Married Filipinos who send money to family back in Philippines

[badger 0]

I lived in the Philippines for a year on my first visit. I was really disappointed because of all the people sitting on there butts collecting money from there family members working abroad. Those people working abroad work very hard to earn little money and have to pay back most of it to the company who sent them. Then they send the rest of the money to there families. There families live like kings buying all of the goodies. When finally there contract is up they go back to the Philippines and find out the family spent it all and now they have nothing. They work all those years and in return have nothing to show for it except for the aches and pains.. The Philippines is becoming a welfare country relying on other people to support them. They don't have any ambition to get up and work. They would rather sit around and drink and get money from relative abroad...... They are dirty people to throwing there trash every where. you cant go any where without see trash.

Me I wouldn't send money to my wifes family unless i new they were working and it is a big emergency. They would have to show proof to. and then it would only be the mother and father no one else.

[robleftca 0]

Hmm Glad I have VJ.

This is one thing I never thought of. I mean i send money to her now cause she hasn't worked for a year once her contract job ran out in Tawain. We started dating when she was in Taiwain.

She wanted to work abroad but I told her no it would delay our chances with you working all over the place. Plus trying to pay all that money to brooker just to work for 2-3 months wouldn't even pay it all back.

So long story short, I send money to help her. I have paid for all the expensies for this journey of ours. We slightly talked about money, she wants to help her niece go to college. She is going to help take care of her mom.

When my future wife was abroad she sent most of her money back. she helped her brother go to college. She found out and broke her heart he was gambling money and stopped going to college. She hates i live in vegas and thinks i gamble all our money. Not all just most LOL.

We do need to set some ground rules like it has been said but i want to help her mom out too. Like one said if they don't work like one of her brothers is doing, I don't see why we should help them. Her mom is taking care of most of the nieces so I can see helping them out. If you don't work why should we support them? They have two arms, two legs and can work. My wife's sister has helped us alot with the taiwian paper work. She is the only one of 6 siblings to be working abroad. She is busting her butt to help her family. If they want to get our money for nothing won't happen. I already told her that.

She is sorta on same page that our family is first. She has said our family is first before she can help them out she has to get a job. I know she wants to help but we haven't set ground rules. Think we need to do that but scared to bring it up till she gets here as it might upset her and her family.

By monday she is hoping to get the paper from her sister and go to US embasy. Then she will go back to providence to wait for Visa. When she gets it, her brother, mom and aunt is going up to Manila with her when she flys out. I will help her mom and aunt as her aunt's daughter is the one who letting her stay in Manila right now at the cousins condo. I figure it is an obligation to repay her. Of course, her mom i will help pay the bus ticket too. I don't see helping her brother though. He is just sitting around doing nothing for the last year and half. He plays basketball at the park excuse me he does something lol

I love getting everyone's ideas. It is a different story for each family as some are weathly, stuborn, have pride and can do it themselfs and or just leaching off the abroad families. I hope I didn't affend anyone in that statment. I am not to judge here like I said each has a different story and reasoning. IMHO all have good reasons behind it.

[-B&T- 1]

I'm sending money every month to my mother and only to her. As for my brothers/sister they're working so I don't worry about them and when there's emergency, I contribute. I have my own family to worry about and they're my priority and we have bills to pay too.

[rlogan 2,036]

When I met her their family lived in a 7-foot by 11-foot shack made out of scraps they picked up off the street, like a lot of very poor Filipinos. The father had not worked in years. She was sending money home for over a year and a half as a housekeeper/child caretaker. She had just taken on a new job that made more when we met, but I had her quit and go back home to prepare for immigration. I can't remember what the housekeeper thing paid, but it was mostly just room and board.

When I arrived there, the seven of them slept with four on one side and three on the other. It was a sleeping shelter, with about one-foot between the two scrapwood beds.

I have lived really, really poor. Like people here cannot imagine. I lived with them too, as I was building a house next to the shack. They didn't want me to stay there because they thought I couldn't stand for it. But I'm thinking this is really cool. Like camping.

I hope they learned about Americanos there. Because I can live like that and build a house, and if everyone there was like me then they would all be living in houses too. It didn't take much cash to buy sand and gravel, hollow block, steel, etc. The heat killed me.

The house is there because I built it, with her father, not because I "had money". The neighborhood sat on their butts.

I said some hard things to my wife. But there were conditions prior to marriage. I was going to help - but not make them wards. I was going to try to help them better themselves.

There are varying degrees of initiative in her family. What we are doing is not perfect, and is evloving. But they have to work. I employed the father on the house, and then got him a job. He went from that job to a better paying one.

There are two really inspiring siblings still at home. We help with school, which seems more like extortion really. They do these stupid projects that cost money, and I know because when I lived there we ran around buying materials and putting together idiotic things. Here is a family without enough rice and they are saying if you do not pay 600 pesos to manufacture a paper-machet tribute to the Filipino presidents of history, you do not graduate. Ludicrous. Why not give them a history exam?

There is one bum. A brother. Being clever about never being around when it looks like work is going to happen. Quit school under the theory he was going to do a trade. But the result is no school, and no trade. He will make himself a problem for my wife. Like many Filipinos taking advantage of Americano money.

The thing he is most expert at is avoiding looking me in the eyes. He has never done it. In two years.

It's not because he's Filipino. It's because he's a bum. He will have to be thrown out. It is the only way to better him.

[lilajean 0]

Does the issue of sending money home (or how much you send) cause tension between you and your spouse? If so, how have you tried to resolve it?

What rules do you and your spouse follow regarding remittances (e.g. money only comes from Filipino spouse's pay)?

How do you determine the amount of money you send back to family in Philippines?

How do you distinguish legitimate needs vs. "nice to have"s?

How do you handle emergencies (real and imagined) that come up?

Have you ever cut any family members off financially? If so, why and for how long?

No tension. Its my own money not from my hubby (USC).

You have done well at becoming an American Women. Glad my wife is not!

Ditto

maybe just poor words?

we agree that while i go to school, i get small "allowance" from hubby. i can spend on school supplies, clothes, hair cut, gas for the car, small things. i cannot spend more than what is in my allowance. hubby has what he says he spend on food and electric/gas before me, i must pay if we use more electricity.

if there is money left over from allowance, i can give to my family. but if i don't, doesn't matter how bad of emergency my family has, we pay nothing. and it will be because of me.

that is not my money, it is his money, but it is the money he lets me spend. he says "that's your money to do with it what you will".

Of course at first i made quite a few mistakes with this .

soon i will have a job and then my paycheck goes to him to control, of course, but i will still get an allowance of money.

[SuperDuper! 230]

It's not because he's Filipino. It's because he's a bum. He will have to be thrown out. It is the only way to better him.

C'mon, you are being too hard on him. Why not give him a hand up, instead of a hand out. Give him a loan to start up a Sari Sari store, and teach him to fish, instead of just giving him more fish.

Kanos are also national heroes by sending regular remittances to the PI every month. The heat is so tropical and oppressive every day of the year, it just saps out all your energy. This is why it is hard to work there. You are lucky to stay cool and sweat free during the day.

[Donna A 4]

Does the issue of sending money home (or how much you send) cause tension between you and your spouse? If so, how have you tried to resolve it?

What rules do you and your spouse follow regarding remittances (e.g. money only comes from Filipino spouse's pay)?

How do you determine the amount of money you send back to family in Philippines?

How do you distinguish legitimate needs vs. "nice to have"s?

How do you handle emergencies (real and imagined) that come up?

Have you ever cut any family members off financially? If so, why and for how long?

No tension. Its my own money not from my hubby (USC).

naaaa, just a true filipina showing her true colors.

You have done well at becoming an American Women. Glad my wife is not!

Ditto

naaaa, just a true filipina showing her true colors. which some of you are too blind to see in your wives.

Edited November 21, 2009 by Donna A

[rlogan 2,036]

maybe just poor words?

we agree that while i go to school, i get small "allowance" from hubby. i can spend on school supplies, clothes, hair cut, gas for the car, small things. i cannot spend more than what is in my allowance. hubby has what he says he spend on food and electric/gas before me, i must pay if we use more electricity.

if there is money left over from allowance, i can give to my family. but if i don't, doesn't matter how bad of emergency my family has, we pay nothing. and it will be because of me.

that is not my money, it is his money, but it is the money he lets me spend. he says "that's your money to do with it what you will".

Of course at first i made quite a few mistakes with this .

soon i will have a job and then my paycheck goes to him to control, of course, but i will still get an allowance of money.

I feel badly and think you have been misred.

My wife is 8 months pregnant. She has been a housewife for the most part. It is an enormous blessing to me and hard to put a price on because I was living like a cave man before.

So what if my work is in the marketplace. She pulls serious weight around here and it would be criminal of me to pretend I am the only economicly productive worker. She deserves to have a value on that. It's easiest for me to assign some rental income to her. It isn't much. She deserves more. But we are not wealthy.

We call it her salary. Not an allowance. Wife, mother, and keeper of cave man salary. She does do a little in the business too, and I pay her for that.

Now, we call that "her money". Which is absurd because its all "our" money but talking about it that way means she should not have to worry what I am going to say about how she spends it. Nevertheless, she still asks me. Because she wants my opinion.

I've had to borrow from her.

Her rates are way too high.

[SuperDuper! 230]

maybe just poor words?

we agree that while i go to school, i get small "allowance" from hubby. i can spend on school supplies, clothes, hair cut, gas for the car, small things. i cannot spend more than what is in my allowance. hubby has what he says he spend on food and electric/gas before me, i must pay if we use more electricity.

if there is money left over from allowance, i can give to my family. but if i don't, doesn't matter how bad of emergency my family has, we pay nothing. and it will be because of me.

that is not my money, it is his money, but it is the money he lets me spend. he says "that's your money to do with it what you will".

Of course at first i made quite a few mistakes with this .

soon i will have a job and then my paycheck goes to him to control, of course, but i will still get an allowance of money.

I feel badly and think you have been misred.

My wife is 8 months pregnant. She has been a housewife for the most part. It is an enormous blessing to me and hard to put a price on because I was living like a cave man before.

So what if my work is in the marketplace. She pulls serious weight around here and it would be criminal of me to pretend I am the only economicly productive worker. She deserves to have a value on that. It's easiest for me to assign some rental income to her. It isn't much. She deserves more. But we are not wealthy.

We call it her salary. Not an allowance. Wife, mother, and keeper of cave man salary. She does do a little in the business too, and I pay her for that.

Now, we call that "her money". Which is absurd because its all "our" money but talking about it that way means she should not have to worry what I am going to say about how she spends it. Nevertheless, she still asks me. Because she wants my opinion.

I've had to borrow from her.

Her rates are way too high.

We dont really understand what you are saying!

[rlogan 2,036]

We dont really understand what you are saying!

Sorry. I thought she was catching flak for calling it "her money". And I could have misred what is going on in this exchange completely.

And if I did, no big deal. Just ignore. I can be retarded just as easy as the next guy.

But I thought my wife, in calling it "her money" was similar to what she was saying. And if the criticism of that is she has now become americanized by calling it "her money" then it could just have been a matter of wording that was misunderstood.

Mine calls it her money and really it is our money and she acknowledges so. There can be nuances to the wording that matter.

[SuperDuper! 230]

We dont really understand what you are saying!

Sorry. I thought she was catching flak for calling it "her money". And I could have misred what is going on in this exchange completely.

And if I did, no big deal. Just ignore. I can be retarded just as easy as the next guy.

But I thought my wife, in calling it "her money" was similar to what she was saying. And if the criticism of that is she has now become americanized by calling it "her money" then it could just have been a matter of wording that was misunderstood.

Mine calls it her money and really it is our money and she acknowledges so. There can be nuances to the wording that matter.

Nevermind!

[bluesgorilla 2]

It's not because he's Filipino. It's because he's a bum. He will have to be thrown out. It is the only way to better him.

C'mon, you are being too hard on him. Why not give him a hand up, instead of a hand out. Give him a loan to start up a Sari Sari store, and teach him to fish, instead of just giving him more fish.

Kanos are also national heroes by sending regular remittances to the PI every month. The heat is so tropical and oppressive every day of the year, it just saps out all your energy. This is why it is hard to work there. You are lucky to stay cool and sweat free during the day.

I almost choked on my drink when I read this. I'm a Kano living in the Philippines for the past several years and I can tell you for a fact, Kanos are NOT looked upon as heroes by people here. When my wife and I go out to the mall we hear people whispering 'pok-pok' (Tagalog slang for #######) and making other rude comments. When we go to the store, the 'hero' is charged 2 to 3 times what a humble local is charged. When you watch the news, Kanos are portrayed as meddling foreigners that are taking advantage of the Pinoys. Just listen to how Kanos are referred to when it comes to the VFA treaty.

People treat Kano money as a hero but have little use for the Kano themself.

As for the brother, sorry, he sounds like a bum to me. The father worked on the house, where was the brother? The father is now working a job, what is the brother doing? Probably sitting on his #### drinking Red Horse and waiting for the next remittance to come in so he can hit the sabungan with his buddies. There are plenty of hard-working Filipinos from all economic backgrounds but the brother in this story sure doesn't sound like one of them.

[jom 4]

Does the issue of sending money home (or how much you send) cause tension between you and your spouse? If so, how have you tried to resolve it?

What rules do you and your spouse follow regarding remittances (e.g. money only comes from Filipino spouse's pay)?

How do you determine the amount of money you send back to family in Philippines?

How do you distinguish legitimate needs vs. "nice to have"s?

How do you handle emergencies (real and imagined) that come up?

Have you ever cut any family members off financially? If so, why and for how long?

No tension. Its my own money not from my hubby (USC).

You have done well at becoming an American Women. Glad my wife is not!

Ditto

maybe just poor words?

we agree that while i go to school, i get small "allowance" from hubby. i can spend on school supplies, clothes, hair cut, gas for the car, small things. i cannot spend more than what is in my allowance. hubby has what he says he spend on food and electric/gas before me, i must pay if we use more electricity.

if there is money left over from allowance, i can give to my family. but if i don't, doesn't matter how bad of emergency my family has, we pay nothing. and it will be because of me.

that is not my money, it is his money, but it is the money he lets me spend. he says "that's your money to do with it what you will".

Of course at first i made quite a few mistakes with this .

soon i will have a job and then my paycheck goes to him to control, of course, but i will still get an allowance of money.

You SHOULD control your own paycheck. WHen you start working sit down with your husband and talk about your finances, what will be your contribution, savings etc etc BUT you should be in control with your paycheck not your husband.

[jom 4]

I'm sending money every month to my mother and only to her. As for my brothers/sister they're working so I don't worry about them and when there's emergency, I contribute. I have my own family to worry about and they're my priority and we have bills to pay too.

My hats off you

[happywifeymom 4]

Does the issue of sending money home (or how much you send) cause tension between you and your spouse? If so, how have you tried to resolve it?

What rules do you and your spouse follow regarding remittances (e.g. money only comes from Filipino spouse's pay)?

How do you determine the amount of money you send back to family in Philippines?

How do you distinguish legitimate needs vs. "nice to have"s?

How do you handle emergencies (real and imagined) that come up?

Have you ever cut any family members off financially? If so, why and for how long?

We used to send my family every month $300 when i was not working. Now that am working full time i added $200 to make it $500 a month and i have 2 kids in the Philippines.