The Vent - Part Trois

[Bern. 3]

I can't bring my dog with me, since my husband is getting stationed in Japan next...so I can't. I just posted an ad on Kijiji, so, we'll see. But I'm hoping another family member can take her first.

I'm going to bed now though, thank you everyone for your support. It mean's a lot. Goodnight and thank you!

[kizza 1]

oh Im sorry Do you think a friend or family member could take her for a while and let you have her back?

I had friends look after my dog for a year while I was living abroad and it went smoothly. My vet had suggested it as he had done that before with his own dog.

He thought it was better and less traumatic than trying to bring him with me.

Hell... I wish I could look after her for you... she sounds like a sweetie. I can hear my fiance screaming "WHAT!?!" already though.

good night!

[darkchilde794 5]

Oh Bern Im sorry to hear that I am especially sorry to hear that your mom acts more like the child than you. I hope you are able to find a good home for your dog -- *BIG HUG*

[minnew 4]

So sorry Bern, I hope you are able to get out of Canada soon! Does not sound like a good situation.

I am sorry to hear about your dog, I don't know what I would have done these past few mos without mine either. is there ANY way to take your dog with to Japan? My husband would like to get stationed there next too for a few years, we have no plans on leaving our dog behind if we do. A coworker of his is leaving for japan soon too & they are taking their cocker spaniel with. Maybe it depends on which station? I'm sorrry for sounding like an #### if that's the case!

[Kimbear 53]

Okay, most of this is going to sound pretty juvenile, but I NEED to get it out of my system. I can't sleep when I'm angry..

So basically, I still live with my mother and she has the worst spending habits you can think of. She's about 20 grand in debt, and she keeps digging herself into it. She's even apart of money mentors (alberta program that helps those in serious debt) because her spending was getting so crazy. She has no more credit cards, because they have been taken from her.

Because of this whole scenario, over the years she has put me over 6,000 in debt. Just recently, I managed to pay it all off but now that I'm leaving, she seems adamant on trying to get me to lend her more money for new furniture and stuff. (We have a 2 bedroom house with 4 beds. Because you know, that makes tons of sense.)

Just today, she said she wanted to ''borrow'' my card so she could use it to pay installments on this air purifier, vacuum combo. $40 a month, and it takes a year to pay off. I've always made it a point to hide my card, so she wouldn't know I had one and try to spend it. But I guess she found it...:/ Some privacy I have.

And to top it off, she threatened to let me dog loose if I didn't comply. daslkdasdknasdnas

Thanks for letting me get that out of my system anyway...

OH wow..no no you are not juvenile at all. in fact i'd say your mom acting that way definately is. Hopefully you can get away form her soon. Do you have any friends / coworkers who might take care of your dog for you? i have 2 myself, so iknow how hard it is to get separated from them. I wish you all the best and hopefully this works out. Hugs.

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

OH wow..no no you are not juvenile at all. in fact i'd say your mom acting that way definately is. Hopefully you can get away form her soon. Do you have any friends / coworkers who might take care of your dog for you? i have 2 myself, so iknow how hard it is to get separated from them. I wish you all the best and hopefully this works out. Hugs.

Jeebus.

Bern...that's not juvenile in the least, as others have said. It's pretty damn lousy. Your Mom needs an intervention or something...it's obviously obsessive behavior. A lot of people in this day and age live beyond their means, but she's clearly got a deeper problem with it. So sorry you have to deal with that.

[Malrothien 6]

Bern, let me know if none of your family or friends works out. I may be able to talk my aunt into it.

[sdw 10]

Sorry to hear Bern. Hopefully you can find someone to take her for you until you can take her back.

[Sam and Ben 2]

Hope you find a good place for your pup, Bern. That doesn't seem like a great situation in the least, sorry to hear it.

My vent today is my sister in law... heh, how we've had so many of those in this thread.

About a month ago, she and her two-month-old child moved on base to live with her new husband (married the weekend after Ben and I tied the knot - separate rant, though). Her moving out, honestly, was a Godsend... although I liked the company of someone being in the house, she was lazy as all hell and did nothing but complain about everything. Poor her, she has a child who demands all of her attention (at two months.. can't imagine how she'll be raving once he hits the terrible twos..), everyone expects her to not make a mess in every room she walks through, her mom is sick of paying her credit card bills and medical expenses and luxury expenses... Oh, poor her indeed.

So anyhow, this woman, who is barely over a year older than I am, is a child in most respects still. A child with a child of her own, playing house with her husband in a place they don't have to pay for... and still she manages to let everyone else manage any responsibility in her life. And honestly, live and let live... outside of being her mother's soundingboard, it doesn't affect me at all.

Except when they come to visit...

Since she's been gone, I've kept the entire house extremely tidy... or at least, as tidy as possible in a house with five people, three of which work full time alongside a teenaged boy. I'm not working right now, so I make sure that the bathroom my husband and brother-in-law and I share (which is also the guest bath) is tidy, the kitchen is tidy, living room, etc... All week is stays clean, and I've even trained most of the men in the household (yea, yea, bean me with rocks right now for that, but it's not my fault that men don't seem to be capable of it on their own) to tidy up after themselves to a degree.

But then her and her husband come to stay for the weekend and it's like a freaking tornado hits! One weekend she decided to bake here, all of the cake mixes, etc that she had left behind (and that I had every intention of using). She dirtied every pan, dish, etc... left powder in every nook of the room, and then headed back home. It was disastrous. And this weekend again, they come and have their baby stuff everywhere (I swear, they must pack the tyke's entire room when they come down for a single night), their own stuff everywhere... They bring their laundry to do - which is somewhat beyond me, as they have a washer and dryer at home - which means that our own washer/dryer are occupied all freaking weekend...

So, here it is, only 10am and I've already begun my reparations... until next weekend. Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll decide to stay home.

[Varba 0]

Hope you find a good place for your pup, Bern. That doesn't seem like a great situation in the least, sorry to hear it.

My vent today is my sister in law... heh, how we've had so many of those in this thread.

About a month ago, she and her two-month-old child moved on base to live with her new husband (married the weekend after Ben and I tied the knot - separate rant, though). Her moving out, honestly, was a Godsend... although I liked the company of someone being in the house, she was lazy as all hell and did nothing but complain about everything. Poor her, she has a child who demands all of her attention (at two months.. can't imagine how she'll be raving once he hits the terrible twos..), everyone expects her to not make a mess in every room she walks through, her mom is sick of paying her credit card bills and medical expenses and luxury expenses... Oh, poor her indeed.

So anyhow, this woman, who is barely over a year older than I am, is a child in most respects still. A child with a child of her own, playing house with her husband in a place they don't have to pay for... and still she manages to let everyone else manage any responsibility in her life. And honestly, live and let live... outside of being her mother's soundingboard, it doesn't affect me at all.

Except when they come to visit...

Since she's been gone, I've kept the entire house extremely tidy... or at least, as tidy as possible in a house with five people, three of which work full time alongside a teenaged boy. I'm not working right now, so I make sure that the bathroom my husband and brother-in-law and I share (which is also the guest bath) is tidy, the kitchen is tidy, living room, etc... All week is stays clean, and I've even trained most of the men in the household (yea, yea, bean me with rocks right now for that, but it's not my fault that men don't seem to be capable of it on their own) to tidy up after themselves to a degree.

But then her and her husband come to stay for the weekend and it's like a freaking tornado hits! One weekend she decided to bake here, all of the cake mixes, etc that she had left behind (and that I had every intention of using). She dirtied every pan, dish, etc... left powder in every nook of the room, and then headed back home. It was disastrous. And this weekend again, they come and have their baby stuff everywhere (I swear, they must pack the tyke's entire room when they come down for a single night), their own stuff everywhere... They bring their laundry to do - which is somewhat beyond me, as they have a washer and dryer at home - which means that our own washer/dryer are occupied all freaking weekend...

So, here it is, only 10am and I've already begun my reparations... until next weekend. Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll decide to stay home.

That sucks. =(

Sounds like it's time to cook up ways to make them not want to come and visit. You shouldn't be their servant in any case. Geesh.

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

Geez...you've sort of become a reverse-Cinderella, Sam. You found your prince, then you changed into the servant of your step-family.

That foot of yours? You need to put it DOWN. Who cares if the glass slipper breaks? It's not fair for them to walk all over you like that, and what's more, your hubby should get your back in this. Every one of your vents in here smacks of legitimate unfairness leveled at you. You've got to turn that tide while you can!

[Sam and Ben 2]

Hubby feels that if the house is a mess, it's not our business. I'm sorry, but if the kitchen I'm cooking/eating in and the bathroom I'm using is disgusting, that is most certainly my business, as it is his. What am I suppose to do? His mom works 50-70hrs a week, his step-dad works about 50.. neither one of them are home often enough to maintain the house. My brother-in-law is a teenager and acts like a child most of the time, and despite the fact that he'll be eighteen in two weeks, still requires an allowance to actually clean up at all.

So what am I to do? We're going to be living here for a couple of years at least...

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

Hubby feels that if the house is a mess, it's not our business. I'm sorry, but if the kitchen I'm cooking/eating in and the bathroom I'm using is disgusting, that is most certainly my business, as it is his. What am I suppose to do? His mom works 50-70hrs a week, his step-dad works about 50.. neither one of them are home often enough to maintain the house. My brother-in-law is a teenager and acts like a child most of the time, and despite the fact that he'll be eighteen in two weeks, still requires an allowance to actually clean up at all.

So what am I to do? We're going to be living here for a couple of years at least...

Think of it this way -- what would they be doing if you WEREN'T there? What were they doing before you got there? Is it their expectation that you keep the home clean, or is it your own? If it's your own, then that's a bit of a different issue, I guess... But if THEY expect you to do all of the work you're currently doing, you're going to have to say or do something. Especially if you're going to be there for at least another year... What are they going to do once you start working?

I get the sense that you're doing it largely so that you are accepted as family and that you don't rock the boat or get disparaged for not helping out... But there's a point where it's actually affecting YOUR well-being, you know? And that's not good for you or even your marriage.

You're sure there's no way you and your hubby can get your own place sooner? It would be such a huge benefit to you both if you could.

[Sam and Ben 2]

Think of it this way -- what would they be doing if you WEREN'T there? What were they doing before you got there? Is it their expectation that you keep the home clean, or is it your own? If it's your own, then that's a bit of a different issue, I guess... But if THEY expect you to do all of the work you're currently doing, you're going to have to say or do something. Especially if you're going to be there for at least another year... What are they going to do once you start working?

I get the sense that you're doing it largely so that you are accepted as family and that you don't rock the boat or get disparaged for not helping out... But there's a point where it's actually affecting YOUR well-being, you know? And that's not good for you or even your marriage.

You're sure there's no way you and your hubby can get your own place sooner? It would be such a huge benefit to you both if you could.

When I wasn't here, his mom was coming home after working a fifteen hour day and cleaning the house until three in the morning until she was sick. And bitching at her daughter for not doing anything, ever.

Part of it is their expectation on me, at least for now, I know. I'm not working, I'm home all day... we only pay minimal rent to help out, and so it was discussed that I would help out to offset that. I never thought helping out meant doing it all myself. So I guess that's my fault. And I've tried to get hubby up and moving but he doesn't see a point in him cleaning up after someone else. I guess I understand that from his point of view, but how else do you have a nice home? How else do you feel okay to invite someone over, or simply come home after work and sigh relief that there isn't more work to do at home?

I wish we could afford a place of our own, but I don't see how it'll be possible in the near future. Too many bills, and though we have what I brought of my savings, it's not quite enough for a decent down payment yet, let alone a down payment with extra for an emergency fund. It would certainly save my sanity.. but that's a few years down the road, if that.

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

Couldn't you rent? Even a small bachelor suite or junior one bedroom would be preferable to your situation, wouldn't it?