The Vent - Part Trois

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Humm Rob... for some reason I'm thinking your intentions aren't good. No idea why I would assume that...

[minnew 4]

My Facebook & Ebuddy for iPhone keep crashing!!!!

Grrrrrrrrr!

[trailmix 77]

Yeah... no offense, but I really hope they crash and burn If they make it, the Avs won't.

Jerome does not approve of this message!

[Sprailenes 47]

Well... I have a vent.

As you know my son's father is a complete dead beat... never has had a thing to do with him, never sent him a card or anything. Well I just got news from an old friend that him and his girlfriend are now having another kid. I don't know why I'm upset but I am. My son will have a brother or sister he will never know. The guy can't even take care of his own, and he's off having another. I'm not talking about finances either, I never cared about getting money - you can't get blood from a stone - same deal. I'm talking about just reaching out, who gets to answer the dad questions now that my son is 11? I do. Who has to try to make dad look good even though deep down I think he's a total #######? I do. Who has to come up with excuses as to why he can't call, see or write him? Me again. Single parents can understand... it's a little heart breaking. Yea my son has a step father now, and a lot of people who like him, but he still wants to talk about his real dad.

I know his parents aren't happy either, we're still somewhat close and I talked to them about it too. We all think it's best that we not tell Ethan right now. It could just confuse him.

Yea I'm fully aware that my son is better off without him in his life, but it still upsets me.

I hope she's ready for him to be of no help, because his true colours came out after we had a baby.

They're both goths too... it'll be like the Adams family.

[Sprailenes 47]

Oh another vent. Prior to my son leaving we went to Macys and bought him a few pairs really nice shorts... my mom decides to wash them... DOES NOT READ THE LABEL and shrinks ALL of them. They are all too small and too tight now.

These weren't exactly cheap clothes...

[Rhiannercakes 14]

Way to go grandma.

[Sprailenes 47]

My husband is more angry than I am. That's a little awkward because he doesn't have very nice things to say right now.

We thought we were finished buying his clothes, we did most of his summer clothes shopping and then she calls me and acts all dumb about it. I said: "Well what did the label say when you washed it?" and she looks and says: "Oh... hang to dry"

You didn't think about that prior to washing? New clothes means read the labels??

She is just really careless sometimes. She isn't materialistic, so she doesn't care about things like clothes. Kudos to her for being an old hippie and living the way she does... but some of us value the things we pay for.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I don't read the labels when I get new clothes...

[Sprailenes 47]

Well I am sure if you threw an entire new wardrobe in the wash and proceeded to dry it and it came out three sizes smaller.. you'd start.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I havnt gotten an entire new wardrobe since I was in grade 8

I maybe buy 2-3 new pieces of clothing a year.

[Sprailenes 47]

Yea same here... but this is my son... he needs new clothes every season... no joke... they grow like weeds those darn kids.

Edited April 3, 2010 by Sprailenes

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

I'm talking about just reaching out, who gets to answer the dad questions now that my son is 11? I do. Who has to try to make dad look good even though deep down I think he's a total #######? I do. Who has to come up with excuses as to why he can't call, see or write him? Me again. Single parents can understand... it's a little heart breaking. Yea my son has a step father now, and a lot of people who like him, but he still wants to talk about his real dad.

I know his parents aren't happy either, we're still somewhat close and I talked to them about it too. We all think it's best that we not tell Ethan right now. It could just confuse him.

You know what? I was eleven when my father moved out after years of rampant adultery...and he moved to New Zealand the next year. I was glad at the time -- and am even more grateful now -- that my mother was completely honest with me about what happened. I'm sure I didn't know all of the details then, but the fact that she treated me like an adult and knew I could handle the burden of knowledge was a very, very liberating thing for me. It was also a mutual decision for us to sell the house and move from the town of Salmon Arm to the big city of Vancouver.

Ethan sounds like a very thoughtful and intelligent young man...and I have the feeling that telling him the truth isn't going to damage him. It might sting, yes, but kids are resilient, and sometimes complete honesty is the best policy. I know it was for me.

Just my $.02.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Ah Sprail, that's a hard situation... I can definitely understand why you'd be upset. I'm sure you'll do the right thing when you decide to talk to Ethan about it.

Wyatt, that's a pretty touching story. When my father passed away when I was young, my mother was very open and honest with me as well, and I think she really helped make me a better and stronger person. I had to grow up a lot faster than most, but I'm glad she didn't shield me from the reality of our situation.

[Sprailenes 47]

I am very open and honest with him. But right now, this would hurt him... a lot. I know it would.

He's been talking about reaching out to his dad lately and tried to write him an email with no response, then he sent him a card with his hockey card in it. No response. It's not my son's job to reach out, it's his dad's job. When we ended our relationship it was pretty amicable. Then he went with her, and he told me: "She doesn't want me to have anything to do with you or Ethan, I don't know what to do anymore" I just told him: "Do you what you need to do" and that was the last I heard from him. He did what he needed to do. My son is fully aware she won't let him see his dad too. She hung up on Ethan two christmases ago when he called. She answered the phone and then she hung up. She's just a jaded woman... I feel for the child she's about to raise

She was always in and out of our relationship... Ethan's dad couldn't make up his mind. I finally got tired of the games and we ended it. She's no stranger to me. Ethan already hates her though. He's well aware about what's going on. I will sit Ethan down eventually and let him know... now is not the right time though. I'll wait until it's born and it's all a go. Doesn't matter anyways, he'll never ever get to know him/her. She won't let it happen.

There's just things that make you go: "Wow" during Ethan's playoff season, he was playing an amazing game, aggressive but so amazing. We didn't know what got into him, and after the game the coach and I asked him: "Where did that come from?" and Ethan said: "The other team was my dad.." and that was that. It's a soup of emotions for him... sometimes he wonders, sometimes he hates... it's all normal. But it's still hard to watch.

Edited April 3, 2010 by Sprailenes

[Sprailenes 47]

By the way I am so sorry for venting about such personal things because I usually don't.

In fact these are one of those posts where I wish I didn't post haha.

Oh well.