When marriage on VJ fails...

[rlogan 2,036]

I still have people that are waiting for my marriage to fall apart so they could say "I told you so".

Ha ha that's pretty funny. Same here.

Two years of it from a very small but apparantly outraged group.

We're so stupid we're happy together.

[NArocks 13]

For I would blame the children

I thought it was pretty egotistical for the poster in post numer 2,,,,,, to pipe in like you were trying to point them out

FFS Love that expression

By popular demand

to M4H love ya babes

Edited November 20, 2009 by NArocks

[NArocks 13]

It is just another angle to lay blame and also gives another opportunity to claim that "see...it wasn't my fault"....both parties in the break down of a relationship do it, throw in immigration and it's just another weapon to use....

I think I just repeated what you said in another way

Actually, I do get annoyed when I read of relationships breaking down and the first thing they think about is how to send their immigrant spouse 'back to where they came from' like an unwanted puppy.

Wot? You mean that date on the I94 isn't a warranty expiry deadline?

[justashooter 430]

1.) sister Ellie, I agree. I feel terrible to know there are some aszwipes out there who actually lie their way through. Yeah, it does happen.

2.) But like you said, to then turn around and refer to us foreign spouses as discarded furniture is fcked up. and I am tired of hearing it over and over here.

1.) i am surprised to hear you finally admit that. to date you never have.

2.) so you do have a dog in this fight.

$hit happens.

people get married without thinking things thru all the time. they are stupid to do so.

scammers use USC for immigration benefits all the time, they are corrupted in nature to do so.

every immigrant weighs the costs and benefits of the move. some take a loss to come to USA. most see the move as a benefit. for some, it is the primary reason for the marriage. if such a marriage ends thru no fault of the USC, then they have been used. no two ways about it. the immigrant still "wins" something they didn't have before, and often couldn't get any other way.

this is the big problem with K1 visa. it allows people to marry strangers they met in internet dating sites etc, and import them after spending just a few days together. what reasonable person would do such a thing? maybe the problem isn't with the K1 visa, but the people that are using it foolishly.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

####### r u talking about farmer boy???

I do not "have a dog in this fight" (the eloquence of your prose astonishes me) -- I do have a problem with eternal whiners that are prompt to claim "FRAUD" as soon as their marriages are over for a multiplicity of OTHER non-immigration related reasons.

Then again, your line of thought is exactly that: uni-linear.

Thanks for playing.

[justashooter 430]

####### r u talking about farmer boy???

I do not "have a dog in this fight" (the eloquence of your prose astonishes me) -- I do have a problem with eternal whiners that are prompt to claim "FRAUD" as soon as their marriages are over for a multiplicity of OTHER non-immigration related reasons.

Then again, your line of thought is exactly that: uni-linear.

Thanks for playing.

hey there city girl,

you do have a dog in the fight (betting on your own resources).

i have a problem with whiners who deny that immigration fraud occurs when it is so widespread.

i also have a problem with people saying that they were "abused", but that their new boyfriend is perfect, and they want to stay in America because they have so much effort invested in getting here.

anyone who has worked with real victims of domestic abuse knows that they do not form trust object transferrence relationships quickly after separation from a genuine abuser, and that they want to be free of all things associated with such a person. i have seen very few posters on this board with this pattern of behaviour asking about how they can keep their immigration benefits. i have seen lots more posters who do not evidence a history of genuine abuse asking about how they can keep their immigration benefits.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I concur with the abuse part being also called upon once too often on these boards, and i said so before --- but you just pick and choose where to quote me. And do me a favor, do not even try to pretend you know ####### about spousal abuse. I have been working in that field for over 10 years in a volunteer basis and have experienced it first hand. Nice try though.

[Susita 175]

Just to be clear, I don't think the idea of this was to say that fraud doesn't occur... because DUH it does, and often.

I think that the purpose of this thread was to show that a lot of couples DONT have fraudulent relationships, so when there is a break-up, due to their own fault or the fault of their husband/wife, overreact and seek revenge for a failed relationship.

One of the things they can hold over the head of their ex is their immigration status. And IMO, that's pretty screwed up.

I've seen this happen with relationships that don't have any immigration problems. Sometimes ex's are bitter and will take any little thing and blow it out of proportion to get revenge.

[Usui Takumi 1,562]

Just to add another wasp to the nest, when people do petition for a K1 when they haven't been with the person IN PERSON for very long they SHOULD use the K1 as a "tryout" visa and make the decision near the 90 days.

Edited November 21, 2009 by Sousuke

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Just to be clear, I don't think the idea of this was to say that fraud doesn't occur... because DUH it does, and often.

I think that the purpose of this thread was to show that a lot of couples DONT have fraudulent relationships, so when there is a break-up, due to their own fault or the fault of their husband/wife, overreact and seek revenge for a failed relationship.

One of the things they can hold over the head of their ex is their immigration status. And IMO, that's pretty screwed up.

I've seen this happen with relationships that don't have any immigration problems. Sometimes ex's are bitter and will take any little thing and blow it out of proportion to get revenge.

Thank you Susita. You do know how to read.

[Minya's wife 24]

One of the things they can hold over the head of their ex is their immigration status. And IMO, that's pretty screwed up.

Its the 'nature of the beast,' I think. The very fact that it is an immigrant vs. USC marriage is what prompts the overwhelming cries of fraud when/if the relationship hits the skids. When a relationship ends, people try to rationalize the reasons behind it...and whenever those reasons indicate that that fault lies within, its just easier to turn a blind eye and cry fraud. Couple that with the immigration status being a very real thing to hold over your ex's head...and you have the multitude of threads about which we're speaking.

Its very screwed up...my opinion as well!

[justashooter 430]

I concur with the abuse part being also called upon once too often on these boards, and i said so before --- but you just pick and choose where to quote me. And do me a favor, do not even try to pretend you know ####### about spousal abuse. I have been working in that field for over 10 years in a volunteer basis and have experienced it first hand. Nice try though.

len, i think you really do have a dog in that fight. maybe you should cancel your bets and pull your dog out of the ring.

your perspective is skewed.

[Machita 1]

I don't know why do you care. my personal opinion, if there is something to prove that the immigrant used his spouse for a green card, the USC should flip out and do whatever he/she can to "package and ship" the fraudulent to where he was before. But if there is no evidence on that, leave it to the USCIS. I think they know what they are doing and hope they will make the life of a fraudulent a nightmare if they catch him/her.

[bryonm4 0]

A person form a foreign country moves here to be with there spouse the marriage breaks up shortly after that. The person has no job, friends or relatives here but decidedes to stay in this country instead of going back to there own country to be with there releatives, family, and friends.

In that situation I would 100% visa fraud, if the only reason you are moving here is because you love your spouse and its over then why stay unless that wasn't the only reason you came here?

[Gemmie 142]

I agree that it's annoying to see the USC crying fraud whenever a marriage fails. I'm not saying that it never IS fraud. All we can ever know is what is posted here, and even in some of the posts, it's easy to see a failure of communication. Funnily enough, that is often a huge factor in divorce.

To me, that says that when there is a failure of communication, it can become easy for people to misinterpret and build resentment against the other person. If the American has a niggling feeling at the back of their head that there is even a possibility of a fraudulent marriage, that feeling will only get worse as the marriage deteriorates. And when it finally does, it's easier for that person to confirm their own thoughts as a self-fulfilling prophecy, rather than accept that there were real problems in the marriage.

What makes me more annoyed is seeing people end their story with "how do I revoke their green card?" or "how do I send them back?" You don't. That is not a broken item from eBay, that is a human being, and one that YOU petitioned to bring to the US. If you discover that the marriage didn't work out, for *whatever* reason, take some responsibility and cut your losses. Say "OK, we both learned from this" and then move on with your own life. What reason could there be (other than abuse) to send someone out of the country if not bitterness and some twisted kind of revenge?