Beware of the smiling lady

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Can I just remind everyone that personal attacks are against Visa Journeys TOS. If you can not reply to a post without attacking other members then please do not post. Any continuing attacks will be met with further action.

Tay

Visa Journey Moderation Team

Yes Chill Out everyone. Don't spoil my thread.

Kailey makes some good general points but everyone's relationship is different. Alla and I dicussed many times if I should come to see her in Moscow but she felt based on the excellent quality of our correspondence she would rather me save my precious vacation time for when she arrived. We do plan to go back and personally meet the family and friends next year.

And we both are only planning on having our relationship last forever. We might be shooting too low but we will see!!

Congratulations Phil and Alla. Best of luck.

[Jonathan Matthies 1]

And I thought it was a forum about camaraderie.

I thought that said Canadian and i was very confused. I read it twice even! I need to stop reading the forums before the coffee kicks in.

[Chris_Жанна 11]

I want to apologize to the thread and Phil.

I did not mean to spoil your thread, I am sorry.

I reported the one poster and myself (to be fair) because I felt our conversation was not in the true "esprit de corps" of VJ.

I am not here to argue with anyone. Yes, I like to engage in debate and argue a point, but there are mature ways to go about this without criticizing someones personal life. We all have opinions, but when those opinions go on the offensive, it becomes an attack. And it is really not necessary, like someone else said, it is about being in "The same boat".

Yes, I may be tender. But I tend to think that showing vulnerabilities makes you a stronger person in the long run. Believe me I'm from NYC and I know how to be hard too, you have to be to survive there. I choose to have a more open nature. Honestly, from where I'm from if the earlier conversation ensued in real life, and it were two men or two woman. Someone would be getting their butt kicked to the curb, no questions asked. But, I decided that's not how I want to live my life, That's why I moved. Believe me I am tender and sensitive but I can defiantly hold my own.

And to Kailey, you can have your opinion, but please keep it to yourself when it come to my relationship. If you choose to stay ignorant about the TOS it is your choice, but the second you say anything negative about me or my relationship I will report it. And then you can explain your position to the Mods. I am washing my hands of this.

Again I apologize to Phil and the rest of the thread. The only reason I went off topic in the thread is because I knew Phil had another thread about his and Alla's success.

Again, Congrats to Phil and Alla this is their moments and I think we can all agree that we are very happy for the both of them.

[Kailey 3]

deleted -

just read the topic owner wishes to keep it clean .

Edited November 25, 2009 by Kailey

[slim 1,525]

Can we please keep the RUB forum mod free?

If you folks feel hurt or attacked or need to work something out, do it via PM - keep our forum ours. Remember, we're all on the same team.

[visaveteran 1]

Yes, Slim, I agree--let's keep it mod free and not a pity party either. We all have had our tough moments with this visa game. Anyone who entered into this crazy world should have known up front it's not a cake walk. Asking questions and seeking help is different than whining and moaning about the hard parts. Those who hand out crying towels only enable this stuff.

I do find it funny that the Russian forum has gotten a KGB-like quality these days. Maybe we should reclaim the old name, Soviet Union, if neighbor rats on neighbor?

I got a one-day suspension for a joke. Why? Somebody went crying to the teacher.

I like the old sayings best...like "Take it like a man."

[Gone To Texas 0]

Yes, Slim, I agree--let's keep it mod free and not a pity party either. We all have had our tough moments with this visa game. Anyone who entered into this crazy world should have known up front it's not a cake walk. Asking questions and seeking help is different than whining and moaning about the hard parts. Those who hand out crying towels only enable this stuff.

I do find it funny that the Russian forum has gotten a KGB-like quality these days. Maybe we should reclaim the old name, Soviet Union, if neighbor rats on neighbor?

I got a one-day suspension for a joke. Why? Somebody went crying to the teacher.

I like the old sayings best...like "Take it like a man."

My preacher would call it "stepping on people's toes" when somebody talks about something "close to home" to the reader/listener. Most of us are ok with it, or even consider it entertaining, when there is a little banter and debate.....until..... the talk involves something that affects them directly in their own life or relationship. Not knocking anybody, nor pointing fingers at who is right or wrong, but we all live in glass houses, and sooner or later somebody's going to pick up a rock.

It' better to debate, even battle a bit if you feel strongly enough about the topic, without direct or personal attacks, or abusive language. In my business, when a person resorts to personal attacks or abusive language, it's the first sign that he/she has lost his/her cool, and has thus lost the argument for lack of additional facts to support it. Also we have to be adults and realize that generalizations made by a commenter about unique issues involving relationships does not reflect a direct accusation or attack on somebody or their significant other, and should not be interpreted as such. Reporting every time our feelings get bruised a bit is not a mature act, nor will it help in future dealings with people in the real world.....and trust me....the first time you and your wife/husband argue, there won't be a moderator button to push. And yes, there will be disagreements, maybe even arguments. We are all human beings and that is how we are geared.

I've learned a lot about what to do/what not to do on here, and about many of the difficulties and benefits of an international marriage, and I feel that this forum is a valuable tool for us "rookies" to gain important information, and support during our own troubling days of waiting and worrying.

So in the immortal words of Rodney King........."Why can't we all just get along?" (Sorry.....I couldn't resist.)

Man up.

Just sayin'

[Chris_Жанна 11]

Yes, Slim, I agree--let's keep it mod free and not a pity party either. We all have had our tough moments with this visa game. Anyone who entered into this crazy world should have known up front it's not a cake walk. Asking questions and seeking help is different than whining and moaning about the hard parts. Those who hand out crying towels only enable this stuff.

I do find it funny that the Russian forum has gotten a KGB-like quality these days. Maybe we should reclaim the old name, Soviet Union, if neighbor rats on neighbor?

I got a one-day suspension for a joke. Why? Somebody went crying to the teacher.

I like the old sayings best...like "Take it like a man."

Great, then I can feel free to publicly insult you and you can just "Take it like a man"?

Cool, I'll remember that for the future.

I wasn't asking for anyone's pity, or sideline commentary. As a matter of fact, I was not asking for anything in this thread, so I really don't understand what you are talking about with whining, I asked someone to stop making false comments about me. I was verbally attacked by another poster, if you don't like the TOS and being suspended then don't make comments that will put you in that position 1+1=2. I've been suspended 1and 3 days for comments I've made to one of the Mods, but you know what??? "I took it like a man" sounds like if anyone is whining here it is you. Maybe if you took the time to read what I wrote "I reported the one poster and myself (to be fair) because I felt our conversation was not in the true "esprit de corps" of VJ." I was not "Ratting anyone out". So please, drop the tough guy act. You're not impressing anyone.

You defiantly have a flair for dramatics with the whole KGB portion of your comment.

I tell you what, You respect me and I respect you. You say something out of line and I ask you to stop and you don't, then yeah, I'm gonna report it. I don't have to read anyone's BS comments that is making speculations about me on here, Nor would I expect you to just suck it up if someone attacked you publicly. I don't like having to resort to reporting anyone and this is the first time

I have done so, I'm pretty easy to compromise with but I in no way will tolerate comments posted publicly about me. If you don't like it, I implore you to find your ignore button.

[Chris_Жанна 11]

Yes, Slim, I agree--let's keep it mod free and not a pity party either. We all have had our tough moments with this visa game. Anyone who entered into this crazy world should have known up front it's not a cake walk. Asking questions and seeking help is different than whining and moaning about the hard parts. Those who hand out crying towels only enable this stuff.

I do find it funny that the Russian forum has gotten a KGB-like quality these days. Maybe we should reclaim the old name, Soviet Union, if neighbor rats on neighbor?

I got a one-day suspension for a joke. Why? Somebody went crying to the teacher.

I like the old sayings best...like "Take it like a man."

My preacher would call it "stepping on people's toes" when somebody talks about something "close to home" to the reader/listener. Most of us are ok with it, or even consider it entertaining, when there is a little banter and debate.....until..... the talk involves something that affects them directly in their own life or relationship. Not knocking anybody, nor pointing fingers at who is right or wrong, but we all live in glass houses, and sooner or later somebody's going to pick up a rock.

It' better to debate, even battle a bit if you feel strongly enough about the topic, without direct or personal attacks, or abusive language. In my business, when a person resorts to personal attacks or abusive language, it's the first sign that he/she has lost his/her cool, and has thus lost the argument for lack of additional facts to support it. Also we have to be adults and realize that generalizations made by a commenter about unique issues involving relationships does not reflect a direct accusation or attack on somebody or their significant other, and should not be interpreted as such. Reporting every time our feelings get bruised a bit is not a mature act, nor will it help in future dealings with people in the real world.....and trust me....the first time you and your wife/husband argue, there won't be a moderator button to push. And yes, there will be disagreements, maybe even arguments. We are all human beings and that is how we are geared.

I've learned a lot about what to do/what not to do on here, and about many of the difficulties and benefits of an international marriage, and I feel that this forum is a valuable tool for us "rookies" to gain important information, and support during our own troubling days of waiting and worrying.

So in the immortal words of Rodney King........."Why can't we all just get along?" (Sorry.....I couldn't resist.)

Man up.

Just sayin'

See now, that was a well though out constructive way to tell me to stop bitching lol.

I do understand that there is not a "report" button in life. But If I have to come to the RUB portal and see this thread on the "Hot topics" list it's a problem.

Did I loose my cool? Yes.

Do I feel dumb for loosing my cool. Yes.

So should I let a post making false accusations about my fiancee and me stay on VJ? Hell no.

And yes, she did say things directly about me on here, they have been removed so I cannot reference them. If you go to that posters topics you will see they have a history on VJ of making inflammatory comments, which is against the TOS of this site.

I respect your opinion and understand what you are saying but I would like to see how comfortable anyone else her is with someone making unfounded comments about their loved ones or themselves here.

[Kailey 3]

“I was verbally attacked by another poster,” - I never scared a single man so far.. but well.. Every day of life I learn something new %)))))

Sorry, Chris ))

By the way, if you pay attention, the only posts that were deleted are yours. But you have nothing to worry about. I read them and read all the insults you wrote to me. So you are revenged : )))))

Now a bit more seriously and about forums in general – has it ever occurred to you that once you go online and put your story on a public forum, then you will most likely get feedbacks?

And not all of them will be to your liking. Think about it. I think you prefer a one-way game like: you post comments - everybody replies 'hail Chris!'

And yes, i solemnly swear i will do my best to stay away from this thread .

[baron555 934]

What happens is that some folks feel a need to postulate that there is only one best way to play this game (whether they intended their comments to sound that way or not).

I think we all CAN agree there is no one way to have an international relationship.

And where the conversation spins out of control is when the insinuation is made (again whether directly stated or not) that any other relationship that didn't follow this one person's golden rule, that relationship is invalid.

Then the mud-slinging begins.

So folks, when you make your grand statements, be careful to clarify that this is your opinion and maybe extend the olive branch that there may be other ways to go about it.

And other folks have to have the think skin and not let those who can not speak their minds without rousing the rabble get under their skin.

As the OP, I'm gonna ask the mods to close this thread since it really doesn't apply any more. WE GOT APPROVED!!!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yes, Slim, I agree--let's keep it mod free and not a pity party either. We all have had our tough moments with this visa game. Anyone who entered into this crazy world should have known up front it's not a cake walk. Asking questions and seeking help is different than whining and moaning about the hard parts. Those who hand out crying towels only enable this stuff.

I do find it funny that the Russian forum has gotten a KGB-like quality these days. Maybe we should reclaim the old name, Soviet Union, if neighbor rats on neighbor?

I got a one-day suspension for a joke. Why? Somebody went crying to the teacher.

I like the old sayings best...like "Take it like a man."

My preacher would call it "stepping on people's toes" when somebody talks about something "close to home" to the reader/listener. Most of us are ok with it, or even consider it entertaining, when there is a little banter and debate.....until..... the talk involves something that affects them directly in their own life or relationship. Not knocking anybody, nor pointing fingers at who is right or wrong, but we all live in glass houses, and sooner or later somebody's going to pick up a rock.

It' better to debate, even battle a bit if you feel strongly enough about the topic, without direct or personal attacks, or abusive language. In my business, when a person resorts to personal attacks or abusive language, it's the first sign that he/she has lost his/her cool, and has thus lost the argument for lack of additional facts to support it. Also we have to be adults and realize that generalizations made by a commenter about unique issues involving relationships does not reflect a direct accusation or attack on somebody or their significant other, and should not be interpreted as such. Reporting every time our feelings get bruised a bit is not a mature act, nor will it help in future dealings with people in the real world.....and trust me....the first time you and your wife/husband argue, there won't be a moderator button to push. And yes, there will be disagreements, maybe even arguments. We are all human beings and that is how we are geared.

I've learned a lot about what to do/what not to do on here, and about many of the difficulties and benefits of an international marriage, and I feel that this forum is a valuable tool for us "rookies" to gain important information, and support during our own troubling days of waiting and worrying.

So in the immortal words of Rodney King........."Why can't we all just get along?" (Sorry.....I couldn't resist.)

Man up.

Just sayin'

That's why I prefer being married to a Ukrainian. No arguments.

[clueless_in_usa 8]

I tell you what, You respect me and I respect you. You say something out of line and I ask you to stop and you don't, then yeah, I'm gonna report it. I don't have to read anyone's BS comments that is making speculations about me on here, Nor would I expect you to just suck it up if someone attacked you publicly. I don't like having to resort to reporting anyone and this is the first time

I have done so, I'm pretty easy to compromise with but I in no way will tolerate comments posted publicly about me. If you don't like it, I implore you to find your ignore button.

Comments like this remind me why I went the foreign route. I was tired of hearing: "if you do not do what I say, I will call the police ... or worse yet, I'll sue you!"

Victim mentality is prevalent in the USA ... and yes! I do not like such mentality, but I tolerate it because I chose to live here ... for now!

[clueless_in_usa 8]

“I was verbally attacked by another poster,” - I never scared a single man so far.. but well.. Every day of life I learn something new %)))))

Sorry, Chris ))

By the way, if you pay attention, the only posts that were deleted are yours. But you have nothing to worry about. I read them and read all the insults you wrote to me. So you are revenged : )))))

Now a bit more seriously and about forums in general – has it ever occurred to you that once you go online and put your story on a public forum, then you will most likely get feedbacks?

And not all of them will be to your liking. Think about it. I think you prefer a one-way game like: you post comments - everybody replies 'hail Chris!'

And yes, i solemnly swear i will do my best to stay away from this thread .

Kailey, you do not have to stay away. We all need somebody who says it like it is. We are all entitled to an opinion.

One thing I like about Russian women is their bluntness ... I do not need to guess most times, because they are not afraid *the ones I know) to tell me the truth in my face. Not like the PC BS I have to put up with in my daily business life.

[TayRivers 4]

Thread closed at the request of the OP...

Visa Journey Moderation Team