Explaining Visa process to friends and relatives

[Mintchip 0]

It has been 7 months since my husband and I started our Visa process so he can move from the UK to the USA. I have been continually asked with complete amazement why it is taking so long. This question comes from friends and relatives who are appalled that it is so difficult for my spouse to move here. I'm getting tired of explaining it to them over and over. The other night, one of my friends came right out and said, "I don't think your husband is doing enough to make this move happen!" I was quite annoyed as I attempted to explain it to her once again. Is anyone else getting frustrated with the "well meaning" people in their lives?

[New Beginnings 32]

It's tough to understand if you aren't going through it. I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt and also try to be more open as to what the process itself is.

I certainly wouldn't understand why it takes so long if I hadn't gone through it and you can only expect people to think from their own experiences. If they haven't experienced it... they don't really understand it.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by the questions try asking for their support... explain what you need from them and ask them to be there to support you. You can only expect people to give you what you need emotionally after you've let them know what you need. If you dont' want the questions, ask them to hold off on the questions and you'll fill them in with new updates.

[Chris_Жанна 11]

It has been 7 months since my husband and I started our Visa process so he can move from the UK to the USA. I have been continually asked with complete amazement why it is taking so long. This question comes from friends and relatives who are appalled that it is so difficult for my spouse to move here. I'm getting tired of explaining it to them over and over. The other night, one of my friends came right out and said, "I don't think your husband is doing enough to make this move happen!" I was quite annoyed as I attempted to explain it to her once again. Is anyone else getting frustrated with the "well meaning" people in their lives?

You can tell them that "He is moving from his native country to live with me." Which in itself is probably one of the hugest sacrifices anyone could make. I am still amazed that my fiancee would give up her Family, Friends, Apartment, Job (which she loves), just to be with me.

I have to deal with uneducated comments all the time with acquaintances and co-workers . Comments like "Is she a mail order bride?" or "She must be soooooo happy to be leaving Russia. Don't all Russian women want to live in the US? Are you sure she's not using you for a greencard?" Meanwhile, She told me before we got engaged that if we could she wanted me to come to Russia to live. We both agreed America is the best choice because we can both speak English and I cannot speak Russian.

Your friends do not understand this process (How could they? Unless they have an foreign S/O.). Don't take it personally. like my 76 year old grandmother from the Bronx always says " Opinions are like A**holes, Everyone has one."

Once your husband is with you stupid comments won't be as bothersome. Good luck!

[christeen 966]

YYYEEESSSS!!! I am sooo frustrated with that... So I printed off the NVC flowchart and keep a copy with me... Anytime someone asks... I would point to it and show them where we were in the process!!! and I told them that was just half of it!!! They shut up!!!

[redmen99 1]

I get the same thing. People say to me, well your married, how come he can't just live here? I try to explain in the easiest way possible that its a process you have to go through with the government and things will move when the government says its time too but they just don't get it. My husband doesn't even understand the process. I'll tell him for example that we got our NOA2 in the mail all excited and happy and jumping for joy and then he says, what's that mean. **SIGH** That means we are through the first process and next we go to the NVC, etc. Then he asks me ok, when do I get to move there? I wish I had that answer......

Like people here have said, unless you have gone through the process you really don't understand it and it is not an easy process for someone to grasp without a ton of research. We have now gotten a case complete at the NVC, so when people ask me why my husband isn't here yet I just say, its a three part process, we just finished the second part, now we wait for the interview in Montreal then when he is approved he can move here and people seem to get that. It seems that the simpler you make it, and the less details you give, people are more prone to understand the basic idea of the whole process. Its still frustrating as hell though.

[Darnell 8,479]

I gots me some greenbar continuous sheet printer paper, the 11 x 17 variety, but about 8 sheets still attached together.

Then I took out my infamous green crayon and mapped it all out.

So it's a banner thats 17 inches tall, 6 feet wide.

It folds nicely, fits in my briefcase.

The first two times my family members asked about 'status' - I pulled it out, UNFOLDED IT all, and then pointed to the place where our 'status' was.

Then I waited about 15 minutes for all of them to read the banner.

Afterwards, my cousins brought me some beer to cheer my knowledge.

Perhaps you could make the same type of banner, have it available in your carry case?

Edited November 10, 2009 by Darnell

[FinnLove 0]

My problem is it's the same people asking the SAME questions over and over! "When is he moving here?" After awhile, I start becoming a smarta** and say, "Well, if I had a crystal ball, I could tell you that!" Yes, I know they have no clue. But when I keep answering I don't know, yet two weeks later they ask me the same question, I want to !!!!

It's true that no one understands unless they've been through it. I also try to reiterate that I'm married to a 46-year old man that's moving to the US, giving up his job and everything, just to be with me. That usually quiets them! More people are fascinated by our story than the immigration stuff anyway.

[christeen 966]

And if I hear "OH, I though since you two where married he automatically gets citizenship" one more time I thought I would shove a shoe where the sun dont shine!!!

[FinnLove 0]

And if I hear "OH, I though since you two where married he automatically gets citizenship" one more time I thought I would shove a shoe where the sun dont shine!!!

Oh yeah, that one too! I hear all the time, "When is he going to get a job?' What's wrong if he doesn't get a job? I don't care!

[Egbosimbas 2]

Here is what I did with my family and friends, and it's worked really well for me. EVERY time I would speak to a friend or family member they'd ask the same quetions. Yes, they are interested in knowing what's happening, yes they want me to reunite with my husband and YES ... they are NOSEY! So, I sent out a "mass email" to all who had email (some of the old timers don't have it). I took my time in composing the email and I made it into sort of a timeline if what "we" could expect. I gave them the basic immigration process and told them that instead of me having to repeat myself all the time ~ that I'd email them with updates. At each step (i.e., USCIS journey, NVC journey) I have then sent an email titled "OUR VISA UPDATE" ... I get very few questions any more and they all know that when something happens, they'll get an email from me. I know how you feel, I was getting to the point where I didn't want to answer my phone because I was so tired of explaining this incredibly difficult process! Because I took the time to explain the process to all of them, they now understand how it works. And they also know that my husband and I miss each other and that it's frustrating not being able to be together NOW ~ so they are more sensitive in the questions they ask.

I hope this helps in some way ~ Erica

[david'sgirl 134]

It has been 7 months since my husband and I started our Visa process so he can move from the UK to the USA. I have been continually asked with complete amazement why it is taking so long. This question comes from friends and relatives who are appalled that it is so difficult for my spouse to move here. I'm getting tired of explaining it to them over and over. The other night, one of my friends came right out and said, "I don't think your husband is doing enough to make this move happen!" I was quite annoyed as I attempted to explain it to her once again. Is anyone else getting frustrated with the "well meaning" people in their lives?

You are most definitely NOT alone! No one seems to get it. It's as if they don;t believe it is really this hard. Part of the problem for me is there are a lot of people in my area who came in illegally or were here as a student or worker and applied for change in status. Friends and family seem to think he should have come over on a visit and just stayed. Since he needs to work and be able to go home to visit family it just was not an option. When I read the rules about there being no wait for a spouse and you just apply, I was thinking at first , it would be a quick process. There really and truly needs to be done something to expedite it for married couples. Ok a couple of bad eggs fibbed to get into the country but the majority of people are doing it for all the right reasons. I dont think it is fair to punish everyone for a few idiots. It seems a bit unfair. I seriously doubt anyone but a lovesick , devoted person could bear all of this strain anyway so that lone will weed out the ones who should not come. It does not help when people closest to us do not understand at all but feel free to make comments about it. grrrrr

[david'sgirl 134]

And if I hear "OH, I though since you two where married he automatically gets citizenship" one more time I thought I would shove a shoe where the sun dont shine!!!

Oh yeah, that one too! I hear all the time, "When is he going to get a job?' What's wrong if he doesn't get a job? I don't care!

I hear that one too. He cant even apply because we have no idea when he will get a green card,social sec # or be able to move. Would you hire someone who told you that at the interview? duh

And if I hear "OH, I though since you two where married he automatically gets citizenship" one more time I thought I would shove a shoe where the sun dont shine!!!

I know!!

[osen74 4]

It has been 7 months since my husband and I started our Visa process so he can move from the UK to the USA. I have been continually asked with complete amazement why it is taking so long. This question comes from friends and relatives who are appalled that it is so difficult for my spouse to move here. I'm getting tired of explaining it to them over and over. The other night, one of my friends came right out and said, "I don't think your husband is doing enough to make this move happen!" I was quite annoyed as I attempted to explain it to her once again. Is anyone else getting frustrated with the "well meaning" people in their lives?

oh yeah! this is so true!.. you get frustrated with the long process itself and then those kind of questions from those "well meaning" people adds up to your frustrations.. instead of getting words of encouragement from them, sarcasm is all you get.. it' s really annoying! but then, they will never understand unless they're in it.. or unless they have broader minds.. well that's the way it is.. when the time finally comes that we're reunited with our SO's, all these frustrations would mean nothing..

God bless us all!

[Cacerez 19]

And if I hear "OH, I though since you two where married he automatically gets citizenship" one more time I thought I would shove a shoe where the sun dont shine!!!

Oh yeah, I get that one all the time...so very annoying!

[BunzTheMagicSnail 2]

And if I hear "OH, I though since you two where married he automatically gets citizenship" one more time I thought I would shove a shoe where the sun dont shine!!!

Oh yeah, I get that one all the time...so very annoying!

oh laaaaawd

i have resorted to giving brief vague answers when ppl ask

and i do not volunteer info

i think most ppl mean well but man it is so annoying

and the ironic thing is ppl think our process takes forever, and if they knew what other family members in the immigration system go through in waiting time they'd see ours is a breeze relatively