Advice I Gave My Husband ...

[pushbrk 12,882]

I hope your husband is also advising you to be patient and let matters take their course. There is not one thing you or an attorney can do until they have reviewed the material you were asked to provide. Further aggressive action will only boomerang. Sad to say, it is the way government operates at all levels.

We're trying - but we also don't want to sit back and do nothing, particularly when we know at least some mistakes are being made. I just wish there was some way to talk to a regular person and have a regular conversation and get the information you need and get anything corrected that needed to be - without having to beg and plead and antagonize. They don't respond to email, and they don't answer their phones (try it for yourself if you don't believed me). But good advice and we are working on it.

Thanks

For the umpteenth time plus one or two, you really must do "nothing" for the time being. You've done what the Consulate asked. Now you wait.

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

If they ask the same question 20 times, you give the same answer 20 times.

Never change your answer to the same question, even if they ask it in different ways.

If they try to ask you a vague question, or if they try to be tricky, ask them to please repeat the question.

If you still don't understand, ask them to clarify.

And if you still aren't sure, say "I don't understand what you are asking, or what exactly are you asking?"

You can ask them to clarify.

If they put words in your mouth, you politely correct them.

If you make a mistake, correct it immediately.

If they ask a question you don't know the answer to, you just say you don't know the answer.

Always, always pause for a few seconds and take a deep breath before answering any question.

Never rush or get upset or excited.

Remember, they are a person just like you.

This is an important interview, you deserve to take time, be careful, and be sure of your answers.

Never blurt out anything that pops into your head. Always think about what you about to say before you speak it out loud.

Only pay attention to the question at hand, the one they are asking at that moment, don't think back or ahead.

If you need time to gather your thoughts or recall something, then say so.

Always look them in their eyes.

You have a right to these things.

You should not be treated with disrespect.

You should be treated with dignity.

Always, always tell the truth.

Always tell them, when you do have written evidence with you, that you have documentation of that statement/fact/event/etc, and offer it to them at that moment.

If they refuse to accept the document, ask them at the end of the interview if they would like to take the copy of your documentation you made for their convenience, so that they can review it if they have questions later.

I would also add that if they barage you with questions (they did that to my husband) take one question at a time and respectfully ask they repeat or slow down the questioning.

The male CO in Senegal would ask my husband 3 or 4 questions in a row without giving him a chance to answer. We were put on AP for a short time, but thankfully the 2nd interview I was able to go AND we had a VERY NICE and UNDERSTANDING woman CO. We even had MAJOR descrepentacies but she allowed us to explain and understood how our view points could be different and granted us an approval. I pray the best for you verde. I have been following your posts, just haven't commented because I remember the first 3 days after our first interview, while I don't know exactly how you felt because you have extenuating circumstances, I do know how the rejection feels when you've done EVERYTHING right and by the book!

[Jamaican JNR 2]

If they ask the same question 20 times, you give the same answer 20 times.

Never change your answer to the same question, even if they ask it in different ways.

If they try to ask you a vague question, or if they try to be tricky, ask them to please repeat the question.

If you still don't understand, ask them to clarify.

And if you still aren't sure, say "I don't understand what you are asking, or what exactly are you asking?"

You can ask them to clarify.

If they put words in your mouth, you politely correct them.

If you make a mistake, correct it immediately.

If they ask a question you don't know the answer to, you just say you don't know the answer.

Always, always pause for a few seconds and take a deep breath before answering any question.

Never rush or get upset or excited.

Remember, they are a person just like you.

This is an important interview, you deserve to take time, be careful, and be sure of your answers.

Never blurt out anything that pops into your head. Always think about what you about to say before you speak it out loud.

Only pay attention to the question at hand, the one they are asking at that moment, don't think back or ahead.

If you need time to gather your thoughts or recall something, then say so.

Always look them in their eyes.

You have a right to these things.

You should not be treated with disrespect.

You should be treated with dignity.

Always, always tell the truth.

Always tell them, when you do have written evidence with you, that you have documentation of that statement/fact/event/etc, and offer it to them at that moment.

If they refuse to accept the document, ask them at the end of the interview if they would like to take the copy of your documentation you made for their convenience, so that they can review it if they have questions later.

Too much advice to remember, just let him be himself and know the basics.

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

I did NOT sit back and do nothing - not my style at all! I sent emails to the embassy politely asking what exactly they were investigating (they didn't request anything else from us). I offered to give them anything they needed or to help in any research they needed. I also called DOS at least 3 days a week to ask of updates. I don't know how your embassy works, but in Senegal any emails generated require them to print them up and put them in the file, this keeps the file on the top of the pile. Also, when calling DOS if you EVER get Sarah - truly FABULOUS woman, gently press her a bit, she'll usually give you more info than the others, she'll read the embassy notes. On one such occasion, she said, "they would love to meet with you". I had sent an email to the embassy asking if they wanted to meet with me and if that would help in what they were investigating. Once I had that information in hand (and it just so happened that the Lord blessed me that week with some life insurance money from my grandma) I email Senegal embassy again this time quoting what a representative from DOS (didn't name her) told me and told them I was planning a trip to Senegal and I could be there on "this" week or "this" week to meet with them, which one would they prefer? They picked the furthest out one and we were set!

Edited November 17, 2009 by WhidbeyGirl

[ellmvl 1]

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

[pushbrk 12,882]

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

The advice could be summed up in two short sentences.

1. Make sure you understand a question before answering.

2. Tell the truth.

[verde 0]

It might have been given too late, but it is GREAT advice. If the relationship is real, remembering all the details of it shouldn't be an overload to the memory, but putting on your game face is important especially in certain countries...

Yeah, these are actually rules for legal depositions and appearing in court (I'm a paralegal and law student, but sick with MS and Cancer right now). They really help you to keep calm, clear headed, focused, not be misled or tricked, not give a different answer to the same question, not answer a question incorrectly because you didn't understand, etc ...

[verde 0]

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

The advice could be summed up in two short sentences.

1. Make sure you understand a question before answering.

2. Tell the truth.

True, but the brief pause to allow yourself to clear your head, focus, pay attention, and think before you speak is necessary for both. I don't think most applicants willfully lie - I think they feel pressured, intimidated, interrogated, scared, and feel like they have to give a new answer when the Officer keeps asking the same question over and over again. These techniques are used in the legal field, and they are very effective. If an attorney ever prepares you for a deposition or trial, you'll go over all of these techniques - and any immigration attorney would have you practice these too, as well as answers to sensitive or complicated questions. BTW, are you an attorney? Just curious.

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

Thanks. Best wishes to you too!

[verde 0]

I did NOT sit back and do nothing - not my style at all! I sent emails to the embassy politely asking what exactly they were investigating (they didn't request anything else from us). I offered to give them anything they needed or to help in any research they needed. I also called DOS at least 3 days a week to ask of updates. I don't know how your embassy works, but in Senegal any emails generated require them to print them up and put them in the file, this keeps the file on the top of the pile. Also, when calling DOS if you EVER get Sarah - truly FABULOUS woman, gently press her a bit, she'll usually give you more info than the others, she'll read the embassy notes. On one such occasion, she said, "they would love to meet with you". I had sent an email to the embassy asking if they wanted to meet with me and if that would help in what they were investigating. Once I had that information in hand (and it just so happened that the Lord blessed me that week with some life insurance money from my grandma) I email Senegal embassy again this time quoting what a representative from DOS (didn't name her) told me and told them I was planning a trip to Senegal and I could be there on "this" week or "this" week to meet with them, which one would they prefer? They picked the furthest out one and we were set!

Good for you for being proactive. Unfortunately, the Embassy in Abu Dhabi is not responsive, either to phone calls or emails - but at least emails and faxes leave a trail behind them - that we did ask questions and offer documentation. How do you reach this "Sarah" at the DOS? Has anyone ever been assisted by the DOS with problem they had with the embassy? I admire you, regardless. Keep on standing up for yourself, and by doing so, standing up for us all!

[verde 0]

If they ask the same question 20 times, you give the same answer 20 times.

Never change your answer to the same question, even if they ask it in different ways.

If they try to ask you a vague question, or if they try to be tricky, ask them to please repeat the question.

If you still don't understand, ask them to clarify.

And if you still aren't sure, say "I don't understand what you are asking, or what exactly are you asking?"

You can ask them to clarify.

If they put words in your mouth, you politely correct them.

If you make a mistake, correct it immediately.

If they ask a question you don't know the answer to, you just say you don't know the answer.

Always, always pause for a few seconds and take a deep breath before answering any question.

Never rush or get upset or excited.

Remember, they are a person just like you.

This is an important interview, you deserve to take time, be careful, and be sure of your answers.

Never blurt out anything that pops into your head. Always think about what you about to say before you speak it out loud.

Only pay attention to the question at hand, the one they are asking at that moment, don't think back or ahead.

If you need time to gather your thoughts or recall something, then say so.

Always look them in their eyes.

You have a right to these things.

You should not be treated with disrespect.

You should be treated with dignity.

Always, always tell the truth.

Always tell them, when you do have written evidence with you, that you have documentation of that statement/fact/event/etc, and offer it to them at that moment.

If they refuse to accept the document, ask them at the end of the interview if they would like to take the copy of your documentation you made for their convenience, so that they can review it if they have questions later.

I would also add that if they barage you with questions (they did that to my husband) take one question at a time and respectfully ask they repeat or slow down the questioning.

The male CO in Senegal would ask my husband 3 or 4 questions in a row without giving him a chance to answer. We were put on AP for a short time, but thankfully the 2nd interview I was able to go AND we had a VERY NICE and UNDERSTANDING woman CO. We even had MAJOR descrepentacies but she allowed us to explain and understood how our view points could be different and granted us an approval. I pray the best for you verde. I have been following your posts, just haven't commented because I remember the first 3 days after our first interview, while I don't know exactly how you felt because you have extenuating circumstances, I do know how the rejection feels when you've done EVERYTHING right and by the book!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

For your understanding, for your validation, for your empathy, for your admission that Consular Officers can and do play these games! Your idea about asking them to slow down is GREAT. They did the same to my husband - just kept asking more and more questions so quickly that he never had time to answer the first question - that inevitably leads to problems and discrepancies - because you might be answering question 2 while she's already on question 13, and by then your head is spinning. Man, you don't know how wonderful it feels to have someone who has had the same experience and understands. Sometimes it feels like everyone thinks I am lying about the way this Officer treated my husband and the completely ineffective and entrapping methods she used. I hope we get a better CO at our next interview. How did you get another one? By chance? By coming in on the other's day off? By requesting one?

Thanks Again : )

[verde 0]

If they ask the same question 20 times, you give the same answer 20 times.

Never change your answer to the same question, even if they ask it in different ways.

If they try to ask you a vague question, or if they try to be tricky, ask them to please repeat the question.

If you still don't understand, ask them to clarify.

And if you still aren't sure, say "I don't understand what you are asking, or what exactly are you asking?"

You can ask them to clarify.

If they put words in your mouth, you politely correct them.

If you make a mistake, correct it immediately.

If they ask a question you don't know the answer to, you just say you don't know the answer.

Always, always pause for a few seconds and take a deep breath before answering any question.

Never rush or get upset or excited.

Remember, they are a person just like you.

This is an important interview, you deserve to take time, be careful, and be sure of your answers.

Never blurt out anything that pops into your head. Always think about what you about to say before you speak it out loud.

Only pay attention to the question at hand, the one they are asking at that moment, don't think back or ahead.

If you need time to gather your thoughts or recall something, then say so.

Always look them in their eyes.

You have a right to these things.

You should not be treated with disrespect.

You should be treated with dignity.

Always, always tell the truth.

Always tell them, when you do have written evidence with you, that you have documentation of that statement/fact/event/etc, and offer it to them at that moment.

If they refuse to accept the document, ask them at the end of the interview if they would like to take the copy of your documentation you made for their convenience, so that they can review it if they have questions later.

Too much advice to remember, just let him be himself and know the basics.

He doesn't have to "memorize" these - just practice them. These are tactics to use when someone is interrogating you, pressuring you, trying to make you give the wrong answer, etc.

The advice could be summed up in two short sentences.

1. Make sure you understand a question before answering.

2. Tell the truth.

True, but the brief pause to allow yourself to clear your head, focus, pay attention, and think before you speak is necessary for both. I don't think most applicants willfully lie - I think they feel pressured, intimidated, interrogated, scared, and feel like they have to give a new answer when the Officer keeps asking the same question over and over again. These techniques are used in the legal field, and they are very effective. If an attorney ever prepares you for a deposition or trial, you'll go over all of these techniques - and any immigration attorney would have you practice these too, as well as answers to sensitive or complicated questions. BTW, are you an attorney? Just curious.

[pushbrk 12,882]

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

The advice could be summed up in two short sentences.

1. Make sure you understand a question before answering.

2. Tell the truth.

True, but the brief pause to allow yourself to clear your head, focus, pay attention, and think before you speak is necessary for both. I don't think most applicants willfully lie - I think they feel pressured, intimidated, interrogated, scared, and feel like they have to give a new answer when the Officer keeps asking the same question over and over again. These techniques are used in the legal field, and they are very effective. If an attorney ever prepares you for a deposition or trial, you'll go over all of these techniques - and any immigration attorney would have you practice these too, as well as answers to sensitive or complicated questions. BTW, are you an attorney? Just curious.

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

Thanks. Best wishes to you too!

Yes, truth tellers generally understand the mechanics of the activity, which include taking time to actually attend to "truth telling".

[ellmvl 1]

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

The advice could be summed up in two short sentences.

1. Make sure you understand a question before answering.

2. Tell the truth.

Yes, yours is good too...but i dont see anything wrong in her post. It is just some people think it's annoying co'z it's very long. Well they are not oblige to read it anyway. So up to you

Edited November 17, 2009 by ellmvl

[verde 0]

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

The advice could be summed up in two short sentences.

1. Make sure you understand a question before answering.

2. Tell the truth.

True, but the brief pause to allow yourself to clear your head, focus, pay attention, and think before you speak is necessary for both. I don't think most applicants willfully lie - I think they feel pressured, intimidated, interrogated, scared, and feel like they have to give a new answer when the Officer keeps asking the same question over and over again. These techniques are used in the legal field, and they are very effective. If an attorney ever prepares you for a deposition or trial, you'll go over all of these techniques - and any immigration attorney would have you practice these too, as well as answers to sensitive or complicated questions. BTW, are you an attorney? Just curious.

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

Thanks. Best wishes to you too!

Yes, truth tellers generally understand the mechanics of the activity, which include taking time to actually attend to "truth telling".

What do you mean by this? What are you implying? Even honest people can get flustered and intimidated by interrogation and a barrage of questions. If you are trying to say that the only people who should follow standard legal practice for testimony are "liars" then just say that. Don't beat around the bush. My husband is honest, as am I. I don't understand your attitude. I asked before, are you an attorney, or are you just pretending to be one?

[pushbrk 12,882]

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

The advice could be summed up in two short sentences.

1. Make sure you understand a question before answering.

2. Tell the truth.

True, but the brief pause to allow yourself to clear your head, focus, pay attention, and think before you speak is necessary for both. I don't think most applicants willfully lie - I think they feel pressured, intimidated, interrogated, scared, and feel like they have to give a new answer when the Officer keeps asking the same question over and over again. These techniques are used in the legal field, and they are very effective. If an attorney ever prepares you for a deposition or trial, you'll go over all of these techniques - and any immigration attorney would have you practice these too, as well as answers to sensitive or complicated questions. BTW, are you an attorney? Just curious.

I think the OP's post can be useful for those people out there who are going to have an interview in the future. Good share Hope everything will be in place and finally live happily with your husband

Thanks. Best wishes to you too!

Yes, truth tellers generally understand the mechanics of the activity, which include taking time to actually attend to "truth telling".

What do you mean by this? What are you implying? Even honest people can get flustered and intimidated by interrogation and a barrage of questions. If you are trying to say that the only people who should follow standard legal practice for testimony are "liars" then just say that. Don't beat around the bush. My husband is honest, as am I. I don't understand your attitude. I asked before, are you an attorney, or are you just pretending to be one?

I don't mean anything of the kind. I'm saying if it were me offering advice about an immigration related interview I would boil it down to the two items I mentioned. For people accustomed to giving accurate and truthful answers to questions, the mechanics of item 1 are practiced daily in everyday life and item two follows naturally. My comments were in response to somebody else suggesting your more extensive "instruction" was a lot to remember. No need to read anything else into it.