divorce

[SunDrop 59]

i yes had a failed marriage but there were no signs of a bad relationship, he is from mexico and in mexico it is ok for the mexican men to have multiple women while married. i for one wanted a monogamous marriage. while we were married and living in separate countries he cheated. did i know this ? no, not until it was too late. (a) we lived together only 2 years and were apart 3 while waiting for the immigration process. this i didn't know before getting TOO involved with such a conniving individual as this person. yes many immigrants have agendas whether it is to get away from a country that doesn't have the freedom america does or duping someone who truly fell in love with someone. (b ) why are all of you who are attacking me so mad. did i say it was a bad agenda you jumped to that conclusion. i have done my own research since my marriage failed and i don't base one bad marriage on my opinion of immigrants. i still live in america where as far as i know i have the freedom of speech. i just want to alert any americans to research the country of your intended spouse and find out how they treat their women. i just don't want anyone else to be as hurt as i am. (c ) if someone would have alerted me to this part of a mexican males lifestyle i might have thought twice before going through this process. if i can help 1 person from getting hurt than i have done my job. so all you haters peace out

(a) Your timeline says it took 15 months from filing to entering the US, not 3 years.

(b ) The people you are posting your 'warnings' to are often the people immigrating, so it is only natural to take offense to being told you have an 'agenda' and no one is jumping to conclusions: having an agenda (when it comes to people) is an expression that is negative in its connotations. Where you are not insulting the intending immigrants, you are insulting the US Citizens with whom we are in love. Sure, there are some who use USCs for immigration purposes but they know their rights and if this were the case for you, he would have left you in May 2008 when his 10 year GC was issued.

Your constitution allows you freedom of speech, absolutely. This forum is not governed by the laws and constitution of the USA and making inflammatory comments is against the ToS. One of these terms states:

"Make comments in a Post either direct or implied toward another member that are purposely designed to upset, antagonize, make fun of, belittle, or otherwise instigate an argument that takes away from the personal enjoyment of the Service by other users. "

It may not have been purposely phrased to achieve this end, but a little consideration towards the membership as a whole, remembering most of us are in the middle of what is (as you know!) a long and emotional journey, might have caused you to reconsider your phrasing.

(c ) Maybe no one 'alerted' you to this because it is neither a fair nor an accurate statement. There are a lot of nations who have stereotypes, America included. I was 'warned' by a friend that American men are often very immature and to make sure I wasn't just gaining another child by pursuing this relationship. As far as I'm concerned, it's up to me to make sure that my future spouse's personality is one that I can spend the rest of my life with.

Good luck with the rest of your life. I am sorry to read that your dreams turned to sorrow and such bitter regret. I hope that by sharing your experience and opinions, you can gain some closure and find your way forward from here.

Edited November 18, 2009 by SunDrop

[Brit Abroad 166]

Hmmmmmmmmm.

The problem isn't about researching where your potential spouse is from, it's about knowing the person to whom you are committing your life and happiness.

Sure, there are some immigrants with an agenda, and some nice USC gets duped .. but, there are also far too many people who marry someone without having rudimentary discussions about values, expectations, moral boundaries, planning for a shared future, children etc .. the list could be endless, but the point is the same. When you marry someone from another culture (as all of us here are doing, regardless of the fact that a common language is often spoken) then you have to learn not to take love at face value. Love and romance is the attraction, friendship and shared values are the glue of marriage and if you can't communicate well enough to establish WHO your spouse is when they're not putting on a show for you, then you really shouldn't be exchanging vows.

Everyone take a chill pill and just ..... go learn something new about your spouse/fiance(e) today.

[Amit-N-Melody 11]

Hmmmmmmmmm.

The problem isn't about researching where your potential spouse is from, it's about knowing the person to whom you are committing your life and happiness.

So true!!! You know this makes me think.... My "American" ex was a real winner, he beat me and broke my jaw, he went from job to job, the finale straw for me was when he started taking out his anger on the children and started choking them.... Now do I go around to ever woman in America to warn her about her future spouse? Do you think at 18 with raging hormones that I would of been willing to listen to anyone about him... I can answer you this... NO... his mother even came to me and begged me to break up with him... I am sure there are 100,000's cases just like mine with 2 americans... How unfair is it to claim that ALL Mexican Men are unfaithful too their spouses.... actually.... any person Male or Female could cheat and lie... that is why it is so imparetive to know the person you choose to be your life partner. You know we are lucky in our culture we get to choose our partners... and it is amazing that America has the highest divorce rate... and in other countries where arranged marriages are the norm the divorce rate is non exsistent...

[Chris_Жанна 11]

The OP is right. My fiancee drinks vodka all day, is just marrying me for a greencard, is aging horribly, and, is a former communist spy, as well as any other generalizations you can make......

#######!

Edited November 18, 2009 by Chris_Жанна

[fall4her 0]

I feel sorry for the OP. but it's not fair to assume anyone who's in love with an American and tries to get to US has a scheme. everyone is different. if you tell one's character by his origin, race or anything else other than who he is, that's bias and discrimination.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Wow, Feel the Love and Support in This Forum!

Edited November 18, 2009 by Hopp

[KarimaG 2]

well needless to say i thought 5 years ago i was the happiest person on earth, today is a different view and maybe a little jaded. the man with whom i brought to this country wound up being a lying cheating ####. everything was fine until he got his permanent status and then he became a person i never met. i now know that anyone coming to america has some kind of agenda. he even duped my church. what a good actor, he had everyone fooled.

my question now is, Do I have to report anything to immigration? I filed for divorce before our 5th anniversary and before he was here for 5 years. Will I get into trouble? I am a born American. I have all the immigration paperwork, being that i was the one who paid for everything.

Any help would do.

thanks

robbie

I can understand there is some anger. Who doesnt have anger after a relationship that has ended after so many years. I have been with my fiance for almost 2 years, and I cant imagine what I personally would feel or assume if when he got here things did not work out and we divorced. I dont think anyone can imagine how they would react 'in advance'. You act on impulse. Say things on impulse... think on impulse. And sometimes our impulses arent correct. However being the non-perfect human beings that we are we can react badly yet most-times differently than others. I know your not saying that all husbands/fiances of vjers here are cheats and liers. I can understand how a person can have incorrect biographical cultural information. It happens. Not everyone is has a phd in other cultures and thats ok. I love my fiance with all my heart but I certainly dont have a phd in his culture. So dont sweat it ok? Now... answering your question... I dont believe you have to report anything to immigration, and I cant imagine why you would get into trouble. You did nothing wrong. The only thing you can do is move forward with your life. But dont let this put a damper on your future. Everyone holds power over their future, and you hold more power than what you think. Everyone is in control of they're destiny... find you another, fall in love.... the choice of ur future is up to you. There are many good men out there... dont let one spoiled apple ruin the whole bunch for you. No all men have worms to the core! lol

Edited November 18, 2009 by KarimaG

[ziia 9]

Hey you guys I think we should cut marinemom546 some slack...i'm sure she wasn't ill intended and she is obviously hurt and deceived. I know that what she said is a generalization and it is not fair nor true to judge all people this way and I think she got the point by now and be more careful how she expresses herself in the future. I don't think we should hang her here on this forum...a hurt person is already down in every way, physically and morally. There are better ways to tell a person that she's wrong that it will also show you are all confident in your relationships and mature in your beliefs. I do not condone what marinemom546 said in any way what so ever but I just wanted to draw attention to the fact that this woman is suffering bad right now. She will for sure get over it but as someone who truly feels they got duped(even if ain't so) it is normal to express herself less politically correct at this time. One day she'll be strong again and put this behind her and who knows maybe she will believe in love again and give it another shot...maybe even come back here one day, once the woods heal and show us a completely different person.

Marinemom546, stop defending yourself because at this time you're only adding gas onto the fire. please try to remember you are dealing with over anxious people(not all but some) here because of all the waiting, stress with papers and the process itself in bringing their loved ones here..yes people believe in their relationships and believe the one they are about to bring here will love them forever but you also have to keep in mind that no one is 100% certain that they will not be one day a statistic(like the one you mentioned) so be kind and gentle and thoughtful in your responses because it is not nice to add more stress to people who have already a lot on their minds. Let me tell you something...you will never ever ever prevent one from making a mistake no matter what horror stories of your own you present and how much you warn people of certain things to watch for. Love is blind, love is deaf, love is anything you want but rational(with some exceptions of course, but those people already know what to watch for and did long before you warn them!). So, that being said, i hope I haven't upset anyone, I just wanted to let you guys know that this anger is silly from both sides: the OP and the VJers and by the end of this no one will feel better...you because your down and will be even more so after reading and replying to all this and the VJers who are also here not only to give advises and encourage but also to receive encouragements and positive thoughts while they wait out this process of immigration and begin their lives together with their partners.

Take care

[Cool_Together 0]

The problem isn't about researching where your potential spouse is from, it's about knowing the person to whom you are committing your life and happiness.

Sure, there are some immigrants with an agenda, and some nice USC gets duped .. but, there are also far too many people who marry someone without having rudimentary discussions about values, expectations, moral boundaries, planning for a shared future, children etc .. the list could be endless, but the point is the same. When you marry someone from another culture (as all of us here are doing, regardless of the fact that a common language is often spoken) then you have to learn not to take love at face value. Love and romance is the attraction, friendship and shared values are the glue of marriage and if you can't communicate well enough to establish WHO your spouse is when they're not putting on a show for you, then you really shouldn't be exchanging vows.

Everyone take a chill pill and just ..... go learn something new about your spouse/fiance(e) today.

These are brilliant words you say dear "Brit Abroad"!!!!! Very well said and perfect & that's all I can say.

There's just and in every human, we just have to take care and TRY to stay away from the evil ones. Marinemom546 I hope you heart heals and you find one of the "good ones" because they do exist!!

~Kristie

[rlogan 2,036]

Hey you guys I think we should cut marinemom546 some slack...i'm sure she wasn't ill intended and she is obviously hurt and deceived. I know that what she said is a generalization and it is not fair nor true to judge all people this way and I think she got the point by now and be more careful how she expresses herself in the future. I don't think we should hang her here on this forum...a hurt person is already down in every way, physically and morally. There are better ways to tell a person that she's wrong that it will also show you are all confident in your relationships and mature in your beliefs. I do not condone what marinemom546 said in any way what so ever but I just wanted to draw attention to the fact that this woman is suffering bad right now. She will for sure get over it but as someone who truly feels they got duped(even if ain't so) it is normal to express herself less politically correct at this time. One day she'll be strong again and put this behind her and who knows maybe she will believe in love again and give it another shot...maybe even come back here one day, once the woods heal and show us a completely different person.

Marinemom546, stop defending yourself because at this time you're only adding gas onto the fire. please try to remember you are dealing with over anxious people(not all but some) here because of all the waiting, stress with papers and the process itself in bringing their loved ones here..yes people believe in their relationships and believe the one they are about to bring here will love them forever but you also have to keep in mind that no one is 100% certain that they will not be one day a statistic(like the one you mentioned) so be kind and gentle and thoughtful in your responses because it is not nice to add more stress to people who have already a lot on their minds. Let me tell you something...you will never ever ever prevent one from making a mistake no matter what horror stories of your own you present and how much you warn people of certain things to watch for. Love is blind, love is deaf, love is anything you want but rational(with some exceptions of course, but those people already know what to watch for and did long before you warn them!). So, that being said, i hope I haven't upset anyone, I just wanted to let you guys know that this anger is silly from both sides: the OP and the VJers and by the end of this no one will feel better...you because your down and will be even more so after reading and replying to all this and the VJers who are also here not only to give advises and encourage but also to receive encouragements and positive thoughts while they wait out this process of immigration and begin their lives together with their partners.

Take care

Better to be constructive like this. We need a timeout or whatever. I just feel bad the way the thread went. Maybe we could chill out. My opinion on immigrants can be deduced from my marriage so there is no point in me beating that dead horse.

Horse. Is. Dead.

So sorry things went badly marinemom. Disheartening when you get into an argument with the people you came to get information from.

Nothing for you to do but get the divorce and go on with life.

[Abby62 23]

well needless to say i thought 5 years ago i was the happiest person on earth, today is a different view and maybe a little jaded. the man with whom i brought to this country wound up being a lying cheating ####. everything was fine until he got his permanent status and then he became a person i never met. i now know that anyone coming to america has some kind of agenda. he even duped my church. what a good actor, he had everyone fooled.

my question now is, Do I have to report anything to immigration? I filed for divorce before our 5th anniversary and before he was here for 5 years. Will I get into trouble? I am a born American. I have all the immigration paperwork, being that i was the one who paid for everything.

Any help would do.

thanks

robbie

So sorry to hear this, you had a very bad experience..now move on to a hopefully brighter future. I have an agenda all right..that's to be with a guy I love sooooooooooo much ...till death do we part.

Hugs and good luck to you!

[TracyTN 237]

If you expected to come to this site - where MANY people are happily married to immigrants from other countries - and have us grin and be happy with the negative generalizations you make about immigrants, than I'd like some of what you're smoking.

You can be upset, angry and hurt - I think everyone here could easily understand that and empathize with it. But to go beyond that was a mistake (if what you wanted was support).

[CherryScented 0]

i yes many immigrants have agendas whether it is to get away from a country that doesn't have the freedom america does or duping someone who truly fell in love with someone.

Well that simply just isn't true. I'm from Canada. We have just as much freedom in our country as you do. Duping someone who truly loved them? Seriously? I love my fiance with all my heart. I am not duping him. I'm sorry that your marriage did not work out. That's still no reason for you to put down every single other person who wishes to immigrate to the US. Best of luck in your future.

[Krikit 1,164]

As this has veered off topic and the OP's question was answered on the 3rd post, I am closing the thread.