Okay I'm calm ... here's what happened, here's what I did...

[verde 0]

verde, I agree with pushbrk that its also the totality of circumstances. But this age difference thing is being used against you. It's not about whether you submitted the right paper or not. To be honest with you, my husband and I have almost 10 year age difference on which I am the one who is older. I was surprised this issue did not even come up during my interview. All the time while I was waiting for the interview, we were so scared of that factor. To our suprise, I was grilled about something else. It was a horrible experience for me. Just stay focused on what they need from you and what they want you and your husband to prove.

Thanks so much for your kind post. It makes me feel validated and less alone. I too suspected that they would focus on the age difference, and told my husband to be prepared to answer questions about it. Being grilled is no fun, especially when you have done nothing wrong, violated no law, and are attempting to immigrate legally, within the system. I am glad someone understands how this feels - and that you can do everything right and still be treated as if you'd done something wrong. This is like a bad dream, but I'll keep telling them the same thing. My husband was very nervous and felt intimidated during the interview - he's not used to these types of things. As a law student and paralegal, I am used to depositions and that if they ask the same question 20 times, you give the same answer 20 times. If they try to ask you a vague question, you ask them to clarify. If they put words in your mouth, you politely correct them. If they ask a question you don't know the answer to, you say you don't know the answer. He felt like he had to answer each and every question, and even then he said she'd start with the next question before the words were out of his mouth. It just seemed to me to be a really ineffective and abusive way to conduct an interview with someone who has committed no wrong doing or crime. These interviews aren't criminal trials OR depositions, they are interviews, for god sakes. And if an Officer doesn't examine or accept the documentation ... then what? You're helpless before them. It's a bad system. For everyone, not just me.

[SuperDuper! 230]

My wife is older than me, not by much.

My cultural norm is usually the partners are the same sort of age, probably more often than not the male older.

If the London Consulate knowing all this were consistantlygetting petitions where the US partner was much older, or much younger, than the UKC they would be wondering what was going on.

In the Phillipines we know exactly what is going on.

Ah, well, we've been wondering what is going on in the Phils. So we are eager and glad to hear from you exactly what that is so that we ALL will know.

Edited November 16, 2009 by Hopp

[pushbrk 12,882]

My wife is older than me, not by much.

My cultural norm is usually the partners are the same sort of age, probably more often than not the male older.

If the London Consulate knowing all this were consistantlygetting petitions where the US partner was much older, or much younger, than the UKC they would be wondering what was going on.

In the Phillipines we know exactly what is going on.

Ah, well, we've been wondering what is going on in the Phils. So we are eager and glad to hear from you exactly what that is so that we ALL will know.

No need to be testy. What's "going on" in the PI is what's been going on for a very long time. In that culture large age differences (man older) is the cultural norm. Manila based Consular officers are keenly aware of that fact.

[verde 0]

My wife is older than me, not by much.

My cultural norm is usually the partners are the same sort of age, probably more often than not the male older.

If the London Consulate knowing all this were consistantlygetting petitions where the US partner was much older, or much younger, than the UKC they would be wondering what was going on.

In the Phillipines we know exactly what is going on.

Ah, well, we've been wondering what is going on in the Phils. So we are eager and glad to hear from you exactly what that is so that we ALL will know.

No need to be testy. What's "going on" in the PI is what's been going on for a very long time. In that culture large age differences (man older) is the cultural norm. Manila based Consular officers are keenly aware of that fact.

So do you not agree that everyone should have the same right to marry whoever they wish, regardless of their age, as long as they are both legal, educated, consenting adults?

[Chica Yeyé 41]

So do you not agree that everyone should have the same right to marry whoever they wish, regardless of their age, as long as they are both legal, educated, consenting adults?

whoa... ####### is that supposed to mean? People with less than advanced degrees should not marry? Seriously verde, you keep testing the patience of VJers. Concentrate on getting your ####### together and prepare for the alleged second interview. Sheesh.

[SuperDuper! 230]

My wife is older than me, not by much.

My cultural norm is usually the partners are the same sort of age, probably more often than not the male older.

If the London Consulate knowing all this were consistantlygetting petitions where the US partner was much older, or much younger, than the UKC they would be wondering what was going on.

In the Phillipines we know exactly what is going on.

Ah, well, we've been wondering what is going on in the Phils. So we are eager and glad to hear from you exactly what that is so that we ALL will know.

No need to be testy. What's "going on" in the PI is what's been going on for a very long time. In that culture large age differences (man older) is the cultural norm. Manila based Consular officers are keenly aware of that fact.

You seem to be the testy one, and busyB, because you were not being asked the question, and you answer for someone else. Boiler is the one who has the inside scoop about the Phils. Maybe you can enlighten us about what is the cultural norm for age gap in China when older man wants a China Girl.

[Minya's wife 24]

Love is love. Marriage is marriage. And bias based on age is bias, plain and simple. I hope someday it changes.

You're right, bias is bias and should not be accepted. But then, neither should your comment below...because it contains just as much bias, in my opinion.

So do you not agree that everyone should have the same right to marry whoever they wish, regardless of their age, as long as they are both legal, educated, consenting adults?

[pushbrk 12,882]

My wife is older than me, not by much.

My cultural norm is usually the partners are the same sort of age, probably more often than not the male older.

If the London Consulate knowing all this were consistantlygetting petitions where the US partner was much older, or much younger, than the UKC they would be wondering what was going on.

In the Phillipines we know exactly what is going on.

Ah, well, we've been wondering what is going on in the Phils. So we are eager and glad to hear from you exactly what that is so that we ALL will know.

No need to be testy. What's "going on" in the PI is what's been going on for a very long time. In that culture large age differences (man older) is the cultural norm. Manila based Consular officers are keenly aware of that fact.

So do you not agree that everyone should have the same right to marry whoever they wish, regardless of their age, as long as they are both legal, educated, consenting adults?

Yes, I agree but it's a moot point. You already married who you wanted. The issue is to what extent your age difference will influence a Consular officer's decision about whether your relationship is bona fide. Having the right to marry and obtaining visa for your spouse are two completely separate issues.

[pushbrk 12,882]

My wife is older than me, not by much.

My cultural norm is usually the partners are the same sort of age, probably more often than not the male older.

If the London Consulate knowing all this were consistantlygetting petitions where the US partner was much older, or much younger, than the UKC they would be wondering what was going on.

In the Phillipines we know exactly what is going on.

Ah, well, we've been wondering what is going on in the Phils. So we are eager and glad to hear from you exactly what that is so that we ALL will know.

No need to be testy. What's "going on" in the PI is what's been going on for a very long time. In that culture large age differences (man older) is the cultural norm. Manila based Consular officers are keenly aware of that fact.

You seem to be the testy one, and busyB, because you were not being asked the question, and you answer for someone else. Boiler is the one who has the inside scoop about the Phils. Maybe you can enlighten us about what is the cultural norm for age gap in China when older man wants a China Girl.

Well, I happen to have the scoop on a lot of things including the cultural norms for age gaps in many countries. In China, for instance the under 25 crowd tends to marry mostly in their own age group. Divorced or unmarried Chinese women over 30 tend to marry men ten to fifteen or more years older. If a very young woman is with a man over 40, she is usually his mistress, not his wife. Nevertheless exceptions abound.

Maybe I'm being testy about you being testy.