The Vent - Part Trois

[Kathryn41 3,205]

You absolutely need that summery flowy dress! You have to have something romantic to wear when standing on the Outer Banks with the breeze blowing in off of the ocean so that flowy dress can swirl around your legs. It just doesn't work the same way with jeans.

[ashenflowers 5]

What/Where is Outer Banks? lol

Here's my vent...

My husband got a traffic citation back in February (did I mention it then? I don't remember)... anyways, it was $280. Simply because he apparently 'rolled' a stop sign, and didn't come to a complete stop. I was in the car with him. Stupidest thing ever. He didn't deserve a ticket, and it was Valentine's Day, and needless to say, completely ruined the evening.

Anyhoo... he (after some nagging) took it into the traffic court department and asked about getting the fee lowered because of our financial situation (aka, he's unemployed, and so am I)... well the ticket has a deadline on it of course, and he managed to get that extended by 30 days or something, which didn't make much difference because we BOTH still don't have a job, and they were supposed to make a decision on whether or not the fee would be decreased. Well, instead of checking in to it, and making an effort to try to talk to them about it, I found out he just paid it anyway. Without telling me.

I found out standing in his parents house, when he got a piece of mail that went to their address (because he still hasn't properly updated his address with them either). I mean, I realize that it's a traffic citation, and he had to pay it, but he really should've put more effort in to trying to get the amount lowered. We can NOT afford to just throw away nearly $300 right now!! That's A LOT of money to us. AND HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME. That made it even worse. I'm really pissed at him for that. I don't just throw away money like that. Not like this, when we're struggling SO HARD right now. He didn't even try, and he didn't even tell me. It's actually a recurring theme I'm starting to notice. He doesn't try a lot of things, just to see if it will work out. You never know until you try, right? What's the harm in just TRYING. Even if you fail, at least you TRIED.

He also doesn't tell me a lot of things that are really important. I'm kinda getting sick of it.

/rant

[Kimbear 53]

I am here to vent about...

MYSELF!!!!

I bought a new dress today. I bought it online. I love it. It's a maxi- sundress. We're going to the Outerbanks this summer and I just wanted a nice, flowy, summery, long sundress.

It was only 60$ with all the shipping and stuff. but WTH!?! I don't even have a job and i'm buying frou-frou things.

GAH!

I need clothes, right? RIGHT?

Yes, yes you do!

And i'm sure you look great in it!

Frou frou.. i haven't heard that term in like..forever LOL

[OBX 51]

Okay...fill me in. What is OBX??? I've seen a little white oval OBX sticker on several cars around here, and I've been wondering about it! Surely our very own VJ OBX doesn't have a fan club, does she?

I've been wondering myself what OBX is.

I've been wondering myself what OBX is.

Ah... thus your screen name! I get it. This will be my very first time. I missed the trip last year as i didn't have any time off left at my job!

I'm excited. Tell me that I'll need that flowy summery sun dress then, k?

Stop, please stop....I miss it so much!!

You will love it there and the dress will be perfect as you walk hand in hand with your husband along the beach with a slight breeze blowing at sunset .

[Kimbear 53]

What/Where is Outer Banks? lol

Here's my vent...

My husband got a traffic citation back in February (did I mention it then? I don't remember)... anyways, it was $280. Simply because he apparently 'rolled' a stop sign, and didn't come to a complete stop. I was in the car with him. Stupidest thing ever. He didn't deserve a ticket, and it was Valentine's Day, and needless to say, completely ruined the evening.

Anyhoo... he (after some nagging) took it into the traffic court department and asked about getting the fee lowered because of our financial situation (aka, he's unemployed, and so am I)... well the ticket has a deadline on it of course, and he managed to get that extended by 30 days or something, which didn't make much difference because we BOTH still don't have a job, and they were supposed to make a decision on whether or not the fee would be decreased. Well, instead of checking in to it, and making an effort to try to talk to them about it, I found out he just paid it anyway. Without telling me.

I found out standing in his parents house, when he got a piece of mail that went to their address (because he still hasn't properly updated his address with them either). I mean, I realize that it's a traffic citation, and he had to pay it, but he really should've put more effort in to trying to get the amount lowered. We can NOT afford to just throw away nearly $300 right now!! That's A LOT of money to us. AND HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME. That made it even worse. I'm really pissed at him for that. I don't just throw away money like that. Not like this, when we're struggling SO HARD right now. He didn't even try, and he didn't even tell me. It's actually a recurring theme I'm starting to notice. He doesn't try a lot of things, just to see if it will work out. You never know until you try, right? What's the harm in just TRYING. Even if you fail, at least you TRIED.

He also doesn't tell me a lot of things that are really important. I'm kinda getting sick of it.

/rant

I can understand a bit of that. Sometimes David does that..spends money without telling me. And quite often he wont worry or try to do certain things..its always me that does that..it's not that he doesn't care its that in our case David is a very calm individual and doesn't let alot stress him out or worry him, while i on the other hand freak like when he told me his medical benefits were going to be 400/ month.

Needless to say until i hounded him on the phone yesterday he wasn't going to see about getting it lowered. Well he worked something out, changed a deductible the amount of covereage etc etc..now it's like 250, which i can deal with more. But he wasn't even going to try at first, just kept telline me we NEED this..etc etc.

Even during the k1 process, i would call lawyers etc uscis and ###### whine complaine after 8 months about no noa2, him, well he only called etc if i bitched at him enough, he was under the impression we'd rock the boat and piss the govt off on us. But hey..all my whining and bitching paid off now didn't it eh?

David is slowly realizing he should tell me stuff he normally wouldn't, he realizes now we are a team and even if he thinks its not important, he should say stuff to me. It took quite a few conversations / ranting, etc, but he's finally getting it in his head.

Maybe just have a good sit down with the hubby and try and get it through to him that he's a +1 now...

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

I think OBX is Outer Banks

But...but there's no X in Outer Banks...

[lgg 2]

Oh man, OBX, you just gave me a shiver! Cannot wait to get there! I feel settled with the dress decision -- it was NOT a lot of money and it's not like I'm broke with a lot of debt -- I have none. I have a hard time sometimes justifying silly things -- comes from growing up poor, I think.

Are you going to OBX this year? Or is this the year that you are going to have to miss. I believe we're in Corolla, right on the beach.

I am a natural born beach comber and I grew up on vancouver island so, this is gonna be a treat for me.

Thanks all for your gentle dress encouragement -- everyone needs a pretty, flowy sundress.

lol

I had this image of myself standing there in jeans going, "flow pant legs, FLOW, damn you!"

You absolutely need that summery flowy dress! You have to have something romantic to wear when standing on the Outer Banks with the breeze blowing in off of the ocean so that flowy dress can swirl around your legs. It just doesn't work the same way with jeans.

[darkchilde794 5]

But...but there's no X in Outer Banks...

LOL! I think it's the "text message" equivalent... I dont know how I got it so suddenly but I saw OBX and thought oh outer banx... I've never been but my hubby's family has gone there for years and it's very beautiful. We thought of going in May but the water is still cold. And the WIL and BIL are going in September. Definitely a spot worth going to!

Ashen, Im sorry to hear that. It's really tough to be in a marital relationship if you've been used to living separately and independently for so long. I'm not defending your hubby or anything, but I think it's a huge adjustment for the two of you and maybe he has not figured it out yet You and him really need to sit down and discuss as a team, and he needs to really understand from you that now you're married and it's different and he can't make decisions without consulting you. It's tough, my hubby and I have had many discussions and we will have many more in the future.

[Sprailenes 47]

What/Where is Outer Banks? lol

Here's my vent...

My husband got a traffic citation back in February (did I mention it then? I don't remember)... anyways, it was $280. Simply because he apparently 'rolled' a stop sign, and didn't come to a complete stop. I was in the car with him. Stupidest thing ever. He didn't deserve a ticket, and it was Valentine's Day, and needless to say, completely ruined the evening.

Anyhoo... he (after some nagging) took it into the traffic court department and asked about getting the fee lowered because of our financial situation (aka, he's unemployed, and so am I)... well the ticket has a deadline on it of course, and he managed to get that extended by 30 days or something, which didn't make much difference because we BOTH still don't have a job, and they were supposed to make a decision on whether or not the fee would be decreased. Well, instead of checking in to it, and making an effort to try to talk to them about it, I found out he just paid it anyway. Without telling me.

I found out standing in his parents house, when he got a piece of mail that went to their address (because he still hasn't properly updated his address with them either). I mean, I realize that it's a traffic citation, and he had to pay it, but he really should've put more effort in to trying to get the amount lowered. We can NOT afford to just throw away nearly $300 right now!! That's A LOT of money to us. AND HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME. That made it even worse. I'm really pissed at him for that. I don't just throw away money like that. Not like this, when we're struggling SO HARD right now. He didn't even try, and he didn't even tell me. It's actually a recurring theme I'm starting to notice. He doesn't try a lot of things, just to see if it will work out. You never know until you try, right? What's the harm in just TRYING. Even if you fail, at least you TRIED.

He also doesn't tell me a lot of things that are really important. I'm kinda getting sick of it.

/rant

Sometimes my husband does the same. I really do think its a man thing. They will just do things and not think its at the same level of importance we do. I think that's also where they think we overreact at times too.

It took me a while to get used to that. My husband got a promotion last year and didn't tell anyone, I only found out because his boss invited me out for dinner with them personally. I was like: "Promotion? What the hell?" But Mike really didn't think it was important. Hell ya it's important! But he just didn't see it as "a big deal"

Men are from Mars... women are from Venus.

[Sprailenes 47]

You know what's kind of gross? People with "status updates" on FB/Twitter who constantly go on about their significant others. It's all fine and dandy that you love them. But you don't need to constantly try to convince the rest of the world. It's just as bad as making out in public. *barf*

[SapphireDreams 71]

What/Where is Outer Banks? lol

Here's my vent...

My husband got a traffic citation back in February (did I mention it then? I don't remember)... anyways, it was $280. Simply because he apparently 'rolled' a stop sign, and didn't come to a complete stop. I was in the car with him. Stupidest thing ever. He didn't deserve a ticket, and it was Valentine's Day, and needless to say, completely ruined the evening.

Anyhoo... he (after some nagging) took it into the traffic court department and asked about getting the fee lowered because of our financial situation (aka, he's unemployed, and so am I)... well the ticket has a deadline on it of course, and he managed to get that extended by 30 days or something, which didn't make much difference because we BOTH still don't have a job, and they were supposed to make a decision on whether or not the fee would be decreased. Well, instead of checking in to it, and making an effort to try to talk to them about it, I found out he just paid it anyway. Without telling me.

I found out standing in his parents house, when he got a piece of mail that went to their address (because he still hasn't properly updated his address with them either). I mean, I realize that it's a traffic citation, and he had to pay it, but he really should've put more effort in to trying to get the amount lowered. We can NOT afford to just throw away nearly $300 right now!! That's A LOT of money to us. AND HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME. That made it even worse. I'm really pissed at him for that. I don't just throw away money like that. Not like this, when we're struggling SO HARD right now. He didn't even try, and he didn't even tell me. It's actually a recurring theme I'm starting to notice. He doesn't try a lot of things, just to see if it will work out. You never know until you try, right? What's the harm in just TRYING. Even if you fail, at least you TRIED.

He also doesn't tell me a lot of things that are really important. I'm kinda getting sick of it.

/rant

Oh hun, that is not good. The not trying thing would really really bother me too. Adn the fact that he's keeping things from you is really not good, but something that he can change. Right now we are taking 'pre-cana' marriage classes in preparation for our church wedding and WOW and I am SO HAPPY we are doing this. Even though we've already started to go through a lot of the issues they are teaching about (being open and honest about money, how to fight as a couple, understanding eachother's family backgrounds, decision making as a couple, chores/cleaning, children, etc.) it truly is eye opening how much MORE we should be communicating beyond how much we already do. I also think that as much as I tell my husband we need to talk about all of those things, it really helped to have the class teachers (a really cute couple) tell us - it's like he listens more when it's a third party. I know money is tight and usually these classes cost money - but maybe you should consider taking a class like this together? I mean ours has religious elements, which may not be for you, but this class is a serious godsend. We dated long distance for 6 years and were friends for years before that and even though I know my husband inside and out, this class is a great, eyeopening experience that I think is really cementing our relationship. I hope you guys can work through this and things get better for you. Yuo are such a strong person, I really admire your strength dealing with immigration, unemployment, it's not easy and you are handling it as well as anyone could. <3

[The_Dude 1,142]

You know what's kind of gross? People with "status updates" on FB/Twitter who constantly go on about their significant others. It's all fine and dandy that you love them. But you don't need to constantly try to convince the rest of the world. It's just as bad as making out in public. *barf*

You can also include status updates on VJ too

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Oh hun, that is not good. The not trying thing would really really bother me too. Adn the fact that he's keeping things from you is really not good, but something that he can change. Right now we are taking 'pre-cana' marriage classes in preparation for our church wedding and WOW and I am SO HAPPY we are doing this. Even though we've already started to go through a lot of the issues they are teaching about (being open and honest about money, how to fight as a couple, understanding eachother's family backgrounds, decision making as a couple, chores/cleaning, children, etc.) it truly is eye opening how much MORE we should be communicating beyond how much we already do. I also think that as much as I tell my husband we need to talk about all of those things, it really helped to have the class teachers (a really cute couple) tell us - it's like he listens more when it's a third party. I know money is tight and usually these classes cost money - but maybe you should consider taking a class like this together? I mean ours has religious elements, which may not be for you, but this class is a serious godsend. We dated long distance for 6 years and were friends for years before that and even though I know my husband inside and out, this class is a great, eyeopening experience that I think is really cementing our relationship. I hope you guys can work through this and things get better for you. Yuo are such a strong person, I really admire your strength dealing with immigration, unemployment, it's not easy and you are handling it as well as anyone could. <3

That's a nice tip Sapphire...I think we've all learned that no matter you think you know about someone before you marry them, living with them is a whole other ball of earwax (yes I meant that )

After 2.5 yrs....I know there are certain things my husband thinks are important or unimportant and I have an entirely different opinion on the matter. I am obsessive with details and planning and he is not. He goes with the flow, but I am not comfortable with that. I like to do things ahead of time, he prefers to do them when they're due. Neither of us is right and both methods work. But I admit that it bugs me that he doesn't do it my way because I like my way best!

to Ashen...I bet your hubster thought it would be best to get it over and done with so you guys didn't have to keep worrying about it. He thought he was doing something helpful...at least let him know you're gald it's taken care of, even if it wasn;t the way you'd have preferred.

[Sprailenes 47]

You can also include status updates on VJ too

Missing my cookie bear I lub him so much!

[The_Dude 1,142]

Missing my cookie bear I lub him so much!

Only thing better than those status updates are the bible verses