Immigrant's Nightmare Continued

[Traviesa 0]

So what should we do Melissa??.....tell Michelle to stop posting because we don't care enough to listen??

Should we just tell her to go away now and don't come back until she has sorted it out so she can then tell us what she did?

This thread isn't about us offering her advise on what she should do....it is more about supporting her while she makes decisions....she knows there is nothing we can do to make the painful issues go away, but maybe, just maybe she finds some comfort here.

I am just not understanding why PPL are coming on here merely to criticise a thread....one that has become important to alot of others....those that find it depressing or uncomfortable to read or have nothing to add other than make Michelle feel bad should feel free go to another thread....there are plenty.....

No, like I said, I don't think Michelle should go away at all. I think it's ridiculous that someone should feel like they're no longer welcome on a support forum (and I will admit, I felt this way many many times when I came on here for comfort and didn't receive a whole lot of it). Honestly, I can't relate to Michelle's problems which is why I have no advice to offer her on the relationship issues. I can't imagine what it must be like to be in her situation since our situation is different. I just think that her posting all this on here is doing more harm than good, and the advice I'm offering her is to practice some more discretion from here on out when she decides what to post. I have done that, and I can tell you I'm much happier on VJ now. I don't have people coming and telling me how to live my life or how terrible my fiance is.

[Welshcookie 17]

But Michelle isn't unhappy about this thread.....other PPl are....thats the problem...

Edited February 21, 2006 by welshcookie

[Traviesa 0]

But Michelle isn't unhappy about this thread.....other PPl are....thats the problem...

I thought she had said at some point she was leaving. I hope she decides not to leave.

[Welshcookie 17]

she is WHINNING.... she is whinning about her OWN marriage. my god!!!! do something to save your marriage. -a forum is not the way!

thank god I am not THEM. I tell you what i have enough class and respect to my husband

and to our marriage not to air it here. its so wrong.

That's it. For some reason, when I used the ignore feature on Shon, it didn't work until I came on invisible for a minute..first time I've ever done that. Is that a well-known glitch or am I just doing something wrong? In any case, I'm not normally one to cave so quickly, especially to such irritating people, but I'm not just up to this right now. Have your fun Shon, post fifty more times, with 10 quotes in each one for all I care. I'm out of here. M.

I don't think she is leaving leaving.....just needs a break from this....sucks when ppl want to kick you when you are down (as you know)

[Sister Fracas 5]

where the dayum ignore button?

ignore me I dont give a #######. its not my marriage crumbling. maybe she should listion

to someone that has been down the very road she is traveling. I have been down that road.

I am very smart for my young age. I have been thought this pain before. I dont need to air dirty

laundery on this thing. what I will say again -

Dont let him walk out the door.

thats MORE than what you are saying Frances..

Shon, I don't NEED to say anything else to Michelle... I don't have advice to give because I can't relate to her situation. The purpose of virtual hugs or well wishes is merely support. She's gotten plenty of good advice, CONSTRUCTIVE advice (as opposed to insults) and she can choose to accept it or not. I think you do her a huge disservice by insinuating she is doing nothing to help her marriage. You don't have the foggiest idea what she and Craig go through on a daily basis to ease these problems. And if you'd really been following this thread all along, like many people have, you'd know that MANY people who were going through similar situations have found it extremely helpful just to be able to see that they aren't the only ones to find that things aren't all roses and candlelight once the wedding is over and the excitement of finally being together has died down.

If you find the thread so objectionable, there are other places you can spread your wisdom I'm sure.

But Michelle isn't unhappy about this thread.....other PPl are....thats the problem...

Indeed.... what has been great about this thread is that even when Michelle has disagreed with advice she's been given, she has said thanks for the advice but that won't work for us...or something to that effect. She's even had to deal with insults ala wog and she's handled it with SUPERIOR CLASS!!!

Michelle, I do hope that you and Craig can find a loving solution to all of your problems. I haven't said much on this thread simply because I don't feel I have much to offer, but I do feel like I can, and should, at least offer my best wishes.

Edited February 21, 2006 by Frances

[Traviesa 0]

I don't think she is leaving leaving.....just needs a break from this....sucks when ppl want to kick you when you are down (as you know)

Yes it does. I hope a lot of people can see that now.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I don't think she is leaving leaving.....just needs a break from this....sucks when ppl want to kick you when you are down (as you know)

Yes it does. I hope a lot of people can see that now.

[CarolineM 0]

Ok I'm going to get ready to get FLAMED i'm sure.

1. Michelle - I totally feel for you and truly hope things work out.

2. Shon has a way of saying things that might seem abrasive...she, like some others, are just realists...it may come OUT harsh...

but...

3. I understand what she's saying. In therapy we call it "yeah buts...." It s like you tell them over and over what to do and how to "fix" things but nothing ever changes...

I think that some people think when you post "issues" on a forum you are looking for solutions and help. Maybe what Shon is saying, is stop TALKING and start DOING?

I'm not sure, but Let's just all get along ? (cheesy I know...just trying to help...)

[Welshcookie 17]

Poor Michelle..... I hope she doesn't think she shouldn't come back on this thread if she just wants to vent or seek a listening ear

This thread hasn't all been about advising her or telling her what she should do....sometimes it has just helped to get things off her chest

Doesn't anyone just have a moan and a cry to their friends just because they need to? Or are we just 'supposed friends' as Shon seems to think?

[CarolineM 0]

I agree Welsh!

I said I think that some people see a post like this and THINK that the poster wants advice - when really they just want to get things off their chest.

[Traviesa 0]

I agree Welsh!

I said I think that some people see a post like this and THINK that the poster wants advice - when really they just want to get things off their chest.

That's definitely true. Most of the time we just want to vent. Unsolicited advice is always given, again, by a lot of people who are now speaking against it, and then we're told to deal with it-that it's only natural for people to give advice and that we should think about that next time we post something personal. I guess it's ok for some people and not others.

[CarolineM 0]

we should think about that next time we post something personal. I guess it's ok for some people and not others.

I'd say it's only done that way for people who constantly post OVER and OVer how upset they are. People can't help but post advice when it seems nothing is being done to ameliorate the posters situation?

I dunno.

[TracyTN 237]

Bottom line is: no matter what you post, you may not get the type of responses you want or expected. If you don't want to take that risk, don't post.

This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way, several message boards ago. I hate that Michelle is having to learn that lesson with posting about something that is already painful for her.

*edited cos I can't type*

Edited February 21, 2006 by TracyTN

[Sister Fracas 5]

This thread hasn't all been about advising her or telling her what she should do....sometimes it has just helped to get things off her chest

Considering the original thread was started in JULY of last year and only now some individuals are finding their way to it to give their opinion probably means they have missed a hell of lot in between. I'll say it again.....this thread has provided a lot of comfort to individuals in a similar situation.

I feel the bottom line is that Michelle is not leaving this post for good...she just doesn't need the hassle right now. She's got physical problems that are causing her a lot of pain as well, and she's got the daily stresses of raising a child, while going to school...in addition to everything else. Crissake, this classy lady has a lot on her plate and is not looking for anyone to tell her what to do, NOR is she looking for sympathy. From what she's said not only on this thread, she is doing her damned hardest to make things work... And let's not forget...it was CRAIG who started this thread so long ago...not Michelle.

If it's all about "can't we just get along"...well can't we just support her?? That's all she needs.

[Welshcookie 17]

I think we need to remember that some people have been very relieved to have read this thread...it has opened up much discussion about the difficulties of settling in a different country....that life isn't always sunshine and roses when couples finally get to be together. People have actually said " I thought it was just me that felt this way" etc....If this thread has opened up some honest discussion about the harshness of immigrating then all power to it.....