Married Filipinos who send money to family back in Philippines

[jsnearline 2]

Does the issue of sending money home (or how much you send) cause tension between you and your spouse? If so, how have you tried to resolve it?

What rules do you and your spouse follow regarding remittances (e.g. money only comes from Filipino spouse's pay)?

How do you determine the amount of money you send back to family in Philippines?

How do you distinguish legitimate needs vs. "nice to have"s?

How do you handle emergencies (real and imagined) that come up?

Have you ever cut any family members off financially? If so, why and for how long?

Edited November 18, 2009 by jsnearline

[rheanick 42]

Does the issue of sending money home (or how much you send) cause tension between you and your spouse? If so, how have you tried to resolve it?

What rules do you and your spouse follow regarding remittances (e.g. money only comes from Filipino spouse's pay)?

How do you determine the amount of money you send back to family in Philippines?

How do you distinguish legitimate needs vs. "nice to have"s?

How do you handle emergencies (real and imagined) that come up?

Have you ever cut any family members off financially? If so, why and for how long?

No tension. Its my own money not from my hubby (USC).

[TripleG 3]

We send about 6,000 pesos a month to her folks. I say WE because when we got married all my money became her money also. She doesn't have a job here in the U.S.A. that pays a salary and she will not be getting one. Her job is taking care of the farm and taking care of me and hopefully in the near future taking care of the kids. Out of that 6k her parents pay the electric bill at our house in Negros, and take care of other interest we have there. When I lived in the RP her dad and I farmed rice together. He still is keeping that going, and every harvest time he puts half of the proceeds into our BDO account and reinvests the other half. I started raising rabbits when I was living in the RP and my father-in-law took that over as well. I was doing it for fun and for meat, but he has turned it into a small business. I have awsome in-laws that I have a great relationship with. If they ever called and said "hey we need more for this or that" It would not be a problem because I know what kind of people they are and calling me is there absolute last resort. When my wife calls the RP, all her dad and uncles want to talk about is how am I doing? She misses her family alot, but so do I. I can't wait for her greencard to get here.

[tallcoolone 102]

For us it's not an issue, my wife doesn't send money to her family for various reasons. She will on a birthday or Christmas send some money to her sister.

But as a General Rule I would follow these.

If she is not working, then no money would be sent home.

From the people I have spoken with, it seems like $200 per month is what most send back to thier family. $200 per month in Philippines is a good monthly salary for a lot of working people.

Don't let the family or friends call up with Personal Emergencies like:

Relative is Sick

Some One Needs Medications

School Tuition is due

Family Dog is Sick

[lykatodd 0]

We send $300 to my family and that's from my hubby's own money cuz i dont have a job here..And theres no issues about it..We just want to make sure that they will be okay over there and no worries about their daily needs in PI...

[Tito Jorge 0]

Great question and topic for discussion ...

It is not much of an issue for Belinda and me ...

We send a Balikbayan box once a year or so ... and several times a year Belinda will send some money to her mom but its not a large figure and I dont have any problem with sending it at all ... after all ... it is MY family too ...

Belinda has 3 siblings working abroad who also send money home ... so the burden is split 4 ways and not too much problem for any of the 4 children who help Nanay ...

-- George

Edited November 18, 2009 by Tito Jorge

[ladylyn 0]

We usually send home some money when we have extra. My husband has this realy strict financial rule especially when it comes to sending money to the Philippines. We can only send home a certain amount of money when they really need it and if all of them are working. At first, I didn't agree with it but sooner, I realized that we're not growing some cash in our backyards and we have our own family to worry about here. We're always punctual about sending them cash for their presents during christmas and birthdays though . Maybe when we get rich, it will all change coz I really do honestly want to help my family back there. .

[Nenita and David 1]

I think this is an issue for most Filipina-Kano couples. My wife and I have talked about it even before we were married. She hasn't arrived yet, so I don't know exactly how everything will work, but we've already set some ground rules for deciding what to send back. Most importantly, we've agreed that the needs of our kids will always come first. I want to help her family back home, but the limit for me will be reached if they are living a more comfortable life there than we are here. I don't mind paying school tuition and medical expenses as long as I can verify the amounts.

A little money can go a long way over there.$100-$200 a month is a lot of money there, so I can't see why you would generally need to send more than that. The sales people in the malls make about $5/day, so $100 is a very hefty supplement to a Filipino salary. I've had a very good dinner at a great native restaurant (Hukad in Ayala-Cebu) for P600, and that was for myself, my wife, and her niece. Most of our meals were P300-450 for 2 people. $60 or so should pay the monthly rent at a Cebu boarding house. I've seen an American ex-pat post online that he rented a really nice four-bedroom house in Cebu for less than $470/month. I bought 2 t-shirts in Boracay for P300.

Wants vs. needs is, as far as I can tell, the biggest issue most Kanos have with sending money back. As best I can tell, Filipinos don't send money back home so much because the family needs something, but simply because it's considered their duty to the family. It's a cultural difference that I don't think a lot of couples quite grasp. Americans place a high value on self-reliance... not only compared to Filipinos, but compared to pretty much every other culure in the world. (A good thing, I happen think.) Filipinos place a higher value on duty to family. This is a good thing, too, in it's own way. It's mainly a matter of coming to an understanding with your spouse as to how far that duty extends.

[adiiann 163]

My money is my money, and my husband's money is also mine.... Hahahaha!... Kidding!

I'm the one who budget our money. I handle our expenses. I don't send money in the Philippines because no reasons to send money. But I am going send them gifts for Christmas. Me and my husband agreed to send money to my family for emergency only which require so much money (such as accidents, disaster, or terrible hospitalization). I am not yet working so I don't earn money and even though I'm working I will not send money, only gifts for occasion. I don't want to tolerate the attitude of not doing hardworking, and always depend on other's fortune.

If I am earning already here, the money I am sending would be for my grandparents, $500/year. It's for their savings, just in case they will get hospitalized, they have their pensions, so they have their own money but they don't have any health care if they get hospitalized.

My husband didn't have problem when comes to where our money goes, or dealing with my family asking money or other things from me because I am here in "US". I just tell my family, I am not working so I don't have excess money to give them or buy them things.

[jsnearline 2]

I'm particularly interested in how you handle crisis situations. Here are some examples:

Relatives tell wife they are behind on their mortgage and will be foreclosed on if they don't come up with the money right away

An alcoholic relative winds up in the hospital with organ damage and is assessed a bill of several thousand dollars

Relatives' house is severerly damaged by flooding from Ondoy and they need a llarge sum of money to rebuild

[Nelly228 0]

Does the issue of sending money home (or how much you send) cause tension between you and your spouse? If so, how have you tried to resolve it?

What rules do you and your spouse follow regarding remittances (e.g. money only comes from Filipino spouse's pay)?

How do you determine the amount of money you send back to family in Philippines?

How do you distinguish legitimate needs vs. "nice to have"s?

How do you handle emergencies (real and imagined) that come up?

Have you ever cut any family members off financially? If so, why and for how long?

it is not an issue at all. my husband said it is our money. i am not working yet..so he is the one who is sending money for my mom. we only send money once a year for $2000.00 for remittance charges is too expensive. i have a pag-ibig housing loan in the philippines...so it is included on the money that we sent. emergencies is for immediate family only. my husband is soo generous which i tried to control..kuripot ako.

[pnrmbr975 1]

My wife and I only send money (or cards, gifts) on special occasions like birthdays. But my wife is planning to buy her mom's plane ticket to US when she comes here for a visit as a birthday gift from her own paycheck.

When her family in the Philippines have emergencies, they have their own funds and they never call us to ask for financial help.

Edited November 18, 2009 by pnrmbr975

[adiiann 163]

I'm particularly interested in how you handle crisis situations. Here are some examples:

Relatives tell wife they are behind on their mortgage and will be foreclosed on if they don't come up with the money right away

An alcoholic relative winds up in the hospital with organ damage and is assessed a bill of several thousand dollars

Relatives' house is severerly damaged by flooding from Ondoy and they need a llarge sum of money to rebuild

First, If I don't have excess money to send them, I will simply tell them that I don't have money. I don't just go out of our house and pick the money. And I consider first my immediate family other than relatives. As for relatives, I wouldn't bother myself so much if I can't help because I can't.

When you say relative, you mean someone related to you but not your parents, sisters and brother and their own family.

Then, my question is, are you the only relative living in the Philippines?, and when they need money, they will just ask money from you.

Like for the mortgage, why they cant pay it? In the Philippines, when you buy a house, which mean you can afford. I live in apartment for so long until we can afford to buy our own house in the Philippines. I don't want to judge, but I am pretty much sure that they live in a bit luxury(doing or having more than the necessity), and didn't budget money for the mortgage.

As for the hospitalized relatives, it depends on the situation. If the person have nothing in possession like land or something valuable to sell, I will try to help.

As for the relative who needed to rebuild, I am sure they have their own immediate family to help them.

[jsnearline 2]

When I say relative, I actually meant my wife's mmediate family.

I wasn't inclined to help my in-laws with their mortgage when they got behind, especially since the first I heard of it was the threat of impending foreclosure. That signified poor financial planning. When my wife asked me for money for that, I told her if she wanted to help, she would have to come up with the funds out of her own discretionary money.

Likewise, I wasn't very thrilled to help when my wife's dad wound up in the hospital because of a lifetime of bad habits (alcoholism, smoking, etc...). He didn't have insurance because he had spent his retirement money on alcohol and gambling. My wife's family told her that her dad could not be released from the very expensive hospital he was at until they paid the bill, and of course they had no money to do so. So, my wife felt she had no choice but to come up with the money. I don't know why they chose to take her dad to the most expensive hospital in town when they couldn't afford the rates and without even bothering to consult my wife. I ended up having to cancel a contract to buy a house for our family because of this situation. As a result, we're still renting.

When the in-laws' house was severely damaged by Ondoy, I told my wife I would help, but that there was no way I could give them the money to buy a new house. I could send money for basic necessities like food, clothes, and money to get them started renting, but that's all I could do.

The problem I have is that after the current crisis, there will always be another one, and no matter how much money my wife sends, it will never be enough and her family will always want more. So, my wife always feels guilty that she's not doing more and her family keeps treating her merely like an ATM. Then, when we want to buy something or my parents have a financial crisis, my wife tells me that we can't afford it...

Edited November 18, 2009 by jsnearline

[Loolie 56]

When I say relative, I actually meant my wife's mmediate family.

I wasn't inclined to help my in-laws with their mortgage when they got behind, especially since the first I heard of it was the threat of impending foreclosure. That signified poor financial planning. When my wife asked me for money for that, I told her if she wanted to help, she would have to come up with the funds out of her own discretionary money.

Likewise, I wasn't very thrilled to help when my wife's dad wound up in the hospital because of a lifetime of bad habits (alcoholism, smoking, etc...). He didn't have insurance because he had spent his retirement money on alcohol and gambling. My wife's family told her that her dad could not be released from the very expensive hospital he was at until they paid the bill, and of course they had no money to do so. So, my wife felt she had no choice but to come up with the money. I don't know why they chose to take her dad to the most expensive hospital in town when they couldn't afford the rates and without even bothering to consult my wife. I ended up having to cancel a contract to buy a house for our family because of this situation. As a result, we're still renting.

When the in-laws' house was severely damaged by Ondoy, I told my wife I would help, but that there was no way I could give them the money to buy a new house. I could send money for basic necessities like food, clothes, and money to get them started renting, but that's all I could do.

The problem I have is that after the current crisis, there will always be another one, and no matter how much money my wife sends, it will never be enough and her family will always want more. So, my wife always feels guilty that she's not doing more and her family keeps treating her merely like an ATM. Then, when we want to buy something or my parents have a financial crisis, my wife tells me that we can't afford it...

i guess your just to nice to do that to a point that they are just taking advantage of it already...

i guess they sent the father to an expensive hospital because they know that they have a daughter in usa to pay for that...thats how some people in pi they think that when your abroad you have money...so easy money for them.

i have a neighbor in pi...the daughter is in japan working and all her family do is keep on asking money from her...they even asked money because her brother went to jail because of mary jane so they need money for bail.

you know the solution of your problem you just cant do it i guess because of your wife.