When marriage on VJ fails...

[Gemmie 142]

I feel the same, Adam.

I found it really difficult to pack my bags and leave everything I knew. I haven't seen my family and friends in almost half a year now, and even though it gets easier (I was missing them dreadfully when I first got here), it's not something I would ever do if it wasn't for my husband.

When I was 14, I told myself that I was going to be a writer and live in America, and I have no idea why I thought that... I didn't know anything about the country. Anyone that didn't know anything else about me might claim that I had that intention when I came here and married, but to be honest, I completely forgot about that dream when I did move for real.

I am given many opportunities in America; I can claim resident tuition rates, I can work the same as a US citizen, I can get a credit card, a house, etc.. all of the things that I could do in my own country (except vote). I am grateful that America allows me to build a life here with one of its citizens, even though the process to do so is long and infuriating at times. On the other hand, America is scary.. there are many things politically that are bizarre to people in the UK, and even in my area, it's like a whole other world. Everyone goes hunting, there are stores dedicated to this everywhere, everyone has a gun, there is small print and disclaimers everywhere to prevent lawsuits, the food is often riddled with sugars and fats, there is no public transport, and people speak funny.

When I hear people put immigrants in this "fraudster" box, it irks me. I'm not from a high-fraud country, but I've still heard things. I belonged to another public forum for 6 years and when they found out I was moving to the US, I got comments about stealing government jobs and welfare.

I'd just like to add that I've seen this happen in my own country too. Whenever someone hears of someone "emigrating" to the UK from a high-fraud country, the first thing they usually speak of is how they'll be handed all kinds of property and welfare packages, and steal British jobs. And I bet if I go to a British immigration site, there will be plenty of fraud topics there too. I don't think it's specific to Americans, or anything to do with some patriotic ego. I think it goes deeper than that.

[HannahP 119]

Personally, the assertion that the the immigrant has something to gain by going to the US saddens me

You do have something to gain though! You get to be with the person that you love.

[*JG* 2]

...why does the USC part of the equation routinely -not always- claims visa fraud? I find it pretty annoying and sometimes insulting.

Seriously folks. Marriages break up all the time. Marriage to a foreigner is no different than any other marriage.

To jump into this forum claiming fraud when the issues were everyday couple issues is the utmost expression of sour grapes.

Discuss.

I didn't.

[AdamF 1]

Personally, the assertion that the the immigrant has something to gain by going to the US saddens me

You do have something to gain though! You get to be with the person that you love.

Well I suppose there is that minor detail :D :D

[Enlighten one :) 5]

...why does the USC part of the equation routinely -not always- claims visa fraud? I find it pretty annoying and sometimes insulting.

Seriously folks. Marriages break up all the time. Marriage to a foreigner is no different than any other marriage.

To jump into this forum claiming fraud when the issues were everyday couple issues is the utmost expression of sour grapes.

Discuss.

I think it just seems easier to blame the failing of a marriage on the alien spouse claiming fraud instead of looking at the real issues that might have lead to it failing. Guess you can't do that when both are USCs and they have to deal with their part in the problem.

I also think that its a lot easier for alien spouses to claim abuse on their USC spouses if they don't want to put in the hard-work into the marriage.

Which one is worse than the other?

Every time I read that statement I can't help but laugh. I cant say what I really think because it goes against the use agreement.

I would have loved to say it didn't work out because of cultural difference, money, we didn't know each other long enough. As I know most spouses who are victims of immigration fraud would. That is the easy way out. Admitting you were lied to for a green card is more difficult and embarrassing. I came back to share my story to help woman know about these problems. Until you have been through something.........YOU HAVE NO GROUND TO GIVE YOUR OPINION OR JUDGMENT ON IT. Why are you even debating on something that is so sensitive to someone whether it is true or not. Because you have nothing better to do then be little other peoples anguish???????????????????

[christeen 966]

...why does the USC part of the equation routinely -not always- claims visa fraud? I find it pretty annoying and sometimes insulting.

Seriously folks. Marriages break up all the time. Marriage to a foreigner is no different than any other marriage.

To jump into this forum claiming fraud when the issues were everyday couple issues is the utmost expression of sour grapes.

Discuss.

I think it just seems easier to blame the failing of a marriage on the alien spouse claiming fraud instead of looking at the real issues that might have lead to it failing. Guess you can't do that when both are USCs and they have to deal with their part in the problem.

I also think that its a lot easier for alien spouses to claim abuse on their USC spouses if they don't want to put in the hard-work into the marriage.

Which one is worse than the other?

Every time I read that statement I can't help but laugh. I cant say what I really think because it goes against the use agreement.

I would have loved to say it didn't work out because of cultural difference, money, we didn't know each other long enough. As I know most spouses who are victims of immigration fraud would. That is the easy way out. Admitting you were lied to for a green card is more difficult and embarrassing. I came back to share my story to help woman know about these problems. Until you have been through something.........YOU HAVE NO GROUND TO GIVE YOUR OPINION OR JUDGMENT ON IT. Why are you even debating on something that is so sensitive to someone whether it is true or not. Because you have nothing better to do then be little other peoples anguish???????????????????

However, on both sides it is much easier to be a victim then part of the problem or admit flaws in judgement and/or poor personal choices. I can also think back to when I had a bad break up yet still did not want to cut all ties and never see that person again. I would suppose for the immigrant that leaving the country and going back home right away has a scary finality to it. Once they return, there is no hope in working things out or having the spouse see them and realize what a mistake it was to seperate... Not sure how much this plays into some recent immigrants wanting to stay??/ Just a thought...

[sachinky 465]

I agree with your assessment -- it's easier to claim to be a victim that to realize that they too were a part of the problem. It's easier to admit that one was tricked/lied/deceived/manipulated rather than owning up to one's lack of judgment or poor choices made.

Again, NOT saying fraud doesn't happen. Sure it does.

It's like saying "He cheated on me." And yes, that is unforgivable, practically criminal, in my book. But maybe one should take a step back and analyze the situation objectively. What led him to cheat on you, in the first place? Did you have a part to play in the process? Were there pre-existing issues in the relationship? External factors, etc?

I don't know, I'm just thinking/typing out aloud here.

[TBoneTX 45,287]

What led him to cheat on you, in the first place? Did you have a part to play in the process? Were there pre-existing issues in the relationship? External factors, etc?

Perhaps it goes all the way back to faulty selection of a potential mate (see earlier post from here about this), si man.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

What led him to cheat on you, in the first place? Did you have a part to play in the process? Were there pre-existing issues in the relationship? External factors, etc?

Perhaps it goes all the way back to faulty selection of a potential mate (see earlier post from here about this), si man.

You don't say

[DanielParul 50]

I agree with your assessment -- it's easier to claim to be a victim that to realize that they too were a part of the problem. It's easier to admit that one was tricked/lied/deceived/manipulated rather than owning up to one's lack of judgment or poor choices made.

Again, NOT saying fraud doesn't happen. Sure it does.

It's like saying "He cheated on me." And yes, that is unforgivable, practically criminal, in my book. But maybe one should take a step back and analyze the situation objectively. What led him to cheat on you, in the first place? Did you have a part to play in the process? Were there pre-existing issues in the relationship? External factors, etc?

I don't know, I'm just thinking/typing out aloud here.

Agree

[DanielParul 50]

...why does the USC part of the equation routinely -not always- claims visa fraud? I find it pretty annoying and sometimes insulting.

Seriously folks. Marriages break up all the time. Marriage to a foreigner is no different than any other marriage.

To jump into this forum claiming fraud when the issues were everyday couple issues is the utmost expression of sour grapes.

Discuss.

I think it just seems easier to blame the failing of a marriage on the alien spouse claiming fraud instead of looking at the real issues that might have lead to it failing. Guess you can't do that when both are USCs and they have to deal with their part in the problem.

I also think that its a lot easier for alien spouses to claim abuse on their USC spouses if they don't want to put in the hard-work into the marriage.

Which one is worse than the other?

Every time I read that statement I can't help but laugh. I cant say what I really think because it goes against the use agreement.

I would have loved to say it didn't work out because of cultural difference, money, we didn't know each other long enough. As I know most spouses who are victims of immigration fraud would. That is the easy way out. Admitting you were lied to for a green card is more difficult and embarrassing. I came back to share my story to help woman know about these problems. Until you have been through something.........YOU HAVE NO GROUND TO GIVE YOUR OPINION OR JUDGMENT ON IT. Why are you even debating on something that is so sensitive to someone whether it is true or not. Because you have nothing better to do then be little other peoples anguish???????????????????

Is it belittling or just my opinion? Please share your story with women but also remember not everyone thinks like you. If it is such a sensitive issue for you then you might do better talking to private friends and family instead of posting it on a public forum and asking for inputs. You have my sympathy for what happened to you but it still does not change the fact that maybe a little introspection is needed in most cases why the marriage failed rather than claiming GC fraud or abuse.

[Sandrila 1]

Any time you marry someone you open your heart, let down your guard and take a risk.

Even the best laid plans go awry.

I think it is pretty naive to go into a relationship such as we are and not consider and/or be certain

about someone's motives.

Sometimes the feelings we feel are so intense and overpowering in the beginning that our head may miss,

or care to dismiss some important signs.

[TBoneTX 45,287]

Perhaps it goes all the way back to faulty selection of a potential mate (see earlier post from here about this), si man.

You don't say

Yes I do say, si Sister, and apparently so did others following, si man.

[Catt 6]

What personally annoys me in this type of discussions, is when people follow the "the relationship failed" (for whatever reason) message, with "put him on a plane back home asap!!".

It is not like in an immigrant is a bowl of spaghetti that you an send back to the kitchen if something is wrong. And it is not the US Citizen's job to put anyone back on a plane to wherever.

One can terminate the relationship, cut all ties, get a divorce, and - if there is indeed a valid reason to suspect fraud - notify USCIS. After that, the foreign national is on his own and it is no longer your concern where he chooses to reside. But the whole ship them back home reasoning is inappropriate.

Your initial argument that it fraud should not immediately be called when a relationship fails, I can only second. Some people will sue over/use anything to get back at one another in such situations, is the sad truth. Often it is through the kids. It is not far fetched that the fraud argument is sometimes used as another stick to beat the other person.

On the other hand, fraud does happen and it angers me, since such cases only make it harder for all the well meaning people stuck in this immigration mill, apart from the individual damage they inflict. It is also good that such cases are brought to the attention of other members on this forum, if only to serve as a warning.