Tanya and Mohamed no more!

[Jenn! 918]

Jenn, your son Adam is handsome!!!!!

Thanks, Beth. He takes after his daddy.

[angie & abed 1]

Tanya,

I am so sorry this happened to you. I don't have any other advice to offer, I just wanted to extend my condolences for your situation. May you find love and guidance in God and your family & friends. There is good and evil not just in every ethnic group, but in each of us as well...it's just a matter of how you are raised and sometimes even the situation you find yourself in as to which one actually shows itself.

PS...to Kat, I am so proud of your thoughtful words. I just wanted you to know I still think of you and it looks like maybe you are getting your life back, I am so happy for you. Please continue to take care of yourself and remember there are still people praying for you.

Jenn! I must agree, Adam is sooo adorable! Congrats!

Edited November 18, 2009 by angie & abed

[RAKASA 0]

Ahhh, if only everyone would live by this quote:

"You can’t expect to draw people into your life who are kind, confident, and generous if you’re thinking and acting in cruel, weak, and selfish ways. You must be what it is that you’re seeking—that is, you need to put forth what you want to attract." - Dr. Wayne Dyer

[treehugger 23]

Ahhh, if only everyone would live by this quote:

"You can’t expect to draw people into your life who are kind, confident, and generous if you’re thinking and acting in cruel, weak, and selfish ways. You must be what it is that you’re seeking—that is, you need to put forth what you want to attract." - Dr. Wayne Dyer

ouch!

[RAKASA 0]

Ahhh, if only everyone would live by this quote:

"You can’t expect to draw people into your life who are kind, confident, and generous if you’re thinking and acting in cruel, weak, and selfish ways. You must be what it is that you’re seeking—that is, you need to put forth what you want to attract." - Dr. Wayne Dyer

ouch!

It wasn't meant as an "ouch" - it was meant as well.... I think you understand how it was meant.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Ahhh, if only everyone would live by this quote:

"You can’t expect to draw people into your life who are kind, confident, and generous if you’re thinking and acting in cruel, weak, and selfish ways. You must be what it is that you’re seeking—that is, you need to put forth what you want to attract." - Dr. Wayne Dyer

I have got some good quotes too Visa4habibi

One is easily fooled by that which one loves. -- Jean Baptiste Poquelin Moliere

Betrayal can only happen if you love. -- John Le Carre

The cruelest lies are often told in silence. -- Robert Louis Stevenson

Do not blame yourself Visa4habibi. You are not the first person who this has happened to. I just hope you had some fun along the way, can remember some good times and have the ability to forgive and remember the good times.

Its really hard to stay positive when someone has literally sponged off of you for several years and then does not contribute back into the relationship after you have poured heart and soul into it but really its not a moroccan thing specifically. Thats the thing I want to share with you. Venture over the the Nigeria board, other boards and read away. It happens to lots of people from different cultures. The thing I really hope for you is that you can somehow get some good stuff out of the life experience and still have enough brain cells left to be be able to love someone else eventually and start over. Do not let people blame you. You cant help if someone married you for papers or to get here. That deception started a hell of a long time ago and its not fair to blame this girl for putting out negative vibes or some other mumbo jumbo when she probably was very good to him but it was doomed from the start

On the other hand Visa4habibi, please do not trash Moroccan people . There are some that you could learn to know that could be immense allies in your life and fill your life with happiness. It starts with forgiveness. Then acceptance of what happened and then reaching out to the very people who you feel screwed you. You will be amazed at their compassion and you just might make some friends..

Do not let people blame you. You fought like hell to get this guy over here. That deserves a hell of alot of credit

Hang in there ok?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Tanya,

I am so sorry this happened to you. I don't have any other advice to offer, I just wanted to extend my condolences for your situation. May you find love and guidance in God and your family & friends. There is good and evil not just in every ethnic group, but in each of us as well...it's just a matter of how you are raised and sometimes even the situation you find yourself in as to which one actually shows itself.

PS...to Kat, I am so proud of your thoughtful words. I just wanted you to know I still think of you and it looks like maybe you are getting your life back, I am so happy for you. Please continue to take care of yourself and remember there are still people praying for you.

Jenn! I must agree, Adam is sooo adorable! Congrats!

I really do not think I will ever really have my "life " back. The level of what I have been through and the loss really shattered so many parts of me. I will tell you that I am filled with love and compassion for others, even people who have screwed me.. the loss just tore open the floodgates of love inside of me and I never miss a moment to tell people what they are worth to me or to hug my other children. Forgiveness is an amazing thing...

I am not really in love with people bashing visa4habibi. I mean she is not going about things the exact right way but her reaction is pretty normal for literally killing yourself to get someone over here and then they sponge off her and then mistreat her and then dont help with anything.. I think she is reacting pretty normally.

I am hanging in there but honestly , like glass, somethings really never get put back together. You learn to survive them and count your blessings but you cannot get over them completely. They become part of your character. In some ways a scar, in someways a memory book.. You just do your best each day to survive a loss that seems impossible to understand much less overcome

Cheers

[Peace be still 6]

Tanya so sorry that you had to go through this, but thank you for sharing your story with thousands of readers. Could you let us know some of the warning signs.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I just wanted you to know that I do not feel insulted by your thoughts. You are experiencing something very hard, and its normal to be angry and say things, even some things you dont mean. And its ok. Everyone has bad relationship experiences, doesnt matter what nationality, men can be butts in any country. But remember, the actions of one person is the result of that person and not a country. Your prince charming is out there... so dont stop looking! In morocco employment is difficult to find, so you will see alot of men not working. My fiance works hard, he is a manager of his uncles restaurant and he works anywhere from 12-15 hours a day. I know how hurt you must feel, and how hard it is to lose your dreams. It hurts, so I understand your need to vent and express your feelings. My prayers are with you, and just remember, dont give up!! ok?

I think that is a sign he will do well here. Going from 12 to 15 hours a day to 8 with 2 days off and workers rights is going to seem like a dream. The problem really comes when a man has been babied to death, spoiled, wasnt incredibly work oriented to begin with and then gets here and its hard. If the American spouse has a steady job and alot of patience and the money to carry someone while they are building themselves, things can work really well. With this economy, even people on the boards have lost their houses and its really hard to feel too much empathy for a non working spouse when the spouse is not even trying to help and then when they do get employed, are unwilling to live as Americans do and handle bills. This economy has torn apart even the best of american marriages. What concerns me the most is that it is such a total toss up as to what is going to happen when they get here.I think if we are were honest about things that had happened to us since our spouses arrived here, it could help others alot. Too often when one of us does open up, people jump on them and silence them. We could help each other alot by being a loving support to each other due to the fact that we are in fact in an unusual situation and that things are not easy ,even in the best of situations. Alot of problems we all have are based on cultural misunderstandings, mistakes we make on both sides and not really going into this paying attention. Often we fall in love so intensely on these vacations, we do not have the chance to experience the person day in and day out and really know the person, their work habits, how they handle stress, how they are going to react to children in the household ( not a problem for childless people but if you have an adolescent, definitely a struggle even with an American spouse or boyfriend. How many couples do you know that are American where people marry into the family and the kids begin to act up and maybe this mena person was never married or ever lived with a woman much less their kids and then they are thrust into a ready made family. Marrying a foreigner can be a loving act but it also can be a way to get here. Someone who didnt enter with good intentions is not going to have the patience level to handle adversities. As some other person on the board said, some MAN UP. Some do not.

I do not think there are any easy answers. Like mother hood or other adventures, alot of things we find out as we go along or too little too late . I think what happened to visa 4 habibi is very common and is a very common complaint. If the spouse loves you, they want to help with the house and make your life better. They appreciate all the things you did to bring them here and what you had to go through and want to pay you back money you have spent. If they are just using you and feel entitled, that sure as hell does not sound like love.

If the love is there and its real love, most things can be worked out. The spouse will work hard and help and be there for you. If you were just a boat to get here and the love is not there, no amount of signs, cajoling or advice from well meaning people can help. It just sucks to be the percentage that wasnt loved and was used. Visa 4 habibi is among good company. What happened to her has happened to others.

The only underlying preventative for this situation is really loving the American bringing you here. How you can test for that I have no clue. But the people with spouses who really love them do not seem to have all this stuff happening to them

Just a thought. Who thought that love would be the only answer..

Sounds like a song.. Love is all you need. Love will stop someone from really screwing you over. Lack of love will bring the rain down on you

Cheers

[miredidi 0]

Dear Tanya:

That really really sucks!!! I feel bad that you had to go through all that, but like you say now. It's better to live on your own then being treated "like a piece of meat"? I know it's hard to start over, to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. But nothing is forever. There is always a new morning, a new beginning. I went through a divorce from my ex husband who is from here in USA, but along the way after I divorced I met my actual husband who is from Morocco. And yes, they seem to live in another world so old fashioned. A lot of them still live with their parents. My actual husband I think is the exception, because even if he was living in his parents home. He started working to help them. He is a welder and went for training after finishing his school studies. He will travel out of town also. When I met him back in 2006 and filed for his visa. He was still working and after he got his visa he left a good job to come here to America. They are used to their ways and customs. In that regard about the woman following behind a few steps or going first when opening the doors anywhere, restaurant, car door, etc... My husband is open to learn the ways of our culture. I have taught him to open doors for me. Showed him that women here are respected and go first when opening doors at malls, buses, on the street etc.. He was not used to do dishes or any kind of housework at home, because his Mom, sister & sister in law will do everything for him. Here with me he's been learning the other way around. Learning to have more respect for women and pitching in for housework or cooking. He works as a welder and I am a Nanny to a loving family. So, we've been working out our differences. The only thing I do not like a lot is that by nature they are more thrifty and save more. I don't care to spend money if it's well spent. If I have a nice meal somewhere or there's shoes or clothes I need and like. I don't mind the price, but with him it's different. They like to save more. So, what we want to do is have our own savings each and have a combined account for paying bills, going out or buying groceries or supplies. And each of us put some money into that account to cover the expenses. Somehow that seem to work better for us. Anyway, there may be some other issues I may not like much, but he is very responsible and helps me a lot. He's very respectful and family oriented. He loves my three sons who are already older and on their own. Loves my two little granddaughters too. I really don't know what life may hold for me, but he's been there at the time when I needed him most. I came down with cancer leukemia two years ago and pneumonia. He was there all the time for me even through the distance. He's very respectful of his parents which is a quality I love in a man. So, not all the Moroccan men are the same. I feel bad that things have to turn out the way they did for you. I hope it goes well for you now and in the future. Take good care of you.

quote name='visa4habibi??' date='Nov 15 2009, 05:44 PM' post='3491970']

I'm the member formerly known as Visa4habibi! Since I couldn't log in after not using my account for so long had to re-register to tell everybody this: my Moroccan husband SUCKS! HE RUINED OUR MARRIAGE!!! All this wait, all the tears, all the money and effort spent for absolutely nothing! If he's from a country that looks like it's still in 17th century - it's because it is and so is he and his mind! There's no more Tanya and Mohamed!

October 19, 2009 - he's finally out of the house! Oh joy! No more being treated like a piece of meat!

November 15, 2009 - went for counseling and as I suspected there's nothing to be done! Yes, the marriage counselor worked today since he was away for when I needed him the most, all three weeks since we got separated!

The marriage's been dead since he came over here! I got somebody else baby from another country that just wanted to do his own thing and live his own life in my house on my dime and not help with anything! There's no happy ending here! All the attention all the promises I got in Morocco meant nothing!!! I was his star, his Moon, his Queen and now he's not my slave and how dare I want his paycheck to pay our bills?

Now I hate him, hate my life and mostly myself for letting him do all this to me! God knows I've tried and tried and tried but they do know their job in Casa and age difference plus cultural differences is way to much for one adult and one man-child to handle! I was mad at the consulate all the time they kept us apart, but they do know a thing or two about lazy people who never worked a day in their life and can smooth talk others into spending time and money they don't have on them. Just so they come over here and be as lazy as before and help with nothing!

Don't mean to offend anybody's culture but we are what we are and I'm not a Moroccan woman to take abuse and follow my man a yard behind him! Or pretend like he was pretending that we have no problems and hide from them!

Tanya

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I just wanted you to know that I do not feel insulted by your thoughts. You are experiencing something very hard, and its normal to be angry and say things, even some things you dont mean. And its ok. Everyone has bad relationship experiences, doesnt matter what nationality, men can be butts in any country. But remember, the actions of one person is the result of that person and not a country. Your prince charming is out there... so dont stop looking! In morocco employment is difficult to find, so you will see alot of men not working. My fiance works hard, he is a manager of his uncles restaurant and he works anywhere from 12-15 hours a day. I know how hurt you must feel, and how hard it is to lose your dreams. It hurts, so I understand your need to vent and express your feelings. My prayers are with you, and just remember, dont give up!! ok?

I think that is a sign he will do well here. Going from 12 to 15 hours a day to 8 with 2 days off and workers rights is going to seem like a dream. The problem really comes when a man has been babied to death, spoiled, wasnt incredibly work oriented to begin with and then gets here and its hard. If the American spouse has a steady job and alot of patience and the money to carry someone while they are building themselves, things can work really well. With this economy, even people on the boards have lost their houses and its really hard to feel too much empathy for a non working spouse when the spouse is not even trying to help and then when they do get employed, are unwilling to live as Americans do and handle bills. This economy has torn apart even the best of american marriages. What concerns me the most is that it is such a total toss up as to what is going to happen when they get here.I think if we are were honest about things that had happened to us since our spouses arrived here, it could help others alot. Too often when one of us does open up, people jump on them and silence them. We could help each other alot by being a loving support to each other due to the fact that we are in fact in an unusual situation and that things are not easy ,even in the best of situations. Alot of problems we all have are based on cultural misunderstandings, mistakes we make on both sides and not really going into this paying attention. Often we fall in love so intensely on these vacations, we do not have the chance to experience the person day in and day out and really know the person, their work habits, how they handle stress, how they are going to react to children in the household ( not a problem for childless people but if you have an adolescent, definitely a struggle even with an American spouse or boyfriend. How many couples do you know that are American where people marry into the family and the kids begin to act up and maybe this mena person was never married or ever lived with a woman much less their kids and then they are thrust into a ready made family. Marrying a foreigner can be a loving act but it also can be a way to get here. Someone who didnt enter with good intentions is not going to have the patience level to handle adversities. As some other person on the board said, some MAN UP. Some do not.

I do not think there are any easy answers. Like mother hood or other adventures, alot of things we find out as we go along or too little too late . I think what happened to visa 4 habibi is very common and is a very common complaint. If the spouse loves you, they want to help with the house and make your life better. They appreciate all the things you did to bring them here and what you had to go through and want to pay you back money you have spent. If they are just using you and feel entitled, that sure as hell does not sound like love.

If the love is there and its real love, most things can be worked out. The spouse will work hard and help and be there for you. If you were just a boat to get here and the love is not there, no amount of signs, cajoling or advice from well meaning people can help. It just sucks to be the percentage that wasnt loved and was used. Visa 4 habibi is among good company. What happened to her has happened to others.

The only underlying preventative for this situation is really loving the American bringing you here. How you can test for that I have no clue. But the people with spouses who really love them do not seem to have all this stuff happening to them

Just a thought. Who thought that love would be the only answer..

Sounds like a song.. Love is all you need. Love will stop someone from really screwing you over. Lack of love will bring the rain down on you

Cheers

well said

to the OP, im sorry

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I just wanted you to know that I do not feel insulted by your thoughts. You are experiencing something very hard, and its normal to be angry and say things, even some things you dont mean. And its ok. Everyone has bad relationship experiences, doesnt matter what nationality, men can be butts in any country. But remember, the actions of one person is the result of that person and not a country. Your prince charming is out there... so dont stop looking! In morocco employment is difficult to find, so you will see alot of men not working. My fiance works hard, he is a manager of his uncles restaurant and he works anywhere from 12-15 hours a day. I know how hurt you must feel, and how hard it is to lose your dreams. It hurts, so I understand your need to vent and express your feelings. My prayers are with you, and just remember, dont give up!! ok?

I think that is a sign he will do well here. Going from 12 to 15 hours a day to 8 with 2 days off and workers rights is going to seem like a dream. The problem really comes when a man has been babied to death, spoiled, wasnt incredibly work oriented to begin with and then gets here and its hard. If the American spouse has a steady job and alot of patience and the money to carry someone while they are building themselves, things can work really well. With this economy, even people on the boards have lost their houses and its really hard to feel too much empathy for a non working spouse when the spouse is not even trying to help and then when they do get employed, are unwilling to live as Americans do and handle bills. This economy has torn apart even the best of american marriages. What concerns me the most is that it is such a total toss up as to what is going to happen when they get here.I think if we are were honest about things that had happened to us since our spouses arrived here, it could help others alot. Too often when one of us does open up, people jump on them and silence them. We could help each other alot by being a loving support to each other due to the fact that we are in fact in an unusual situation and that things are not easy ,even in the best of situations. Alot of problems we all have are based on cultural misunderstandings, mistakes we make on both sides and not really going into this paying attention. Often we fall in love so intensely on these vacations, we do not have the chance to experience the person day in and day out and really know the person, their work habits, how they handle stress, how they are going to react to children in the household ( not a problem for childless people but if you have an adolescent, definitely a struggle even with an American spouse or boyfriend. How many couples do you know that are American where people marry into the family and the kids begin to act up and maybe this mena person was never married or ever lived with a woman much less their kids and then they are thrust into a ready made family. Marrying a foreigner can be a loving act but it also can be a way to get here. Someone who didnt enter with good intentions is not going to have the patience level to handle adversities. As some other person on the board said, some MAN UP. Some do not.

I do not think there are any easy answers. Like mother hood or other adventures, alot of things we find out as we go along or too little too late . I think what happened to visa 4 habibi is very common and is a very common complaint. If the spouse loves you, they want to help with the house and make your life better. They appreciate all the things you did to bring them here and what you had to go through and want to pay you back money you have spent. If they are just using you and feel entitled, that sure as hell does not sound like love.

If the love is there and its real love, most things can be worked out. The spouse will work hard and help and be there for you. If you were just a boat to get here and the love is not there, no amount of signs, cajoling or advice from well meaning people can help. It just sucks to be the percentage that wasnt loved and was used. Visa 4 habibi is among good company. What happened to her has happened to others.

The only underlying preventative for this situation is really loving the American bringing you here. How you can test for that I have no clue. But the people with spouses who really love them do not seem to have all this stuff happening to them

Just a thought. Who thought that love would be the only answer..

Sounds like a song.. Love is all you need. Love will stop someone from really screwing you over. Lack of love will bring the rain down on you

Cheers

well said

to the OP, im sorry

Thank you .. Like I said love is going to be the deciding factor. Even if initially it was all about getting a greencard, love can change that. On the other hand, if it is just a greencard thing, the guy can be nice and help with bills and not pull all this #######. I dont think our female egos can handle if someone is just not in love with us but maybe its our American idea of love. Lots of people get introduced to a girl back home, know her for a little while and then ask for her hand in marriage or marry someone their mom found for them. That doesnt mean they havent fallen in love but that doesnt mean everybody in mena has an american style marriage where they fell in love, had the romance and etc. I think when you deal with an another culture, some are going to have an expectation close to what we have and others completely oppposite of what we have. It goes back to the standards they have and how open they are to outside cultures. I have met Moroccans and Algerians who would not marry a non virgin much less a woman from their culture that was divorced with kids yet you see mena people marrying Americans with all kinds of situations. Is it because we are offering them papers? Is it because their expectations for our behavior is much lower and they lower the bar to be with us? Is it because the American fills a part of them that the person from their own culture cannot and they already know this? I really do not know. I just know that there are exceptions to every rule and the one overriding thing that determines the success of these relationships is LOVE. The amount of love the mena person has for their spouse has a direct correlation with how things are going to go. If the American spouse kills herself and the guys heart is not in it, there is no chance. If the mena spouse wants things to work and LOVES the American,mountains can be moved.

I just wanted you to know that I do not feel insulted by your thoughts. You are experiencing something very hard, and its normal to be angry and say things, even some things you dont mean. And its ok. Everyone has bad relationship experiences, doesnt matter what nationality, men can be butts in any country. But remember, the actions of one person is the result of that person and not a country. Your prince charming is out there... so dont stop looking! In morocco employment is difficult to find, so you will see alot of men not working. My fiance works hard, he is a manager of his uncles restaurant and he works anywhere from 12-15 hours a day. I know how hurt you must feel, and how hard it is to lose your dreams. It hurts, so I understand your need to vent and express your feelings. My prayers are with you, and just remember, dont give up!! ok?

I think that is a sign he will do well here. Going from 12 to 15 hours a day to 8 with 2 days off and workers rights is going to seem like a dream. The problem really comes when a man has been babied to death, spoiled, wasnt incredibly work oriented to begin with and then gets here and its hard. If the American spouse has a steady job and alot of patience and the money to carry someone while they are building themselves, things can work really well. With this economy, even people on the boards have lost their houses and its really hard to feel too much empathy for a non working spouse when the spouse is not even trying to help and then when they do get employed, are unwilling to live as Americans do and handle bills. This economy has torn apart even the best of american marriages. What concerns me the most is that it is such a total toss up as to what is going to happen when they get here.I think if we are were honest about things that had happened to us since our spouses arrived here, it could help others alot. Too often when one of us does open up, people jump on them and silence them. We could help each other alot by being a loving support to each other due to the fact that we are in fact in an unusual situation and that things are not easy ,even in the best of situations. Alot of problems we all have are based on cultural misunderstandings, mistakes we make on both sides and not really going into this paying attention. Often we fall in love so intensely on these vacations, we do not have the chance to experience the person day in and day out and really know the person, their work habits, how they handle stress, how they are going to react to children in the household ( not a problem for childless people but if you have an adolescent, definitely a struggle even with an American spouse or boyfriend. How many couples do you know that are American where people marry into the family and the kids begin to act up and maybe this mena person was never married or ever lived with a woman much less their kids and then they are thrust into a ready made family. Marrying a foreigner can be a loving act but it also can be a way to get here. Someone who didnt enter with good intentions is not going to have the patience level to handle adversities. As some other person on the board said, some MAN UP. Some do not.

I do not think there are any easy answers. Like mother hood or other adventures, alot of things we find out as we go along or too little too late . I think what happened to visa 4 habibi is very common and is a very common complaint. If the spouse loves you, they want to help with the house and make your life better. They appreciate all the things you did to bring them here and what you had to go through and want to pay you back money you have spent. If they are just using you and feel entitled, that sure as hell does not sound like love.

If the love is there and its real love, most things can be worked out. The spouse will work hard and help and be there for you. If you were just a boat to get here and the love is not there, no amount of signs, cajoling or advice from well meaning people can help. It just sucks to be the percentage that wasnt loved and was used. Visa 4 habibi is among good company. What happened to her has happened to others.

The only underlying preventative for this situation is really loving the American bringing you here. How you can test for that I have no clue. But the people with spouses who really love them do not seem to have all this stuff happening to them

Just a thought. Who thought that love would be the only answer..

Sounds like a song.. Love is all you need. Love will stop someone from really screwing you over. Lack of love will bring the rain down on you

Cheers

well said

to the OP, im sorry

Thank you .. Like I said love is going to be the deciding factor. Even if initially it was all about getting a greencard, love can change that. On the other hand, if it is just a greencard thing, the guy can be nice and help with bills and not pull all this #######. I dont think our female egos can handle if someone is just not in love with us but maybe its our American idea of love. Lots of people get introduced to a girl back home, know her for a little while and then ask for her hand in marriage or marry someone their mom found for them. That doesnt mean they havent fallen in love but that doesnt mean everybody in mena has an american style marriage where they fell in love, had the romance and etc. I think when you deal with an another culture, some are going to have an expectation close to what we have and others completely oppposite of what we have. It goes back to the standards they have and how open they are to outside cultures. I have met Moroccans and Algerians who would not marry a non virgin much less a woman from their culture that was divorced with kids yet you see mena people marrying Americans with all kinds of situations. Is it because we are offering them papers? Is it because their expectations for our behavior is much lower and they lower the bar to be with us? Is it because the American fills a part of them that the person from their own culture cannot and they already know this? I really do not know. I just know that there are exceptions to every rule and the one overriding thing that determines the success of these relationships is LOVE. The amount of love the mena person has for their spouse has a direct correlation with how things are going to go. If the American spouse kills herself and the guys heart is not in it, there is no chance. If the mena spouse wants things to work and LOVES the American,mountains can be moved.

[cindylou72501 1]

Wow, Sister! I am so sorry things did not work out for you. I wish you well and I sincerely mean this.

Thank you so much! I just found out from my uncle that it's common knowledge back where I'm from that Arab men are lazy. I didn't know that! I thought it was just my husband! Is that true?

my husband has been working for over a year and he also payed for my plane ticket.........which was 1500$.....and he works very hard for very long hours.....im terribly sorry to hear about what happened to u ....but u know there are jerks , and lazy, and no good , and wonderful and caring and loving men in every race, country, and color......i wish the best for ur future.....

[Peace be still 6]

Wow, Sister! I am so sorry things did not work out for you. I wish you well and I sincerely mean this.

Thank you so much! I just found out from my uncle that it's common knowledge back where I'm from that Arab men are lazy. I didn't know that! I thought it was just my husband! Is that true?

my husband has been working for over a year and he also payed for my plane ticket.........which was 1500$.....and he works very hard for very long hours.....im terribly sorry to hear about what happened to u ....but u know there are jerks , and lazy, and no good , and wonderful and caring and loving men in every race, country, and color......i wish the best for ur future.....

Cindy during the interview they may claim that your marriage is a fraud because he brought your plane ticket for you. Girl those CO come at you from all sides so be ready

[Laveau 67]

I'm the member formerly known as Visa4habibi! Since I couldn't log in after not using my account for so long had to re-register to tell everybody this: my Moroccan husband SUCKS! HE RUINED OUR MARRIAGE!!! All this wait, all the tears, all the money and effort spent for absolutely nothing! If he's from a country that looks like it's still in 17th century - it's because it is and so is he and his mind! There's no more Tanya and Mohamed!

October 19, 2009 - he's finally out of the house! Oh joy! No more being treated like a piece of meat!

November 15, 2009 - went for counseling and as I suspected there's nothing to be done! Yes, the marriage counselor worked today since he was away for when I needed him the most, all three weeks since we got separated!

The marriage's been dead since he came over here! I got somebody else baby from another country that just wanted to do his own thing and live his own life in my house on my dime and not help with anything! There's no happy ending here! All the attention all the promises I got in Morocco meant nothing!!! I was his star, his Moon, his Queen and now he's not my slave and how dare I want his paycheck to pay our bills?

Now I hate him, hate my life and mostly myself for letting him do all this to me! God knows I've tried and tried and tried but they do know their job in Casa and age difference plus cultural differences is way to much for one adult and one man-child to handle! I was mad at the consulate all the time they kept us apart, but they do know a thing or two about lazy people who never worked a day in their life and can smooth talk others into spending time and money they don't have on them. Just so they come over here and be as lazy as before and help with nothing!

Don't mean to offend anybody's culture but we are what we are and I'm not a Moroccan woman to take abuse and follow my man a yard behind him! Or pretend like he was pretending that we have no problems and hide from them!

Tanya

I think alot of the guys not only are not used to even making a paycheck, they are not used to the level of bills here . You need to realise they do not have 500 dollar electric bills over there or car insurance. They see you go over there and everything looks exciting until they get over here and meet guys who came on the lottery who get to keep their paycheck and live 6 to a house. I actually met some people who were living in a 3 bedroom apartment, 2 to a room and then people slept on the sofa and they split the electric 6 ways ( these are lottery Moroccans) and they got to keep alot of their paycheck . Compare that with handing their paycheck over to an American wife, um.. well the word in their mind that comes to mind is .. well slavery although we do not see it that way.

As far as arabs being lazy. Well. I have met some arabs that did not want to help support the wife that brought them here but the word lazy is not the word that comes to mind. Opportunist with the whole family in on it is a much better term. I think when they leave the American wife and move in with the 6 guys and they do not have a tv to themself or a bathroom that they share with one woman and instead hit the hard economy where all these people are losing their jobs , reality sets in. I personally have met some amazing and very hard working lottery and US citizen arabs but I have not met a whole lot of them looking for American spouses. Most of them are waiting to go back home and marry someone from back home. The ones that are married to Americans or chose Americans for the most part , DO WORK VERY HARD. I had a really amazing US citizen moroccan friend about 5 years ago that worked about 12 hours a day. He had been married to an american and got his papers through her and remained friends with her and if he today met an american he loved , he would marry her. I have met other arabs in the hospital with their american wives waiting for her to have her baby. But alot of these guys met their wives here or in school and really did not get brought over here. Even if the guy doesnt have these things in their heads, sometimes other people like friends or family bullies them about leaving their spouse.

There are so many factors involved. Not all arabs are lazy. I know some very lazy American men that mooch off their wives and abuse them. I will say that I have known a couple of American women that did support mena husbands while they did nothing ( myself included) and that happens for a variety of reasons. The woman not sticking up for herself ( my case), the guy unable to find work ( other cases)

My daughter is Moroccan by the way and I have met absolutely amazing Moroccans through the years that have been good friends to me and very kind. That goes for Algerians as well. I just want you to know that you are not alone in what happened to you but really , just know, that although it sucks for some of us, it doesnt suck for all of us and that some people really do find love and things work out. I would just chalk this up to life experience, try hard to find the good things you got out of this and then reach out to Moroccans you meet and be nice to them and find some arab friends who are kind to you and build you up to help you heal.

My little girl is a Moroccan and I want you to know that its offensive to me for you to say they are all bad. They are not. Yes there are users and its very ok that you talk about it.. But just know that all of this happened for a reason and maybe there is a nice guy from somewhere else in your future

Love K

I haven't read all of this but lordy it's sickening hearing u repeat "my daughter is arab....my daughter is moroccan." I'm american with 2 kids from the same dad who is algerian. They know it, EVERYONE knows it. But THEY are .....gasp.....american!!!!! and proud of it. For the love of god. what is ur point in always bringing this up???? if ur kids weree born here ther are americans!!!!!