When marriage on VJ fails...

[Chica Yeyé 41]

...why does the USC part of the equation routinely -not always- claims visa fraud? I find it pretty annoying and sometimes insulting.

Seriously folks. Marriages break up all the time. Marriage to a foreigner is no different than any other marriage.

To jump into this forum claiming fraud when the issues were everyday couple issues is the utmost expression of sour grapes.

Discuss.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I guess they need someone to blame when they're angry and bitter about it.

It's sad really, but I guess it's how humans work.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

I wish i could claim the marriage just didn't work out. Don't you think it would be so much easier on my pride? I actually tried to end things and just say Hey they just did not work out. Despite all the lies and manipuation I went through. The emails I found between him and his brother discussing it.

Oh no, the universe or God as I choose to say it was not going to let me live in denial. My ex called the cops on me to claim he was afriad for his safety. Yet three weeks prior I told him he could go live iwth his brotheer in AZ or stay as a roomate. I wasn't even home when he called the cops. Or maybe he waited outside until I pulled up.

I see your point, but It has fallen on deaf ears with me.

Do you think it was easy to post my story on this forum. Absolutely not. Took me 6 weeks of healing and building my courage to come here. I have nothing to gain by sharing the tradgedy other then to help other woman who might feel confused and migt see the signs but can't put their finger on the answers.

[Welshcookie 17]

It is just another angle to lay blame and also gives another opportunity to claim that "see...it wasn't my fault"....both parties in the break down of a relationship do it, throw in immigration and it's just another weapon to use....

I think I just repeated what you said in another way

Actually, I do get annoyed when I read of relationships breaking down and the first thing they think about is how to send their immigrant spouse 'back to where they came from' like an unwanted puppy.

Edited November 20, 2009 by Welshcookie

[Enlighten one :) 5]

I don't like it when people want to send people home either when their relationship fails. But there are a large number of woman/men who have been used. So to decifer the fact , realty, fiction is for them to decide.

I seen it, but because of the immigration process stayed in it longer then I would have had he been from the US. So please.

Never once did I throw the immigration process over his head. The only reason I told him he coudl stay was becasue he just started working. Wanted to do what worked best for all parties involved.

I wish i could claim the marriage just didn't work out. Don't you think it would be so much easier on my pride? I actually tried to end things and just say Hey they just did not work out. Despite all the lies and manipuation I went through. The emails I found between him and his brother discussing it.

Oh no, the universe or God as I choose to say it was not going to let me live in denial. My ex called the cops on me to claim he was afriad for his safety. Yet three weeks prior I told him he could go live iwth his brotheer in AZ or stay as a roomate. I wasn't even home when he called the cops. Or maybe he waited outside until I pulled up.

I see your point, but It has fallen on deaf ears with me.

Do you think it was easy to post my story on this forum. Absolutely not. Took me 6 weeks of healing and building my courage to come here. I have nothing to gain by sharing the tradgedy other then to help other woman who might feel confused and migt see the signs but can't put their finger on the answers.

[Ban Hammer 13,344]

someone got married on vj? link me!

[Mononoke28 135]

I personally think that it's pretty naive to go into a marriage without analyzing everything, even the fact that it's possible that it may not work out. Before getting married and before filing each person has to realize that there's a 50/50 chance it will work out, and if it doesn't, the reasons are endless. But to be shocked at "feeling used" for a green card, it's pretty naive like I said.

Just let it go and move on as most people do with ANY relationship.

Diana

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Was extreemly aware. As I stated that I ended things was moving on. When a man calls the cops on you to prove he ws here on a good faith marriage kinda changes the picture. So its not that simple to just move on when you put someoen through school help them get on their feet hear and then they call the cops on you. It's way more then Just being used.

I am not going to let people deminish something so seriouse.

I personally think that it's pretty naive to go into a marriage without analyzing everything, even the fact that it's possible that it may not work out. Before getting married and before filing each person has to realize that there's a 50/50 chance it will work out, and if it doesn't, the reasons are endless. But to be shocked at "feeling used" for a green card, it's pretty naive like I said.

Just let it go and move on as most people do with ANY relationship.

Diana

[Chica Yeyé 41]

This thread is NOT about any particular person, mmmm'kay???

I just find it childish to honestly come in and say "he/she USED me for a GC and left me" alongside the despicable "how do I deport/return him/her?" #######,. people need to be adults -- a marriage is over, it's hurtful yada yada yada. Make it a lesson in growth and MOVE ON.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

This thread is NOT about any particular person, mmmm'kay???

But it is about my particular situation. So I am going to give my point of view. Or was this thread made for only the people who agreed with you?

I guess my opinion does not support your theory so you can choose to ignore more post.

But other will have to consider the ramification of people who come to US by way of immigraion fraud. They tie of the system.

Not all woman who have been scammed even deal with anythign more then getting a divorce. It can be paralyzing to some woman. I haven't even submitted my emails with his brother to ICE yet, only for it is another step I have to deal with.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

FFS. Enlighten...this thread it NOT about you. At all. I don't know you, neither do I know what really happened to you, nor do I have a vested interest in your situation.

This thread is to talk about why most USCs claim the same ####### after divorcing a foreigner. It is offensive, and paints all foreigners as GC hungry people; which most of us are not.

Again, perhaps you would like to do something mature... like make this a chance of growth and move on, build a life for yourself and be happy. Bitterness generates only more bitterness.

[allousa 1]

What annoys me most about these situations is that the USC refuses to admit that there were warnings well before they got married and well before the SO got here.

Good grief, I saw my husband EVERY DAY for almost a year before we got married and we talked ALOT about his religion, children and all that stuff. Well nine years later, I'm still learning stuff about his culture and religion that I did not know. I'm not saying that you can't find true love by meeting someone on line, because I know that it really does happen. But to not acknowledge meeting someone online, visiting them once or twice, getting married and then bringing them here to the States adds incredible tensions to the mix. Not to mention if there are children from a previous marriage, ex-spouses to deal with and all the pitfalls that can come with adjustment. The reality is that the deck is stacked hard against relationships with these challenges. AGAIN, not saying that they don't or can't work out, but it takes alot of damn work!

Now if soooooooo many of these guys are really only in it for the GC and the USC's never saw a thing coming, the as I've said before, Hollywood is digging in the wrong patch of dirt for Oscar winners!

[Ellie-and-David 38]

Sometimes it is easier to blame it on the universe, than to admit to yourself that ya screwed up.

Maybe some USC's dont make good choices in their partners and feel foolish when the relationship doesn't work out.

More often or not, I think that the "used for a GC" line of thinking absolves them of any real responsibility for anything they have done that may or may not have contributed to the breakdown. It's always easier to have a "nothing to do with me guv" attitude when you want to sleep better at night.

It annoys the ####### outta me when I see thread after thread of..."how do I send them back?" or "I am not going to do AOS even though I married them" or "I'm going to withhold ROC until they behave" Whilst I understand no one wants to be on the hook financially for an ex, more often than not, I see a chorus of agreement with this line of thinking. It annoys me because......I gave up a lot for my husband, and it's not just as easy as going home. I have a job here, what if I cant get one there? If we ever divorced (and I would fight to the death before I threw my hands up on him) why should I go home? I have built a life here. I personally probably would go home, but it would be MY frickin choice after all I sacrificed.

Should I be labelled a GC seeker in those circumstances?

I'm sorry to all of those who have been the unwilling participants in visa fraud, I really am. But the culture of jumping to the wrong conclusion on this website drives me insane. As the immigrant, I find these assumptions downright insulting sometimes.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

sister Ellie, I agree. I feel terrible to know there are some aszwipes out there who actually lie their way through. Yeah, it does happen. But like you said, to then turn around and refer to us foreign spouses as discarded furniture is fcked up. and I am tired of hearing it over and over here.

[Twisted K 2]

FFS. Enlighten...this thread it NOT about you. At all. I don't know you, neither do I know what really happened to you, nor do I have a vested interest in your situation.

This thread is to talk about why most USCs claim the same ####### after divorcing a foreigner. It is offensive, and paints all foreigners as GC hungry people; which most of us are not.

Again, perhaps you would like to do something mature... like make this a chance of growth and move on, build a life for yourself and be happy. Bitterness generates only more bitterness.

Len, you are a foreigner? Say what?? I thought you were the USC