Rant thread

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

Gemmie--that sucks...the part about sitting in the school office waiting to go to grandma's house. You are doing them a favor to take the time to visit her. Such a sweet thing to do. But to have to add those extra hours and transportation arrangements is getting over the top. I wouldn't do it because it's imposing on your good nature and personal time. And it's setting a precedence that will get harder to get out of. If they don't want grandma to drive then, perhaps grandma visits will have to wait until you can get a driver's license and car. Don't get in a trap that will be harder to get out of later. Just say how you feel and don't feel ungrateful. A short pop-in visit is one thing, but a scheduled marathon day being expected of you is another. I know you're trying to please the new family, but you ultimately need to please yourself and the best time is from the start.

It's hard being young, unemployed, and in a new environment. I applaud you for hanging in there knowing things will get better. You're very mature and sensible.

And on an accent note...In south Texas we have a lot of Mexicans who speak with a heavy accent or have limited English skills. I'm used to the accent. So the funny part is Nick with his British accent trying to talk to Rodriguez our lawn guy. Neither one of them has a clue what the other is saying, so they need me as the interpreter. Nick also refuses to go through a drive-thru like at Jack-in-the-Box because they never understand him and it just winds him up too much.

[SunDrop 59]

How far is it from school to Grandma's? Could MIL not drop you off there?

Why 3 hours between school and pick up? Could G'ma not pick you up earlier?

How long until you have your own license? Then YOU could take MIL to work, drive to Gma's and head home or run errands, whatever, with your 'car use day' before picking MIL up from school.

And instead of one or the other of you tackling the situation, how about raising it together with MIL/ Gma. That way he can back you up and you won't worry about how having him do the talking comes across. But I would come up with a more adequate alternative to put to them, so they don't dismiss it out of hand because they can't think of anything else...

[Lansbury 19]

perhaps if a person goes to the interview before they have all the documents thereby causing the CO extra work to check everything when it is subsequently submitted the question should be asked why does that person expect special treatment and the CO to stop work on cases where the people did have all their ducks in a row at the right time.

Just a thought

This is a little unfair considering the circumstances here.

No it isn't it is looking at it from the point of view of a lot of others and perhaps how the COs feel about.

Unlike I would guess just about anyone in this group I had the person who supervises the I-130 applications deliberately sit on my file for weeks because I had upset her over a work matter and she was trying to show me how important Americans were and how I should jump workwise when the Embassy told me to do something. So I appreciate how people feel when trying to get information and progress from the Embassy.

[Nik+Heather 121]

He works an hour/40 miles away, Heather.

Well, scratch that, then!

I started to wonder about what your feelings were about grandma's driving, as you're actually in the car with her - Are the concerns about her driving legitimate? Many states decrease the renewal time as people get older because they know that their senses/reactions deteriorate, so if she's still legal to drive and doesn't seem to have issues that you've observed, why the need for a change except for imagined worries?

Oh, and Nik has difficult times with the accent and speaking to people too - it was a bit funny for his drivers license eye test he couldn't make out what the lady was saying "Read the letter in A/2" so he kept taking his eyes out so he could look at her and ask "What?"

Edited November 23, 2009 by Nik+Heather

[MissusM09 1]

Great post Missus. It sums up perfectly how I felt during and after the K1 process... and still do, somewhat.

(The other day, I was stressing out because a guy at the car-dealership asked me a question about where we got our inspection sticker. I was trying to say "A&A automotive" but because of the accent difference, I had to repeat it like three times and he still didn't understand me. )

Actually, here's a bit of a rant and problem: Every Thursday I spend the day with my husband's grandmother as she lives alone and likes spending time with me. She usually picks me up at our house. Lately, my in-laws have been saying that it's dangerous for her to be driving to our house every week because she's over 80 years old and they don't feel comfortable having her come such a long way. So they suggested that my MIL brings me to school with her (where she works) and I can sit in the office for a few hours until the grandmother is able to come there and pick me up (as it's closer).

I've discussed this with my husband, and I don't know what to do. I really want to spend time with her, but I feel like a child; having to be taken to school with my MIL and left in the office for 3 hours until my grandmother can pick me up and take me to hers... and then have my MIL pick me up again at the end of the day. That also means I have to spend 8-10 hours at my grandmother's house, which although I love spending time with her, I'm sure everyone can understand that a period of time like that is a bit much.

The way that everyone has already discussed this and agreed on it without talking about it with me (other than telling me what they decided) is also frustrating and adds to the feeling like a child. I'm about to take my written driving test, but even after that, we can't afford another car right now, so I'm still pretty stuck.

Things like this really make me miss the independence I had back home. It's a big drop from the days in England where I would hop on a train and go to visit my grandfather, have lunch with him and then go off and visit some friends, etc.

So although things are difficult when you're in the process of waiting for the visa and such, there are always difficult things to go through once you get to the US. I see posts from people who have come over, gotten jobs, gotten cars, and settled in pretty quickly and sometimes I feel like I'm stuck behind and have to remind myself that all of these things will come in time. Just like with the visa.

hey well i'm over here reading all your responses, and trust me i know. I was there with Marm when she got approved then had to wait, a bunch of us had to give in additional docs, its not easy. Allie N nigel, even as you read this and you dont have what you want its frustrating, I KNOWWWW! i'm sending some good vibes to you, to get you over this hump. But like i said its not the ONLY hard part.

Gemmie, that truly sucks the big un. I have to respond to what you said about not being a child, and stuff. Just dont be one. Period. talk straight, truthfully, and with concern, but like nich nick said do it now, to set the course of how you want this relationship to run. Make your own precedent. The great thing about starting new, is, everything is new, you dont have all the knowledge baggage that comes with your relationships back in the uk, Set your own course, bang your own drum, yada yada.

lol one of the great things about just becoming 40, you really dont give a **** about what other people think... Its AWESOME!!!!

ok not hijacking your thread,,,,,,, rant and rant, let it all out, i know this helps.

xx

MM

[Allie and Nigel 2]

Well that really makes me feel WAAAAAAAAAY better for some reason.......like you totally GOT IT...really. All of you....except Lansbury, your pissing me off..lol....but well, I cant have everything....I also had to laugh at the accent thing cause I have a Canadian accent and people make fun of me....the Americans do...."out" and "about" whatever...LOL....I work in a call center for roadside assistance and I HAVE to understand people and vice versa, so hearing accents is just part of my job, which is funny and difficult too....poor Nigel, yes, he has to repeat himself too....but when I was in England I was shy at talking as well so...but I tell him to be proud of the way he sounds cause people actually LIKE the accent and would rather have theirs then whatever they have currently. Especially myself.

Allison.

Edited November 23, 2009 by Allie and Nigel

[Gemmie 142]

Gemmie--that sucks...the part about sitting in the school office waiting to go to grandma's house. You are doing them a favor to take the time to visit her. Such a sweet thing to do. But to have to add those extra hours and transportation arrangements is getting over the top. I wouldn't do it because it's imposing on your good nature and personal time. And it's setting a precedence that will get harder to get out of. If they don't want grandma to drive then, perhaps grandma visits will have to wait until you can get a driver's license and car. Don't get in a trap that will be harder to get out of later. Just say how you feel and don't feel ungrateful. A short pop-in visit is one thing, but a scheduled marathon day being expected of you is another. I know you're trying to please the new family, but you ultimately need to please yourself and the best time is from the start.

It's hard being young, unemployed, and in a new environment. I applaud you for hanging in there knowing things will get better. You're very mature and sensible.

And on an accent note...In south Texas we have a lot of Mexicans who speak with a heavy accent or have limited English skills. I'm used to the accent. So the funny part is Nick with his British accent trying to talk to Rodriguez our lawn guy. Neither one of them has a clue what the other is saying, so they need me as the interpreter. Nick also refuses to go through a drive-thru like at Jack-in-the-Box because they never understand him and it just winds him up too much.

Thank you, Nich. You are so, so right. I think I need to set this straight now.

Heather, I do think her driving has gone downhill. She takes longer to react to lights changing to green, and she drives slowly, parks strangely. She's one of those oldies that you get frustrated at when you're in a hurry.

Missus, I know what you mean about basically not acting like a child and saying things how they are. When it's my close friends, I'm able to do that. The reason I've been hesitant is because there's an 82 year old's feelings on the line here. I have some guilty feelings about not giving my own grandparents more time when they were alive, so it makes me realise how precious those relationships are. I don't want to come out with a line about "not wanting to spend 8 hours with her" or being "stuck up there all day" because it's not the nicest thing to hear, even for the in-laws. I'm trying to be polite about it, and still compromise.

Bill got home from work for just 30 minutes today and when he did, we talked more about the situation, and we're going to simply say that it's just going to have to wait until I have my own vehicle/license because the restrictions are getting too much. I can still talk to her on the phone every week until then.

Thanks for all the helpful responses, I love coming to VJ.

About the accent thing, it's also funny when there's another Brit around who wants to find out if YOU'RE a fellow Brit before they ask, so try and ask pointless questions so they can hear your accent.

[MissusM09 1]

Gemmie--that sucks...the part about sitting in the school office waiting to go to grandma's house. You are doing them a favor to take the time to visit her. Such a sweet thing to do. But to have to add those extra hours and transportation arrangements is getting over the top. I wouldn't do it because it's imposing on your good nature and personal time. And it's setting a precedence that will get harder to get out of. If they don't want grandma to drive then, perhaps grandma visits will have to wait until you can get a driver's license and car. Don't get in a trap that will be harder to get out of later. Just say how you feel and don't feel ungrateful. A short pop-in visit is one thing, but a scheduled marathon day being expected of you is another. I know you're trying to please the new family, but you ultimately need to please yourself and the best time is from the start.

It's hard being young, unemployed, and in a new environment. I applaud you for hanging in there knowing things will get better. You're very mature and sensible.

And on an accent note...In south Texas we have a lot of Mexicans who speak with a heavy accent or have limited English skills. I'm used to the accent. So the funny part is Nick with his British accent trying to talk to Rodriguez our lawn guy. Neither one of them has a clue what the other is saying, so they need me as the interpreter. Nick also refuses to go through a drive-thru like at Jack-in-the-Box because they never understand him and it just winds him up too much.

Thank you, Nich. You are so, so right. I think I need to set this straight now.

Heather, I do think her driving has gone downhill. She takes longer to react to lights changing to green, and she drives slowly, parks strangely. She's one of those oldies that you get frustrated at when you're in a hurry.

Missus, I know what you mean about basically not acting like a child and saying things how they are. When it's my close friends, I'm able to do that. The reason I've been hesitant is because there's an 82 year old's feelings on the line here. I have some guilty feelings about not giving my own grandparents more time when they were alive, so it makes me realise how precious those relationships are. I don't want to come out with a line about "not wanting to spend 8 hours with her" or being "stuck up there all day" because it's not the nicest thing to hear, even for the in-laws. I'm trying to be polite about it, and still compromise.

Bill got home from work for just 30 minutes today and when he did, we talked more about the situation, and we're going to simply say that it's just going to have to wait until I have my own vehicle/license because the restrictions are getting too much. I can still talk to her on the phone every week until then.

Thanks for all the helpful responses, I love coming to VJ.

About the accent thing, it's also funny when there's another Brit around who wants to find out if YOU'RE a fellow Brit before they ask, so try and ask pointless questions so they can hear your accent.

hey wasnt saying you were acting like a child.. at all. i suppose we all tread carefully with the new relationships. Look my grandmother and grandfather both died and i hadnt seen them for years, my gran about 3 years, and my grandfather 15. I felt guilty, but thats my grandparents, you cant make it up. just learn i suppose.

Allie i'm so glad you feel better..... the stress will manifest again though. shoot i remember when i was in london, under that K1 stress, i went into a butchers and the butcher i got was very inexperienced, i kept asking him, about steak he didnt know what rump steak was, i was so sharp with him,

" you mean your'e a butcher and you don't know what a rump steak is. no thats frying steak" . One of the other butchers came over and kind of patted him on his back and did my order. i looked over at him and he was sooo forlorn... i didnt even apologise. I mean.... THATS NOT EVEN HOW I ACT. i was such a bizatch when i was going through the K1 thing. like i said, the ranting is good, shoot employ something you can punch, go on a tready, it has to come out, lol mine just came out to the sad little butcher. lmao you live and learn right

whats your progress on your visa??

x

Edited November 24, 2009 by MissusM09

[SunDrop 59]

No it isn't it is looking at it from the point of view of a lot of others and perhaps how the COs feel about.

I AM looking at it from the point of view of another, and don't feel that Allie n Nigel are being unreasonable. The CO asked for the additional information that they had no way of knowing they required. It's not a question of getting ducks in a row but being told at interview that you're missing a duck. Rant away about feeling frustrated by having shifting goalposts, Allie.

Unlike I would guess just about anyone in this group I had the person who supervises the I-130 applications deliberately sit on my file for weeks because I had upset her over a work matter and she was trying to show me how important Americans were and how I should jump workwise when the Embassy told me to do something. So I appreciate how people feel when trying to get information and progress from the Embassy.

Most visa applicants do not have the luxury of being with their loved ones whilst their visas are being processed. Maybe she was irritated that the lack of timely response was preventing your visa from being processed expediently, knowing how many applicants would give their right leg to get their visa. Looking at it from the point of view of others, of course.

I'm curious when looking at your timeline where the 'weeks' fit in, considering your IR1 was issued in just under 5 months. Granted DCF is a different kettle of fish and I'm sure things have changed a little timeframe wise since 2006.

But really, arguing what is just differing opinions and perspective with someone whose phrase of choice is 'annoying the whole planet, one person at a time' is a pretty futile exercise *shrug*

[FrostyMist 1]

Normally, I try to hold myself back from doing so too much, but yesterday I had a bit of a rant at my fiance on the subject of "I HATE DOING THIS ALONE!!!" It wasn't so much a rant, more so one of those "ARRRRGGGGGGH!!!!" moments. I guess I'm just overwhelmed by the stress of the visa process at the moment, and sometimes feel like it's going to be forever before I can see him again.

I wonder whether maybe I'll relax a little when we at least get a date for the interview. I can't believe how suddenly incredibally intense this has all become. It seems that the whole thing has taken over my life; I can't even get a decent night's sleep most days for worrying and thinking about visas and medicals and forms and interviews and paperwork and so on. My fiance would walk through fire if I told him it was needed for the visa process, so I'm far from alone. But today I'm feeling rather down about the endless sleepless nights of worry and the constant need to keep myself distracted from worrying too much.

[Amanda and Tony 0]

Normally, I try to hold myself back from doing so too much, but yesterday I had a bit of a rant at my fiance on the subject of "I HATE DOING THIS ALONE!!!" It wasn't so much a rant, more so one of those "ARRRRGGGGGGH!!!!" moments. I guess I'm just overwhelmed by the stress of the visa process at the moment, and sometimes feel like it's going to be forever before I can see him again.

I wonder whether maybe I'll relax a little when we at least get a date for the interview. I can't believe how suddenly incredibally intense this has all become. It seems that the whole thing has taken over my life; I can't even get a decent night's sleep most days for worrying and thinking about visas and medicals and forms and interviews and paperwork and so on. My fiance would walk through fire if I told him it was needed for the visa process, so I'm far from alone. But today I'm feeling rather down about the endless sleepless nights of worry and the constant need to keep myself distracted from worrying too much.

Hi FrostyMist,

I was beside myself with worry waiting for my date. The not knowing drove me crazy. I think it has been the worst part so far. Now that I know it can't come fast enough but the worry is still there and the sleepless nights...I don't think they will go away til I'm home with Tony and then there will be AOS!!

Hang in there...your date will come and then onto the next phase of worrying!

Amanda

[FrostyMist 1]

I was beside myself with worry waiting for my date.

I'm glad it's not just me then. I expect that once the appointment letter is arrived, I'm going to fast spiral into a pit of utter panic and terror. But for now, it's the indefinite nature of the waiting time that's getting to me.

I wish the embassy had some sort of online appointment system. Something whereby we could all just enter our case numbers and set our own appointment dates!! *imagines all the stress that would relieve*

[rebeccajo 14]

I hope we aren't going to get into a pi$$ing match about who had the hardest time getting their visa or who has the shortest or longest timeline or who was separated while getting it and who wasn't and what not.

Because that would sure suck.

[Allie and Nigel 2]

Frostymist, you hit it right on the head, I feel the same way, and then you get to your interview all worried and then BAM your hit with something you have to do ....and have to wait for AGAIN.....most people get visas after interview a few days and well we had to wait...and still are. Last time I saw Nigel...in person...was May 1st. Sooo, I miss him ok? It just pisses me off this whole process but I know we're not denied outright, they just wanted something with dates and the type of conviction he had and they received that and the passport last Friday. Sooo, hope they get on the ball this next couple weeks!

[FrostyMist 1]

and then you get to your interview all worried and then BAM your hit with something you have to do

I think the problem is trying to predict the unknown. I'm sure most of us have been in the same situation: we go over the forms again and again and again, looking for the slightest detail that they might pick apart, just so that we can then provide whatever additional evidance we think they might ask us for.

I try to think that it's reassuring to know that if I do go to the interview and they want something else, I'll have a chance to submit it to them. It's not like the visa is going to be denied because I forgot x, y or z. That should be a positive thing, something to help ease the stress. Yet, the fear of having to go through yet more indefinite waiting is enough to make even something that should be a reassurance into yet another stress.

I hope we aren't going to get into a pi$$ing match about who had the hardest time getting their visa or who has the shortest or longest timeline or who was separated while getting it and who wasn't and what not.

Because that would sure suck.

That's certainly not my intention.

As I've mentioned previously in this topic, there are a lot of other problems aside from long waiting times that can make this process difficult. Time-wise, my visa journey has been pretty straight forwards so far (no USCIS delays, that is), yet the whole process has still been incredibally stressful for my fiance and I because of other circumstances. I always try to be understanding and sympathetic to any who post their experiences, and I'm certainly not trying to "compete" with anyone for "who's had it worse". I post my experiences and feelings during the process because: 1) I know myself that reading others' posts and seeing people are feeling the same way as I am is immensely comforting and helps ease the feeling of "doing it alone", and 2) there are very few opportunities outside of this place to actually talk about the stresses of the visa process with people that know how it feels. Still, I apologize if I've offended anyone.

Edited November 24, 2009 by FrostyMist