Immigrant's Nightmare Continued

[Jaylen Brit 0]

You and Craig are really brave airing your innermost as you have been - brave because its painful, but its so good you have a venting place - I jus wish we saw more of Craig here but I know guys like to do the 'working it out for myself' thing - its just that this is such a great support network, and he'd be able to SEE rather than just 'know' that he's not the only one who gets these homesickness issues. And he could get info and practical suggestions - from other guys - other BRIT guys - who've been there, done that.

Sure they won't have his special circumstances but it doesn't mean their advice would be worthless because of it. All of us, except maybe a very few, will be leaving someone behind whether its friends, parents, step children or natural children.

We will all be 'strangers in a strange land' and we all will have to deal with the differences we find - and the fact we're all out of our comfort zones.

Craig's first ever post on this said he'd lost his 'sense of self' which I always thought was very insightful and probably rang true to many people. The thing is we often measure our self-worth in the reflections of others - and if your support network and the 'things' with which you always used to gauge who YOU were (friends, home, job) suddenly go then its hard to re-asses.

Suddenly you are apparently 'no-one'. You have no job (Craig is at least lucky here), no credit card, no 'history' in this new country and it's natural to feel adrift and worthless. The thing is, you are still YO.

The things you had that make you the person you are haven't magically disappeared - they are just not right in front of you any more - but they are still THERE.

I doubt going back will help Craig - unless it just helps him put those things into perspective and show him what he DOES have with you Mich - sometimes we need a kick up the ####### to show us what's important and its really not 'about' you - its about him.

The 'problem' is it affects both of you - and the uncertainty that all this is causing (not to mention the hurt and doubts it must bring up) isn't something I can yet personally appreciate fully; but it's good to see your posts because it makes us all THINK about our futures. Not in a negative way - life isn't a fairytale so I know things WILL be difficult at times - but in a positive 'this might happen to me, so how can I try and minimse it' way.

I don't think its a good idea for him to give up his job at this time - he needs to be able to return and slot back into working I think - if they will allow him more than 2 weeks off without pink-slipping him that is. Perhaps Craig is of the mind that its unfair of him to try and keep his job when he's not certain of his return date...

There will many thing he will be happy to see again once hes in the UK again but also many things he's gonna miss - for one thing YOU won't be there. I bet once he returns for his brief visit he will be glad to leave again - so many things he DIDN'T like about the place will still BE there..obviously he does need time to think and re-group - and I hope hope hope he can do that without the rose-colored spectacles.

I send you both many many good wishes and hugs

[munchkins 0]

Michell, I have not been reading this post for quite a while which was wrong of me and I am therefore really sad to read that there are still a lot of concerns and things are not as good as they could be.

Michelle you have always been such a wonderful support to many people on here so I am not surprised that you are now receiving that support back, one thing I will say to you Michelle is that my daughter "went through it" so long ago and used to phone me at all hours, especially when she had her first child. it is definitely not easy for the immigrant as you are finding out and are having to try and deal with.

Michelle, if my daughter can help in anyway, just by talking to Craig and letting him know that she went through all this but came out the other side and is now in a good job with a loving family, please just pm me and I will let you have her phone number. Who knows perhaps for him to talk to someone who has been out there so long may just help a little. Just let me know

So many hugs to you both

[rebeccajo 14]

So sad to read all this.

I hope Craig doesn't leave his job here. This is one area where SOOOOOOOOO many immigrants struggle. He found a job, and one that he is suited for. He can quit the job just as well from England if he decides not to return. If he does come back to America, at least he hasn't lost this one very important adjustment step.

I hate to read all this. It really breaks me heart.

Craig, if you decide to read any of this - I'm going to say one word to you.

GRATITUDE.

It means being happy for the day and for the blessings in it.

For your health, for those around you, for what is good in your life.

For being content with what you have been given, and realizing that those good things are enough for today.

Because tomorrow is unpredictable, and today's joy should never be missed.

[Sister Fracas 5]

((((((((((Michelle))))))))))

[Dixie_Peach 1]

So sad to read all this.

I hope Craig doesn't leave his job here. This is one area where SOOOOOOOOO many immigrants struggle. He found a job, and one that he is suited for. He can quit the job just as well from England if he decides not to return. If he does come back to America, at least he hasn't lost this one very important adjustment step.

I hate to read all this. It really breaks me heart.

Craig, if you decide to read any of this - I'm going to say one word to you.

GRATITUDE.

It means being happy for the day and for the blessings in it.

For your health, for those around you, for what is good in your life.

For being content with what you have been given, and realizing that those good things are enough for today.

Because tomorrow is unpredictable, and today's joy should never be missed.

That rebecca is an amazing woman! Excellent advice. I too would like to know more about what Craig is thinking, etc... and I can see how Michelle is struggling... just know that I am praying for you both!

*hugs*

Lynne

[Fandango 1,439]

Michelle I'm so sorry to hear that things are going like this

Don't let anyone's comments here get you down...true love never is so cut & dry. You and Craig have shown your immese love for each other by working so hard at this relationship of yours & you both have been so brave to put this out there with no bs & say 'yeah this is what we're going through'.

I hope Craig's visit is a short one, but one that helps him come to terms with his decision. He may come backa new man...we all know the saying 'don't know what ya got till it's gone' and by gone I mean just physically gone for a short time. He'll be all happy & feeling back at home...and then he'll turn to tell you something, when he's going to realize that the one he loves is 4000 miles away. Then all the luster & shine of being back 'home' is going to look a bit like fools gold.....it looks great & familiar...but at the end of the day, it's not 'home' anymore because his life is with you now.

If there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to pm me.

[ktun 0]

Michelle,

I've been following this thread since it came over from the old forums. Have read the whole thing.

I just really wanted to add my support and best wishes that you get through this terrible time soon and that you are able to work everything out for the best. Whatever that might turn out to be.

So sorry to hear about your back too, that must be very painful. When it rains, it pours!! I'm sure you know all this already, but warmth, like a heated wheat bag can be very soothing in addition to any painkillers that you are taking. I've also found at times of stress and distress that a couple of drops of lavender oil on a pillow or in a warm bath can have a calming effect and aid sleep if you are struggling with that.

I hope that you are able to find a counsellor to talk through your feelings and support you too. I realise that money is an issue for you now and counsellors are very expensive. I wonder if you have thought of Catholic Charities, they sometimes have counsellors or a support service. Or even speaking to a minister/priest/pastor at a church. You dont necessarily have to believe in their doctrine or be a member of the church. They are trained to listen and often offer some sage advice.

With hugs and best wishes

Kate

[babybunny 2]

no one is insulting YOU. I wont sit there and go THERE THERE POOR MICHELLE.

I rather you be pushed to do someting to save your marriage!

its the same thing I told my sister. but, you need to realize where your loyalties are.

where your place is its by his side and his is by yours. if you dont know that yet. you better learn it.

have you lived in the UK??? its lovely there i lived there 10 years and enjoyed life there very much.

he moved here for you. its not working so maybe you might have to try it for him. but, no matter what it is you do. YOU are the one that has to live with that choice. NOT ME or the Personas on this board.

what would I do if I were you... I would not let him walk out that door, not without me.

look you know how people say. IF ONLY I could have.......

is that gonna be you michelle.

will you say ... if only I could have........

maybe if you let him walk out the door it sends a bigger message to Him..

[Sister Fracas 5]

where the dayum ignore button?

[babybunny 2]

where the dayum ignore button?

ignore me I dont give a #######. its not my marriage crumbling. maybe she should listion

to someone that has been down the very road she is traveling. I have been down that road.

I am very smart for my young age. I have been thought this pain before. I dont need to air dirty

laundery on this thing. what I will say again -

Dont let him walk out the door.

thats MORE than what you are saying Frances..

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

Just one simple question shon, have your read the entire thread? And I mean, from the start?

[Nearly Done 8]

Michelle,

I have a feeling that it will do you all good that Craig goes back for a visit. I too would look at it positively!! You have both worked really hard to stay together and I know your a strong girl and you need to see this as just something he needs to do, not as the end of it. Packs his bags send him on his way and say you will see him soon ,which I am sure will happen. Your both feeling enormous pain and frustration at the moment and it seems to be making you both physically ill as well as emotionally. I remember you saying Craig had felt ill for a while after coming here. Depression as you know causes all kinds of aches and pains.

You have been given lots of valuable advice on here and you have every ones support! rebeccajo gives some excellent advice!!! as always.

Michelle as sad as it will be to say goodbye to him being unsure that he will return, look at it as as time to reflect and heal. I do have a feeling that Craig will be back, I really do. He has to go back and as I said before the sooner the better,cos you two are suffering too much.

Send him back with a huge smile and lots of hugs,letting him know what he has to come back to. I remember you saying that Craig came here pretty fast after getting his K1,maybe it was too fast you know.

Stay strong Michelle I know it can not be easy for you right now, but look at it positively!!!

If the worse comes to the worse, then it is a pity you can not go there with Craig, but I am sure that will be an option if needed.

You know, rebeccajo was so right when she said that others probably have problems but don't air them. This is so very true, I still have days when I say "right I am outta here" hahaha but thankfully we get through it and it is more to do with me having to look after his daughter,which is fine ofcourse. BUT she is 300lbs,6ft 3 and is mentally handicapped and yes that is so very very sad,but when she has her violent moments then it is hard!!!! especially against a 8 year old, 12 year old and me who is only 5ft 2 hahahah She has wlays been this way with everyone and at first I thought it was cos she had to get used to us lot being here. Then I came to realise that she has always been this way and yes I sometimes feel like running away!!!! Gosh my stomach still goes into knots when John goes to work,cos I don't know what mood she is going to be in. John is used to her and can control her better then me,it is getting easier,but believe me the kids and I have had some awfully hard times with her.

Sorry girlie, I went on and on there about me hahaha but maybe I was trying to make a point that rebeccajo

was right and there will be lots more of us lot having private problems,get me?

Also now I am not taking sides here at all,but I was brought up that it doesnt matter where you live,even in a tent!!!! as long as your together and I think just think that the point shon is trying to make.

I am not saying that is right,cos ofcourse not everyone can stay where they are simply for love,cos it can turn into hate or pain as you two are suffering now. (pain for you two),it is obvious that you two love eachother

So come on girlie,think positive and stay strong,wishing you both the best I do feel your pain

[babybunny 2]

You and Craig are really brave airing your innermost as you have been - brave because its painful, but its so good you have a venting place - I jus wish we saw more of Craig here but I know guys like to do the 'working it out for myself' thing - its just that this is such a great support network, and he'd be able to SEE rather than just 'know' that he's not the only one who gets these homesickness issues. And he could get info and practical suggestions - from other guys - other BRIT guys - who've been there, done that.

Sure they won't have his special circumstances but it doesn't mean their advice would be worthless because of it. All of us, except maybe a very few, will be leaving someone behind whether its friends, parents, step children or natural children.

We will all be 'strangers in a strange land' and we all will have to deal with the differences we find - and the fact we're all out of our comfort zones.

Craig's first ever post on this said he'd lost his 'sense of self' which I always thought was very insightful and probably rang true to many people. The thing is we often measure our self-worth in the reflections of others - and if your support network and the 'things' with which you always used to gauge who YOU were (friends, home, job) suddenly go then its hard to re-asses.

Suddenly you are apparently 'no-one'. You have no job (Craig is at least lucky here), no credit card, no 'history' in this new country and it's natural to feel adrift and worthless. The thing is, you are still YO.

The things you had that make you the person you are haven't magically disappeared - they are just not right in front of you any more - but they are still THERE.

I doubt going back will help Craig - unless it just helps him put those things into perspective and show him what he DOES have with you Mich - sometimes we need a kick up the ####### to show us what's important and its really not 'about' you - its about him.The 'problem' is it affects both of you - and the uncertainty that all this is causing (not to mention the hurt and doubts it must bring up) isn't something I can yet personally appreciate fully; but it's good to see your posts because it makes us all THINK about our futures. Not in a negative way - life isn't a fairytale so I know things WILL be difficult at times - but in a positive 'this might happen to me, so how can I try and minimse it' way.

I don't think its a good idea for him to give up his job at this time - he needs to be able to return and slot back into working I think - if they will allow him more than 2 weeks off without pink-slipping him that is. Perhaps Craig is of the mind that its unfair of him to try and keep his job when he's not certain of his return date...

There will many thing he will be happy to see again once hes in the UK again but also many things he's gonna miss - for one thing YOU won't be there. I bet once he returns for his brief visit he will be glad to leave again - so many things he DIDN'T like about the place will still BE there..obviously he does need time to think and re-group - and I hope hope hope he can do that without the rose-colored spectacles.

I send you both many many good wishes and hugs

look at this post.. there is alot of interesting things said here.. I think you need to look at this posting she is saying to you michelle. there is some important things to consider.

[rebeccajo 14]

shon's got a valid point. She just says it shonnie's way - and that's what makes the world go round. Different people with different perspectives.

[babybunny 2]

Just one simple question shon, have your read the entire thread? And I mean, from the start?

no I dont read it all because, its too much endless Dubage.

however, I do see a marriage that is being torn apart. no amount of whining

and hen pecking on a PC is gonna sort this out.

I have been there raspberry-maybe you have ,may be you didnt. but, I never want michelle or no one to feel the hurt should craig walk out that door. if that upsets you for me posting- thats your problem. I am concerned just like everyone else.