Immigrant's Nightmare Continued

[Sister Fracas 5]

I think we need to remember that some people have been very relieved to have read this thread...it has opened up much discussion about the difficulties of settling in a different country....that life isn't always sunshine and roses when couples finally get to be together. People have actually said " I thought it was just me that felt this way" etc....If this thread has opened up some honest discussion about the harshness of immigrating then all power to it.....

yup

[Welshcookie 17]

Personally, my fiance and myself have had discussions and made decisions based on stuff we have read here....it has certainly opened my eyes and made me think alot more about what my future life will be like when we move.

Edited February 21, 2006 by welshcookie

[onwa 6]

I have followed this thread since the very first post by Craig. It has helped me alot--especially in the first few months of his coming to the States. It may be personal; but the subject manner pertains to many. I hope this thread can stay on track for the people who will need it in the future.

[Fandango 1,439]

Whatever reasons Michelle and Craig may have for posting their information is their business & for no one to judge. Now, I haven't been here long, and it's prolly a bit cheeky of me to come in here to throw my .02 completely into this mix, but I do think it's wrong to kick her when she's down.

I agree with many of the statements by many of the posters here.....and can even see Shonjaved's point. I think the more it went ignored, the more abrasive her posts became. Shon was speaking from a certain perspective, and while I feel she prolly feels like this is a similar situation, each situation has its own dynamic & cannot really be completely compared. What is a solution for one may not be a solution for another.

However, judging from the many posts Michelle has made here, it's clear to me that she's not just sat here complaining about her situation without doing anything about it.....anyone who wants to read all the posts can see the progression of the situation & see how Michelle is giving it her all. This message board is not something that she's using in lieu of a proactive solution....it's in addition to. And what is so bad if that's what makes her happy, or at least gives her a little comfort? Who are any of us to tell her what's right and what's not?

Most, if not all of us, are very unique to other people in respect to the fact that we 'live' in two separate countries. We all can empathise with each other in knowing the pain of always longing for someone, always feeling alone, etc. What Michelle & Craig have done by starting this thread is remarkable....as it's been said, there are many who are afraid to show the bad stuff, there are also those who are 'ashamed' of the hard times. And this gives a face to something to let everyone else who's going thru the same know 'you're not alone, this is not completely abnormal' ---let alone the benefit of possibly giving Michelle some peace of mind where she feels she has an outlet to vent at what must be an incredibly frustrating situation!

Sure it's not always going to be sunshine and light here, but we all should remember we came here with a common interest. I for one am thankful that I found this place....I am just about to start the actual visa journey part of it....but at the same time, it's made me feel like a home away from home...because we all are in the same boat and can give support to each other to keep us strong.

I'm sorry for the long winded post, but it's something i feel really strongly about. No one's saying we all should blow sunshine up each other's arses, but at the same time, people and their feelings don't have to be annihilated while disagreeing.

THANK YOU MICHELLE & CRAIG FOR HAVING THE COURAGE TO SHARE! WE ARE ROOTING FOR YOU!

[babybunny 2]

I was sitting in the same chair as michelle. I was her at one point in my life.

I had a husband <2nd one > that loved me and one that i loved. The adjustment of life for him in the USA was something he could not handle. The more I tried to listion and be supportive. the more he was pushing me away. he would travel to his country alot talk to his buddies. even when I was pregante- his life in his country was more important than being with me. while i stayed home and wait by the phone. he finally made his cameo appearances - I accepted it as if - at least you are home now.

finally one day he stopped making cameo appearances. one final call i got was " I am leaving you ". I should have seen it coming. those words cut my inner soul to this day. you dont have to like what i say. you can ignore me til the cows come home. the pain I felt that day. was like a sledge hammer comming down on my heart. I just wanted to DIE. no person should ever feel the pain of a broken heart.

so this post will get flamed like the others I dont care. but, I share this because, I have been there.

bottom line is make it WORK .. dont let him walk out that door.

[Dixie_Peach 1]

I was sitting in the same chair as michelle. I was her at one point in my life.

I had a husband <2nd one > that loved me and one that i loved. The adjustment of life for him in the USA was something he could not handle. The more I tried to listion and be supportive. the more he was pushing me away. he would travel to his country alot talk to his buddies. even when I was pregante- his life in his country was more important than being with me. while i stayed home and wait by the phone. he finally made his cameo appearances - I accepted it as if - at least you are home now.

finally one day he stopped making cameo appearances. one final call i got was " I am leaving you ". I should have seen it coming. those words cut my inner soul to this day. you dont have to like what i say. you can ignore me til the cows come home. the pain I felt that day. was like a sledge hammer comming down on my heart. I just wanted to DIE. no person should ever feel the pain of a broken heart.

so this post will get flamed like the others I dont care. but, I share this because, I have been there.

bottom line is make it WORK .. dont let him walk out that door.

Shon, I feel for everyone who has had a broken heart... but, without that broken heart... or the roads that I have had to travel... I would not have found my Jamal...

I'm so sorry for anyone who has to go through heartache... but, it does happen, we can't stop it... LIFE HAPPENS... and it is full of ups and downs... turns and whirlwinds...

The only thing that i CAN physically do... is to pray...

*hugs*

I wish the best for everyone here... not just in this forum... but on VJ... I think that all of us are deserving of happiness... and of love...

I know... i am like a cliche... but that is honestly how I think and feel...

*hugs whole VJ*

Blessings to all

Lynne

Lynne

[Fandango 1,439]

I was sitting in the same chair as michelle. I was her at one point in my life.

I had a husband <2nd one > that loved me and one that i loved. The adjustment of life for him in the USA was something he could not handle. The more I tried to listion and be supportive. the more he was pushing me away. he would travel to his country alot talk to his buddies. even when I was pregante- his life in his country was more important than being with me. while i stayed home and wait by the phone. he finally made his cameo appearances - I accepted it as if - at least you are home now.

finally one day he stopped making cameo appearances. one final call i got was " I am leaving you ". I should have seen it coming. those words cut my inner soul to this day. you dont have to like what i say. you can ignore me til the cows come home. the pain I felt that day. was like a sledge hammer comming down on my heart. I just wanted to DIE. no person should ever feel the pain of a broken heart.

so this post will get flamed like the others I dont care. but, I share this because, I have been there.

bottom line is make it WORK .. dont let him walk out that door.

shonjaved, I am so sorry that you had to experience this....

But your ex and Craig may not respond to the same stuff. If Michelle clings on too tight, he may feel even more suffocated.

Michelle cannot make it work on her own, it takes two. He needs to find his inner peace, and that's really a path he can only walk alone. (imo)

[MaryandMian 1]

Michelle cannot make it work on her own, it takes two. He needs to find his inner peace, and that's really a path he can only walk alone. (imo)

Lisa and others that is why I mentioned I think both of them are having adjustment problems. I think that they both need to go to marriage/family counseling and Craig as Rebeccajo mentioned needs to basically count his blessings. I think he is homesick and it has been long struggle in their adjustment that he maybe is very depressed. Michelle is having health problems and the stresses are effecting her as well. This is why I mentioned that they both seek medical help with depression.

My concern is also how this is effecting the kids. Corey has to be in the middle of tensions here in the states and then Daryl seems to be trying to vie for Craigs attention. Maybe Corey even needs to find a way to release and talk to someone that can help him. Kids do not always show how they feel and pent up their feelings. I was widowed four years ago and my kids were 8 and 9. I have them in counseling to this date and you would be amazed at how much they will tell another person since they do not want to upset me with memories of their late father or things that are happening in their lives. My oldest just told me mom you have too much on you. You are worried of visa, JP is worried of his health and knows that I am concerned. So kids do hold back and make it like nothing is bothering them until it festers over later.

I really wish to see this whole family happy and healthy. I pray daily for everyone on VJ and will continue to remember special needs.

Mary

[Dixie_Peach 1]

Michelle cannot make it work on her own, it takes two. He needs to find his inner peace, and that's really a path he can only walk alone. (imo)

Lisa and others that is why I mentioned I think both of them are having adjustment problems. I think that they both need to go to marriage/family counseling and Craig as Rebeccajo mentioned needs to basically count his blessings. I think he is homesick and it has been long struggle in their adjustment that he maybe is very depressed. Michelle is having health problems and the stresses are effecting her as well. This is why I mentioned that they both seek medical help with depression.

My concern is also how this is effecting the kids. Corey has to be in the middle of tensions here in the states and then Daryl seems to be trying to vie for Craigs attention. Maybe Corey even needs to find a way to release and talk to someone that can help him. Kids do not always show how they feel and pent up their feelings. I was widowed four years ago and my kids were 8 and 9. I have them in counseling to this date and you would be amazed at how much they will tell another person since they do not want to upset me with memories of their late father or things that are happening in their lives. My oldest just told me mom you have too much on you. You are worried of visa, JP is worried of his health and knows that I am concerned. So kids do hold back and make it like nothing is bothering them until it festers over later.

I really wish to see this whole family happy and healthy. I pray daily for everyone on VJ and will continue to remember special needs.

Mary

Mary, it is always a blessing when I get to read a post of yours. You have a wonderfully loving and tender heart! *hugs*

I think that is absolutely sound and encouring advice.

Blessings to you

Lynne

[rebeccajo 14]

I pray daily for everyone on VJ and will continue to remember special needs.

Mary

Mary, I like you. You speak from the heart.

I'm the spiritual sort, but not deeply religious in the conventional way. But I tell you what - to know that you are sending up a prayer for me and the others on this board each day - well I just gotta say thanks, cause at least from my perspective, I sure could use it.

Edited February 22, 2006 by rebeccajo

[britbird 4]

I feel for the children in this too...it must be horribly unsettling to see mom and potential dad (or vice versa) unhappy with each other all the time. Children suffer hugely, and a lot of the time the effects only become visable later on in life when they themselves are dealing with their relationships.

I hope, once again, that you both can resolve these issues. I was very fortunate to have parents who actively encouraged me to go out into the world and never suggested I do otherwise. Of course they miss me terribly, but in a constructive way, rather than making me feel bad that I'm not there.

I guess it just takes a little time for people who aren't used to travelling and getting out of their comfort zone to adjust. Some people never will adjust I guess. There's a lot to be said for the saying that 'home is where the heart is'...some people can't decide where that is and get all messed up inside because of it. Hopefully by going back to the UK Craig will decide for sure where his heart lies and go with it.

[daisy16 0]

This thread has been helpful from the very beginning. Craig poured his heart out and it gave me insight into how tough the adjustment might be. Michelle added her experience which helped me consider how my struggles might affect my husband. Comments from all have meant discussion for my husband and I as we worked to adjust as a couple and I did and continue to struggle to adjust. All along this thread has helped me and I've tried to add my support to Michelle and others wrestling with this thing that is difficult, whether you're from away or next door.

We here understand the extent of the trials that we face, moreso than friends and relatives could ever ever grasp. It helps to have a place to air worries and grievances, and hopes and losses, especially when others in our lives couldn't understand.

I don't really have a point except to express why I continue to read this thread. This lifeline. You never know who reads your words, many people come to VJ and never post. You could support those who never speak up as well as those of us who rant and rave

[Welshcookie 17]

This thread has been helpful from the very beginning. Craig poured his heart out and it gave me insight into how tough the adjustment might be. Michelle added her experience which helped me consider how my struggles might affect my husband. Comments from all have meant discussion for my husband and I as we worked to adjust as a couple and I did and continue to struggle to adjust. All along this thread has helped me and I've tried to add my support to Michelle and others wrestling with this thing that is difficult, whether you're from away or next door.

We here understand the extent of the trials that we face, moreso than friends and relatives could ever ever grasp. It helps to have a place to air worries and grievances, and hopes and losses, especially when others in our lives couldn't understand.

I don't really have a point except to express why I continue to read this thread. This lifeline. You never know who reads your words, many people come to VJ and never post. You could support those who never speak up as well as those of us who rant and rave

awwww....good post Daisy....I really hope this thread continues too....

[pax 0]

You never know who reads your words, many people come to VJ and never post. You could support those who never speak up as well as those of us who rant and rave

Absolutely.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Hello everyone. Well, I do have an update, but it's not a nice one. I think it's better for me to stick to the basics than respond to some of the posts...it's useless to get irritated, as I have often said(and others) about something you read online. Needed to refresh my own memory there I guess, but when you're really down, it just grates more I suppose. Thanks again! to those of you who understand WHY I post here(and you're right) and for being supportive always..it means a lot. No matter if this is JUST the Internet..it really does. The reason is, as Daisy just stated again, because so many of us have been there and not just Craig & I...I feel I can relate/you can relate or whatever...and I do consider many of you my friends even though we will likely never meet unless you live in the midwest..then, who knows. Look at our fellow Wisconsinites Mellie & Scott & Lorelle!

Anyway, Craig came back in from work yesterday about an hour after they left and they let him go from his job. George (his boss) kept shaking his hand and saying it's such a shame because you're a really nice fellow and I enjoyed speaking with you,etc etc...when you get your CDL and if the position opens up again, feel free to apply again,etc...they basically let him go because it was taking too long to get his CDL. Frustrating because our DMV is open once EVERY OTHER month for four hours, and other than that he's had to drive 3 hours round-trip to the other nearest location. If he failed a test(usually only by 2/3 questions) it didn't make sense to go back again for a week or so until he had studied again. He had passed the main one...the 50 question general knowledge, and also the air brakes test. He still had to pass the trailer test(about 20 questions only) get his medical(an hour) and take the driving test itself. That would have been the easier for him, as he drove in England for 10 years. We just needed a bit more time...anyway, it's done. It's going to put a crimp in our money situation, but thats really not theworry at the moment, and he'll find something else. Now that the knowledge tests are complete a lot of places will help him(use their vehicles, and some will even pay for it)take the driving portion if they want to hire him. There are a few places around he could work(he's not going over the road, more like delivery, or whatever..those type of trucks)

So..with all of this happening, Craig is going to go back to England sooner. We are booking the ticket tonight...I have been upset all day yesterday because we talked about it(and I get it...I don't disagree he should go for this long, or that it likely will help...I'm just going to miss him)and he's going to stay for about a month. He's leaving probably two weeks from yesterday..around March 7th. This also means he is going to miss our first anniversary, and I'm really not happy about that...but, you do what you have to do I guess. Two weeks would have been alright, but to see him leaving for a month has been really difficult. (and for those of you..certain ones..that are going to throw your 2 cents in about it...I have a rational mind about all of this and I have already thought of the pros and cons of this, so please feel free but we'll continue to make our own decisions and have our own feelings on everything. I can't change how I FEEL about this as much as I may like to, any more than Craig can magically change how he's been feeling about being away from England) His primary complaint has always been just wanting to feel normal again. ..I get that. I just wish he didn't have to be gone for so long, and over our anniversary. It feels ALL of our special days have been tainted by something..some very very sad and beyond anyone's control at all, so I'm certainly not complaining about that...just doesn't help matters. We were having a really nice Christmas, and his friend Barry passed away. Felt so horrible for Craig, but nothing we could do. The day of our AOS interview just as we were waiting in the car to go in, we lost his Granddad as many of you already know. Valentines Day it just didn't mesh, and we didn't do anything, and now he will be gone on this special day. It just gets me down and I was teary all day yesterday. Much to the amazement of some(said tongue in cheek..not for all of you, just select individuals) I don't just sit here and post..in fact, I rarely come on anymore...and have been doing everything I can think of to help our marriage. That doesn't mean I don't get down, or annoyed with it sometimes either and act unreasonably, but I think anyone would at this point. (meaning Craig AND I)

So...that's the current situation. Craig said he already feels like he misses me somehow, now that it's becoming more 'real' that he's going, even though we knew he always was...first the job, and now booking the tickets,etc. I feel the same. I am not 'letting him walk out the door' either..he is going for a VISIT and I have no doubt in my mind that he both needs this, and that he will return. Hopefully,refreshed as he would like to think and does think..and ready to dig in again and get back to the business of US. I'll let you know how it goes...I haven't felt like being on much...Broma, Aussie, Welshie, and so many others have sent PMs..thank you so much and I will respond when I'm feeling a bit better about all of this..but thanks for taking the time and although I sound like a broken record, it does mean alot..ditto on reading your posts here.

Take care everyone, and those of you feeling it as well, hang in. M.