The Vent - Part Trois

[Sprailenes 47]

Ashen

I am sorry to hear that. It wasn't fair that he told you on the way out the door. Maybe this will make him realize that he has to really look for a job because this is not an ideal way to really live and it's certainly not fair to you. I'm sure things will look up eventually.

[The_Dude 1,142]

I would have some simpathy for him, if he were properly looking for a job, but seeing as you've told us he is not, he deserves a donkey punch.

[ashenflowers 5]

Yeah, I was kinda pissed. We ended up sitting around the apartment doing nothing all day, and not talking to each other for several hours, which is pretty fun in a 1 bdrm apt.. haha! And yeah, if he was full-out hardcore with the job hunting effort I'd cut some slack, but donkey punch is the way to go. We're nearing 5 jobless months now....

I think it's also frustrating because it's like I'm taking things one month at a time, not one day. So another month ended yesterday and we were no further along than we were last month (with him OR with my own AOS/EAD). Sigh. So that was weighing on me. On the plus side, he FINALLY went to a job placement agency last Friday, after applying online and they called him in. I've been bugging him for a month at least to go in there in person (aka, don't do things the lazy way). He didn't go on his own accord, but at least their phone call got the ball rolling. They sent his resume on to some place that was hiring so hopefully this week or next week he'll get an interview. Venting on that though, they didn't explain on Friday when they called him what exactly was going on, so I thought THAT was going to be the job interview, but it was just getting set up in their system. So that was a bit of a disappointment. Oh well. They should be able to help him find something... I hope.

As for the new vent of the day, there is always SO MUCH LOUD work going on outside our apartment every freaken day. FOR HOURS. It's been going on for almost 3 hours this morning. Also, our bathtub is clogged up and doesn't drain properly so whenever I have a shower I end up standing ankle deep in water... the tap doesn't turn properly either so I literally have to punch it as hard as I can to change the temperature if it's too hot or cold... and that hurts.... and Saturday morning we woke up without water unexpectedly because they had to fix a water main break in a nearby system. It's been good times here lately.

[SapphireDreams 71]

^^ Hope you get your EAD soon Ashen and that your husband finds something soon. What line of work is he in if you don't mind me asking? Is it a tough market?

Also our drain was like that too, did you try plunging it with a toilet plunger? Or, can you call your super to come and snake it? We had out super come last weekend with the snake and i wasn't home but apparently there was a lot of gunk in it and the snake cleared it all out. Shouldn't cost you anything, most supers would rather you call them to snake it out then to use draino, which can be damaging.

[ashenflowers 5]

^^ Hope you get your EAD soon Ashen and that your husband finds something soon. What line of work is he in if you don't mind me asking? Is it a tough market?

Also our drain was like that too, did you try plunging it with a toilet plunger? Or, can you call your super to come and snake it? We had out super come last weekend with the snake and i wasn't home but apparently there was a lot of gunk in it and the snake cleared it all out. Shouldn't cost you anything, most supers would rather you call them to snake it out then to use draino, which can be damaging.

Thanks Sapphire.

Yeah, I really don't want to use drain-o if I don't have to. The plunger thing is a good idea. I think we'll try that. Part of the problem is also that the drain doesn't have an actual plug... it just has some lever that you pull that stops the flow. I think the lack of plug allows a lot of stuff, i.e. my long hair, to get down the drain. lol I'll try the plunger and if that doesn't work we'll let the landlord know. They've already had to send someone in twice to fix our garbage disposal.

And, my husband's not in any particular line of work, in terms of what he's looking for at least. He's only really had two jobs... one was a manager at a health food store for several years, and another was a warehouse manager doing shipping/receiving. I can't see it being a tough market, but I think what's happening is that he's underqualified for a lot of the managerial positions, and overqualified for entry positions. A health food store actually told him they don't want to hire him in just a clerk's job, but they didn't have any manager positions available. Do people not understand the 'I'll take anything' mentality?

[Sprailenes 47]

Well it's mostly because you don't want to hire someone who may leave fast if they found something else. You also don't want to hire someone who will get bored.

I have two different resumes made up that I use when looking for a job. One highlights my administrative work and one highlights my work in hospitality. I use whichever one suits the job description to conform to what they want. Maybe your husband can do something like that to eliminate the under/over qualified labels?

Shipping/receiving can be tough in these times. It really depends on the company but many are downsizing or closing down.

Edited June 1, 2010 by Sprailenes

[SapphireDreams 71]

Thanks Sapphire.

Yeah, I really don't want to use drain-o if I don't have to. The plunger thing is a good idea. I think we'll try that. Part of the problem is also that the drain doesn't have an actual plug... it just has some lever that you pull that stops the flow. I think the lack of plug allows a lot of stuff, i.e. my long hair, to get down the drain. lol I'll try the plunger and if that doesn't work we'll let the landlord know. They've already had to send someone in twice to fix our garbage disposal.

And, my husband's not in any particular line of work, in terms of what he's looking for at least. He's only really had two jobs... one was a manager at a health food store for several years, and another was a warehouse manager doing shipping/receiving. I can't see it being a tough market, but I think what's happening is that he's underqualified for a lot of the managerial positions, and overqualified for entry positions. A health food store actually told him they don't want to hire him in just a clerk's job, but they didn't have any manager positions available. Do people not understand the 'I'll take anything' mentality?

Oh that's exactly how our drain is with the pull. It's so annoying. Doesn't actually trap any of the hair so it's just going to keep happening. Definitely avoid draino. When I was researching online for remedies I read a lot of horror stories of draino exploding in the pipes and coming back up and burning people (because in apartments you just don't know what else is down the drain) and also of the draino just ruining the pipes and landlords having to replace all the plumbing and then blaming the tenant!

I could see his experience translating well to a assistant manager at a grocery store or somewhere like Wal-Mart or Target. Doesn't sound glamourous but usually those jobs have decent benefits and room to move up! Also, Home Depot, Lowes, Michael's, Costco, anywhere with a retail and shipping/receiving environment would be good.

[ashenflowers 5]

Well it's mostly because you don't want to hire someone who may leave fast if they found something else. You also don't want to hire someone who will get bored.

I have two different resumes made up that I use when looking for a job. One highlights my administrative work and one highlights my work in hospitality. I use whichever one suits the job description to conform to what they want. Maybe your husband can do something like that to eliminate the under/over qualified labels?

Shipping/receiving can be tough in these times. It really depends on the company but many are downsizing or closing down.

I'm done making suggestions for his resume. I think I mentioned he didn't even have his education on there before? He also doesn't always include a cover letter if he applies online, and I had to bug him repeatedly to get one done properly (months ago I showed him how to make one, and helped him write it, but he completely changed it... poorly). I've also given him a binder full of info on job hunting, and he doesn't really reference it, and I make suggestions and he doesn't listen.. doesn't want to hear it.. doesn't take it as suggestions, and just takes it as nagging. So, yeah.. I'm done. It's a good idea to have 2 resumes and adjust accordingly, but I'll just do that myself when I start my own job hunting again.

Sorry if I sound so angry/bitter, but I truly am. It doesn't help that it's 12:30pm and he's still in bed. I'm not going to wake him up. Last time this happened and I tried to wake him up I had to try THREE TIMES to get him out of bed and I got so furious and fed up that I threw pillows and screamed at him. It was pretty ugly... I laugh because it's funny, but really I want to die.

On the plus side, I think the economy is looking up a little. I've heard stories of places starting to expand again. It's a slow process though, so it probably won't actually seem that way for a while.

[ashenflowers 5]

I wish he came on VJ sometimes and could see people making the same suggestions that I do. I sometimes think he doesn't believe or trust me or who-knows-what when I make suggestions to him. But when he hears it from other people then he realizes that I'm not actually full of #######. I laugh when his dad makes suggestions to him re: job hunting because usually they're things I've been saying for over a month and he hasn't listened.

[Sprailenes 47]

Well it will be funny when you get your EAD or green card (whichever comes first) and you're able to land a job in your first month of looking because you obviously know what you're doing. I mean that will speak volumes!

[ashenflowers 5]

Well it will be funny when you get your EAD or green card (whichever comes first) and you're able to land a job in your first month of looking because you obviously know what you're doing. I mean that will speak volumes!

haha yeah.. funny, but sad. I really wanted some time to myself for these past few months, to be able to enjoy getting to know the area, and accomplishing some things I wanted to do myself. It's not been that way though. I really want to start getting EI at least! That'll be better than nothing. I HATE that we can't be getting EI right now. sigh!

(side note... he's awake and out of bed now... lol We got a check today so I sent him to the bank to get laundry money)

Wow, I'm really angry today. I should stop venting. umm... sunshine... rainbows... puppies and kittens... unicorns...

ok there, I feel better.

[SapphireDreams 71]

haha yeah.. funny, but sad. I really wanted some time to myself for these past few months, to be able to enjoy getting to know the area, and accomplishing some things I wanted to do myself. It's not been that way though. I really want to start getting EI at least! That'll be better than nothing. I HATE that we can't be getting EI right now. sigh!

(side note... he's awake and out of bed now... lol We got a check today so I sent him to the bank to get laundry money)

Wow, I'm really angry today. I should stop venting. umm... sunshine... rainbows... puppies and kittens... unicorns...

ok there, I feel better.

Honestly Ashen, you're handling this really well. You have a lot more patience than I would right now. I know exactly what you gave up and went through to be with him and I really hope things go your way soon, hun. I honestly really wish I could come over there and slap your husband upside down. Seriously. He needs a reality check. Sleeping until Noon and making excuses is just not right. He should be more embaressed about his behaviour right now than for losing his job in the first place.

[Sprailenes 47]

I agree. Just not fair to you at all ashen.

[ashenflowers 5]

Thank you ladies.. *hug* It's good to hear that I am not the only one thinking this way. Sometimes I just feel like a ######, and like I'm being really unreasonable, but I know I'm not! It's not a lot to expect what I'm expecting (which is full effort), but I know he's getting discouraged. On the plus side, to make me feel better I ask him to do more household chores. He usually obliges.

In angry moments sometimes I remind him of all I gave up for him, but then he reminds me that he also gave up everything to move here (2 years before I moved here from London, HE moved here from London, go figure)... but then I remind him he did it for himself, not someone else so it's different. He gets it. I just hate that it has to lead to an arguement before he gets it. Ah well. Today doesn't seem to be as bad as yesterday.

Sometimes I just miss my mommy though.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Thank you ladies.. *hug* It's good to hear that I am not the only one thinking this way. Sometimes I just feel like a ######, and like I'm being really unreasonable, but I know I'm not! It's not a lot to expect what I'm expecting (which is full effort), but I know he's getting discouraged. On the plus side, to make me feel better I ask him to do more household chores. He usually obliges.

In angry moments sometimes I remind him of all I gave up for him, but then he reminds me that he also gave up everything to move here (2 years before I moved here from London, HE moved here from London, go figure)... but then I remind him he did it for himself, not someone else so it's different. He gets it. I just hate that it has to lead to an arguement before he gets it. Ah well. Today doesn't seem to be as bad as yesterday.

Sometimes I just miss my mommy though.

Awwww....well maybe all these rough times will lead you guys to be stronger together. It sounds a bit like he's resisting doing anything until he's reminded, kind of like a little kid. He's probably not feeling all that great about himself considering you gave all this up (and yes, we all KNOW what that means in one way or another), moving away from home. By being the sponsor he promised to support you and now that's kind of falling apart (not a great mnoral booster for a guy especially). Everyone has their different styles though, he may surprise you, who knows!

Good luck....hope you find some happy ground though...just for your own piece of mind