The Vent - Part Trois

[Sprailenes 47]

His family is the same way, they don't tell you how they're feeling, but they show it in different ways. They're very passive aggressive as well. I see issues and he doesn't... it's just the way both of us were raised. He thinks my family is weird for talking so openly about our problems with eachother. He said he'd never think of doing that in his family. It's just a different way of being I guess.

I don't want to move away, we did the whole Canadian thing before, it doesn't change the in-laws or the way things are. They just come and stay with you for a few weeks at a time rather than you going over to their house for a dinner here and there. I'd take the latter anyday.

[lgg 2]

reading about your stuff, darkchilde and sprail's stuff, I consider myself VERY lucky. my husband has an enormous family

-- he's one of 8 kids but he has the mentality of, I don't want any drama, I don't like busy bodies or sticking my nose in other people's business and I don't want them meddling in mine. we live a very simple life with no hassle. We see the family on occasions, we have dinner and hang out and chat but no one is involved on our life. It's pretty amazing. I consider myself very, very, very lucky. all my drama and b.s. seems to be centred on my closest friends who are like my family as I have very little of my own.

I have learned, keep your mouth shut and don't meddle. works really well. For me, that is.

I had a hard time saying no, and telling people exactly how I feel. I grew up in a very passive aggressive household and we hid our feelings with smiles and kind words. It was sooooooo fake. Fortunately, I married a man who has no tolerance for bullsh*t, and in the 4 years of being with him, I grew a spine and learned my still favorite word, "no"

However, his family are all about shying away from what is really going on, and sweeping things under the rug. Like this ####### between my husband and his brother. After hearing what happened between MIL and BIL, I just wanted to go to BIL and say, ok ####### is your problem???? But I cant do that... I also have to hide this bullshit from my husband, because "his feelings will get hurt". Well this lack of communication is definitely helping everyone's f*cked up cause.

I think I made a mistake moving here. I am seriously considering moving back to TO with my husband, and just living away from family. Or even moving to the west coast... as hubby loves it there. Maybe that is what you should do Sprailenes -- move really far away and just see your in-laws 2x a year.

[Sprailenes 47]

At this point in time, they have all turned their attention to my husband's uncle who has a gf who has proven herself to be absolutely psycho. Like has threatened suicide if he leaves her... so I think right now I'm flying under the radar and I think they look at her, look at me and think: "Okay Nevada isn't bad at all" I would never threaten that and I never have expected my husband to choose me over his family. In fact I try to encourage him to see his mother... even though she drives me crazy at times. It's his mother.

The problem with my husband is that he doesn't really communicate with her, he feels she hasn't always treated him fairly, and doesn't call her or go over too much. He loves her, but doesn't always like talking to her because he says she's hard to talk to. I think she thinks I have something to do with this, and I don't. He also thinks it looks bad when we both don't show up hand-in-hand for functions, whereas I just believe that if one can't make it, you both don't have to stay back. But again I think she believes in her mind that this is all my influence and not her doing with the way she raised him.

They're very interesting.

[lgg 2]

Oh yeah, so Nevada's not that bad!

i think it's a mother/son thing too, no? My husband's mom died many years ago, I never met her, actually. But I think it'd be the same thing. I really love my extended family to bits. I really do, there's potential for some really great drama there for sure but since my guy is like, nope, leave 'em be, we'er never involved and they know better than to involve us.

Mother's and sons though, nev... it can be quite a weird relationship to handle, eh? Well, at least family gatherings are interesting to say the least, huh?

At this point in time, they have all turned their attention to my husband's uncle who has a gf who has proven herself to be absolutely psycho. Like has threatened suicide if he leaves her... so I think right now I'm flying under the radar and I think they look at her, look at me and think: "Okay Nevada isn't bad at all" I would never threaten that and I never have expected my husband to choose me over his family. In fact I try to encourage him to see his mother... even though she drives me crazy at times. It's his mother.

The problem with my husband is that he doesn't really communicate with her, he feels she hasn't always treated him fairly, and doesn't call her or go over too much. He loves her, but doesn't always like talking to her because he says she's hard to talk to. I think she thinks I have something to do with this, and I don't. He also thinks it looks bad when we both don't show up hand-in-hand for functions, whereas I just believe that if one can't make it, you both don't have to stay back. But again I think she believes in her mind that this is all my influence and not her doing with the way she raised him.

They're very interesting.

[Sprailenes 47]

It's all in the way a mother chooses to be. Some choose to be a helicopter and hover for a lifetime. I believe these are insecure women, who need to feel needed. That's sad.

And I am in no way perfect or near perfect, but I know (from experience) the importance of letting go when it's time to let go.

My mother was insanely over-protective and I left home at 16 to go live in Toronto because I had no room for error at all. I couldn't even learn to fall and get back up my life was that strictly in place. I had a curfew on Saturdays of 5:00... if I went to a school dance that started at 9:00 she'd be outside waiting at 10:00 and if I wasn't outside, you'd bet she'd come in and find me.

Edited May 13, 2010 by Sprailenes

[The_Dude 1,142]

It's all in the way a mother chooses to be. Some choose to be a helicopter and hover for a lifetime. I believe these are insecure women, who need to feel needed. That's sad.

And I am in no way perfect or near perfect, but I know (from experience) the importance of letting go when it's time to let go.

My mother was insanely over-protective and I left home at 16 to go live in Toronto because I had no room for error at all. I couldn't even learn to fall and get back up my life was that strictly in place. I had a curfew on Saturdays of 5:00... if I went to a school dance that started at 9:00 she'd be outside waiting at 10:00 and if I wasn't outside, you'd bet she'd come in and find me.

Holy #######, 5:00 curfew on a saturday night?

That's like crazy religious sect strict

[Sprailenes 47]

Except she wasn't religious, just really really overprotective.

So I kind of became a wild child at 16 in Toronto. I didn't have to be in at 5:00 anymore, my aunt and uncle didn't really care what time I was home. It was from one extreme to another.

[The_Dude 1,142]

Except she wasn't religious, just really really overprotective.

So I kind of became a wild child at 16 in Toronto. I didn't have to be in at 5:00 anymore, my aunt and uncle didn't really care what time I was home. It was from one extreme to another.

I had a roomate in college who was like that. His parents were very strict, he wasn't allowed out pretty much after dark. His cummulative GPA freshman year was eclipsed by his blood alcohol level (0.22 BAC on his DUI vs. 0.05 GPA).

My parents were very laid back and liberal with me. They definitely let me make my own mistakes. Now, with my sister, they were very strict with her. I had a 3 a.m. curfew, she had an 11 p.m. curfew.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I didn't have a curfew.

I never went out

[Marilyn. 340]

I didn't have a curfew.

I never went out

yeah same here...

the only time I would go out was to babysit...

[The_Dude 1,142]

I remember the first week of my freshman year of high school, I made the varsity water polo team, I was the only one to do it in like 20 years, so they took me out the first weekend. My parents knew what was going to happen, but let me go anyways. I got so sloppy drunk, that I couldn't even walk home that night. The next day, my dad picked me up and asked me if i had fun. He then made me go work at my sister's swim meet all day. I lost count after 70 how many times they fired that starters pistol. That was probably the most miserable day of my life.

[Sam and Ben 2]

My parents were real strict with me throughout highschool... 7-8pm curfews. I knew I had to pave the way for my younger sister, so I'd slowly start finding work where I'd have to work until 9pm, just to push the envelope (which they didn't like either). Little while after that, I'd call and tell them I was stopping at a friend's house for an hour or so, I'd be home at ten. I didn't ask, just told them exactly where I was going and when exactly I'd be home. I was never home later than I said I'd be.

It caused a lot of fights at first, but struggling with them slowly made them realize how unreasonable they were being. Then, by the time I was old enough for them to not hold a curfew (or the illusion of) over my head... I was at home on the computer at all hours of the day/night when not working.

Least my sister benefited, heh.

[The_Dude 1,142]

Least my sister benefited, heh.

LoL, funny that you mention that. My parents always drilled that into me, that I should set an example for my sister. She was the victim of my reputation in high school.

[Sprailenes 47]

I know it's stupid but it's my vent.

I absolutely LOATHE giving people directions. With all of the technology out there today, and with maps... you shouldn't have to call to get play by play directions. Turn on a computer and figure it out.

Yes it's silly but I hate it.

[darkchilde794 5]

HAH! You think your curfews were bad??? I had to be home at 6 PM for my first year in college. I did not even live with my parents. I lived with my aunt, who was instructed by my mother, to make sure I was home by 6 pm on the dot. I was 19 then.

By the time I moved out on my own, I still went home around 6-7 pm most weeknights. The rebellious streak I harbored that one year I was on curfew dissipated somehow...