Beware of the smiling lady

[baron555 934]

[but even MORE - for HER NOT to visit him at least once.

I don't think my RW would have had an opportunity to come visit me. I know she has traveled to many other countries, but with the little one, how could she?

So we met and then we continued to correspond and the rest is our history.

Yes, our relationship is based on mutual honesty and trust.

What is wrong with this?

Yes, we know that we will have many challenges ahead of us. We have talked about how we will handle this.

Yes, she will have the final say on if we marry and AOS or they go back within 90 days. What is wrong with that?

Yes there are the do-good-knowers out there. They will trap themselves.

But, there are some very real people out there and they will persevere and come together. Encourage them. Cherish them. They are the true survivors.

[Chris_Жанна 11]

[but even MORE - for HER NOT to visit him at least once.

I don't think my RW would have had an opportunity to come visit me. I know she has traveled to many other countries, but with the little one, how could she?

So we met and then we continued to correspond and the rest is our history.

Yes, our relationship is based on mutual honesty and trust.

What is wrong with this?

Yes, we know that we will have many challenges ahead of us. We have talked about how we will handle this.

Yes, she will have the final say on if we marry and AOS or they go back within 90 days. What is wrong with that?

Yes there are the do-good-knowers out there. They will trap themselves.

But, there are some very real people out there and they will persevere and come together. Encourage them. Cherish them. They are the true survivors.

Phil,

I am so happy for you and Alla. You have been one of the 1st ppl I met on VJ and have been positive support from day one.

Thank you. I hope you have happiness and love for the rest of your lives together. You both deserve it. Congrats! again.

[baron555 934]

Phil,

I am so happy for you and Alla. You have been one of the 1st ppl I met on VJ and have been positive support from day one.

Thank you. I hope you have happiness and love for the rest of your lives together. You both deserve it. Congrats! again.

Tnx Chris. I've spent many a day in Greenville, SC. Let's get together someday and enjoy ourselves.

Phil

Oh and yes just like your Жанl, my Алла, is perfect for me!!

We totally compliment each other.

[Jamaican JNR 2]

Well....now it's our turn to steam.

Alla was first up for her interview today. She got the woman CO. I don't have many details but Alla gave her the paperwork as instructed. Of course little Leonid was running around or crying so Alla was distracted. At one point she asked her "How much did it cost for the website? (Elenas Models) "It was free for me." "How many men did you meet?" "None, only one, Phil" She asked for our evidence of ongoing relationship and just shuffled through it without really looking at any, and kept asking for more. Alla gave her everything, the FedEx receipts, my birthday card to her written in Russian, and she kept asking for more evidence.

Alla said she was very nice and always smiling but in the end she gave her a 221g form and said they needed more evidence.

On the form she checked the boxes asking for More Emails, More Photos, More Phone receipts.

I had purposefully spared them by not printing out the mountains of emails and they did have all my phone receipt summaries. We don't really have a ton of photos together so we will most likely just print them out again and resubmit what they already have.

I told Alla to go to the Kodak print shop with the emails on her flash card and print out a couple of reams of emails.

I'll be sending to her more Skype summaries, Skype videoshots, and another longer Letter of Intent to Marry (which I'll probably get notarized).

Two upsides:

1. They did take and retained both Alla's and Leonid's passports

2. Tim's Tonya and her little one were next in line and they were approved.

Of course we're both pretty depressed right now but we will overcome. #######!

Sorry to hear about your ordeal. Everything will be ok

[Chris_Жанна 11]

Phil,

I am so happy for you and Alla. You have been one of the 1st ppl I met on VJ and have been positive support from day one.

Thank you. I hope you have happiness and love for the rest of your lives together. You both deserve it. Congrats! again.

Tnx Chris. I've spent many a day in Greenville, SC. Let's get together someday and enjoy ourselves.

Phil

Oh and yes just like your Жанl, my Алла, is perfect for me!!

We totally compliment each other.

Yes, once Zhanna gets here it would be great for her to have other Russian ppl to communicate with, plus I would be more than happy to show you around Charleston. I've only been here for a short time and it is a great little city with tons of history. Plus when Zhanna was staying with me she had never been to the ocean before and I live 10 mins away from the beach, she loved the beach so much and would ask me to take her there everyday I had off from work.

Please, if you ever head down this way, you can always catch me on here. I would love to show you both around the are if you aren't already acquainted with the area.

[Gone To Texas 0]

[but even MORE - for HER NOT to visit him at least once.

I don't think my RW would have had an opportunity to come visit me. I know she has traveled to many other countries, but with the little one, how could she?

So we met and then we continued to correspond and the rest is our history.

Yes, our relationship is based on mutual honesty and trust.

What is wrong with this?

Yes, we know that we will have many challenges ahead of us. We have talked about how we will handle this.

Yes, she will have the final say on if we marry and AOS or they go back within 90 days. What is wrong with that?

Yes there are the do-good-knowers out there. They will trap themselves.

But, there are some very real people out there and they will persevere and come together. Encourage them. Cherish them. They are the true survivors.

First, Baron555, congratulations on the K1....I know first hand that it is a long road to walk, and hope that we arrive there one day soon as well.

Next, guys and ladies, please forgive me, but I'm not as proficient in this whole reply/cut/copy thing on here, so I'll just try to handle the responses to my response briefly. It's probably correct that I went overboard in collecting documenation, including receipts, etc. However, I still maintain that more is better, especially if it provides proof that we were spending a great deal of time together, and doing more than just a brief meeting to satisfy statutory requirements.

I also agree that it is the quality rather than the quantity that is most important. Meeting family members, children, spending time.....even something as simple as going to movies together (and yes.....I'll admit it....I even scanned and provided copies of the movie tickets.....those from movies in Moscow and here in Texas.....it's ok to laugh....I have to admit that it is kind of funny when I think about it.....but I'd do it again. But you are right that the documentation....whether ICQ chats, e-mails, phone records, photographs, etc......it should all show real love, commitment and intent to not just marry, but to truly be a man and wife, and share a family together.

As for me getting the opportunity to go to Moscow. I admit that I was fortunate to go and spend a little over a week, but that week only felt like a day or two and suddenly I was faced with a heart-wrenching departure at the airport. But you know....I think that this was a good test of a relationship as well, and told me just how real this all is......leaving should be difficult, and trust me, it was. And yes, I was also fortunate that she was able to come here as well. This was really her idea at the beginning. Truthfully, my trip to Moscow was for two purposes that we both understood......to meet each other and to see if the pixels, data and voice on a telephone really had that "chemistry" that everybody talks about.....to make sure that the love was real. The second reason was of course also to satisfy the statutory requirements of having at least one "meeting". And well....I won't lie.....I REALLY wanted to see Moscow, and I recommend it to anybody to go there some day.....even if your spouse is from some other country or continent...take her there and walk along Red Square....see the Kremlin and see the culture. Amazing.

But back to what I was saying, she wanted to also make sure that my home (remember I'm in Texas.....and not in a major city) was proper to raise her son, and also so that she could speak with school officials at the local school district about education opportunities. She also wanted to meeet my family members, my friends, my co-workers and see my office and the life I led. I think that it was all very intelligent on her part to want to know all of this beforehand. The plan sounded good in December of 2008 as I was leaving Moscow.....very logical. But by April, we both desparately wanted to see each other again, and it became much more than just a class field trip that she had initially planned. (If she's reading this.....I couldn't help the class field trip part....sorry..

After this we initiated our own 129 application process, and by September, we couldn't stand to be apart and she flew back one more time. This time we didn't do as much traveling as we did just getting to know each other and enjoying our time together. Neither of us are rich, or even what would be considered "well to do"....but we made things work so that we could be together at least once more whilst we waited for the K1 process to be completed.

And yes, as a working man myself, I know that it can be expensive....well, who am I kidding? It IS expensive to go to her home country, and yes, for her to come back to my own home on two occassions as well. I recommend that you both see each other's world. If you cannot visit her home prior to marriage, then at least try to save and budget for a trip together. Meet her family, her friends, and let her lead you on your own field trip. If she lives in Moscow, it will take her at least a week to show you all of the major things.....I was there about 8 days, and still missed a lot.

And if you can, bring her to your own life. Let her get to know the people you are friends with, let your family meet her before you bring her here permanently. I know it may not be economically possible at time....and with todays recession/depression/etc......it's probably harder than ever before, but it can also be worth it in the long run, so that you know (and she knows) that when she says "Yes!" to your proposal, that she is doing it having full knowledge of your life and what it represents, including what her future will be.

Last, (and I'm not going to stick my neck out too far on this), but in most cases, love like this.....an international relationship....is not something that is accidental, nor is it in anyway like growing up next door to this woman. For a man (and I'm not being chauvinistic ladies....just trying to use an example).....for a man to want to marry a woman from a foreign country.....one that he has never met before, he should also weigh in all of the options that he has in life.....career, stability, home, transportation, environment, family, good/bad habits....before starting on this adventure. It's probably not a good idea to simply log onto Elena's Models, pick a beautiful woman, and begin corresponding with her leading to a love relationship, unless you are honest and upfront about all things....good and bad. Many women in this world, no matter what nationality, are willing to pursue a career, and some insist on it, but if they are to work when they arrive in the United States, it should be based on a mutual understanding, and not a surprise.

I think that finances can be the biggest and smallest part of a relationship. In this manner, I mean that if two people are working together toward a common goal and both are honest in their intent and what they expect, then finances are only as significant as they want them to be. If a couple enters a relationship expecting two completely different things involving lifestyle, work, etc, then finances can be a tremendous burden that follows them everywhere, and this burden becomes regret, disappointment and lastly resentment.....at that point things begin to crater pretty quick.

I think I'm rambling now, so I'll shut up. Again, these are just a few comments from a guy that mostly watches the conversation, and is probably only right half the time when I respond. To all of you who have completed your K1 process, congratulations. To all of you that are already married and starting families and a life together.......you are the true winners of the prize.

Peace out.

Mark

(and btw....I made the Elena's Models comment because that is where I found my fiance' as well. Thank you, EM

[Kailey 3]

[but even MORE - for HER NOT to visit him at least once.

I don't think my RW would have had an opportunity to come visit me. I know she has traveled to many other countries, but with the little one, how could she?

- grandparents? well, as i said it's more difficult for HER to travel to teh US - because of visas too. To obtain one for the first time is a project.

So we met and then we continued to correspond and the rest is our history.

Yes, our relationship is based on mutual honesty and trust.

What is wrong with this?

- nothing is wrong, that's just great.

Yes, we know that we will have many challenges ahead of us. We have talked about how we will handle this.

Yes, she will have the final say on if we marry and AOS or they go back within 90 days. What is wrong with that?

- you want to say there is nothing wrong if a woman who had quitted from her job, had taken her kid from school (school gap for 3 monhts? if kindergarden- well, that's easy then. but if he is studying in a really good school - that's quite a decision to make), said bye to her family and then... if things are not ok... just jump back on a plane and come home? What is wrong with that? Try to imagine...

I still think and will think that at least being one time in her and his country should be a pre requisite. But you can think your own way, guys. I know i wont change your mind.

it will be interesting to see in 5 years how many marriages a) survived B) had no problems in getting along in the first months - then it would be possible to say who was right.

[AKguy 1]

Way to spread some cheer and encouragement there, Kailey.

If two people make a conscious decision to be together no matter what the future may hold, then they should be able to do WHATEVER THEY ARE ABLE TO DO to be together.

If you would bother to know peoples history by paying attention to what they've said previously, then you would actually have a clue that what you're saying to them now is complete sh!t and just rude. I'm not the type of person to pull the "be kind to thy neighbor" BS, but we're all in a similar boat here, these are our shipmates, help them on the voyage or at least mind your manners.

it will be interesting to see in 5 years how many marriages a) survived cool.gif had no problems in getting along in the first months - then it would be possible to say who was right

That can be said about ALL marriages! No need to say I told you so to people who are willing to go through so much to take a chance on it working out, whether they've met in person, afar or grew up together... if it's meant to be, it will be.

[Chris_Жанна 11]

sorry about my last post my computer is doing strange stuff.

[slim 1,525]

And some guy here said that he has no money for jet to Russia - hmm... I have a good solution for such guys - please marry American women no need to travel far..

My wife and I joke about this all the time. The women around here think an exotic destination is Florida. If they've been to both Gatlinburg and Florida... we'll, they must've hit the jackpot!

Yes, once Zhanna gets here it would be great for her to have other Russian ppl to communicate with, plus I would be more than happy to show you around Charleston. I've only been here for a short time and it is a great little city with tons of history. Plus when Zhanna was staying with me she had never been to the ocean before and I live 10 mins away from the beach, she loved the beach so much and would ask me to take her there everyday I had off from work.

Please, if you ever head down this way, you can always catch me on here. I would love to show you both around the are if you aren't already acquainted with the area.

We may make it down that way again early next year. I think we just missed you last time. Hopefully, we'll be meeting your wife then too!

I did not choose my fiancee because she is Russian.

I did. I knew I was going foreign, and as far as I'm concerned, FSU is top-tier!

are you financialy ready to have a family first? or you just want a hot chick? Well, if she comes to see you - that's a good thing then.

I didn't want a family, just a hot chick. I went to see her, but she came to me after that, so I guess it all worked out.

I hope for your Russian wife that SHE is aware what your situation IS. That's the only thing that is important.

This is where I may have messed up a little. See, I did full disclosure on how much I made, how I live, etc., but I didn't talk about how much it costs to maintain a nice lifestyle in America. I think that one caught her totally off guard. She was assuming the Real Housewives lived on an allowance that my salary could afford to offer her. She was sadly disappointed when she realized there's not much left after paying all the bills. And full time work? WTFO????

+ i won't talk to you if you continue to use foul language. Actually you should look into yourself and see what makes you so upset. May be it's just that deep inside you know that i'm damn right?

- Just for the record, in English, damn is considered "foul language." If you refuse to argue with someone because of their use of foul language and then use it yourself, that's just poor form. So please, use Russian bad words! As far as I know, they don't violate the TOS because none of the mods will know what they really mean. We can say it's medicine for a goat and nobody will know any different.

it will be interesting to see in 5 years how many marriages a) survived cool.gif had no problems in getting along in the first months - then it would be possible to say who was right

I'm about to hit three years of wedded bliss.... or something like that. I'll be 100% honest, the first two months she was here were freaking awesome! (Then we got married.) Since then, it's been pretty tough. Slowly but surely though it's been getting better. More like a snails pace, but at least it's going in that direction. We're never too far away from throwing in the towel so we'll see if we're still on here in two more years.

It seems to me the happiness of our marriage is directly related to her adaptation to life here in the U.S. The more she starts to "fit in" and make life the way she wants it, the happier our marriage is becoming. It's almost like I have absolutely nothing to do with it at all.

[Kailey 3]

I thought it's a forum where everybody can express his/her opinion.

Not a place where tender men get together saying 'you are such a cool guy' to each other and say words as '######' to a woman or 'stfu' (don't know what it is but i prefer to stay ignorant on that).

[AKguy 1]

And I thought it was a forum about camaraderie.

Edited November 25, 2009 by AKguy

[TayRivers 4]

Can I just remind everyone that personal attacks are against Visa Journeys TOS. If you can not reply to a post without attacking other members then please do not post. Any continuing attacks will be met with further action.

Tay

Visa Journey Moderation Team

[Ban Hammer 13,333]

certain posts removed. no baiting/namecalling please.

[baron555 934]

Can I just remind everyone that personal attacks are against Visa Journeys TOS. If you can not reply to a post without attacking other members then please do not post. Any continuing attacks will be met with further action.

Tay

Visa Journey Moderation Team

Yes Chill Out everyone. Don't spoil my thread.

Kailey makes some good general points but everyone's relationship is different. Alla and I dicussed many times if I should come to see her in Moscow but she felt based on the excellent quality of our correspondence she would rather me save my precious vacation time for when she arrived. We do plan to go back and personally meet the family and friends next year.

And we both are only planning on having our relationship last forever. We might be shooting too low but we will see!!