Rant thread

[treehugger 23]

Hmm, I do empathise with people that suffer during the process. It's not easy. Having said that, I have seen people obsess over the smallest things. I've seen people ask the same question five times even if they have a decent response, when the problem isn't so much of a problem.

I admit that I'm sometimes guilty of complaining about the process when there are people that have had it a LOT worse. Our process has been pretty average time-wise. That's just me wanting to be out of the USCIS hole for a couple of years as everyone else does.

I do try to remind myself of some of the more unfortunate cases I read on the forum; there are two posters from my filers thread (August 2008) that still haven't gotten their visas, and that was 15 months ago; MARM who has been put through administrative hell, and Mara who had her petition lost twice in a row and then after winning an appeal, had USCIS fail to respond. She is now back in Australia and starting all over again with a spousal visa. Of course, Sara who waited so, so long just for the NOA2. And some of the few stories where petitioners have tragically died, sometimes when the foreigner is unable to even go to the funeral of their loved one. THOSE are the ones that really have it bad, and I do try and keep a level-head when I want to complain that I haven't been touched in a few weeks.

Well put - as much as we might get bogged down in the system, there are some really tragic cases and it's good to not forget them.

Edited November 20, 2009 by treehugger

[treehugger 23]

-------TRUE STUFF----->

I understand If they can review documents in 30 mins on the day of the interview and approve it. Why does it takes 2 months to review the same documents they would have seen on the day of the interview??

I second that!

I think it's the unfairness of the system which makes people want to rant a bit - when you see people who filed at the same time as you get processed months before you do for no apparent reason.

Gosh, that must have been incredibly frustrating for you, and of course others like you! We filed in July 09 and it was bad enough seeing Sept 09 being approved before us, again we're a straightforward case, but to have waited as long as you would have been incredibly trying.

[treehugger 23]

I can't imagine what an awful, stressful time it must be to have to wait endless months not knowing what USCIS is up to. It's stressful enough when things roll along at a normal pace (as our case has so far).

I doubt anyone here's wait is easy. Just because my case hasn't been caught up at USCIS doesn't mean that there aren't other circumstances that have made the waiting we have had to do very stressful. A few weeks back, I was feeling really down and fed up over the whole process. We were making progress, but I was tired of checking and re-checking forms, I was tired of chasing after doctors letters, I was tired of timezones, I was tired of the constant worry that my computer might break down at any moment (and if it does, being unable to talk to my fiance). Sometimes its hard knowing that even after we get the K1, we have years more of dealing with immigration before this is all over. It was healthy for me then, to rant and complain a bit. Then I had a really good cry and felt a lot better.

I've discovered that for me, a really healthy way of dealing with the stress is actually to post here and try to help others with their problems/questions. It's a nice feeling to be able to share advice and experience for situations that I know I spent weeks of stressing about.

I agree. There are things outside the obvious that affect the whole process. For me personally, due to complex circumstances here in the UK, it's not simply about wanting to be with my husband, but also about sorting out the situation that I'm leaving behind, and this process is affecting my family much more than it is him. That's before adding the 'I feel my life is in limbo' aspect!

I'm glad that you feel that you can vent here. I think the CR1 bunch are different - for a start there's only a handful of us from the UK, and secondly as Brits, by and large, we all have a much easier time of it than our fellow applicants from other countries, and as I don't really want to go into why things here really do need to be sorted out sooner rather than later, or at least have a good idea of when they would be sorted instead of constantly delayed for no apparent reason, it's easier to just keep quiet. Ah well, here's hoping that everyone gets through as quickly as possible :)

[Nik+Heather 121]

My rant is money! We planned our wedding for September 2010 because of the unpredictability of visas and filed in August. He plans to come over in June and while I understand that it's for the better that he works until then and has some time to say a proper good-bye to his country, the fact that we are so close so quick (we've been really blessed in this aspect) makes me want him over here by January.

Of course it's all illogical because I'd rather have it this way and be less stressed about a visa taking a long time to get NOA2 or put into AP at NVC...

But I want him with me!!! /petulant-child-inside-me

I might be able to convince him to come out come May...

Same for us - we pushed the wedding out a "safe" distance, and then he wanted to work until close to the wedding - resulting in several months of being ABLE to travel but not. It's not quite as bad as waiting for anything because you know for sure that nothing short of a natural disaster can stop him from coming over, but it's also something that you know you can change if you want to...

[FrostyMist 1]

Same for us - we pushed the wedding out a "safe" distance, and then he wanted to work until close to the wedding - resulting in several months of being ABLE to travel but not. It's not quite as bad as waiting for anything because you know for sure that nothing short of a natural disaster can stop him from coming over, but it's also something that you know you can change if you want to...

For me, I think it's helped that throughout the visa process, I've been in a state of "Even if I could leave, I can't until the end of January at the earliest." My brother has his graduation ceremony at university in January, and I've promised him that I would not let the immigration process keep me away from being there on his big day. I think that's made the wait a little easier for me, though I still do find myself growing increasingly desperate for some sort of resolution now - I don't think I can cope with not knowing whether we're going to get a visa or not for much longer.

My biggest rant about the whole thing at the moment is that despite how much it costs, I have not once felt that I am being offered a service worthy of the amount paid. Most of the time, we post forms and the sorts off to what feels like a black hole, and simply sit and wait for weeks, or even months on end, not quite knowing what's happening to those precious documents. When we do hear back about our cases, oftentimes the response is standard and unhelpful and only makes things worse. I've had cause to have to write to the embassy about extending the validity of my petition, and any communication I've gotten back from them has left me more stressed, confused and frustrated. The knowledge that throughout this whole process, if something goes wrong or there is a problem, there is very little we can actually do to resolve things. And the few options we do have tend to result in weeks and months of uncertain waiting (again!) and worry. Even though our application has rolled along at a pretty averge pace, the constant knowledge that if something does go wrong, you're in trouble, can be a big strain.

Edited November 20, 2009 by FrostyMist

[Lansbury 19]

Ok I'm starting this thread cause I know there's a bunch of us who need to vent about the waiting process, whatever stage they're in, cause I think sometimes its hard to communicate to others who are not in your situation, or they're past whatever stage your in and really cant relate...so here we go........

1. My rant is waiting for my visa from London, when we were approved pending our subject access, now its sent and I hope like crazy we dont have to wait like we're waiting for a dang NOA2!!!!!! I think we should be priority or the same as the folks who got approved the day of the interview and have their visas in a week or so like the rest of those lucky interviewee's.

Thats my rant of the day.

I understand If they can review documents in 30 mins on the day of the interview and approve it. Why does it takes 2 months to review the same documents they would have seen on the day of the interview??

perhaps if a person goes to the interview before they have all the documents thereby causing the CO extra work to check everything when it is subsequently submitted the question should be asked why does that person expect special treatment and the CO to stop work on cases where the people did have all their ducks in a row at the right time.

Just a thought

[Allie and Nigel 2]

Ok I'm starting this thread cause I know there's a bunch of us who need to vent about the waiting process, whatever stage they're in, cause I think sometimes its hard to communicate to others who are not in your situation, or they're past whatever stage your in and really cant relate...so here we go........

1. My rant is waiting for my visa from London, when we were approved pending our subject access, now its sent and I hope like crazy we dont have to wait like we're waiting for a dang NOA2!!!!!! I think we should be priority or the same as the folks who got approved the day of the interview and have their visas in a week or so like the rest of those lucky interviewee's.

Thats my rant of the day.

I understand If they can review documents in 30 mins on the day of the interview and approve it. Why does it takes 2 months to review the same documents they would have seen on the day of the interview??

perhaps if a person goes to the interview before they have all the documents thereby causing the CO extra work to check everything when it is subsequently submitted the question should be asked why does that person expect special treatment and the CO to stop work on cases where the people did have all their ducks in a row at the right time.

Just a thought

So in other words, get your ducks in a row before you go to your interview and you wouldn't have this problem??? We did everything we were supposed to do and they wanted to be difficult cause the adjudicator's little boss was over their shoulder wagging her little finger at him! BULL!!!!!! I did my homework EVERYWHERE and we still had flipping problems!!

However, we sent what they wanted, they got our info and passport today, so we'll see how long they take to give us our visa...

[Lansbury 19]

So in other words, get your ducks in a row before you go to your interview and you wouldn't have this problem???

I wasn't referring to anyone in particular but making a general observation and looking at the matter from a different perspective. Seems you have a problem discussing things without seeing it as criticism.

[MissusM09 1]

So in other words, get your ducks in a row before you go to your interview and you wouldn't have this problem???

I wasn't referring to anyone in particular but making a general observation and looking at the matter from a different perspective. Seems you have a problem discussing things without seeing it as criticism.

been there. no one is gonna feel like you do, but we have all pretty much felt like you do. Bar those that have had the easy process of just getting approved and stuff, if you have to wait for them to hurry up and give you your papers every minute drags, every hour just adds to the worry. Personally,when i was going through my wait, i had flashbacks: lol i'd be sitting in my classroom and all of a sudden i'd see a street in michigan, or chicago, something we did together, i'd be transported. it added to the feeling that i was in limbo, in between both places. when you want something that much its hard to see anything else.

my visa came, and it was great. once i had it it all felt surreal and then the whole process continued to feel weird. leaving folk in london, driving away from my flat, getting on the plane, going through POE, and after a few weeks, realising I wasnt on holiday anymore. it still feels strange to be here. so if you think things are weird now, wait till you do all the things you have to do to settle in

in the usa, being married, losing some of your status( because its all new here), you can feel like you are losing a part of yourself: finding new friends, having no credit, picking at the little things like "why do they say rout, when its route etc" this is not my attempt at patronising anyone, but rather to let you know that your focus may be on the visa now, but you should pave your new path and life with as much forward planning as possible. The weirdness will continue, though the ache of missing the "one" will be gone, you'l have a whole host of things to adjust to.

I know that maybe in reading this you will only see the things you want: VISA, POE, MARRIED, lol, try to push past all your worry about the process and enjoy your time left with loved ones, and the great transportation we have in the uk (because it sucks the big one here).

xxx

p

oh and about some of the things ppl saying may sound like they are having a go, or whatever, i remember i was a complete you know what in the process, in some of these forums, sure some folk thought i was friggin mad, just get into it with folks; its just stress., it was stress, every part of you feels stressed, but that you can control. all the best

Edited November 23, 2009 by MissusM09

[*julez* 124]

Well said, MissusM. It's important to remember that even after you are together there will be new challenges that you must face. Thank you for bringing that important message.

[SunDrop 59]

Ok I'm starting this thread cause I know there's a bunch of us who need to vent about the waiting process, whatever stage they're in, cause I think sometimes its hard to communicate to others who are not in your situation, or they're past whatever stage your in and really cant relate...so here we go........

1. My rant is waiting for my visa from London, when we were approved pending our subject access, now its sent and I hope like crazy we dont have to wait like we're waiting for a dang NOA2!!!!!! I think we should be priority or the same as the folks who got approved the day of the interview and have their visas in a week or so like the rest of those lucky interviewee's.

Thats my rant of the day.

Hugs coz you need them! It's ueber-frustrating to have to wait so long for the subject access to come through and then even longer to have the USEM review it when you know to a near certainty that it's not going to be an issue!

I understand If they can review documents in 30 mins on the day of the interview and approve it. Why does it takes 2 months to review the same documents they would have seen on the day of the interview??

Simply because they have it to hand along with everything else at the interview, whereas submitting additional documentation means going back to the file.

perhaps if a person goes to the interview before they have all the documents thereby causing the CO extra work to check everything when it is subsequently submitted the question should be asked why does that person expect special treatment and the CO to stop work on cases where the people did have all their ducks in a row at the right time.

Just a thought

This is a little unfair considering the circumstances here. There is a difference between someone failing to bring a document that is clearly stated as required and being asked at interview for additional documentation that is outside of the norm. Trying to get an answer in the hope of pre-empting such a request is like getting blood out of a stone.

And that's my rant of the day and I've not even started on the process: my daughter is waiting to be referred to a psychologist for assessment and counselling, as she's experiencing extremely high levels of anxiety at the moment (I believe in part from being in limbo land not knowing when we will actually be moving to the US). She's only 10 and I'm desperately worried that this will have an impact on her medical, and therefore her visa eligibility.

What doctor in his right mind is going to sign a letter stating both that she is not a risk to herself and/ or others (ok, he'd sign that part) but also that she isn't going to need psychiatric help in the future? I saw someone posting on the UK Knightsbridge thread that this is what the civil surgeon asked for from his GP, due to a history of self-harming. Granted, he has a medical history of being a risk to himself, but honestly who would state their professional opinion that anyone with any history of mental illness isn't going to need help in the future? They're not fortune-tellers for pete's sake.

And where do I go to find out if this is something I'll need for my daughter? If they do need a letter to this effect and I can't get it, what happens then? Will I need to prove I have set up medical insurance for her and access to help in the US, should she need it? How do I find out what the impact of this is going to have on our application.

And OMG I wish the effing court would hurry up and log the damned response form and send me the forms that I need so I can get my frigging divorce finalised. ARGHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH bureaucracy. *looks for the kizz my arze emoticon*

lol... zen, Tish, zen...

[Gemmie 142]

Great post Missus. It sums up perfectly how I felt during and after the K1 process... and still do, somewhat.

(The other day, I was stressing out because a guy at the car-dealership asked me a question about where we got our inspection sticker. I was trying to say "A&A automotive" but because of the accent difference, I had to repeat it like three times and he still didn't understand me. )

Actually, here's a bit of a rant and problem: Every Thursday I spend the day with my husband's grandmother as she lives alone and likes spending time with me. She usually picks me up at our house. Lately, my in-laws have been saying that it's dangerous for her to be driving to our house every week because she's over 80 years old and they don't feel comfortable having her come such a long way. So they suggested that my MIL brings me to school with her (where she works) and I can sit in the office for a few hours until the grandmother is able to come there and pick me up (as it's closer).

I've discussed this with my husband, and I don't know what to do. I really want to spend time with her, but I feel like a child; having to be taken to school with my MIL and left in the office for 3 hours until my grandmother can pick me up and take me to hers... and then have my MIL pick me up again at the end of the day. That also means I have to spend 8-10 hours at my grandmother's house, which although I love spending time with her, I'm sure everyone can understand that a period of time like that is a bit much.

The way that everyone has already discussed this and agreed on it without talking about it with me (other than telling me what they decided) is also frustrating and adds to the feeling like a child. I'm about to take my written driving test, but even after that, we can't afford another car right now, so I'm still pretty stuck.

Things like this really make me miss the independence I had back home. It's a big drop from the days in England where I would hop on a train and go to visit my grandfather, have lunch with him and then go off and visit some friends, etc.

So although things are difficult when you're in the process of waiting for the visa and such, there are always difficult things to go through once you get to the US. I see posts from people who have come over, gotten jobs, gotten cars, and settled in pretty quickly and sometimes I feel like I'm stuck behind and have to remind myself that all of these things will come in time. Just like with the visa.

Edited November 23, 2009 by Gemmie

[Justine+David 218]

^^ That must be annoying!

Maybe you can see her every other week? What does hubby say about all this talk without your opinion?

[Nik+Heather 121]

Once you get your license, couldn't you drop off hubby at work then have the car all to yourself during the day? Maybe not every day, but on these days when you have visits?

That's our current scheme, and it works out pretty well....It's helpful that I only work 3 miles from home. Once he gets a job, I'll probably be back to biking to work.

[Gemmie 142]

He works an hour/40 miles away, Heather.

Every other week would still pose the same problem, plus I would need to explain why I want to change it. I don't know how to phrase it so that I don't come off as a b1tch. Does it sound bitchy? Saying that I don't want to spend 8 hours up there, and that I feel like a child having to be driven around by everyone? I don't want to look ungrateful, as they're going out of their way to pick me up too.

Hubby agrees that it's annoying, and says that I just need to tell my MIL the truth. I know that he'll talk to her if I don't.. but then I don't want it to look like I'm BEING a child by getting him to do it for me.

I dunno, I guess I'll have to find a way to tell them that I don't want to do this anymore, and that maybe when we can afford another car, we can keep doing the weekly visits.

Edited November 23, 2009 by Gemmie