Married Filipinos who send money to family back in Philippines

[Ken & Marife 0]

MY husband sends $820 a month and $1 thousand every semester for my daughter school fees,not includes gifts and Smart load every week.Im not working at home only taking care of Him and my baby.

[Kevin- 13]

Avoiding all the shenanigans in the thread...

My fiancee never wanted to ask me to send money back home once she's here, and she wants to take care of our home and of me instead of getting a job (to send money, or otherwise). However, I have offered to help take care of her mother if we're able, because her father passed away a few years back and mom has no way to support herself. She was surprised by this offer initially, but does not object. I also hope to be able to help the rest of the immediate family work their way to a better standard of living. "Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime" type things.

Some members of the family have on a few occasions been careless or irresponsible though, with me around. A particular incident left a family member's girlfriend "stranded" in another city on another island when a work opportunity didn't turn out to be a walk-in-the-park. My sweetie steadfastly refused to help, as this gal should have her own family to help, and her own backup plan. Within a few days the hopelessly stranded lady was back home, without our help, and never was without food and shelter. My sweetie is very careful not to let anyone become dependent on her or I in irresponsible ways. I am so grateful for her attitude in this area.

On the other hand, during one of my visits, her brother was in a serious life threatening motorcycle vs bus accident. I considered it a privilege that I was able to help, God put me there in that situation for a reason. It's very possible without financial backing, as well as a lot of assertiveness and effort on the part of my fiancee pushing the care providers to do their jobs, and of course a lot of prayer, that her brother could have died.

It's wise to ensure that the money you give to people doesn't put them in a worse condition. Morally it's not a good thing to help somebody become lazy and irresponsible. "With great power comes great responsibility." Money is a form of power in this world, use it responsibly.

[Filipinawife0210 15]

<!--quoteo(post=3509293:date=Nov 21 2009, 09:58 AM:name=Hopp)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Hopp @ Nov 21 2009, 09:58 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=3509293"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><!--quoteo(post=3508397:date=Nov 20 2009, 12:28 PM:name=rlogan)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (rlogan @ Nov 20 2009, 12:28 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=3508397"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><b>It's not because he's Filipino. It's because he's a bum. He will have to be thrown out. It is the only way to better him.</b><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

C'mon, you are being too hard on him. Why not give him a hand up, instead of a hand out. Give him a loan to start up a Sari Sari store, and teach him to fish, instead of just giving him more fish.

<b>Kanos are also national heroes by sending regular remittances to the PI every month. </b> The heat is so tropical and oppressive every day of the year, it just saps out all your energy. This is why it is hard to work there. You are lucky to stay cool and sweat free during the day.

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I almost choked on my drink when I read this. I'm a Kano living in the Philippines for the past several years and I can tell you for a fact, Kanos are NOT looked upon as heroes by people here. When my wife and I go out to the mall we hear people whispering 'pok-pok' (Tagalog slang for #######) and making other rude comments. When we go to the store, the 'hero' is charged 2 to 3 times what a humble local is charged. When you watch the news, Kanos are portrayed as meddling foreigners that are taking advantage of the Pinoys. Just listen to how Kanos are referred to when it comes to the VFA treaty.

People treat Kano money as a hero but have little use for the Kano themself.

As for the brother, sorry, he sounds like a bum to me. The father worked on the house, where was the brother? The father is now working a job, what is the brother doing? Probably sitting on his #### drinking Red Horse and waiting for the next remittance to come in so he can hit the sabungan with his buddies. There are plenty of hard-working Filipinos from all economic backgrounds but the brother in this story sure doesn't sound like one of them.

Well said. I was floored by the snide remarks we heard walking in and around Manila. And yes, as soon as they see a Kano, the prices double on everything, even tricycle fares...

It is true that some of the Pinay get Americanized, and if you are on this site enough, it shows in some of their posts. I actually had one call my wife a cheap bar girl the other day. Ticked me off to say the least. I see it every day. The pinay wife who thinks because she married a Kano, is better than everyone else...trick is, she is in the States, living the dream, and is NO different than a Kano wife.

Now, to answer the tread, My wife and I have set an amount to send to her mom and dad. Her sisters and brothers all have jobs. Her mom and dad have been screwed over a time or two in their line of work because of provincial politics, but make due. We have agreed to send them 5000 pesos a month. My wife paid to build their house. So, they need money for fuel for their generator, and for food, and whatever else may pop up. It may seem a bit much, but honestly, they worked their asses off raising 5 kids, and deserve to retire a little early in my book. Raising a family in the province is no small task, and my wife and her siblings have all learned the value of hard work.

[comembot0120 1]

For the past 7 years we've been sending my mom about $200-$400 a month.

That is her spending money for food, utilities-gas, electric, water, cable

and internet, phone). To come up with that money- I cut off my starbucks

($3.50/a day x 30 =$105); Instead of me eating out during lunch I bring my

own food from home (leftovers) and I save about $180/ a month. Also,

I have a part time job (2nd job 10 hours a week) that would give me an extra$500. My husband & I opened a secondary checking account and we gave the ATM to my mom in the Philippines (MY NAME IS ON THE ATM) but Mom knows the PIN #.She gets her allowance from the ATM and it only

charges $1.50 per transaction and We could see how much is she taking out from our ATM.

My husband is a Filipino (born & raised in the US) but we are also helping

his nephew to go to college and its alright with me as well. We do not send

the money to our nephew's parents because they end up spending it for themselves

so what we did was we pay it directly to the school.

For the relatives who needs some help... we only give them small amount say P500-

P1,000? We do not tolerate giving a lot because most of them becomes abusive.For my Mom

we really wanted to take good care of her because my dad already past away.

[Fudpukker 18]

I send $200 a month, luckily she is not the type that will make all kinds of excuses but instead she is honest. I gave her my B of A Debit Card and every 15th and 30th I deposit $100.

Before I showed up into my fiancees life everything was good, she wasnt even working, so I am going to ASSUME that when she is here in the states that her family will be better off since it will be one less mouth to feed and one less person in the household. Meaning that I will still send but probably just $100 a month.

I am Filipino born and raised here in the States, Ive heard all the excuses and my parents have already lectured me with what I will see coming my way.

Edited April 22, 2010 by teamster631

[cherish_berries 0]

For the past 7 years we've been sending my mom about $200-$400 a month.

That is her spending money for food, utilities-gas, electric, water, cable

and internet, phone). To come up with that money- I cut off my starbucks

($3.50/a day x 30 =$105); Instead of me eating out during lunch I bring my

own food from home (leftovers) and I save about $180/ a month. Also,

I have a part time job (2nd job 10 hours a week) that would give me an extra$500. My husband & I opened a secondary checking account and we gave the ATM to my mom in the Philippines (MY NAME IS ON THE ATM) but Mom knows the PIN #.She gets her allowance from the ATM and it only

charges $1.50 per transaction and We could see how much is she taking out from our ATM.

My husband is a Filipino (born & raised in the US) but we are also helping

his nephew to go to college and its alright with me as well. We do not send

the money to our nephew's parents because they end up spending it for themselves

so what we did was we pay it directly to the school.

For the relatives who needs some help... we only give them small amount say P500-

P1,000? We do not tolerate giving a lot because most of them becomes abusive.For my Mom

we really wanted to take good care of her because my dad already past away.

I like your attitude as well as your husband!!!

[Atencio 43]

The wife hasn't asked me but when she comes to the U.S. I will probably have her send back to parents what she was contributing to family which in U.S. dollars was not a large amount. Her parents are 75 and the mom teaches graduate students one day a week. Wife and two brothers and sister care for parents otherwise. Having been to their house it is not a lavish lifestyle by any stretch of the word. Last visit I bought and paid for her Papa to have cable because he loves basketball. Cost me all of $70.00 for a full year plus installation. Family is not lazy. Papa gets up at 0400 every day to walk to 0600 mass. Mama and all the kids have masters degrees. One brother is a regional manager for NSO. Still, their life is hard and they are my family. I would not sacrifice my immediate family to support the extended family but neither would I have them suffer my taking away their eldest daughters support.

[bigdude 2]

Hello, I just stumbled across this forum when searching for a specific topic. My fiancée is Filipino and I met her here in Michigan about 3 years ago. She came here to the US around 17 years ago on an H-1B work visa, she is a nurse and naturalized citizen. We live together and are engaged to be married. She is really great but we have some issues regarding her family back in the Philippines. They are constantly requesting money from us for “emergencies”. Typical emergencies include: money for medication, money for hospital bills and money to repair home damages from tropical storms. If she doesn’t send money for Birthdays/holidays they get really upset and refuse to talk to her. They constantly “hint” about how broke they are and how they don’t have money for this or that. She has three siblings there, all of which have college degrees but don’t work. Her mother and father “retired” as soon as she arrived in the US but have no savings. We were typically sending about $1500 (US) per month there. Previously sending this much per month was not an issue because we both made good money, she being an RN and I being an engineer. Well, we both decided I need to change careers so I quit my job and applied to med school. So she is now the only provider. Now that I am in school full-time we are broke, medical school is really expensive. Last month we didn’t even have money for food. We literally had 16 dollars in our bank account! I am borrowing money from my parents just to survive. Even in the dire situation we are in, she still feels compelled to send them money-money we don’t have. They have managed to brain wash her into thinking its her responsibility to support the entire family. I can no longer take it. What can I do, I need advice….Please help.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Hello, I just stumbled across this forum when searching for a specific topic. My fiancée is Filipino and I met her here in Michigan about 3 years ago. She came here to the US around 17 years ago on an H-1B work visa, she is a nurse and naturalized citizen. We live together and are engaged to be married. She is really great but we have some issues regarding her family back in the Philippines. They are constantly requesting money from us for “emergencies”. Typical emergencies include: money for medication, money for hospital bills and money to repair home damages from tropical storms. If she doesn’t send money for Birthdays/holidays they get really upset and refuse to talk to her. They constantly “hint” about how broke they are and how they don’t have money for this or that. She has three siblings there, all of which have college degrees but don’t work. Her mother and father “retired” as soon as she arrived in the US but have no savings. We were typically sending about $1500 (US) per month there. Previously sending this much per month was not an issue because we both made good money, she being an RN and I being an engineer. Well, we both decided I need to change careers so I quit my job and applied to med school. So she is now the only provider. Now that I am in school full-time we are broke, medical school is really expensive. Last month we didn’t even have money for food. We literally had 16 dollars in our bank account! I am borrowing money from my parents just to survive. Even in the dire situation we are in, she still feels compelled to send them money-money we don’t have. They have managed to brain wash her into thinking its her responsibility to support the entire family. I can no longer take it. What can I do, I need advice….Please help.

Learn how to say "no."

[bigdude 2]

How can I say "no" when its her paycheck. I'm pretty much dependent on her now that i quit my job. I am in a really crappy situation.

[-teRe- 9]

I plan to send money to my mom once i get to the states, but that is of course once i have my job, for now i save a lot from the allowance he gives me monthly so i can leave something to my mom once i leave PI and while waiting for my papers to get done so i can work. We have talked about it, i will work, i want to be independent, after all i want to make use of the two degrees i have. The money i'll be sending will come from my own pocket and not from him, unless for some exceptional cases. I think Filipina women should always strive to be independent and acommplished individuals

Edited December 4, 2010 by -teReZee-

[Tahoma 2,292]

How can I say "no" when its her paycheck. I'm pretty much dependent on her now that i quit my job. I am in a really crappy situation.

Why did you quit your job when you knew your wife was going to continue supporting her entire barangay?

[Laser1 63]

How can I say "no" when its her paycheck. I'm pretty much dependent on her now that i quit my job. I am in a really crappy situation.

It's not really crappy, because you are doing what you desired. You will either have to adjust to this for a while, or get another job.

[Atencio 43]

Medical school is going to bust you whether wife is sending money home or not. I work at a teaching hospital and most of the doctors are owing well over $100,000 in loans when they finish their residency. You are going to have a rough going bigdude but I respect the effort in trying.

I know many here on VJ have wifes that are ok with not sending money back home or maybe just a small amount but that is not the norm from what I see in general. I have many Filipino's working for me and every single one of them send money home. They consider it a responsibility to their family. I think it is just a cultural phenomenon that really needs to be addressed along with the will we have kids, what religion will we raise them questions.

[finallyfree 2]

I've learned to say no (though it's not always easy). My family has become lazy! I told my husband to only send some money if it's truly an emergency.