What happens if I do not want to remove conditions?

[gogal2020 0]

It sounds like a sad situation. I would suggest, while you wait for the GC to expire, remove her from all of your accounts, if she is on any of the papers at all, if neccessary change bank account numbers so she's not on them, including insurance and utilities. And as soon as the GC expires you can call the cops on her for domestic violence, as long as you do it first. After that, change the locks and start the divorce proceedings, it would be much easier then.

Good luck and tell us how it goes.

Mike.

Edited November 12, 2009 by gogal2020

[JERIII 8]

I think the only way out of this without much damage, is to tolerate her for another 4 months! And, then, after her green card expires, I can call the police and have her removed with little difficulty!

This will actually help her, in the end. She will learn that sometimes people can be smarter than she is!

It is not your job to teach this woman anything. You are not judge, jury and executioner here - but you are acting as such. I am not debating that her behaviour is unacceptable, but your methods as well seem very very harsh.

I don't think what you are contemplating will work.

First, you married her. That's a legal commitment, and a complicated one. You can't just send her back now that things aren't working out. She may think she is entitled to half of what you own, and she may not be, but it isn't your decision. Even if she is deported, you will still need to divorce her, and the divorce process will decide what she gets, even if she isn't in the US. If you don't divorce her, you also have legal obligations.

Second, the police will not take her and send her out of the country because she has an expired green card. In most jurisdictions, the police won't do anything to enforce immigration policy, and in all jurisdictions, your wife is entitled to a hearing before an immigration judge.

Third, if you do send an empty envelope and tell her you submitted the forms, you would probably be guilty of fraud, which might cause you all sorts of problems down the road, including at an immigration hearing. It sounds to me like the marriage was contracted in good faith, which gives her the legal right to try to remove conditions.

Frankly, what you are planning is not very smart at all. You need to seek the aide of a divorce lawyer.

[Lona.C. 16]

why not record her threats and play them to a lawyer

she is mentaly abusing you , that can only play against her if you have the prove

[gogal2020 0]

I think the only way out of this without much damage, is to tolerate her for another 4 months! And, then, after her green card expires, I can call the police and have her removed with little difficulty!

This will actually help her, in the end. She will learn that sometimes people can be smarter than she is!

It is not your job to teach this woman anything. You are not judge, jury and executioner here - but you are acting as such. I am not debating that her behaviour is unacceptable, but your methods as well seem very very harsh.

I don't think what you are contemplating will work.

First, you married her. That's a legal commitment, and a complicated one. You can't just send her back now that things aren't working out. She may think she is entitled to half of what you own, and she may not be, but it isn't your decision. Even if she is deported, you will still need to divorce her, and the divorce process will decide what she gets, even if she isn't in the US. If you don't divorce her, you also have legal obligations.

Second, the police will not take her and send her out of the country because she has an expired green card. In most jurisdictions, the police won't do anything to enforce immigration policy, and in all jurisdictions, your wife is entitled to a hearing before an immigration judge.

Third, if you do send an empty envelope and tell her you submitted the forms, you would probably be guilty of fraud, which might cause you all sorts of problems down the road, including at an immigration hearing. It sounds to me like the marriage was contracted in good faith, which gives her the legal right to try to remove conditions.

Frankly, what you are planning is not very smart at all. You need to seek the aide of a divorce lawyer.

Doing what he is planning on doing will not solve all of OPs problems, but it sure will help him get a better settlement during the divorce. With the police report of abuse and being an illegal resident that his wife will be, will help him a lot during the divorce itself. And my guess is that she will be busy trying to get all the documents she needs to get the GC back, he'll have some leverage.

Mike.

[SMR 368]

Well, I'm all for screwing her but I don't really know how likely your plan is to succeed. As far as divorces go, it depends on how long you have been married. My understanding is that you have been married for less than two years. She is only entitled to half of assets you obtained during the marriage. If you owned your house before you got married, she really doesn't have a right to part of it. Of course, legal proceedings are not that cut and dry. Like has been said, you need to contact a lawyer.

[DoneWaiting 15]

Wow, Wow.. brings back memories

The fact maybe, you are currently being manipulated to accept her past sufferings. You are not entitled of any of her past situations. If she really loves you she will seek professional assistance.

Yes, you have worked hard to be where you are.. Divorce may take away from you half of what you owned, but continuing in this situation will cost you more, will cost your health and who know, even your life..

Accepting all she says to avoid arguing is not the solution, you are just giving her the right to continue. Emotionally manipulating you.. you will be emotionally affected after this and you need to get professional help too, nothing wrong with that..

Do what is right for you, get the police involved.. file a report, get a lawyer, do it now that you are on time.. Later my friend, it will cost you a lot more, A LOT MORE..

I don’t recommend what I did as we are all different, but I lllow ex to keep almost 100% of what we had.. she kept the house, the car.. and we split our bank accounts.. and at the end, I ended paying some of her debts.. yeah, very stupid of me you guys may say.. But I don’t regret it, believe me I dont.. my peace of mind is worth more than money and material things.. It took me some time to get back on my feet, but here I am..

Be Blessed...

Edited November 12, 2009 by ImWaiting

[Scott and Mhay 57]

I say get her abuse documented like it has been said before. Talk to a lawyer....they are invalueable just to talk to for an hour or so. They can give you advice for your situation. Not all lawyers are after the money. Some would actually like you to work things out or finish your case without them if possible. Again it depends on the state, but in most cases the only thing that gets split 50/50 is what has been aquired after the marriage.

I got divorced not that long ago. I ended up taking on most the debt, but in the end..it will cost me less than fighting in court with lawyers....and i wanted it over immediately! So, GET LEGAL ADVICE !!! and document the abuse. Don't try to deceive her...it will most likely backfire.

[Minya's wife 24]

Doing what he is planning on doing will not solve all of OPs problems, but it sure will help him get a better settlement during the divorce. With the police report of abuse and being an illegal resident that his wife will be, will help him a lot during the divorce itself. And my guess is that she will be busy trying to get all the documents she needs to get the GC back, he'll have some leverage.

Mike.

No it won't. Divorce proceedings and immigration are two different animals. A family court judge will not care that she is out of status (not illegal, BTW) when granting the divorce. The family court judge will care about whether there are allegations of abuse in the marriage, regardless of who's doing the abusing. He needs to document the abuse he is suffering. And Let's be realistic, this is the USA, one of the few countries that actually recognizes that domestic abuse can be perpetrated by either spouse. (Response to OP's statement in post #13)

Based on the abuse that the OP is saying he's enduring....getting a better settlement during the divorce would/should be the last concern. She's threatened to do something to him in his sleep (OP's words, not mine) and we're talking about getting a leg up on 50% of joint assets? The OP should be concerned with ending the abuse, not what if she screws me in the divorce?

If her green-card expires and she is still in the states, still legally married to the USC, NOTHING will happen. She will not automatically get deported. She has the right to remove conditions on her residency. The question is under which eligibility option will the application be considered: 1)still married(as in still living 'happily ever after), 2) waiver because of divorce, or 3)waiver because of abuse. Given that the marriage is in the toilet and she is the abuser not him, #2 would be the best option.

[candelari 0]

I say get her abuse documented like it has been said before. Talk to a lawyer....they are invalueable just to talk to for an hour or so. They can give you advice for your situation. Not all lawyers are after the money. Some would actually like you to work things out or finish your case without them if possible. Again it depends on the state, but in most cases the only thing that gets split 50/50 is what has been aquired after the marriage.

I got divorced not that long ago. I ended up taking on most the debt, but in the end..it will cost me less than fighting in court with lawyers....and i wanted it over immediately! So, GET LEGAL ADVICE !!! and document the abuse. Don't try to deceive her...it will most likely backfire.

I agree. Even if she is deported you are still legally responsible part in divorce. Her removal from country will not give you any advantage for keeping your savings.

I don't know your states but some states allow to share only what you made after you got married. Good attorney may tell you what are your options. If you try to get out from this situation by using GC it may backfire. Think about she is going to divorce court with return reciept of documents which was never filed....

Twisted solutions brings more twisted problems....Take one thing at a time and get divorce first. Since she knows she may not get I-751 approved without proving the marriage was real she may be easy on you.... Or she may not have all the rights she thinks ahe has when it comes to properity sharing:)) Didn't you already paid and supported her GC process? It may even be accounted at the court. Talk To A LAWYER!

[Jamaican JNR 2]

We are about 4 months from her exp date on her conditional green card. She is getting progressively more violent every day.

I have offered to pay for a ticket to return her home, but she says that she will stay with me until the police take her away, or we are together forever.

She shows absolutely no respect for me at all. I own my own home. She does not allow me to watch TV when I want. Does not allow me any peace. Every day, she finds a way to use the F word repeatedly. She curses me and if I try to explain something to her, she gets progressively louder and will never stop! I always give in!

I feel very abused every day! I can not even leave the house when she is angry, or she will destroy everything she can get her hands on. I have considered calling the police, but we all know who the police will take away if I do that. And, yes, at this point, I am actually afraid of her!

If I indicate that I may not do the I-751, she goes into a rage! I plan to do it! I will ready 2 envelopes. One, will have some blank papers in it. This one I will actually send, return receipt requested. Hopefully, when she gets the receipt, she will remain calm until her green card expires. Or, we get as close to that date as we can.

But, what happens after her green card expires? Can I just call the police, and have her taken away as an unlawful alien? I would gladly pay the cost of her removal!

Anyone who really knows about this situation, please advise!

tom

Personally, I think she is suffering from "Culture Shock." There are people who will get over this syndrome in a matter of week, and there are others who will take as much as years. It depends on how it is dealt with. Shouting, screaming, fustration and change in behaviour are signs that a spouce, family or friends should look out for. It is not easy for immigrants at times to adjust to new conditions and way of life. It is like starting over everything; from friends, to work to school and home. It is generally a good idea to try and respect the immigrants customs.... find out likes and dislikes. Ask questions like how can I, should I, could I or may I.....

Obviously, you were both in love at one time. Try and make it work first. I am not casting any blame here, but sometimes we do things in a relationship, that causes the other party to feel inferior. If all possible solutions fail, then Please! get a divorce and go seperate ways.

[MRStee 19]

The OP must stand up for his own wellbeing. Time to be proactive, not passive. Get legal advice on removing her from your home (you mean it's not jointly owned??) and go from there.

I am 55 years old. I am retired military. I worked my whole life to be where I am today. It is so tempting to act as I would have when I was younger. But, I have learned that it is true, "He who laughs last, laughs best!" I tolerate her for now.

After we were married, I learned that her family abandoned her on the streets of Brazil at about the age of 12. The behavior she now exibits shocks me every single day! I can not believe that someone can treat another person as she does, if they once really loved them!

I just want her out of my house and my life. I have never tolerated such behavior before! However, she makes it quite clear that she will never leave my life without destroying as much as possible before she goes.

Let us be realistic. We live in the USA. For all its good points, it treats men terribly when it comes to domestic issues. If she were to accuse me of abuse now, I would be guilty immediately! And, she would have all she needed to destroy all I have built all my life!

I think the only way out of this without much damage, is to tolerate her for another 4 months! And, then, after her green card expires, I can call the police and have her removed with little difficulty!

This will actually help her, in the end. She will learn that sometimes people can be smarter than she is!

Listen Mr. Jimmy, just because your 55 years old and a retired military man doesn't mean you can't protect yourself. For Christ sake you were in the military Use that to your advantage!!!!! *wink* You definitely need to seek legal counsel (behind her back) because you don't want to futher provoke her. At the very least, ask the police what you could do in a situation like this, and last but not least and I apologize for saying it this way, but sometimes the truth hurts ...... man up, gets some balls and handle your business! She is not good for your well being and you've worked to hard all your life to establish what you have just to have to give half of it away to a woman who treats you like the scum at the bottom of the pond!!!!

I wish you lots of luck and you are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you!

[Dave-n-Oksana 49]

One option that is open to you that I have not seen yet is this. If you are afraid for your life or well being from you wife, call the police and have her removed from your home, and then press charges. Followed by filing for a restraining order. This will help create a foundation for divorce and getting her safely out of your life. If nothing else, the next time she goes on one of these fits, remain calm and dial 911.

Abuse is abuse no matter if it is verbal or physical and today's police are supposed to be trained to recognize this. And do not feel that just because you are the man, that none will believe you.

P.S. Maybe a pysche exam is needed for your wife. Depending on state laws, you can have her committed if you feel she is a danger to herself or others.

Dave

[MRStee 19]

Wow, Wow.. brings back memories

The fact maybe, you are currently being manipulated to accept her past sufferings. You are not entitled of any of her past situations. If she really loves you she will seek professional assistance.

Yes, you have worked hard to be where you are.. Divorce may take away from you half of what you owned, but continuing in this situation will cost you more, will cost your health and who know, even your life..

Accepting all she says to avoid arguing is not the solution, you are just giving her the right to continue. Emotionally manipulating you.. you will be emotionally affected after this and you need to get professional help too, nothing wrong with that..

Do what is right for you, get the police involved.. file a report, get a lawyer, do it now that you are on time.. Later my friend, it will cost you a lot more, A LOT MORE..

I don’t recommend what I did as we are all different, but I lllow ex to keep almost 100% of what we had.. she kept the house, the car.. and we split our bank accounts.. and at the end, I ended paying some of her debts.. yeah, very stupid of me you guys may say.. But I don’t regret it, believe me I dont.. my peace of mind is worth more than money and material things.. It took me some time to get back on my feet, but here I am..

Be Blessed...

I think this was very good advice. Peace of mind is worth more than material things, so you weren't stupid at all. When you do good things, good things come to you

[MRStee 19]

One option that is open to you that I have not seen yet is this. If you are afraid for your life or well being from you wife, call the police and have her removed from your home, and then press charges. Followed by filing for a restraining order. This will help create a foundation for divorce and getting her safely out of your life. If nothing else, the next time she goes on one of these fits, remain calm and dial 911.

Abuse is abuse no matter if it is verbal or physical and today's police are supposed to be trained to recognize this. And do not feel that just because you are the man, that none will believe you.

P.S. Maybe a pysche exam is needed for your wife. Depending on state laws, you can have her committed if you feel she is a danger to herself or others.

Dave

Yes! Maybe he can have her 302. Put in a psych ward! I'd try to handle the abuse issue first.

[thongd4me 69]

One option that is open to you that I have not seen yet is this. If you are afraid for your life or well being from you wife, call the police and have her removed from your home, and then press charges. Followed by filing for a restraining order. This will help create a foundation for divorce and getting her safely out of your life. If nothing else, the next time she goes on one of these fits, remain calm and dial 911.

Abuse is abuse no matter if it is verbal or physical and today's police are supposed to be trained to recognize this. And do not feel that just because you are the man, that none will believe you.

P.S. Maybe a pysche exam is needed for your wife. Depending on state laws, you can have her committed if you feel she is a danger to herself or others.

Dave

Just one caveat on this advice - unless you are bleeding and in a coma,

they may be likely to believe anything she says and you may end up

outside your own home. The authorities often take the woman's word

against the man even if she's not a US citizen.

If she has a talent for drama, she could scream "He hit me!" just as

the cops are approaching the house. If she's this devious, better

plan your course of action carefully and maybe with the advice of

a family lawyer.