Raising bi-cultural kids

[jordanianprincess 0]

Very interesting conversation. I don't mean to intrude here but I wanted to ask that given the current climate here in the U.S. and around the world, are you concerned about racism towards your children?

Will the children be looked down upon if they are Egyptian for example but do not speak Arabic (apologize if that is not the language).

I am not worried about racism at all, however I live in a very diversified area. There was alot more racism when I was growing up then there is now. I have a very arabic name and when I was in school all the kids were Mary, Betty, John, Steve, etc. I never had any problems growing up. It would not be looked down on if my kids didnt speak arabic, but why shouldn't they? Its their roots and defines them as an individual. There are alot of arabic kids that don't speak the language, don't know the culture, etc. I think that is very sad. You should always know and be proud of where you come from.

[deeshla 0]

Do most of you plan on using Arabic names for your children or more American sounding names?

If we are blessed with children, I want to select Arabic names (actually have a few picked out).

Rebecca

I am currently pregnant. We are using one Arabic name and one name from my family - his tradition and mine. (A first and a middle, not sure which will come first)

[jordanianprincess 0]

straying here... but glad to see you posting again JP.

Thanks Rebecca

[iceyspots 0]

Samir is very religious but, he aslo respects my religion. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY RELIGION. Samir isnt any less religious becuase he would allow our children to be raised christian. He has never said he would allow it but i am saying i want it. Samir and I wont hve a problem cos of respect. I want my children to know Jesus. If Islam says thats wrong then there is something wrong with that. I can raise my children with good morals and values in christianity. I wont let it become a war between us. Thats why the world is the way it is. People get cuaght up in the RELIGION thing. Samir loves God I love God and my kids love God. That is what matters. Also we have talked about this many times. He wants his kids to be muslim but he said we will talk about it when the time comes. We have a very loving relationship. As far as i am concerned, I dont owe Islam or christianity anything. I answer to GOD not religion.

The statement is a contradiction in itself. If he was very strong in his convictions, then he wouldn't allow the children to be raised non-muslim, period.. it's one way or the other, and I don't think anyone else on here would contest that. Muslims can marry christians, but the children must be raised muslim. If you put it off until later, you'll be really sorry one day and a flame war will start. I don't recall anyone saying christianity was wrong.

[jordanianprincess 0]

When my family moved to the USA, I was raised arabic as I said before. My parents did a great job of raising me, but since they were new to the USA we were all learning together about the USA.

When I was in 1st grade, our teacher handed us a map of the USA and told us to find the state where we were born. Well I was looking and looking all over for Jordan. I couldn't find it, then I saw Georgia, and I said Yesssssssss! this must be it. So when the teacher asked me where I was born I said Georgia, she looked at me with alot of doubt and asked what city, I said Amman, Georgia.

[samir_shannon 0]

Multi - cultural is one thing, but inter religious is another. Any one who gets married to someone from another religion, Whatever it may be, needs to discuss these things before the marriage.

What you raise your kids as is one thing, But you owe them they learn about both or all religions and find there truth.

I have know couples whos marriages have broken up over this. Any religious muslim man will not allow his kids being raised anything but Muslim. After all that is the faith, that is your afterlife.

Rahma - It is more important for you to raise your Children as Proud Good Muslims that in a Cultural way. I myself refuse anything that is said to be "cultural" and follow what I believe to be good. They can take the good of each culture and dispose of the bad.

100% agreed to things in bold

I dont care what people think .. if i did samir and i wouldnt be together... the way i see it this forum is biased anyway cos it is mostly muslim. newsflash not every muslim man marries in his faith! and it the same thing for me also. we fall in love with who we fall in love with. i think this forum is biased. and you know what? i am sure the same women that are biased were once christians themselves. as far as my afterlife goes well certainly islam does not judge me. God is the only one who judges me. I could say every muslim isnt saved because they dont believe jesus died for their sins.. but i dont. God is the only one who has a say in it. I say this now and will always say it ... i am sure that there will be christians , jews , and muslims in heaven. God will judge you how he sees fit. it is a shame that so many people use their religion to feed hate and bitterness. i think all of us on this earth have it all wrong.

[iceyspots 0]

Very interesting conversation. I don't mean to intrude here but I wanted to ask that given the current climate here in the U.S. and around the world, are you concerned about racism towards your children?

Will the children be looked down upon if they are Egyptian for example but do not speak Arabic (apologize if that is not the language).

I am not worried about racism at all, however I live in a very diversified area. There was alot more racism when I was growing up then there is now. I have a very arabic name and when I was in school all the kids were Mary, Betty, John, Steve, etc. I never had any problems growing up. It would not be looked down on if my kids didnt speak arabic, but why shouldn't they? Its their roots and defines them as an individual. There are alot of arabic kids that don't speak the language, don't know the culture, etc. I think that is very sad. You should always know and be proud of where you come from.

:yes:

[deeshla 0]

Me and Yacine plan on teaching our children English first of all, of course..

then we also want them to speak French and Kaybile... Arabic doesn't have much of an importance because it is not in their bloodline...

When they get old enough, we plan on sending them to GRANDMA'S house in Algeria so we can get some much needed alone time.. or we will go with them.. lol

It's much easier if they learn French and Kaybile before English. I spoke nothing but Arabic until I was 5 years old. I learned English in school but I still speak Arabic fluently. What I have noticed is that the parents that I know that speak nothing but their language in their home attain alot more sucess with their kids being fluent in that lauguange. Alot of times kids become ashamed to speak another language once they get older.

agreed... I think it will be easier to teach them french first.. and I imagine that will come naturally since me and Yacine speak French together... mixed in with Arabic and Kaybile.

Kaybile is the language spoken in Yacine's family's household.. but every now and then they add in arabic words, so sometimes I mix up the two !! For example, when Henia's fiancé visited us .. he is arab.... I told him "Qayum"... and he was like "Huh?" ... I said it means sit down.. and then I realized it was Kaybile..

There are a lot of kaybile words that are obviously not arabic because they have sounds that don't exist in arabic.. "itttch agghrom" = "kul khobz" = "eat bread" ... but there are some words that could be an arabic word because they have the same sounds. I know a lot of words and phrases but geez I may confuse the kids......

Cool, so it is Berber, I understand. We also say "tish agghom" for eat bread (no way to explain that strange sound) and "qeem" for sit... Wow. Is there a written system for Kaybile? Tiffinagh? We have Tiffinagh here but no one can read it except the die-hard Amazigh pride folks in the south (and me!)

[sarachid 0]

Samir is very religious but, he aslo respects my religion. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY RELIGION. Samir isnt any less religious becuase he would allow our children to be raised christian. He has never said he would allow it but i am saying i want it. Samir and I wont hve a problem cos of respect. I want my children to know Jesus. If Islam says thats wrong then there is something wrong with that. I can raise my children with good morals and values in christianity. I wont let it become a war between us. Thats why the world is the way it is. People get cuaght up in the RELIGION thing. Samir loves God I love God and my kids love God. That is what matters. Also we have talked about this many times. He wants his kids to be muslim but he said we will talk about it when the time comes. We have a very loving relationship. As far as i am concerned, I dont owe Islam or christianity anything. I answer to GOD not religion.

I think everyone here is just trying to help you avoid possible future problems.. I got married in the mosque with Rachid.. not just with the state certificate.... we even received an Islam marriage certificate but my point is that before we were married they made it clear to me the conditions of the marriage and one of the things they wanted me to understand is that by being married to a Muslim man our children were to be raised as Muslims.... just want to tell you my experiance...

[jordanianprincess 0]

The statement is a contradiction in itself. If he was very strong in his convictions, then he wouldn't allow the children to be raised non-muslim, period.. it's one way or the other, and I don't think anyone else on here would contest that. Muslims can marry christians, but the children must be raised muslim. If you put it off until later, you'll be really sorry one day and a flame war will start. I don't recall anyone saying christianity was wrong.

This is incorrect. Based on your religion yes, but it doesn't always play out that way as there is more than one religion involved. If the father is Muslim, the children are required to follow the faith of the father. If the father is Christian, the children will be Christians. This is all to common in the Middle East. Over there the scenario usually plays out in one of the following ways.

Muslim girl marries Christian man:

1. The children will be Christian and the girl disowned.

2. The children and the father become Muslim and the father is disowned by his family.

Muslim man marries Christian woman

1. The children are muslim and the woman has the choice to convert. However if she does convert she will be disowned.

Again these are the way they play out in the Middle East, but since most of us are marrying men from that part of the world don't be surprised if this is their way of thinking. That's not to say that there aren't more modern people that don't think this way, or people that are not very religious. The above statement only goes for those that are very relgious.

Multi - cultural is one thing, but inter religious is another. Any one who gets married to someone from another religion, Whatever it may be, needs to discuss these things before the marriage.

What you raise your kids as is one thing, But you owe them they learn about both or all religions and find there truth.

I have know couples whos marriages have broken up over this. Any religious muslim man will not allow his kids being raised anything but Muslim. After all that is the faith, that is your afterlife.

Rahma - It is more important for you to raise your Children as Proud Good Muslims that in a Cultural way. I myself refuse anything that is said to be "cultural" and follow what I believe to be good. They can take the good of each culture and dispose of the bad.

100% agreed to things in bold

I dont care what people think .. if i did samir and i wouldnt be together... the way i see it this forum is biased anyway cos it is mostly muslim. newsflash not every muslim man marries in his faith! and it the same thing for me also. we fall in love with who we fall in love with. i think this forum is biased. and you know what? i am sure the same women that are biased were once christians themselves. as far as my afterlife goes well certainly islam does not judge me. God is the only one who judges me. I could say every muslim isnt saved because they dont believe jesus died for their sins.. but i dont. God is the only one who has a say in it. I say this now and will always say it ... i am sure that there will be christians , jews , and muslims in heaven. God will judge you how he sees fit. it is a shame that so many people use their religion to feed hate and bitterness. i think all of us on this earth have it all wrong.

Shannon I am Christian and so is my fiance. You are right, not every Muslim man marries in his faith. However its his god given right to have his children be Muslim. Even a priest will tell you that. When my cousin got married and had kids, she refused to baptise them since she is Muslim. However even her own mother told her, that you can't deny your husband this right of baptizing his kids. You chose to marry a Christian man, and you choose to have kids with him. If this arrangment works out for you, then thats great. We are just forwarning you and you can keep this information in the back of your mind. It may not happen, and hopefully it won't. I hope everything works out well for both you and Samir.

[Bosco 1]

Shannon,

I don't think anyone is judging you and I think saying people are feeding hate or bitterness and that is a gross mischaracterization of what has been said in this thread. We are trying to give you advice and that is coming from a caring place, not a mean-spirited or bias one. It has nothing to do with thinking Christianity is wrong and Islam is right but how these situations work out in reality. Nor is anyone judging you or Christianity but trying to give you a heads up for what could end up being a big disappointment for you.

I am sure you know Samir better than anyone else and since you think we are all bias, think about joining a few groups online for mixed marriages and see if anyone has had success in getting a Muslim man to accept his children be raised Christian. It isn't about knowing Jesus, for Muslims love Jesus too - but they have a different idea of who he was (Prophet rather than son). Alternatively, call a few mosques and ask the imam if he has ever known this to happen. For that matter, if you know a church leader involved in the interfaith community, ask his/her opinion.

Rebecca

I dont care what people think .. if i did samir and i wouldnt be together... the way i see it this forum is biased anyway cos it is mostly muslim. newsflash not every muslim man marries in his faith! and it the same thing for me also. we fall in love with who we fall in love with. i think this forum is biased. and you know what? i am sure the same women that are biased were once christians themselves. as far as my afterlife goes well certainly islam does not judge me. God is the only one who judges me. I could say every muslim isnt saved because they dont believe jesus died for their sins.. but i dont. God is the only one who has a say in it. I say this now and will always say it ... i am sure that there will be christians , jews , and muslims in heaven. God will judge you how he sees fit. it is a shame that so many people use their religion to feed hate and bitterness. i think all of us on this earth have it all wrong.

Edited July 21, 2006 by Bosco

[crazyinEgypt 0]

I am a Christian and Amr is Muslim. Amr and I respect each other religions and in the time we have been together, it's never been an issue. We have both been "warned" that chances our marriage won't work because we are different religions, cultures, etc, but we are out to prove everyone wrong. We both love God and that is the focus of both our religions. He has gone to church with me and I have gone to the mosque with him as well. As for our kids, we are going to teach them both religions, but upmost to love, trust and follow God. And for names, we are choosing and arabic and american name for the first & middle name.

Edited July 21, 2006 by crazyinEgypt

[iceyspots 0]

The statement is a contradiction in itself. If he was very strong in his convictions, then he wouldn't allow the children to be raised non-muslim, period.. it's one way or the other, and I don't think anyone else on here would contest that. Muslims can marry christians, but the children must be raised muslim. If you put it off until later, you'll be really sorry one day and a flame war will start. I don't recall anyone saying christianity was wrong.

This is incorrect. Based on your religion yes, but it doesn't always play out that way as there is more than one religion involved. If the father is Muslim, the children are required to follow the faith of the father. If the father is Christian, the children will be Christians. This is all to common in the Middle East. Over there the scenario usually plays out in one of the following ways.

Muslim girl marries Christian man:

1. The children will be Christian and the girl disowned.

2. The children and the father become Muslim and the father is disowned by his family.

Muslim man marries Christian woman

1. The children are muslim and the woman has the choice to convert. However if she does convert she will be disowned.

Again these are the way they play out in the Middle East, but since most of us are marrying men from that part of the world don't be surprised if this is their way of thinking. That's not to say that there aren't more modern people that don't think this way, or people that are not very religious. The above statement only goes for those that are very relgious.

Multi - cultural is one thing, but inter religious is another. Any one who gets married to someone from another religion, Whatever it may be, needs to discuss these things before the marriage.

What you raise your kids as is one thing, But you owe them they learn about both or all religions and find there truth.

I have know couples whos marriages have broken up over this. Any religious muslim man will not allow his kids being raised anything but Muslim. After all that is the faith, that is your afterlife.

Rahma - It is more important for you to raise your Children as Proud Good Muslims that in a Cultural way. I myself refuse anything that is said to be "cultural" and follow what I believe to be good. They can take the good of each culture and dispose of the bad.

100% agreed to things in bold

I dont care what people think .. if i did samir and i wouldnt be together... the way i see it this forum is biased anyway cos it is mostly muslim. newsflash not every muslim man marries in his faith! and it the same thing for me also. we fall in love with who we fall in love with. i think this forum is biased. and you know what? i am sure the same women that are biased were once christians themselves. as far as my afterlife goes well certainly islam does not judge me. God is the only one who judges me. I could say every muslim isnt saved because they dont believe jesus died for their sins.. but i dont. God is the only one who has a say in it. I say this now and will always say it ... i am sure that there will be christians , jews , and muslims in heaven. God will judge you how he sees fit. it is a shame that so many people use their religion to feed hate and bitterness. i think all of us on this earth have it all wrong.

Shannon I am Christian and so is my fiance. You are right, not every Muslim man marries in his faith. However its his god given right to have his children be Muslim. Even a priest will tell you that. When my cousin got married and had kids, she refused to baptise them since she is Muslim. However even her own mother told her, that you can't deny your husband this right of baptizing his kids. You chose to marry a Christian man, and you choose to have kids with him. If this arrangment works out for you, then thats great. We are just forwarning you and you can keep this information in the back of your mind. It may not happen, and hopefully it won't. I hope everything works out well for both you and Samir.

thanks for the bit of info.

[crazyinEgypt 0]

if you know a church leader involved in the interfaith community, ask his/her opinion

My daddy is a preacher so you can imagine the conversations we have had. After meeting and talking to Amr, my dad knows that Amr is a follower of God, does not matter what his religion is. When it comes down to it all, when we are all knocking on those pearly gates one day, I don't think God will say "are you Muslim, Christian, Jew, etc?" He will say "you are a follower of me."

[Joel Halfwassen 0]

When my family moved to the USA, I was raised arabic as I said before. My parents did a great job of raising me, but since they were new to the USA we were all learning together about the USA.

When I was in 1st grade, our teacher handed us a map of the USA and told us to find the state where we were born. Well I was looking and looking all over for Jordan. I couldn't find it, then I saw Georgia, and I said Yesssssssss! this must be it. So when the teacher asked me where I was born I said Georgia, she looked at me with alot of doubt and asked what city, I said Amman, Georgia.

You know I had a similar problem. I was born in Canada. I couldn't find Ottawa on the map we were given. It was rather a stressful moment in my life. Like I really didn't exist. The school even put me in speech class to try to remove my accent. You can imagine how my parents hit the roof when they found out!! Once the teach learned I was from a different country and did not have a speech impediment we had a class conversation about 'foreign' people. And then people asking questions like "Say something in your native language." <sigh> Thank God the 70's are over. I would say that things have gotten better since most people now know where Canada is at least. Although that is mostly due to the hub over the 'Medicare' bus trips for cheap Canadian drugs.

Joel