/NA (d@mn European fiance'! lol)

Edited July 22, 2006 by Karen_L

[Joel Halfwassen 0]

As the American saying goes, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy!" I have found this to be more true then not here in the US.

And I would agree about the forum. I go to these threads before I do the others.

Joel

Edited July 22, 2006 by Joel Halfwassen