The Vent - Part Trois

[lgg 2]

Guys??? I am wearing a tiara right now!! It goes great with my jammas!

[darkchilde794 5]

I have no clue, but now you have them with their sweet 16 parties and everything else. I believe these people just believe they're entitled. If a woman can't handle wedding planning - then perhaps a man should rethink where their relationship will go. Planning a wedding is not that stressful, not unless you really want it to be, and most of these women THRIVE on drama. So in a way I think they wait for things to go wrong just so they can have a reason to blow up.

I am in complete agreement.

You're welcome, i'm here to help

Aww thank you <3

Speaking of tiaras... we threw my mom a big birthday party last year for her 60th... we bought a tiara for her and she wore it all night. It was the cutest thing ever. LOL

That is so sweet! My husband's grandfather turns 90 this year, and I think I will steal what you guys did and buy him a manly tiara

Guys??? I am wearing a tiara right now!! It goes great with my jammas!

*highfive Lgg*

[ashenflowers 5]

That is so sweet! My husband's grandfather turns 90 this year, and I think I will steal what you guys did and buy him a manly tiara

For my grandfather's recent milestone birthday (I don't remember which one, but I'm thinking 80? lol) my mom and her sisters made him wear a 'Birthday Boy' button.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

It's not a vent but I have to share - Joe and I went to friends' place last night to help celebrate her 50th birthday with dessert and cognac (she and her husband are VJers as well - that is how we met them). He had bought her a little girl's "Princess tiara" with fake rhinestones on it - he said he couldn't find one that said "Queen" - and she happily wore it all night. He also picked up 'Princess Cinderella" paper plates and had a big "Happy Birthday Banner" spread across the kitchen. We all had a great time and ate far too much cheesecake. It was such fun not to take things too seriously and 'play'.

[antda 13]

my vent for today...

I hate immigration fraud!!!

Sigh..It's a long story......

But unfortunately I know of a situation where such is happening to another couple....

And I wish I could stay out of this, but I can't..

As I know that immigration fraud is wrong!!!

But the problem is that I don't think that I can legally do a thing about it, without it affecting the relationship between my husband and I....

What am I supposed to do?

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place...

Fulfilling my duty as a USC and as a citizen in general to report fraud....

Fulfilling my obligation as a wife and mother....

Ant

Edited April 11, 2010 by Ant+D+BabyA

[ashenflowers 5]

Wife and mother first. At least that's what it'd be with me anyways. Do you know the people who are committing the fraud personally? If not, then their situation shouldn't affect you. It's their business, and should not jeopardize your family. If you do know these people personally, then you need a long discussion with your husband about how much it's bothering you.

[trailmix 77]

Wife and mother first. At least that's what it'd be with me anyways. Do you know the people who are committing the fraud personally? If not, then their situation shouldn't affect you. It's their business, and should not jeopardize your family. If you do know these people personally, then you need a long discussion with your husband about how much it's bothering you.

Under what circumstances, where do you draw the line in the sand? If you had information about a murder but your Husband didn't want you to disclose it and it would cause a big rift, would you disclose it or not?

If it was someone who stole a bicycle - disclose or not?

Kind of interesting, I guess everyone has their own set of morals and principals that they have to follow.

[ashenflowers 5]

Under what circumstances, where do you draw the line in the sand? If you had information about a murder but your Husband didn't want you to disclose it and it would cause a big rift, would you disclose it or not?

If it was someone who stole a bicycle - disclose or not?

Kind of interesting, I guess everyone has their own set of morals and principals that they have to follow.

It all does depend on the situation really... and the reasons why the spouse would be upset about it (i.e. would it put the family in danger, and would we need to entire witness protection or something!). Murder is completely different! As it involves the safety and lives of others. I guess I don't really feel that immigration fraud directly hurts or endangers anyone else personally, except the parties immediately involved, and disclosing it doesn't really protect anyone. And yeah, it would depend on how she came across the information about the fraud (i.e. does she know them personally, is she helping them whether she means to or not, would she get in trouble by not disclosing the information, how extensive is the fraud (meaning, are they stealing money too or something like that) and so on).

All those things make a difference on the decision, but I guess I basically draw the line at 'is NOT disclosing this information potentially going to cause pain (physical, mental and/or emotional whichever) or danger to anyone else... am I putting mine or anyone else's life or well being at risk by telling or not telling someone about this'? And of course 'can I prove anything', and what can I really do about this, to either prevent it, or stop it?

The way I interpreted the situation was just that it was a simple scenario she came across and discovered someone was committing immigration fraud, and as a citizen felt obligated to report it. For whatever reason that is potentially causing a serious rift within her family. In that very simplistic version of the story, personally I probably would not report it. Trying to help that couple immigrate without committing fraud, and educating them or explaining to them how to do it PROPERLY and LEGALLY would, I think, be a better avenue to take. Then you're fulfilling your obligation to obey, support and defend the laws.

[ashenflowers 5]

Also, I just wanted to add that I'm sorry if anything I said was somehow in violation of the VJ ToS. I do of course think immigration fraud is wrong (and really, when people commit immigration fraud it makes me angry, after all we have to go through to do it right!), it needs to be stopped, and no one should help anyone commit immigration fraud in any way. I was just answering my opinion of what I understood the situation to be.

[Krikit 1,164]

@ darkchilde and Trailmix.

Also, I just wanted to add that I'm sorry if anything I said was somehow in violation of the VJ ToS.

Not to worry, Ashen. It's not a violation.

I don't have a vent. It's more of a whinge, really. I don't like being "homeless".

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Well - lets try a different scenario.....how about welfare fraud. I was a young mom on mother's allowance 16 yrs ago...I worked and I reported earnings. I was on the honest side....but you invariably meet someone who is working on the side , lives in ON Housing and they don't report it to welfare...in one sense they're scamming the goverment, in another they're trying to get ahead. If you've ever relied on Welfare, you know their system is a$$ backwards...there's not much incentive to get off it and then people start scamming (my boyfriend doesn't really live at this address, I don't work....even though I somehow have a really nice car and lots of new clothes.....)

I kept my nose clean and minded my own business in this case. I could have reported it, but it wasn't my problem the goverment was so stupid they couldn;t see what was going on under their own nose. Some on here will say that it's my laisse faire attitude which causes this in the first place.

So back to immigration.....we see a lot of things here on VJ that make you wonder why the US gov't didn't raise a red flag.....a couple who has met once for 2 days in the last 2 years or got engaged after meeting just once...but they're getting married? Couples who talk about how hard it is to maintain a relationship when they only talk once a week? You've got to be kidding me.....I can't believe they don't deny those people. Couples who barely speak the other's language....how does that work out?

I don't know Ant...just make sure you are sure about the details before you report anything...I hate immigration fraud too because I paid plenty of $$$$ to do it the legal, proper way. I think Ashen's suggestion of offering good advice on how to immigrate properly is the best first course of action.

[Krikit 1,164]

You just reminded me of the VJ'er who didn't speak her fiance's language but had applied for a K-1 visa. She said they communicated with smilies and they were oh-so in love. Do you remember her, Udella? She was 2005/2006.

[lgg 2]

Wow. Really? I wish that someone would make 30 mini films about these sorts of situations so we could watch them from start to finish and know how it all turned out.

That just amazes me beyond belief. it also made me laugh out loud.

You just reminded me of the VJ'er who didn't speak her fiance's language but had applied for a K-1 visa. She said they communicated with smilies and they were oh-so in love. Do you remember her, Udella? She was 2005/2006.

[Krikit 1,164]

I SO wish I could find her posts. I laughed myself silly at some of the comments people made. OMG.

[The_Dude 1,142]

Under what circumstances, where do you draw the line in the sand? If you had information about a murder but your Husband didn't want you to disclose it and it would cause a big rift, would you disclose it or not?

If it was someone who stole a bicycle - disclose or not?

Kind of interesting, I guess everyone has their own set of morals and principals that they have to follow.

So lets further this line of rationale. Would you report someone to the police for littering? That too is against the law, and if you're not willing to report all illegal activity, you've clearly got a corrupted sense of morality.

Last night, I was at a local bodega buying some things. On the way in, a group of teenagers approached me to buy them beer. I flatly said no, but i'm not going to call the police to report them. After I turned them down, I did overhear them discussing plans to distract the shop owner with a couple of the guys while the other two sneak to the back and steal some beer. That, I did report. There's a difference there in proportion, yet both are illegal. I certainly don't think I have a degraded level of morals because I reported one, but not the other.